A Different Kind of Structure

A few days ago, I wrote about the importance of getting our financial structure right. If we don't have a reasonable financial structure, we will likely have a rough go with our finances. Then, in the hours that followed, it triggered a few parallel thoughts. Specifically, I experienced a sequence of events that reminded me of another type of structure.

My morning was tightly wound, so I needed to hustle. I had to drop the kids off at school, drive back home, switch cars, then pop into the office for a coaching meeting. Here's the fun part. That entire sequence took less than 10 minutes. Home>School>Home>Office. 10 minutes! That's when I started reflecting (again) on the idea of structure.

While I'll die on the hill of getting our financial structure in order, I have a similar feeling about our geographical and logistical structure of life. To me, no amount of money can compensate for having a life structure that entails endless commutes and 24/7 to-and-froms. As such, I've spent just as much time and energy on my life structure as I have my financial structure. I think this image from the ETA app illustrates it quite well:

My house is 2 minutes from the office, 2 minutes from our children's school, 2 minutes from the grocery store, 6 minutes from our recording studio, 7 minutes from church, and 16 minutes from Northern Vessel. That's my life in a nutshell. I sometimes take it for granted, but when I take a step back, I realize how absurd it is and blessed I am. It wasn't an accident, though. Much thought, planning, and intentionality has gone into this structure. Consequences were made. Inconveniences were experienced.

However, when I wake up each day and experience life as it's structured, I'm so sincerely grateful. This hasn't always been the case. I've lived in realities of 45-minute commutes each way, with constant back-and-forths cannibalizing my days/weeks. I have countless friends that spend 2-3 hours commuting daily. Lots of people drive an hour to get to church, or 30 minutes just to get groceries.

I'm willing to make almost any sacrifice to live my simple life. We've had countless amazing opportunities presented to us, but when looked at through the lens of our intentionally simple structure, they don't look very attractive. And whenever we're faced with the option of keeping/saving money or have a simpler and more efficient life, I'll trade away the money in a heartbeat.

This isn't a topic thought about much, never mind talked about. Maybe today is the day for you. Instead of just accepting that your structure is your structure, what would you change if you could wave your magic wand? Maybe it's time to wave said wand. Your future self just might thank you.

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She Completely Blanked

I ran into a former client at a coffee shop recently. I haven't seen her or her husband in upwards of three years. As we exchanged pleasantries, she exclaimed, "We did it!!!" To be honest, I had no idea what she was talking about.....so I asked for clarification. "The trip!!!" Ah, yes, the trip! I knew exactly what she was talking about!

Ever since the day I first met her, she and her husband had been talking about going on a specific type of trip. It was an exotic and unique idea. It was also costly. This trip was a big mental and emotional roadblock for them during our coaching relationship. They had the ability to save up for it, but they hesitated. After all, it was expensive and they had many more "responsible" things they should do with their money. Therefore, they continually kicked the can down the road.

But eventually, long after I was gone, they decided to pull the trigger. They went on the trip of a lifetime! They sacrificed, saved, planned, and enjoyed.

After learning about this beautiful development during our coffee shop encounter, I asked her, "Well, how much did it end up costing?" This was a huge sticking point for them, and one of the main reasons they considered skipping it to begin with. She stared at me for about ten seconds, almost as if she was searching her brain for the applicable information. Then, she sheepishly responded, "I don't actually remember." I loved that answer.

This is one of the most perfect examples of meaning over money. She's telling me about the most memorable, beautiful, and game-changing trip she's ever been on. The one she's been dreaming about since she was a kid. The one she will be telling people about for the rest of her life. Then, in her next breath, she can't even remember how much it cost. So powerful!

They invested in experiences and memories. Yes, they have less money because of it. But they also have something in return that can never be taken from them: memories. These memories won't be hoarded in a bank account. They won't eventually end up in a landfill. They won't become boring and out-of-date. Decades from now, those memories will be just as beautiful - if not more - than the day they experienced them.

When I asked her about the memories, her face lit up and she talked my ear off. When I asked her about the cost, she completely blanked. That's telling. That's beautiful.

The Destinationless Journey

I was blessed to run into a group of friends yesterday. They were enjoying their weekly coffee outing together, so I crashed their conversation for a few minutes. Though that interaction was only 5-10 minutes, it blessed my day so much.

These four women are a few years ahead of me on their journey. I don't remember how the topic came up, but we began discussing upcoming career shifts (or what most people would refer to as retirement). It was interesting to hear each person's perspective on the topic. All were different and unique, but there was a common thread to each of their responses: What's about to happen is a new stage of the journey, not a destination.

I was so encouraged by their sentiment, which was brimming with impact and meaning. As I always say, work that matters matters. We were created to work, be productive, and serve others. These four women echoed those values in their words, which doesn't surprise me, having known them for many years.

Nobody said, "Wow, I'm just really looking forward to packing it in and riding off into the sunset." It was quite the opposite, actually. It was about finding new ways of making an impact, investing in their families, volunteering, and pursuing new types of work. Meaning, meaning, meaning, and meaning.

There is no finish line. It's a destinationless journey. When we view our lives through that lens, it changes everything. It reminds me of a conversation with a friend in his late 50s. He's done well for himself, and he's been encouraged to retire by many people around him. "You've earned it," they tell him. But every time the R-word gets brought up, he feels his mortality. Why? Because to him, it feels like the finish line of his productive life. In a way, that's cool; but in another way, it's quite sad.

