"Travis, I Think I Messed Up."

I come to you today with a heartbreaking story. A man recently reached out to me after discovering some of our content. He said he was embarrassed to share it, but thought "maybe good can come from it." While the story is heartbreaking (my words, not his), it's all too common in our culture. "Travis, I think I messed up." That's how his message started.

In short, here's the situation. This man is approaching 50 years old, lives in the suburbs of a major US city, has two teenage kids, and has a lucrative career. His approach to work and money was simple. Make as much money as quickly as possible, so he can spend more time with his family and provide them with the life they "deserve."

Year after year, decade after decade, that's exactly what he did. He worked hard, provided financially, and raced toward this perceived finish line where he'll be able to spend more time with his family and give them the riches they deserve. One problem. In just two short years, he'll be an empty-nester.

As he so clearly and painfully puts it, "I missed it. I missed being a dad." While he was busy providing materialistic goodies for his family and endeavoring to create future freedom to spend more time with them, he simply wasn't present. He literally missed their childhoods. Today, instead of priceless memories, he has deep regret.

He now sees the irony of his approach. In his effort to get more time with his family, he was absent. He thought more money was the needed ingredient to create time with his family. Now he realizes more time was the secret to more time. It was right there in front of him, and he missed it.

Now, he has a lot of resources. He'll be able to retire in a few years and do whatever he wants. That sounds great....the American dream! Except what he wants more than anything is to spend time with his kids. Unfortunately, they are heading to college soon, creating their own lives, starting their own careers, and building their own families.

Money isn't the answer. Money can't create meaning. Money can't provide us with something that fills us up and delivers deep fulfillment. The sad truth is that money is often the thing that pulls us away from the meaning. It robs us of what we're genuinely looking for.

He wanted me to share this story with you today, hoping that even one person heeds his example. If so, it won't be for nothing. I feel for this man, and I feel for so many others who fall into this trap. Don't fall for it. You deserve better than this. Please don't let this man's story be for nothing. I know I won't.

Congrats on Not Getting the Job

One of my clients recently applied for a new job. It was an incredible job: higher status, more responsibilities, higher salary, a bigger bonus, better benefits......the whole nine yards. He didn't get it. He was in the final three, but lost out to someone else.

On the heels of this news, I sent him a text congratulating him on not getting the job. I'm so glad he didn't get it. It would have been a terrible job for him. Let me take a step back. He loves his current job. He wakes up every day excited for what he's about to do, loves his co-workers, has the flexibility for his family to live the life they live, believes in the mission, and makes a good living doing it. He's living his absolute best life, and his family has a great rhythm in how their life is structured.

So why did he apply for this new job, then? Frankly, he applied because that's what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to move up, make more money, garner more status, and manufacture a higher standard of living. Deep down, he knew he was already in the right place, but this was such a good opportunity!!!

After he received my unexpected congratulatory text, he immediately called me to process it. I explained to him how this new job, while paying better, would have negatively impacted many areas of his life. Less balance, more travel, a shift to work he doesn't enjoy, the loss of his work community, and a lot less flexibility to do the things his family enjoys doing.

His not receiving this job may be one of the best things that ever happened to him. He has a beautiful life, and money almost came before meaning. In hindsight, he's glad it didn't. The extra money would have been nice, but at what price?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with more money, but I believe you deserve better. So much better! I think you deserve to wake up every day excited for what you're about to do. Not because it's fun (it's often not), but because it matters. If it comes at the expense of a few fewer dollars, so be it. You deserve better than to put a price tag on your life. Your life is worth so much more than an annual salary or a status tied to your name.

Have a fantastic day!

Avoid Life-Altering Mistakes

In my ten years as a youth group leader, there's one piece of advice I levied on my young friends more than any other. Well, maybe the third most: 1) Love God, 2) Love others, and 3) Don't make life-altering mistakes.

The reality is we will all make mistakes.....lots of them! If I think hard enough, I can think of a dozen I've made in just the last few days. All mistakes have consequences, but not all consequences are created equal. There are mistakes, and there are life-altering mistakes. It's imperative we know the difference.

I forgot to prepare the coffee pot before going to bed the other night. Consequence: I had a slightly grumpy wife the following morning. There was a consequence, but not a significant consequence. I once forgot my wedding anniversary. To clarify, I knew my anniversary was coming up, and I even bought Sarah a gift, but on the actual day, I forgot it was our anniversary. Again, consequences.....but not significant. If I were to cheat on my wife, that would also be a mistake. However, that mistake would have much more dire consequences. A life-altering mistake with possible life-altering consequences. Not all mistakes are created equal, but sometimes we humans do a poor job of doing these types of mental calculations.

