Some Words Stick

While in Los Angeles earlier this week, I had an unexpected but refreshing interaction. A woman approached me and said, "You're the 12% guy!!!" I had no idea what she was talking about, to be honest. She went on to explain how she saw me speak at an event earlier in the year. It was regarding a story I told about my first meeting with my friend, Gary Hoag. Here was the interaction:

Gary: "Are you generous?"

Me: "Yes I am!"

Gary: "Why do you say that?"

Me: "Because I give 12%, and 12 is more than 10." #facepalm

Gary went on to explain how true generosity isn't a number, but rather the product of giving joyfully and sacrificially.....which contextually looks different for everyone. In my case, 12% wasn't sacrificial at all. I share how Gary's words in this conversation profoundly changed the trajectory of my life.

I often use this story in my talks for a few reasons:

1) To highlight a healthy biblical perspective of giving: joyfully and sacrificially.

2) We need to be genuine and occasionally laugh at ourselves

3) It shows how we all can grow in our generosity.....even naive and selfish people like younger me.

As this woman told me the story, she concluded by expressing how that talk completely changed her perspective on giving. More importantly, she was able to let go of so much guilt and self-talk. Or, as she put it, "For the first time, I was able to give from a place of joy."

Some words stick. Not all of them, and certainly not for all people.....but some do! Words have the power to transform lives. The problem is we never know which will be the right words for the right person. I'm grateful this woman shared her story with me. I often speak or type with the confidence that some of my words might stick, but I rarely know for certain if they do. These little reminders fill me with much joy and encouragement.

Also, notice the multiplication effect of our words. Gary has shared his perspective of generosity with tens of thousands of people. Many have surely disregarded him, but it changed my life forever. Years later, due to his work in my life, I'm sharing similar words with entirely new audiences. Many will disregard me, but it made a difference in this woman's life. That's multiplication!

The same goes for you. Your words are important....oh so important! Many will fall on deaf ears, but some will stick. I pray that somewhere along the journey, you'll get these sweet little reminders from people that your words are, in fact, making a difference. Keep planting seeds. Keep doing the hard work. Keep encouraging. Keep picking others up when they can't pick themselves up. Keep showing up, even when it feels pointless. Keep making a difference, because it matters!

I Don’t Deserve Anything

I have a confession to make. Something recently triggered me. In my line of work, I bring empathy to the table. I have a ton of grace for people and endeavor to walk alongside them, no matter what they are going through. I've worked with couples teetering on homelessness, and couples with tens of millions of dollars. No matter where someone is in their journey, my mission is to serve them well, with compassion. For this reason, it's rare for me to get worked up. But it recently happened with a close friend. I regret getting triggered, so I thought the best way to process it is in front of thousands of people on a blog. So here we go!

It was a discussion about whether or not this Christian man (and his family) should sell their house and buy something better. By better, I mean 5,000+ square feet, indoor basketball court, amazing pool, private movie theater, and a myriad of other bells and whistles. Here's the part that triggered me: "She deserves it." By "she," he was referring to his wife, and by "it," he was referring to one of the nicest houses you'll ever see. 

"She deserves it." Does she? Really?!?! Does he? They can absolutely buy this house if they want to. There's nothing inherently evil about doing so. But where does deservedness come into play? 

When I think about my life, my family, and my journey, I don't think I deserve anything. I'm grateful for everything we have, but never in a million years would I take the posture that I deserve any of it. Yes, we work hard....but that doesn't mean I deserve it. Yes, we've made wise choices.....but that doesn't mean I deserve it. Yes, I can afford some things.....but that doesn't mean I deserve it. 

This isn't even my money to begin with. As a Christian, I believe everything I have is His. It's my job to manage it on His behalf. It's a responsibility and opportunity I don't take lightly. While I'm here, it will be managed well. When I'm gone, it will be given away for a greater purpose. 

But to deserve a massive house nicer than 99% of people in this country (or 99.99% of people worldwide)? That one triggered me. While we're on the topic of deservedness, I have a few alternative ideas. Here's a short list of people who deserve something:

• People all around the world who barely get enough food to survive. 

• Single moms fighting to make ends meet, barely hanging on. 

• Abused, neglected, and abandoned children who don't have guardians who love them.

• Traffic victims who are ripped away from their lives and forced into a sick and twisted reality.

• _______________ (your example here).