I told him I thought it was all BS. He's in his 50s.....he's young! He still has 20-30 productive years left in him! That's like a long-distance Olympic runner completing two laps around the track, stopping, and calling it a race. The race isn't done yet, man!

I look up to my four friends. I'm so glad I had the chance to spend a few minutes with them yesterday. It encouraged me more than they will ever know. Impact knows no age. Servanthood doesn't retire. Meaningful work is available to all.

It's a destinationless journey. Keep running.

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Quality is Quality

Uh oh! One sentence in yesterday's post has triggered a firestorm. It was this one: "Their standard of living will likely fall off a cliff, but their quality of life should prosper."

I'll summarize the collective feedback: Standard of living = quality of life. When our standard of living increases, so too does our quality of life. They are one and the same.

By nearly every measure, we have a higher standard of living today than at any time in the history of our civilized world. More people have access to medical care, internet, cars, cell phones, internet, air conditioning, and indoor heating than ever. Houses are bigger, transportation more prominent, technology progressively better and cheaper. Our standard of living continues to rise.

If all that's true, and standard of living and quality of life are correlated, why do we have continually rising mental health issues, suicides, divorces, loneliness, crime, and overall brokenness? It's hard to acknowledge all the pain our modern society is enduring and argue that our collective quality of life is higher today than in years past.

I would propose that standard of living and quality of life have a positive correlation.....to a point, and the point is when our basic needs are consistently met. For example, if we're living under the constant threat that our electricity or water will be shut off, our quality of life will suffer. If we're teetering on the edge of getting evicted from our residence, our quality of life will suffer. If we don't have reliable transportation to get us to and from, our quality of life will suffer.

However, once our needs are consistently met and we can sufficiently live without the fear of imminent destruction, standard of living and quality of life disconnect. At that point, our quality of life is dictated by our choices:

• If we give generously, we'll have a lower standard of living but an increasing quality of life.

• If we choose a high-paying job we hate, our standard of living will go up while our quality of life goes down.

• If we choose to have children, our standard of living will probably go down while our quality of life likely goes up.

• If we invest in relationships, our standard of living will stay the same, but our quality of life will skyrocket.

• If we buy an expensive car with debt, our standard of living will go up (at least when we're driving), but our quality of life will likely be impaired (because of the opportunity cost of the debt payments).

The best way to achieve a poor quality of life is to pursue a higher quality of life by increasing our standard of living. This, in my opinion, is one of the reasons why our collective quality of life is eroding amidst record-high standards of living.

Here's my overly-simplistic remedy: pursue a higher quality of life.....period. Disconnect it from standard of living. Pursue meaning. Find purpose. Serve others. Invest in relationships.

Quantity isn’t quality. Quality is quality.

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Resetting the Reset

Yesterday's post didn't sit well with me. Nothing was inherently wrong with it, and I entirely back what I said. However, upon further review, it was too much about me and not enough about you. In it, I suggested that being intentional about getting a reset (with whatever endeavor you're pursuing) can be a springboard to longevity and renewed energy.

So today, I want to share some real-world examples of how clients are creating resets in their own journey. My hope is that one of these stories will resonate with you, and perhaps trigger your creativity.

First, I think about a 40-something couple that seemingly has it all. A big house, newer cars, and careers that provide status. However, they feel overwhelmed and discontent. They have everything the world says they should pursue, yet it feels a bit empty. Their kids are growing up too fast, and their priorities are flip-flopped. As such, both spouses are in the process of making significant career shifts. This is a massive reset that should revolutionize their life. Their standard of living will likely fall off a cliff, but their quality of life should prosper. The growing pains of this reset will be significant, but it will likely lead to a beautiful place.

Second, I think about a young client who fell into the debt trap early in her journey. She accrued a ton of student loans, plus the ancillary consumer debt that commonly goes hand-in-hand with growing into adulthood. She wants to pay it off quickly, but doesn't want to "throw her life away" either. Therefore, we made a compromise that would allow her to have her cake and eat it, too. Throughout the majority of the year, she's grinding through debt. Then, once per year, she takes an epic 3-4 week trip abroad. She explores, meets new people, experiences new cultures, and most importantly, she doesn't pay off debt. It's her annual reset. That annual reset gives her the excitement and perseverance to achieve her goals.

Third, I think about a couple that has four kids under four. Life is a grind, but a beautiful grind. The wife stays home, which has always been the dream. Money is tight, and they budget prudently. Like many moms, this woman struggles to spend money on herself, instead deferring to everyone else first. Twice per year, though, they cut back on a bunch of budget categories and allocate a nice chunk of money for her clothing. She then uses that money to reset her wardrobe. It's a beautiful little treat for them, providing her with renewed energy.

Last, it reminds me of an idea that I and many of my clients execute. Each quarter, I plan a 1-2 night hotel retreat for myself. I think, write, plan, and rest. Oh yeah, and enjoy a few unique meals. I go into those trips stressed and tired, and come back refreshed. A wonderful reset.

Opportunities for resets are everywhere! We just need to look for them, and more importantly, give ourselves permission to do it.

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Uncle Joe Wants to Know the Alternative

We have a bit of a quandary on our hands. In yesterday's post, I highlighted the common "coincidence" of people tragically passing away shortly after retiring. In it, I proposed that perhaps we shouldn't underestimate the non-financial value that work provides in our lives, namely meaning and fulfillment.

That brings us to our quandary. If it's possibly true that people prematurely passing away is, in part, caused by a loss of meaning upon retirement, we're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.