Whether we're a teenager or a full-fledged adult, we need to understand the difference.....whether it's life, work, relationships, or even money. No matter what we're doing, the goal shouldn't be to stop making mistakes. Mistakes go hand-in-hand with progress. We can't move forward in life without making mistakes. The goal should be to avoid life-altering mistakes. It's easier said than done, but it gets a whole lot more manageable when we're intentionally trying to achieve this goal.

In the hundreds of families I've spent time with talking about work and money, a common thread amongst most of them is that a few life-altering mistakes have taken the wind out of their sails. These mistakes didn't feel like mistakes at the time, but that's how the worst mistakes often develop. The decisions seem innocent and, sure, there's probably some risk, but what are the chances that will happen?!?! If there's one thing certain about humans, it's that we underestimate the probability of the downside occurring and equally underestimate the severity of said downside if it actually does happen.

I wish I could give you some concrete advice on how to do this better. Truth is, it's hard. But I'll give it a shot:

1. Before making a decision, sincerely ask yourself what the true downside could be.

2. Once you know the downside, be honest with yourself about how possible it actually is.

3. Understand the consequence in your specific life if the downside happens. Will it bruise you, scratch you, cut you, gash you, or amputate you?

4. Don't rush your decision. A rushed decision is a regretful decision.

5. The moment you know you've made a mistake, acknowledge that you made a mistake and immediately shift gears.

6. Meaning over money....always meaning over money

Happy decision-making, all!

If Not, What's the Point?

One of my clients was recently considering making a somewhat major purchase……in the +/- $25,000 range. This is no small sum of money, and they fully recognize that. The particular item they were considering isn’t greatly important to this conversation, and I want you to use your imagination so you can put yourself in your shoes with whatever type of item might be in your life.

On one hand, they recognize the value this item would bring to their life. Time spent with their kids, intentional time away from the house, and creating new memories. On the other hand, it’s $25,000 they would be disconnecting from their broader plan, and it would most certainly “hurt” them financially. The math says this is a bad decision, as math usually does. However, buying this item isn’t reckless and won’t materially impair them.

After discussing, here' was my opinion. Of course they should buy it!!! If not, what’s the point of all this? To me, this is the easiest yes of all time. They’ve been trying (successfully) to steward their resources well, live responsibly, explore generosity, and create memories with their kids. Mission and memories! This family is modeling what it looks like to view and handle money in a healthy way…..I hope it’s contagious with others in their circle.

Ultimately, they didn’t need me to tell them to do it. I think they knew deep down this was the right thing to do, and they are doing it! This is one of the things I love about this couple. It’s never about money…..because money is never about money. Meaning over money, always.

Do you have something like this in your life and have actually pulled the trigger? Or maybe you know what it is, but have hesitated to follow through? Would love to hear your stories! Please hit reply or drop a comment below. Have an awesome day!

Curse of Comparison: Doha Airport Edition

We just spent a 3-hour layover in the Doha airport. As an aside, the Doha airport is a sight to behold. Take the best airport in America, then make it 18x better, and you have the Doha airport. It’s nice in almost every way. It’s clean, it’s pretty, it’s full of amenities, and the service is fantastic. The multiple bathroom attendants in every bathroom show more hospitality and service than some nicer restaurants I frequent. I always love spending time there. But it also has another quirk. It’s jam-packed with high-end retail. Think of it as walking down Rodeo Drive, but in an airport in the Middle East. They have Maseratis and McLarens in the duty-free shop, for crying out loud!

But this post is about something specific I witnessed. There was a lot of this happening, but I’m talking about one particular man. Like us, he was killing a few hours between flights. He was in one of the watch stores, just browsing. A certain watch caught his eye. In his defense, it was a pretty sweet watch. In a snap decision, he decided to buy it……for $20,000!!!! That’s right. A man just burning time between flights was window shopping, and impulsively bought a $20,000 watch, just because. 

These are the moments when comparison hits hard. Sarah and I’s cars don’t even combine for $20,000 of value. And this man just drops $20,000 on a whim? In those moments, it’s really easy to play the jealousy card. It’s easy to immediately feel negative about our own life. It’s easy to wish we could have a different existence. This is where I come back to meaning over money. I don’t know anything about this man. He may be the happiest guy on the planet…..or the most miserable. His life might be full of broken relationships, loneliness, and emptiness. I don’t wish that upon him, but I simply don’t know.

Here’s what I do know. I know I love my life. Even though I can’t impulsively buy a $20,000 watch, I know I wake up every day excited to serve those who I wish to serve. I have a wonderful family that I can financially take care of. I’m blessed in so many ways. I could choose to compare, but instead I’m choosing to not. I need to focus on what I do have, not what I don’t. 

We don’t need to be in a high-end watch store to feel this tension. At some level, we feel it every day. In those moments, big or small, we get to make our choice. Choose carefully.