We have options. Sure, we can buy that huge house we want but absolutely don't deserve. That's on the table. Or we can use the resources we're blessed with to serve others. It's a weighty decision we each must make.

The 3-Pare Challenge

These last few months have felt like a whirlwind. It's not necessarily because I'm too busy, but rather because I'm too busy with too many different things. I'm notorious for overcommitting myself. I habitually say "yes" to all sorts of awesome and unique opportunities. I learned that the more unique opportunities we say "yes" to, the more unique opportunities avail themselves to us. These are inherently good things. They allow us to use our giftedness, passion, influence, relationships, experience, and resources to make a difference. At the heart of it, I'm just saying yes to fantastic things for earnest reasons.

One problem. There can be too much of a good thing. I've spent the past 15 years having too much of a good thing(s). Whenever I hit that point, I eventually recognize that a) I'm completely burned out, b) I'm not able to give my best, and c) not all of these endeavors are the right place for me to be in this season.

Several years ago, my friend Dan could sense I was significantly overwhelmed by all I had placed on my plate. In an effort to help me, he challenged me to pare down my plate by getting rid of three things. He gave me a week to do it. I immediately said no, but he's not a take-no-for-an-answer type of guy. He demanded I let go of three things. Reluctantly, I obliged. I stepped away from three things that I genuinely cared about. One was a board position, the other was a volunteer opportunity, and the third was an extra initiative at work. I hated letting them go (they are good things, after all), but I knew deep down Dan was right.

Fast forward a few weeks, and we received a call that would change our lives forever. We were about to become parents to twin baby boys. I was going to become a father! I met Finn and Pax a few days later. Life moves fast, and I'm grateful Dan forced me to pare down my life. Never in a million years would I imagine that's how it would all play out.

This is another season where I need to execute the 3-pare challenge. I just came up with that name....I can't tell if I love it or hate it. Either way, three things must go. My family, my clients, my team, and my ministries depend on it. More than that, I need it to stay healthy. As before, I have no idea what I need to pare. None of it will be easy, but when I figure it out, I know it will be the right thing.

What about you? Do you need to practice the 3-pare challenge? What three things can you let go of. Not so you can make less impact, but rather make more impact on the remaining stuff and stay healthy in the process. I hope you give it a shot. It's scary, but worth it.

The Long Tail of Impact

We live in an instant-gratification society. If we do something, we want to see immediate results. If we work hard, we want that promotion now. When we put our product into the world, we want people to buy it today. When we make a financial investment, we want quick returns.

On the flip side, not seeing quick results can be demoralizing. We may think we're doing the right thing, but nothing happens.....yet. The problem is we don't wait for the yet. We're so busy trying to get the high of gratification that we fail to see the forest through the trees.

In the wise words of my friend TJ, we need to be "aggressively patient." We can't do things expecting immediate results. Rather, we must do things because it's the right thing to do......then trust good will come from it. Like this blog. By the time November 14th comes around (the one-year anniversary of my daily writing), I'll have invested somewhere between 150-200 hours of my time. I will have published the equivalent of three full non-fiction books. What will come of it? I have no idea, but I trust it's already happening. I may never know the impact this blog is having, and that's ok. It's not really about me. It's about sharing whatever I have to offer the world, then trusting it's going where it needs to go.

I had a blast-from-the-past interaction last week. It was someone I hadn't talked to in nearly a decade. He reached out to me asking if we could chat. I was excited to catch up and learn about where life had taken him over the last 10 years. He talked about some monumental shifts he made in his life and career. I congratulated him and told him how happy I was for him.

"You don't remember, do you, Travis?" Remember what?!?! He went on to share about a conversation we had over coffee more than a decade ago, where I encouraged him and gave him some advice about possible next steps and perspective. He said my words that day gave him the confidence to do what he knew deep down he needed to do. Fast forward a decade, he's built an amazing company where he employs more than 200 people. I had no idea! He shared how he's living his best life and goes home every day, fulfilled by what he accomplished.

Truth is, I don't remember that conversation he and I shared all those years ago. I totally believe I said what he said I did......that sounds an awful lot like me. It was a sweet moment getting to hear about how my small investment in him yielded such wonderful fruit. This is the opposite of instant gratification. It's the long tail of impact. We do little things every single day that may be making a difference, but it may take months, years, or even decades to see the fruit of it....if ever.

Cool idea to think about, eh? Keep investing!