• In one scenario, we just keep working our butts off and never "actually enjoy life" (but at least we stay alive).

• In the other scenario, we quit working ASAP so we can squeeze out every ounce of leisure until our limited days are numbered (and hopefully don't become an Uncle Joe).

Those are terrible opposing realities. Or, in the words of an e-mail I received yesterday, "So what am I supposed to do, then? Spend the rest of my life working at this sh**ty job, be too old to actually enjoy myself, and have it all be for nothing?"

I have maximum empathy for people with this quandary-filled perspective. It feels suffocating, like the walls are closing in. Today, I hope to offer a different perspective for my frustrated friend (and maybe for you, too). First, there are a few cultural assumptions embedded in our conundrum:

• Work = bad

• Not working = good

• The sole purpose of work is to earn financial resources.

• If 2/3 of our waking hours are spent working, then our working season of life is supposed to suck (but it will be made up for when we retire).

• Once we retire, we get those 2/3 of our waking hours back (i.e. not work), thereby finally enjoying life.

With that, here is my proposed reconciliation of this quandary:

• ALL seasons of life should be filled with meaning, fulfillment, and joy. Yes, even this week, this month, and this year. You deserve to live with meaning, fulfillment, and joy today, tomorrow, and every day.

• Work provides far more meaning and fulfillment than we give it credit for. Whether it's full-time, part-time, or volunteering, work that matters matters. We need to find meaning in our work.....or go find more meaningful work.

• Leisure, in and of itself, provides nothing of value. It's only when other components are added to the pot that we canenjoy the taste of leisure. Vacations are awesome because they are vacations. The moment vacations become life, it's just, well, life.

• We often view life as too binary. We shouldn't spend decades in a season that's 90%-100% work and 0%-10% leisure, then immediately transition into a season that's 0%-10% work and 90%-100% leisure. Instead, one might consider going from 60/40 to 40/60.

I'll put it another way. Let's create a life worth living today. Then next year, we do the same. 10 years from now, do it again. 30 years from now, ditto. If we're constantly pursuing meaning, we'll find just that: a meaningful life.

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Racing Toward (Untimely) Death?

I had coffee with blog reader Ryan yesterday (yes, this Ryan!). Meeting him and spending time with him filled my tank, for sure! During our discussion, he referenced a comment he made on the webpage last week. It was regarding my sudden wealth syndrome post. Here's what he said:

"Have you heard of the observation from small rural towns that when old farmers retire and move to town, they frequently pass away within 18 months? The medical reasons are varied but the correlation to loss of purpose would seem to be real. When financial independence strikes, don't lose your purpose and meaning."

Yes! Yes! Yes! Ryan for the win.....again. I think about this topic a lot and incorporate this concept into my keynote talk. Here's how I explain it.

Everyone has an "Uncle Joe" in their life. Uncle Joe worked his entire adult life. Eventually, Joe was finally able to retire so he could "actually enjoy life." Then, 12 months later, he died. If Joe had only found a way to retire sooner, he would have actually been able to enjoy his life. Moral of the story: We should race to the finish line, retire as quickly as possible, and start enjoying life (while we use the story of Uncle Joe's coincidental and untimely passing as Exhibit A for the urgency).

What Ryan is alluding to, and what I'd like to someday study, is the possibility that perhaps these tragic and untimely deaths aren't unfortunate coincidences. Perhaps there's more to the story. Maybe, just maybe, our work provides meaning. Maybe, just maybe, we weren't created to live lives of leisure. Maybe, just maybe, in pursuit of "actually enjoying life," we self-sabotage our meaning and fulfillment.

It reminds me of a news story I saw a few years back. An elderly man had just turned 102, and the news anchor was marveling (in a confused sort of way) that this man was still employed at his job. "Have you ever thought about retiring so you can enjoy the fruits of your labor?" I can't remember the man's response, but it was something like (paraphrasing), "I live a wonderful and healthy life. That is the fruit." Mic drop!

Maybe, just maybe, we should stop racing to the finish line.

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Being Responsibly Irresponsible

As is the case most days, I opened my Daily Meaning e-mail inbox yesterday to find a message from my friend Randy. Randy consistently responds to my blog posts, including words of encouragement, a representative story, additional wisdom, or alternative perspectives. Yesterday's was a bit different. He pointed out that some readers might find yesterday's post (about not impulsively wasting extra money) incongruent with my typical message of using money on "spending for memories and meaning." He didn't personally find it incongruent, but he suspected others would......and he was right. I subsequently received a handful of questions and responses indicating such.

On the one hand, I repeatedly beat on the drum of values-based spending, investing in memories, and finding meaning in our finances. Then yesterday, I leaned into this idea that we shouldn't impulsively spend "extra" money that comes into our lives. Instead, we should apply all extra income to wherever we are in our plan. See the possible incongruency here?

Here's the bridge for this perceived gap: responsibility and intentionality. It all comes down to those two things. If we don't take responsibility for our finances (pay for needs, save for future expenses, and give), our finances get disjointed.....and stressful! Yes, we should use some of our money for fun and memorable things. However, having our financial ducks in a row is a must. If we're behind on rent, can't put food on the table, and the utility companies threaten a shut-off, we probably shouldn't be dumping our money into lots of wants (today). We need to solidify the foundation. Responsibility is critically important!