Riding a Bicycle is Like Riding a Bicycle

I went bike shopping with my kids the other day. Two years ago, we purchased a couple of used bikes off Facebook Marketplace for maybe $50 total. To be honest, these bikes were nearing the end of their life when we got them. They were great first bikes and they most certainly served their purpose. But I promised the boys brand new, hand-chosen bikes for this coming season. They can now ride fully independently, I too love riding bikes, and we now live two blocks from the best bike trail in the state. Needless to say, I’m pumped!

As we were walking through the store, Pax expressed some anxiety about the whole ordeal. “What if I forgot how to ride a bike? What if I can’t do it?” I quickly responded, “it’s like riding a bike.” He stared blankly at me, clearly not understanding my bad joke. You know the expression! Riding a bike is one of those things we quickly pick back up. We can go months or years without riding one, then the moment we hop back on it’s like we never stopped. Call it muscle memory. Call it instinct. Call it magic.

We don’t study to ride a bike, researching the how-tos and techniques for hours on Google and YouTube. We learn to ride a bike by failing to ride a bike. We get on, pedal 20 feet, careen into a ditch, get up, and try it again. Failure after failure, we learn to stay up. Then just like that, we know how to ride. There’s never a moment where we say, “Oh, 5 failures from now I’ll know how to ride it.” We just keep failing until we stop failing. Then we never look back.

Money, work, and life are much the same way. We can research it until the cows come home, but it won’t teach us how to live it. We need to hop on the proverbial bike, scrape our knees, then try again. Each time, we’ll get just a little bit better……until one day we’re soaring down the bike trail of life with the wind in our face and the sun shining down.

Some of you have a bike you’re scared to hop on. You’re terrified of scraping your knees up. You will. You’re nervous you won’t be very good. You won’t be. You think the process will be uncomfortable. It will be. But if you’re willing to get scraped up a few times, you’ll be soaring in no time!

It’s like riding a bike!

Black Friday Doesn't Have Feelings

Some people worship at the alter of Black Friday.

Some people think Black Friday is evil.

I disagree with both. Black Friday doesn’t have feelings…..it’s just another day. Well, I guess this particular day has some pretty big sales and encourages us to spend money, but so what?!? There’s nothing wrong with scoring a sweet Black Friday deal. Did you need it? Who cares! That’s not what matters.

What matters is we’re financially responsible, our spending fits within the context of our broader plan, we don’t make decisions that will hurt our future selves, and we don’t end up with feelings of guilt/resentment.

Last year, I impulsively purchased a foot massager on Black Friday. I didn’t know I “needed” a foot massager until I had one. I keep it under my desk and it’s awesome. Ridiculous, I know. But I already had money set aside in the budget for such occasion, it looked cool, turns out I really enjoy it, and it was worth every penny of my heavily discounted purchase price. #winning

What should you do on Black Friday? Whatever you want! Don’t let others shame you or jam their values and perspectives down your throat. After all, Black Friday doesn’t have feelings. It’s just a day.

40 is the New 0, Revisited

What’s up, fam!?  It’s been a hot minute since publishing a blog post, if 9 months can be considered a hot minute.  As always, life throws unexpected curveballs.  One such curveball was the release of our podcast, Meaning Over Money.  Just like that, we’re more than 40 episodes in.  

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A while back, I published a piece titled “40 is the New 0”, which was a reflection on my friend Dan turning 40.  Since that time, I met a similar fate by hitting the big four-oh.  I’m typically not fazed by birthdays, and they usually seem inconsequential to me (16, 18, and 21 not withstanding).  This one got me, though.  Much to my despair (then eventually delight), my wife threw me a surprise 40th birthday party in July.  Lots of my favorite people were there, and we had a blast.  A few minutes in, there was this moment when I walked into my friend’s garage and saw a big banner reading “Happy 40th Travis.”  Honestly, this was the moment it hit me…..“oh crap, I’m 40!”  It was a surreal moment, and one that hit me harder than I would have ever anticipated.  Fortunately for me, I recovered quickly and have acclimated to my new next-decade status.

As I reflect on that day, I can’t help but think about the blog post I wrote about my friend Dan turning 40.  When I see the number, it feels old.  However, I then take a step back and realize I’m just getting started.  Looking through the lens of my working adult life, I’m 17 years in, with hopefully another 50 good working years left in me.  In other words, I’m only about 25% done with my career.  25%!!  Using a basketball analogy, the first quarter just ended and I’m preparing for the second quarter to begin.  In my basketball career, it always seemed to take me a bit to get into the flow of the game.  I was always a starter, so I usually played the first 6-7 minutes.  Sadly, I rarely shined during this stint.  Coach would take me out towards the end of the first quarter where I’d get a breather and hop back into the game a few minutes into the second quarter.  That second quarter stint is where I would shine.  I don’t know why, exactly.  Maybe I had worked out my nervous energy, or had adapted to what the defenders were throwing at me, or just finally worked my way into the rhythm of the game.  But for whatever reason, my best production was always after the first quarter.