Second, intentionality. As I often mention, I don't personally care where you choose to allocate your money. People have different values, priorities, passions, and situations. It's inevitable that your "right" is different from my "right." Here's the second part of my slogan. I don't personally care where you choose to allocate your money......as long as it's intentional. It's planned. It's purposeful. It fits within the context of our broader finances. With intentionality comes peace; with impulse comes regret.

Three of my clients recently traveled to Europe for some epic summer trips. Believe me, I've been living vicariously through them all summer!!!! The pictures are beautiful, and I suspect the memories are much sweeter. Each of these trips cost them anywhere between $6,000-$14,000. That's a lot of money, but they put a ton of intentionality into it. Some of these families have been saving this money for years. Month after month after month of saving. Then, the planning. They got the flights, then the hotels, then started filling the days with museums, trains, tours, and restaurant reservations. So much intentionality! By the time the trip arrived, they had zero financial stress and, carried themselves confidently, knowing their overall finances were intact and thriving.

Let's call this living responsibly irresponsible. Do the things other people judge you for. Make them roll their eyes. Let them question your sanity. But behind the scenes, do it with much intentionality and responsibility.

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The Irony of Sudden Wealth

"What's the point, man?!?"

I've had the privilege of spending time with a few dozen people who became very rich, very quickly. I'm talking rich rich. Buy anything you want rich. Never worry about money again rich. Each person's story varies, but there are a few common triggers for the sudden wealth: professional athletes, lottery winners, inheritors, and founders.

On the surface, we look at these people with jealousy and hope that someday we will be as fortunate as them. That feeling is what causes tens of millions of Americans to play the lottery each week: the mere chance to strike proverbial gold.

More often than not, however, being suddenly wealthy isn't all it appears from the outside looking in. It's called Sudden Wealth Syndrome. It's a psychological condition that manifests in a number of different ways, including isolation, paranoia, addiction, and hangers-on.

But there's one Sudden Wealth Syndrome manifestation I want to lean into today: loss of meaning. Think about your life. You probably have to go to work, make money, and pay for your family's needs and wants. When you wake up in the morning, you have a purpose and a goal. If you serve people well, you are rewarded. If you don't, well, that's not a fun road. Whether you love your work or hate your work, there's still purpose behind it.

People with extravagant wealth, however, don't have that embedded purpose in their life. Oftentimes, their life is like a boat without a rudder. A very large, flashy, and expensive boat, but without a rudder nonetheless.

"What's the point, man?!?!" my friend loudly exclaimed, in a tone full of anguish and frustration. On the surface, this man is the winner of winners. Due to recent circumstances, he found himself in a reality he could only imagine in his dreams. He had tens of millions of dollars, with a high likelihood of tens (or hundreds) more.

Until recently, though, his life looked much different. He was ambitious, hungry, and had big dreams for himself. He had a rock-solid work ethic and a motor to achieve. He was happy! Then, it happened. The money happened. Practically overnight, he would never worry about money again for the rest of his life. He bought a house for himself, one for his parents, another for himself, a couple of cars, a bunch of toys, and a new wardrobe. He looked the part.

"What's the point, man?!?!" Despite having it all, he suddenly felt empty. When he woke up in the morning, there was no purpose, no mission. He could literally lay in bed, all day, every day, for the next 200 years and never run out of money. He had everything, and he had nothing.

He wanted to talk about money, but I wanted to talk about work. Whether we like it or not, work that matters matters. The science continually points to work being one of the primary drivers of happiness and fulfillment in humans, yet we spend the bulk of our adult lives trying to escape work. I find it ironic.

I'll share more about this friend in the near future, but I'll give you a little teaser: he got a job. The old him is back. He's really rich, still, but he has meaning and purpose.

Interesting.....

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“Throwing Away” a Career, Revisited

It's 2:30 AM. Sarah and I just pulled in from a 10-hour drive after visiting our best friends, Ryan and Anna. It feels like my brain is melting onto my laptop keyboard, as I single-handedly drove the entire 10 hours solo (Sarah failed to learn how to drive a stick over the last few days.....shame on her!). We intended to drive six hours today and then do the remaining four in the morning, but we got ambitious.

We had a wonderful time with Ryan and Anna. It ended up being 42 total hours together (including two nights of sleep), but it was jam-packed with laughter, memories, food, and good conversation......and Twenty One Pilots!

- I'm definitely kneeling in this picture.....

Given how much time I had to think during the drive home, my mind went in many different directions. Eventually, I found myself thinking back to an article I wrote more than four years ago. It was about Anna, but more specifically, about her counter-cultural career shifts. First, her decision to forego her WNBA career, and second, her decision to leave teaching to pursue her current calling. You can find the article here! While refueling at a gas station, I pulled the article up on my phone. A few thoughts rattled around my dreary, melting brain:

• Having written more than 800 articles since that one, I cringed a bit at my writing style and structure. It shows the power of repetition and consistency.

• It's fun to see how, even then, my perspective of work and meaning were quite similar to today. The phrase "meaning over money" hadn't yet been coined, but the values were loud and clear.

• Given the benefit of time, it's so fun to see how Anna's career shifts (or "thrown away" careers) have shaped her and impacted countless people.

• Nothing is wasted, indeed!

• Pursuing the type of journey that Anna did is far harder than we can imagine, but simultaneously more fulfilling than we can anticipate.

• Knowing what I know now, I'd double down on encouraging Anna in her controversial career shifts. I'd also encourage younger me to double down on this message.

• While I never took my relationship with Ryan and Anna for granted, I look back and wish I had squeezed every ounce of goodness from it I could while we lived near each other.

I'm grateful for my friend Anna, and I deeply admire how she took the path less traveled. It's not been an easy journey, but so many people have been blessed by her contributions to their lives. Someday, I hope she gets a window into some of that impact. Her legacy will have ripple effects, for sure.

I hope you're having a wonderful day, and I hope I'm still sleeping when you read this!

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Your Pain Has Purpose

Just a few hours ago, I walked out of the Twenty One Pilots concert. It's the first stop of their new world tour, and wow (wow!!!), what an amazing experience!

For two straight hours, Tyler Joseph ripped his heart out of his chest and splayed it out before a crowd of 21,000 energetic fans. I've seen him do it before, but it never ceases to amaze me. This man, like all of us, has his demons. Pain, suffering, tragedy, and ongoing anguish. He's broken, just like you and I. However, what sets Tyler apart is the fact he takes the darkest and most embarrassing pieces of his being and uses them to impact the world. Their shows are an exploration of faith, pain, perseverance, and the celebration of life. Last night was no exception!

It reminds me of listening to Joni Eareckson speak at the Global Leadership Summit last week. If you're not familiar with Joni, her life became a national news story in 1967 when, at the age of 17, she experienced a tragic accident while swimming with some friends. She inadvertently dove into shallow waters and became paralyzed from the shoulders down. In the following years, Joni harnessed her pain and unwelcomed circumstances to champion the creation of the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act), write more than 40 books, and become a lifelong advocate for more than a billion people who experience life with disabilities.

Joni's talk was one of the most moving things I've ever witnessed, and she received no less than four standing ovations. I spent the better part of 40 minutes with tears in my eyes, witnessing this woman pour out her soul before a room of strangers. "God uses our weaknesses to impact His kingdom," she exclaimed. Her humility and grace, despite all she's accomplished, stood out like no other. There were a million different people who had more influence, more experience, more smarts, and more skills who could have led this movement. Yet, in her words, God used a young woman, fresh off tragic, life-altering circumstances with no experience or influence, to create change in this world.

As I think about Joni's life and ministry, and continue to marvel at what Tyler does to impact millions of people, I keep coming back to the idea of pain and weakness. Our pain and weaknesses aren't something to hide from. We don't make a difference despite our pain, failings, and weaknesses. Rather, it's those unsavory parts of us that fuel us and have the ability to create a profound impact on this world.

I'll end with a confession. There are days that I'm nervous about hitting "publish" on this blog and our podcast. I share things I don't want to share. I expose myself when I could just bury it. However, deep down, I know that my pain, failings, and weaknesses are the tools with which I can make an impact.

The same goes for you......

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The Verdict Is In

"How's the midlife crisis treating you?" asked my friend Emma as I was getting out of my new (to me) 2006 Nissan 350Z. "It's going fantastic! Thanks for asking," I responded. Emma, man! Always busting my chops!

This week marks the five-month mark since pulling the trigger on this car. Oddly enough, until yesterday, Sarah had only spent a grand total of five minutes in it. Then came yesterday. We did a 10-hour road trip to visit some of our closest friends and experience the opening night of Twenty One Pilot's new tour. Sarah and I had a blast. The top was down, the sun was up, the weather was beautiful, and the Twenty One Pilot music was blaring. The only negative is that Sarah can't drive a stick shift, so she gleefully allowed me to drive the entire 10 hours in one sitting (while she endured multiple sun-soaked naps).

The verdict is in. After five months of driving this car and 10 hours cruising across multiple states with Sarah, I can confidently testify that, besides some of our giving, this was the best $9,000 I've spent in my life. I waited 17 years to purchase this car, and it's lived up to every ounce of anticipation I could have ever imagined (and more).

I didn't need this car. There were more "responsible" things to do with $9,000. An investment in the stock market would have yielded a far better financial outcome than buying an 18-year-old car that will only go down in value. There are surely better financial decisions besides buying a fun car.

All of that is true, yet this one was one of the best decisions we've ever made. Why? Because not everything is about money. The amount of memories I've already made with this car is staggering. The boys love hopping in and cruising our town. They know exactly what songs they want to play. They know what ice cream shops to direct me to. They eagerly anticipate one-on-one time with their dad. It's not about money; it's about something much bigger.

- Pax proudly posing after a fresh wash

No, we don't need money to create memories. Memories are free. However, I'm so glad I chose to spend this $9,000 on this car. After 17 years of waiting, it seems like a fitting and poetic end to the story. Had I purchased it 17 years ago when I was a young single guy, it would have been cool.....but not this cool. Instead, I get to road trip with my wife. I get to have jam sessions with my sons. I get to let friends and youth group kids borrow it. It's so much more than money.

I hope you have your version of this. If you don't, I encourage you to find it. Don't make it about money. Don't obsess about making the right financial move. Make a decision that bends in favor of meaning. Create those memories! You won't regret it.

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Don’t Stop Celebrating

Speaking of cars running into coffee shops, yesterday's post instantly took me back to the hours and days immediately following the second car crash incident in May. There were so many emotions flowing through me during that time. On the one hand, I was celebrating how amazing Northern Vessel was doing, but on the other hand, mourning the crash. On the one hand, I was excited to be showing my kids around the great city of Chicago, but on the other, stressed out of my mind by all that was happening.

In the midst of that, I wrote a piece titled Can't Have the Good Without the Bad. It was a cathartic piece about pain, survival, and perseverance. More than anything, it was my attempt to process the myriad of emotions I was experiencing.