So here I am in life, coming out of the huddle between the first and second quarter.  That first quarter felt pretty good.  I spent 15 years in commercial real estate, investing on behalf of clients all over the world.  I found my faith, and developed ways to use my unique gifts to serve the Kingdom.  I’ve been married for 11 years, most of them good (full transparency: those early years sucked!).  I’ve been a high school youth group leader for the last 8 years…..talk about a humbling experience!  I’ve been on boards for many non-profits.  I’ve spent the past five years parenting my two little boys, Finn and Pax (again, humbling!).  And lastly, I’ve spent the past two years building my company.  What started with a desire to walk alongside families one-on-one has expanded into speaking, writing, a video course, YouTube, and now podcasting.  It’s been a wild ride.  Just like my basketball days, this first quarter felt bumpy as I was trying to get acclimated to the game.  I had nervous energy, I was trying to adapt to what life was throwing at me, and was trying to work myself into the rhythm of the game.  

So here I am, starting the second quarter of my career.  Just like basketball, I believe this is where I will start to shine!  How does 40-year-old me compare to that energetic, wide-eyed 23-year-old kid who graduated college and thought he was going to take over the world?  

• Today’s me has far more self-awareness than that young guy ever did.  In fact, I don’t think that young guy knew who he was at all. 

• Today’s me has far more skills than that young guy.  That’s what happens after nearly two decades of repetition, hundreds of books, endless podcasts, dozens of conferences, and other types of training. Looking back, I’m not sure what skills that young guy even had.

• Today’s me has far more experience than that young guy.  Skills are important, but pale in comparison to experience.  The only thing that can give us experience is, well, experience.  Failing over and over and over.  Encountering new situations, new problems, new opportunities, new challenges, new battles, new fears, and new (you fill in the blank).  Experience changes us, and that young guy had none.

• Today’s me has far more relationships than that young guy.  That’ll happen when you work alongside others, play alongside others, travel alongside others, serve alongside others, mentor others, and be mentored by others.  Quality relationships are a foundation for a fulfilling life.  I’m not sure how many that young guy had, but wow, today’s me is beyond blessed with relationships that make life worth living.  

• Today’s me has far more resources than that young guy.  This one is probably obvious.  Coming out of college, I had three things to my name:   1) a few thousand dollars, 2) a car I couldn’t afford, and 3) a mountain of debt.  In other words, not only did he have no resources, he actually had negative resources.  Today’s me is blessed with lots of resources thanks to making some very counter-cultural financial decisions in my late 20s after experiencing the profound pain caused by the Great Financial Crisis.  

• Today’s me has far more influence than that young guy.  Frankly, I’m not sure that young guy had any influence.  He couldn’t influence his way out of a wet paper sack.  Today’s me is just in a different place.  Influence seems to be woven into all the areas of life, from my coaching, to speaking, to social media, to the various forms of content we produce, to the many organizations who reach out for advice, to the boards I have the privilege of serving, and to the countless young people I have the honor of mentoring.  

With all that being said, I can’t pass up on this opportunity to criticize, ridicule, and call out the FIRE Movement (never let a good opportunity go to waste!).  If I were to follow all these FIRE pharisees, I would be at the point in life where I’m trying to finish out my selfish pursuit to hoard enough money to wind down this stupid working stuff.  Lean FIRE, Fat FIRE, Barista FIRE…..or whatever other dumb hoarding statuses we should be achieving.  Pack it in and go ride off into the sunset, where I would coast out the remaining years of my life by milking off the assets I’ve been selfishly hoarding all these years.  To me, this sounds like one of the most pathetic and selfish lives we can live.  

What’s the alternative, you ask?  The alternative is to embrace this opportunity.  To realize today’s you probably has more self-awareness, more skills, more experience, more relationships, more resources, and more influence than you’ve ever had before.  And time!  So much time.  Most of us today will likely live into our 90s, meaning the majority of people reading this still have many decades left.  You have two choices on what to do with it.  One path would be to continue to race towards the retirement finish line, where you can live a selfish life of leisure, enjoying the fruits of your hoarding labor.  The other path is to embrace the opportunities and challenges ahead, knowing the impact you’ve made in the prior season of life will pale in comparison to what’s coming.  Each and every one of us has the power to change this world.  But that power comes with a choice:  use it confidently and boldly, or sheepishly and selfishly walk away. 

““Each and every one of us has the power to change this world. But that power comes with a choice: use it confidently and boldly, or sheepishly and selfishly walk away.””

Sadly, most people will choose to walk away.  After all, the idea of living a life of leisure while coasting through as much of life as we can sounds awfully appealing.  Travel, golf, beaches, and all the other stereotypically better-than-work activities.  There are days where that even sounds appealing to me.  But then I remember something.  True fulfillment, true joy, and true happiness aren’t products of leisure.  They are products of meaning, which can only come from creating impact on others and pursuing meaningful work.  