Later that day, I received an encouraging text from my friend John, offering his support, love, and encouragement. He ended his text with this: "P.S. - and in the midst of all of this at the coffee shop, don't let this bump in the road keep you from celebrating and retelling your memories and stories from Chicago specifically today, tomorrow, this coming next week. Lean into that and intentionally continue the Chicago memory building this coming week."

The truth is, I did let the crash keep me from celebrating and retelling my memories from that Chicago week. Shame on me! I've thought a lot about that text and ultimately landed here: better late than never!

So today, my friends, I want to share a quick story. I had the honor of taking my boys to their first-ever Chicago Cubs game at Wrigley Field. They are the same age I experienced my first Cubs game (and I'd go on to visit Wrigley Field at least once per year for the next 23 years). I even booked tickets in the same general area where we sat during my first Cubs experience way back in the late '80s. As we were casually shopping for souvenirs, one particular item caught Pax's attention. It was a little wooden bat, painted in a glossy Cubby blue. He instantly fell in love. After we pulled the trigger and were walking into the stadium with new bat in hand, I revealed to him that my souvenir for my first Cubs game was a little blue wooden bat!

Everything about that night was magical. I really can't even explain how much fun all four of us had. To top it off, we got to experience extra innings under the stars. As the Cubs stepped to the plate in the bottom of the 10th inning, my gut told me to pull out my camera to record. I'm usually the guy who would much rather soak in the moment than pull the camera out, but this one felt different. In hindsight, I'm so glad I did. I'll never forget this moment, and it's fun I get to show it to you today. Enjoy!

Oh yeah, don't stop celebrating. In the midst of all the bumps in the road, don't forget to celebrate. Wise words from John. Thank you, John!

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Memories Are Free: Golden Curry Edition

Wow(!!!) is the only word that can even remotely describe how amazing the end of the men's gold medal game was yesterday. With about three minutes remaining, France's run narrowed the gap to a three-point game. The U.S. was playing well, but France, fueled by their raucous home crowd, kept clawing back. Wemby, now just 20 years old, proved he's likely the future face of the NBA. He made play after play after play. Then, Steph Curry steps to the plate. I encourage you to check it out for yourself by clicking this link!

Ok, for the 90% of you who didn't click the above link, I'll explain what happened. Curry drills his 5th three-pointer of the game with 2:45 remaining, stunting France's run. Then, his 6th at the 1:51 mark. Then his 7th, a shot-clock buzzer-beater at the 1:18 mark. Then, in what will inevitably become an iconic moment in the history of international basketball (if not basketball, period), he drills his 8th on two defenders, in heat-check fashion, with 34 seconds remaining to seal the Olympic gold medal. That last one, man! Finn was freaking out, and I instantly had tears in my eyes. The raw emotion and euphoria were surreal. I will never, ever, ever forget that moment.

I've been replaying that sequence of events in my head for more than 12 hours—the sequence of events that played out on my TV and the sequence of events that played out in my living room. I'm so grateful for that time Finn and I spent together, and I hope that memory is as vivid for him as it surely will be for me.

Memories are free! In a culture that tells us we need to spend hundreds, thousands, or tens of thousands of dollars to create memories, I'm here to remind you today that memories are free. Sure, you can spend thousands of dollars to create a memory. That's perfectly fine, if you have the resources. But money isn't a prerequisite for memories. What Finn and I experienced together cost us nothing other than our presence and our togetherness. The rest took care of itself.

It's so easy to get lost in the idea that we must create these elaborate, exotic, expensive, and Instagram-worth experiences. Instead, the simplest moments can often be the most profound. I've experienced so many once-in-a-lifetime experiences that I never imagined I'd have access to in my life. Yet, it's usually those simple and free memories that pop back into my mind and my heart. Curry's golden moment, shared on my living room couch with Finn, will likely be one of them, and I will cherish it forever.

Go make some memories, and please don't let lack of money get in the way of a life-giving, until-you-die memory.

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Van Gogh, Via Hoag

I recently received a text from my friend, mentor, and brother, Gary Hoag (The Generosity Monk), that's too good not to share.

On a recent trip to Amsterdam, Gary stopped by Vincent van Gogh's museum to spend a rare bit of free time. There, he picked up a book titled Life According to Vincent. He was reading it on his flight, then stumbled upon page 17. Here's what it said:

"In my view I'm often very rich, not in money, but rich [...] because I've found my work - have something which I live for heart and soul and which gives me inspiration and meaning to life."

Van Gogh is commonly considered one of the greatest artists of all time. More than 140 years after beginning his painting career, his name and legacy still endure in our modern world. Similarly, his work continues to bless people many generations later.

Gary is a big fan of van Gogh, as evidenced by his using van Gogh's art as the cover for most of his books (including the book he and I wrote together). Admittedly, I'm not extraordinarily well-versed in van Gogh. In my brief research, I have three facts that may blow your mind:

• Van Gogh started his painting career at age 27, and in a 9-year stretch, he created more than 900 pieces of work.

• In his lifetime, van Gogh only sold only one painting, which transacted seven months before he died.

• Van Gogh primarily used flowers, landscapes, farmers, and himself as subjects for his art, as he didn't have enough money to hire models.

When we think of people like van Gogh, we automatically assume he experienced the material riches any world-famous celebrity could have access to. That doesn't appear to be the case with van Gogh, though. By most accounts, his resources were limited, and he relied heavily on the financial support of family members. That's a pretty ironic reality juxtaposed with the fact one of his paintings sold for $149 million in 1990 (approximately 100 years after he painted it).

With that context, let me share that quote again:

"In my view I'm often very rich, not in money, but rich [...] because I've found my work - have something which I live for heart and soul and which gives me inspiration and meaning to life."

Those words sound so sweet through the lens of a man who didn't covet and chase the riches of the world. Instead, he thrived on purpose, meaning, and fulfillment.

I've been thinking about this quote since Gary generously shared it with me, and I'll probably be thinking about it for many more days. I hope it blesses you like it did me.

In the words of van Gogh, via Hoag, I hope you have something which you live for heart and soul and which gives inspiration and meaning to your life.

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What Money Can’t Buy

Guys! Guys! Guys! I discovered a new parenting hack this week. Each night, Sarah and I told the kids they could stay up later.......if.......if they watched the Olympics with us. They were initially unhappy about this condition, but staying up late is staying up late.

The first night: "Uh, I don't want to watch gymnastics. Gymnastics is boring!"

The second night: "Swimming is boring! Can we watch something else?"

The third night: "Daddy, can we watch gymnastics tonight? Is swimming on, too?"

The fourth night: "I hope Biles is playing tonight!"

We've been geeking out on swimming and gymnastics all week, and it's been fun to share that with the boys. Finn even tried to imitate Katie Ledecky at the pool one day.

The interesting thing about swimming and gymnastics is we collectively aren't really swimming or gymnastics fans, but once every four years, we're glued to our TVs. The Olympics is their showcase to the world, and we're grateful to consume the content. Knowing how much work goes into these sports, and how little they get paid (on average), can we all agree these athletes are pursuing meaning over money?

Then, there's the other sports. Basketball, soccer, golf, and tennis, for example. These athletes are some of the highest-paid athletes in the world. Lebron James is a literal billionaire!!! Many of these athletes get paid tens of millions per year.....not including their endorsements!

Here's where I'm going with this. Yesterday afternoon, I received two separate messages from two separate blog readers. They wanted to highlight "meaning over money moments." One was of tennis superstar Novak Djokovic collapsing to the ground after winning gold. The other was of golfer Scottie Scheffler breaking down with emotion while listening to our national anthem after receiving his gold medal.

Novak Djokovic has won 24 tennis grand slams in his career (the most of all time) and is often regarded as the best tennis player ever. He's also earned approximately $170 million in prize money just from his tennis events. He has an estimated net worth of a quarter-billion dollars. Yet, he broke down the moment he won a gold medal for his country.

At just 28 years old, Scottie Scheffler has been the #1 ranked golfer in the world for approximately 100 weeks, and has earned approximately $90 million in his short career (not including the tens of millions earned from endorsements). He's achieved monumental success in his professional career, yet he sobbed when he earned an Olympic medal.

We can easily point our fingers at famous athletes and snidely say they are "just in it for the money." However, as I commonly say, the science says otherwise. Money can do a lot of things, but it cannot buy meaning or fulfillment. The Olympics are a perfect reminder that meaning ALWAYS trumps money. It's true for Scheffler, it's true for Djokovic, and it's true for you and me.

Meaning over money. Always meaning over money.

The Confirmation of Mockery

One of my clients was disheartened when he walked into a recent coaching session. I could tell from the outset that something was amiss. When I asked him about it, he shared how his parents and friends were staunchly against his upcoming career shift. For context, this man spent the first five years of his career working in a field that's ripe with status, as well as a nice, juicy income trajectory. In short, his golden ticket had been punched, and it was only a matter of time before his income significantly rose. However, his heart wasn't in it. He was in the job for the wrong reasons; all the while, he had developed a keen understanding of his calling.

After much consideration and consternation, he decided to pull the trigger on a drastic career shift. This would require him to abandon the status and future income that was surely in store for him and trade it for something far less glamorous and anything but certain financially. Now, his parents and friends are heavily criticizing his decision, even going as far as mockery.

Not only did this hurt, but it also caused him to start second-guessing his decision. After spending enough time with him, there isn't a clearer example of someone who should be making this career shift than him. In everyone's defense, though, I get why it would be difficult to comprehend from an outside perspective. What he's doing is counter-cultural. He's also choosing meaning over money, which is a surefire way to draw heat from a culture obsessed with materialism and "security."

I told him that the mockery confirmed that he was right where he needed to be. He should wear it as a badge of honor. I know what it's like to be criticized—even mocked—for making counter-cultural decisions. I also repeatedly see it in my coaching. As I reflect on my recent coaching conversations, here's a handful of items people have been criticized or mocked for (oftentimes by the people closest to them):

• Downsizing a home so one spouse can stay at home.

• Having the audacity to grind through $100,000 of student loans and credit card debt.

• Choosing to give away 30% of their income.

• Selling a new-ish car and becoming a one-car family so they could create more financial margin.

• Sending their kids to private school, knowing they will need to make many sacrifices to make it happen.

• Saying "no" to a group vacation because they couldn't make it work in their budget.

• Getting rid of their credit cards because they realized how much better their financial life would become without them.

Want to know my favorite criticism I received when I left my prior career? "Your kids deserve better." Ouch. That one hurt, especially coming from someone I deeply care about. While that was a painful comment, it was confirmation that I was doing the right thing. My kids do deserve better, but "better" doesn't mean more. More isn't better. Better is better. I'm actually glad this happened....it was exactly the confirmation I needed.

Let the mockery be your confirmation.