Rest is great!  Sitting on the beach?  Love it!  Taking time off to relax with friends and family?  So good!  Traveling to fun places?  Not much better than that!  But we weren’t meant to make these things the center of life.  We were meant to do good work……and find ways to incorporate these rejuvenating endeavors into our life.  

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I can already see the hate mail coming, and I know what 80% of them will say:

“You need to enjoy life, Travis!” – Yeah, life is awesome!  Doing meaningful work makes life better…..much better!  In fact, I would argue the juxtaposition of hard work and rest creates a beautiful illustration of what it looks like to live a life of meaning.  Work without rest will result in fatigue, burnout, and eventually failure.  That doesn’t mean work is bad!  Alternatively, rest without work will result in loss of meaning, erosion of creativity, and a drain in our spirit.  Once in a while, my wife and I will go out for an amazing meal.  We spend weeks looking forward to it, anticipating what the experience will be like, and finally savoring the moment together. Part of what makes it special is it’s not an everyday occurrence.  If we had that meal every day, eventually it would taste like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Rest is much the same.  When we work hard and pour ourselves into creating impact on others, that rest feels so much sweeter.  If that rest becomes life itself, it loses its sweetness.  It would become the lifestyle equivalent of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  

“Travis, the goal isn’t to stop working…..it’s to do work I enjoy” – Awesome!  I love that, but why does that require you to grind for years (or decades) at a job you hate, selfishly hoarding money along the way?  Why don’t you pursue that meaningful work tomorrow?  Or better yet, today!?!?  Behavioral scientists have proven over and over money doesn’t cause happiness once our basic needs are met.  If that’s true, why are we diving head-first down the path of hoarding?  If we’re faced with a decision between meaning and money, we should ALWAYS choose meaning.  Instead, most of us pursue money, falsely believing meaning is on the other side of the money.  Believe me, I’ve tried!  I’ve been to the other side of the mountain, and I’ve returned to tell you there’s no meaning over there.  In fact, it can be a sad and desolate place.  I need to be real, though.  It can be a sad and desolate place filled with big houses, fancy cars, high-tech gadgets, and extravagant travel, but a sad and desolate place nonetheless.  This sounds like an impossible contradiction, but some of you know exactly what I’m talking about.  You’ve been to the other side of that mountain as well.  Welcome back!

“!#&# you, Travis!!!” – Noted.

“It’s possible to have both meaning and money.” – Yes, you’re correct.  But here’s a secret.  You can’t have both by pursuing money.  When you pursue money, you may actually win and end up with money….but there will be a gaping hole in your heart where the meaning should live.  However, you can have both if you pursue meaning.  Often, when we pursue meaning, the money will follow.  Why?  Because when we pour our heart, our soul, our energy, and our time into something we deeply care about, it’s much more likely we will succeed.  I call it doing the right thing for the right reasons.  Just pursue the meaning and let God sort it out.  When we do that, so much richness can be experienced in life.  I can take or leave the riches, but the richness is what I crave.  

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One last thought for my Christian friends.  There’s no scenario where true Christianity and FIRE can coincide.  By definition, FIRE is seizing control of your life (and finances), become independent, and requires you to selfishly hoard (i.e. not be generous) in order to get there.  By definition, Christianity is relinquishing control of your life (and finances), remain dependent upon Him, and requires you to generously pour yourself into the world every step of the way.  If we are giving joyfully and sacrificially, there’s no way for us to ever reach FIRE.  

As I wrap up my reflection on turning 40, I hope I’ve either inspired, empowered, encouraged, offended, or infuriated you.  I’m ok with any of these outcomes, but I hope it moved you, nonetheless.  More than anything, I pray you find your meaning, and use however many years God blesses you with to pursue meaning work and create impact on others.  

The Pull of More

Sarah’s three love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, and resorts on the ocean.

I just had an ugly conversation with my wife. She was mad, she was upset, and she was tired. There were definitely some other issues at play, but it all came bursting out in four all-too-understandable words, “I miss the money!” She went on to tell me how she misses being able to “buy whatever I want.” Or “just go to Mexico.” Honestly, I feel her. I have these types of feelings every so often, and it can be frustrating and humbling. I’d be lying if I said I was immune to jealousy, materialism, and comparison. We are all human and nobody can be fully immune to it…….even people who teach it and talk about it every day. It can be a surreal experience coaching families with $30,000/month (yes, per month) take-home incomes. These types of conversations can be somewhat disorienting. But here’s what I know to be true from my own experience and from the experiences of my coaching relationships: money NEVER causes happiness, and some people would give up all the money in the world to have a sense of meaning, purpose, and impact. Some of these wealthy families do have a high level of meaning, impact, and purpose, but it’s not caused by the money. Side note: I’m not singling out my wealthy clients, as I have many clients making $40,000/year battling the same considerations.