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A Different Kind of Currency

I recently received a message from a reader: "You put in so much work on the blog and podcast, but we get it all for free. Is there any way we can financially support you?"

No. No, there isn’t. No, you can’t. Your money is no good here (as they say in the movies)! I don't create 365 blog posts and 104 podcast episodes per year for money. After all, this is called Meaning Over Money.

However, I do deal in a different kind of currency. Instead of dollars and cents, I get paid in impact and change. Helping other people live a more meaningful life is the beautiful compensation I receive from this work.

Which brings me to you. The best way for me to create impact and cause change is for more eyes to read and more ears to listen. If anything I write or say moves the needle for you, and you think it could perhaps move the needle for someone else in your life, would you mind sharing? As you might have noticed, I've been experimenting with a footer on every day's post that includes a link to subscribe to the blog. The daily e-mail also includes a link to the podcast. Therefore, any time you forward an e-mail, send a blog link, or share the podcast, you're paying me with the most valuable currency I could ever ask for: The opportunity to serve someone.

I would be honored to speak into the life of someone you care about. On the flip side, please share with me if there are other people, resources, blogs, podcasts, or content that adds value to your life (and you think I might benefit, too). We all get better when we share good ideas. I'm honored when my ideas get shared, but I'm also blessed when ideas get shared with me. Let's multiply this culture of sharing. We never know what will happen when the right content hits the right person on the right day. Impact!

Blessed to be on this journey with you!

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But Not As a Lifestyle

Our family has had a great week at the lake. Lots of fun times and memories made. There are components of my day that are so appealing. Playing in the pool with the boys. Sitting at the dock and enjoying the calmness. Sleeping in (if the boys allow). Spending time on a boat. Cooking meals for my family (I love when I get to cook). So good!

I love everything about my time at the lake, but not as a lifestyle. What makes lake life (or insert any type of vacation here) awesome is the fact it's a treat. It's a pause from life. It's a reprieve from an otherwise crazy life. It's the reward for all the good work. It's an opportunity to rest up before jumping back into battle. The fact it's scarce is what makes it all that much sweeter.

I love my time at the lake, but not as a lifestyle. This is one of the biggest myths of the early retirement movement. There's a broad belief that stopping work and dedicating one's life to simply living a life of leisure is the ticket to happiness. I couldn't disagree more, and the science couldn't, either. People who live a leisurely life report lower levels of satisfaction and happiness. On the flip side, people who work and believe they are productive and adding value to others have much higher levels of overall life satisfaction.

I have a friend who just retired at 46. He and his wife believe they found a secret hack to life and will now live a far superior life than all of us working suckers. Their plan is to aimlessly bounce around from beach to beach, resort to resort. Never worry, though. They will "be sure to keep busy," as if busy is the definition of fulfillment. They are a few weeks into this adventure and report feeling "happier than ever." This makes sense, since vacations add a lot of value to our lives. However, what will happen to them in two, four, or six weeks when the vacation doesn't end? What will happen when there's nothing meaningful or fulfilling to return to? If we're looking at the science, the future doesn't look so bright. Time will tell, and I'll be sure to keep you updated.

I miss work. I miss serving those I have the privilege of serving. I can't wait to get back soon. At the same time, I would love to spend time at the lake monthly. Swoop in, recharge the batteries, make a few memories, then get back to work. Work, rest, work, rest. Oh yeah, some sun, too!

I hope you find time to get away. Go have fun. Make some memories. Get some much-needed rest. But you probably don't want to make it a lifestyle. You have far too much value to add to this world (and to yourself).

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Why Must You Taunt Me, Apple?

As I attempted to write today's post, my phone oddly and repeatedly reminded me of past photos. Hey look, Travis, it's a cute picture of Pax eating ice cream when he was 3! Travis, check out this handsome little 2-year-old Finny riding a boat. It was almost as if Apple and Father Time were teaming up to taunt me.

Early in my parenting journey, someone said something that I didn't quite understand: "The days are long, but the years are short." It made zero sense to me. Fast-forward eight years, and no truer phrase has ever been spoken.

As we're on our annual family vacation in Okoboji, these days with the boys can seem painfully long (especially when they antagonize each other). We're having a blast, but it can just get long at times. On the flip side, how is it already our fifth year on this trip?!?!

They were babies last week. They were toddlers yesterday. Now, we're heading into second grade. As I'm sitting here lamenting how fast time is flying by, I'm simultaneously grateful for creating a life that allows us plenty of family time. My work is crazy, the hours can be long, and it often involves me zig-zagging across the country, but we've intentionally curated this life. Strong-ish boundaries, clear expectations, a partially well-thought-out plan, and a firm understanding of our why.

We've made so many sacrifices in the name of prioritizing our family. We've downsized our house, threw away status, detonated any chance of an early retirement (which makes my heart happy), trashed a boujee lifestyle, and literally turned our backs on millions of dollars.

There are months when I wonder what in the heck we did to ourselves. The months when there's barely enough income to account for our needs and giving. The months that feel extra stressful. The months when I wonder what life would be like if I hadn't taken a weird detour five years ago.

But then, like today, Apple decides I need to get some cute and harsh reminders of how fast time flies by spamming me with old photos. Oh yeah (!!), that's why we do what we do.

The days are long, but the years are short. In due time, I'll be an old man reflecting on my life. There will inevitably be many regrets circling my thoughts. However, I guarantee choosing meaning over money will NOT be one of them. Money, stuff, and status are fleeting. Legacy is forever.