So yeah, this stuff can be disorienting. Money can twist us up in all types of ways, and the second I let my guard down is the moment I fall right back into that trap. There are lots of things that can trigger me. Stick-shift convertible sports cars, exotic vacations, a beautiful house, high-tech gadgets. I crave all these things! It’s also hard when I’ve tasted so many of these cool things. Travel to dozens of countries, business-class flights, ridiculous restaurants, some of the most beautiful hotels in the world. So cool! However, I can also take a step back and ask myself what’s most important. Would I trade a life of passion for these things? Absolutely not! There’s nothing in this world money can buy that would deter me from living each and every day with the purpose and meaning I’ve been called to pursue. I don’t want to leave you thinking I’m married to a materialistic wife who hates our life. That couldn’t be further from the truth. As the conversation went on and we hashed through it, she concluded “I don’t want our old life back. I don’t want you to give up this career. I’m just having a bad day. I love our life now. I’m just having a bad day.”

I don’t blame her. I have these types of days, too. Certain experiences, or conversations, or social media posts can trigger these types of feelings. Materialism has a hold on us, and I’m not just referring to Sarah and I. I’m referring to all of us. We live in a culture here in the US that’s built around materialism. That’s a fact of life. So the answer is not to simply expect the culture to change, but rather to navigate the culture in a healthy way. Here are a few simple steps we can take to help us work through it without losing our way:

Trip to Mexico on 12-hours notice after the loss of our first child. Feels weird to think about that. Side note: Smiles were a rare occurrence on this trip, but breakfast on a balcony overlooking the ocean did it for her!

1. Surround yourself with like-minded people who also desire to navigate this journey of life without falling into the materialism trap. If you’re married, I hope the person sleeping on the other side of your bed is one of them! If not, we have some trouble coming our way. Aside from our spouse, find friends who also see the bigger picture and have a commitment to a life of meaning rather than the pursuit of more. Don't search for perfect people, as there aren’t any……they are just as messed up as you and me. Find people with a fire for purpose, a commitment for better, and the honesty to hold you to a higher standard.

2. Maintain distance from people who will pull you deeper into the materialism trap. We all have them in our lives! Friends, co-workers, family, neighbors. You know, the people who care way too much about what others think. The people who believe there’s a direct correlation between how much you spend and how much fun you can have. The people who every time they get something new (car, house, gadget, etc.), they are already dreaming of the next upgrade. The people who judge others for making humble decisions around their spending habits. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be friends these types of people. Not at all. Instead, I’m suggesting we give them a little less time and a lot less influence in our day-to-day lives. A wise man once said we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. I think that applies here.

3. Don’t feel guilty or defeated when you get a materialistic urge. It just makes you human. Instead, we need to process it by asking ourselves two key questions. What triggered that feeling and why? Something we saw, or experienced, or heard? Understanding what stimuli is triggering these emotions is so important, as then we’ll have some control on how many triggers we’re potentially exposing ourselves to. It’s also important to understand why we were triggered. Is it our desire to be accepted? Or as a way to outwardly portray our career/financial success? Or perhaps our way of masking a lack of confidence? Or maybe we just simply want to do what others are doing? If we can understand the answer to the “why” question, we can have a better self-awareness to our own deficiencies and stop subconsciously masking them with spending. Knowing the answer to these two questions (what and why) can make all the difference in the world!

4. Consider the broader context. In a vacuum, sure, we would all like to have a nicer house, a cooler car, a more exotic vacation, and the newest technology. But we don’t live in a vacuum, we live in a wild and crazy world. There’s a give-and-take to everything. Every time we start to desire something, we need to figure out where it fits in the overall scheme of our life. Many people are selling their dreams and their happiness for a nicer car, or a bigger house. It’s about priorities. If your absolute top priority is to switch careers, or start a business, or stay at home with your kids, your spending decisions need to reflect this priority. We can’t say our dream is to stay at home with our kids, then turn around and purchase a $50,000 car. However, if you’re living a meaningful life creating impact on others, pursuing work that matters, and you understand money is not the source of happiness, then buying that car (without debt) could be an ok decision in your life. It’s all about understanding your true priorities/values and making sure your spending decisions align with them.

5. Know it’s ok to have nice things! As long as your spending decisions align with your broader priorities, and you’re doing it for the right reason(s), then you can do it in a healthy way. Later this year, we’re planning to spend some time in Thailand with our kids. We want to go on an adventure, expose our kids to new cultures/foods, explore with them what real diversity looks like, and create memories that will last a lifetime. This trip will cost money, but it falls at the top of our priority list and closely aligns with our priorities and values. Therefore, we will have to make sacrifices in other areas of life to ensure this gets to happen. Then when it happens, we will do it with joy, with excitement, and most importantly, without guilt!

I love my wife, and I honestly love how she’s able to be that raw and honest about something as toxic as materialism. As I told her in this conversation, it’s not going away. It’s something we’ll have to navigate for the rest of our lives. However, if we navigate it well, the quality of our life will be so grand and so meaningful, and in hindsight, we’ll be so grateful we didn’t fall into the trap.

The Choice

I didn’t set out to plagiarize my close friend and mentor Dr. Gary Hoag’s amazing book, The Choice, when I started writing this post……but here we are. Sorry, Gary! Rather, I was contemplating a text I received from a friend this morning. After some back-and-forth regarding a few of my recent blog posts, I asked him a question: “Which topics/components do you think resonate with people?” He responded with “There’s a desire to make a difference, but a feeling that you have to either get paid to work for the man, or make a difference and be a struggling artist type.”

As I’m sitting in my office pondering these words, I look down and spot my copy of Gary’s book sitting before me (see, Gary, I am reading your stuff!!!). Two simple words in big, bold white letters, “The Choice”, scream right off the cover of the book and into my periphery. We make choices every day. We choose what to wear, what to eat, who to spend our time with, what podcasts to listen to, and what NBA superstar jersey we’re going to buy our toddlers next (just me?). But there seems to be this HUGE choice that lingers over all of us, every single day. The choice of what to do with the majority of our waking hours. The choice of how we are going to use our talents and passions to make an impact. The choice of where our life’s energy will go. Such a huge choice!

As I’m considering my buddy’s words about this choice, I thought back to a very intense conversation I had with Gary over FaceTime last year. I was teetering back-and-forth on the idea of leaving my awesome career to do something totally crazy. It was one of those days where the self-talk was thick. “What are you doing!?!” “You’re going to fail!” “Don’t be irresponsible, you can never make a living doing what you want to do.” Every insult possible was hurled my way…..by my own mean self. I did what I always do when the self-talk ramps up……I engage a trusted mentor. This was one of those I-remember-exactly-where-I-was-when-it-happened kind of moments. I distinctly remember shouting at Gary - in my doubt and frustration - “Yeah, but what I’m thinking about doing hasn’t even been legitimized. There’s no proof this will actually work.” Gary smiled and responded (too) calmly, “Only God gets to decide what’s legitimate.” Thus I started chewing on the slice of humble pie Gary was serving up, piping hot!

One of Gary and I’s many Asian adventures!!

Fast forward several months, I left my career, took a 90% pay cut, and set out to build a new career. Nine months later, I’m able to support my family financially, the business is growing, and I’m already dreaming about what’s next. I often think back to that conversation with Gary and his virtual slap in the face. He was right! Had I not listened to him, and instead listened to my self-talk and the culture around us, I would have made a different choice. I would have chosen “normal”, safe, predictable, and comfortable. Instead, I chose uncertainty, impact, trust, and purpose.

Here’s an interesting thing about this choice, specifically the two options laid out by my friend. We don’t actually have to choose between “getting paid” and “making a difference.” Though I took a 90% pay cut, there’s a legit chance I eventually get to the point where I make as much (or more) in my new career than I did in my old career. If I’m pouring out my passion, using my gifts, serving people well, making an impact, and truly setting out to make the difference I know God is asking me to make, there’s no reason the income can’t follow. That doesn’t drive my decisions and ultimately I don’t really care, but that’s a reality we often don’t think about. It’s not an either/or type of choice. Rather, it’s an “I trust God” or “I don’t trust God” type of choice…….and an “I value money” or “I value meaning” type of choice. Whether we realize it or not, we make these choices every day, as not making a choice is still making a choice.

If I were still at my old job, this week I would have received a pretty sizable bonus. Out of respect for my former employer I won’t disclose what it would be…….but it’s a LOT! A former co-worker asked me a few days ago if this “lost bonus” gives me any regrets. Honestly, no. That money would be nice and could do a lot of cool things, but today my life is awesome and I get to dedicate each and every day to doing cool things. It’s honestly an unfair exchange, in my favor. Giving up a large chunk of money to violently pursue what I know to be God’s calling in my life. Knowing what I know today, in hindsight, it was the easiest decision I ever made.

So as I try to land this plane, here are my top three takeaways about this choice:

• Every day is a new opportunity to make a choice.

• Not making a choice is still making a choice.

• Find a few amazing mentors in life that will build you up, be real with you, encourage you when you need it most, and help you make better choices. We can’t do it alone…..and luckily we don’t have to!

What choice will you make?

Unlocking a Life of Meaning

As a financial coach, I love helping people with money…….but probably not for the reasons you’re expecting. I honestly don’t care that much about money. In fact, I find it somewhat boring. The catch: money is never about money! Money is just paper and coins which can be traded for things and experiences. Through the lens of life, however, it’s much, much more. Every financial decision we make – whether it be the purchase of a home or a trip through your favorite fast-food drive-thru – there’s so much more going on. Excitement, nervousness, guilt, pride, fear, lust, joy, jealousy, contentment, love, resentment, just to name a few.

Whenever I’m coaching, teaching, or speaking, it’s never really about money. It’s about so much more. After meeting with hundreds of families over the years, I’ve concluded there are really three things we need to do in order to have a healthy relationship in the area of life we call “personal finance.” To unlock a life of meaning, we need to create impact on others, pursue work that matters, and redefine the role of money.

Creating Impact on Others

If you spend any time reading, watching, or listening to the countless personal finance gurus, you’re going to hear a lot about me, me, me, and (surprise) me. Truth be told, always looking out for me, myself, and I is an empty and sad endeavor. If all we’re trying to do is better our own family’s life, we miss out on something far greater.

One has not truly lived (or loved) until he/she has made an impact on someone else. Not necessarily change the world, but to change someone’s world. One gesture, one gift, one word........that’s all it takes to possibly change the trajectory of someone’s life forever. For many of these mini-miracles (as I’ve been calling them since just now), we may never know the impact we make. But sometimes, when we’re really fortunate, we learn about how something seemingly small has turned into something so very big. To me, this is the absolute best gift from God. Once you experience this, you realize there’s no other way to live life. Creating impact is no longer something we do……it’s who we are. That, my friends, can unlock a meaningful life!

“Creating impact is no longer something we do……it’s who we are.”

Pursuing Work That Matters

We live in a culture that prides itself in celebrating Fridays, dreading Mondays, spending money on things to mask the stress and frustration we feel towards our work, and the pursuit of an earlier-the-better retirement. What if we have it all wrong?

In my various money-related interactions with people, I often ask the following questions: “When do you want to retire? What do you want to do in retirement?” 80% of the time the answer to the first question is “as soon as possible.” 50% of the time the answer to the second question is “I still want to work, but I want to do something I enjoy.” If you spend half your waking hours at work, and if you want to quit working as soon as you can, is it possible to be living a life of meaning? Probably……but not likely. If you answer the second question with “I still want to work, but I want to do something I enjoy”, doesn’t that insinuate you’re spending half your waking hours doing something you don’t enjoy?

The pursuit of work that matters is intimidating. Change is hard and change is scary! It certainly don’t make it easier when the world says “be grateful for the job you have”, or “you need to take care of your family….you can’t take that risk”, or “your job isn’t that bad….it could be worse.” Those words echo in our soul and they can cut deep. Here’s the complicating factor: work that matters to us is a deeply personal question. What’s right for one person may be totally wrong for another. All work is meaningful work, but not all work is meaningful to you or to me.

It’s tough to live a life of meaning when you feel lukewarm-at-best about your job, regardless of how awesome the other areas of your life are. However, when we do get this right (better late than never!), it gives our life meaning in a way we’ve never experienced before.

“It’s tough to live a life of meaning when you feel lukewarm-at-best about your job, regardless of how awesome the other areas of your life are.”

Redefining the Role of Money

The third facet to living a life of meaning is redefining the role of money. Note I didn’t say “more” money……but rather redefining the role money plays in our life. We need to shift the role money plays in our life from being a measuring stick of success to a tool we can use to impact others and live more intentionally.

Our culture tells us – in countless ways – money equals happiness. And if some money will make us happy, then a lot of money will make us really happy. Thus begins the cycle. So many of us say to ourselves “once I get promoted and make $___, I’ll be happier.” Once that amount of income is attained, happiness doesn’t come. So we say to ourselves “I was wrong. The amount is actually $___ (i.e. more than I thought last time). Once I make that amount, then I’ll be happy.” Once that amount of income is attained, we still aren’t happy…..and the cycle continues.

Here’s the secret. God tells us this. Behavioral scientists tell us this. Our miserable friends, family, and coworkers (unknowingly) tell us this. No amount of money can make us happy! No level of income, no sum in your bank account. It’s not to say money is bad….because it’s not. We can do a lot of fun, generous, and memorable things with money……but we can’t buy happiness. The moment we think money is going to make us happy is the moment we’ve lost.

What’s the alternative? If we truly understand money can’t make us happy, it changes the decisions we make in life. It allows us to freely use our money to impact others. It changes the way we make career decisions, thereby freeing us to pursue work that matters. It allows us to spend intentionally on the things that add value to our life rather than what the culture (and our friends/family) tell us we should be spending on to create so-called happiness. Understanding this very simple and profound concept changes everything. Once it does, we can begin to have a healthy relationship with money. Instead of wanting more, more, and more, we start to want less. Not wanting to have less, but to simply “want” less. This changes our heart and opens up so much meaning in our life.

“We need to shift the role money plays in our life from being a measuring stick of success to a tool we can use to impact others and live more intentionally.”

Creating impact on others. Pursuing work that matters. Redefining the role of money. I firmly believe if we can achieve these three things, our lives will be bursting with meaning. That is my dream for myself, my dream for my children, my dream for my clients, and my dream for you.