What if Nobody Was Watching?

On the surface, giving has a simple and noble intent: to help people. However, we all know people give gifts (financial and otherwise) with other motives in mind.

Sometimes giving is used as a way to create or maintain control.

Sometimes giving is used to garner favor.

Sometimes giving is used as a virtue signal.

Sometimes giving is used as a public scoreboard.

Sometimes giving is used as an anti-guilt mechanism.

Sometimes giving is used as a tax reduction tool.

Sometimes giving is used as a way to enhance popularity and/or status.

Sometimes giving is used as a way to maintain relationships.

Sometimes giving is used as a tool to gain affirmation.

It's tricky to fully mitigate all the conscious and subconscious ulterior motives we have inside us. Even when we give with the best intent in mind, we can be polluted.

I recognized this about myself early in my giving journey. While I wanted to give for the right reasons, I knew taxes and affirmation were two of my possible triggers. Therefore, I did the only thing I resorted to the only approach I could think of: I made my giving 100% anonymous and undocumentable for tax purposes. I willingly gave up any tax benefits I could have garnered, as the mere opportunity to benefit from my gifts could have easily polluted me. This was an important season in my life. It's where I learned to give for no other reason than to give. There was truly nothing for me to gain.

After that season played out, I began giving more practically and normally. My gifts weren't as anonymous, I documented them for tax purposes, and I was somewhat open with what I was doing. This worked great for many years. Then, something changed again.

About 18 months ago, I felt myself subconsciously altering my giving for ulterior motives. Maybe I was worried about what someone would think of my gift. Was it too big? Too small? Some people commented about who I was giving to, how I was giving to them, and how much I was giving to them. I could feel these influences impacting me.

Was I even giving for the right reasons anymore? Was I giving more to xyz organization because I was scared what they would think if I gave less? As much as I wanted to make my giving pure, there was a likelihood it wasn't. That's when I made a dramatic shift in how I was giving. I took steps to revert my giving back to a more anonymous manner. It takes some creativity to pull this off, but it's been such a detoxifying endeavor. I'm back to feeling like my giving is pure.

I'll probably expound on this more in a future post, but my challenge today is simple. Use creativity to make your giving as impactful, fulfilling, and as pure as possible. You won't always get it right, but when you do, it's beautiful.

The Case Against (Hosting) Garage Sales

I love garage sales. Before having kids, I would regularly hit the local neighborhoods on Saturday mornings, looking for an exciting score. It felt like a modern-day treasure hunt. Some days I would strike out, and others, I would hit the jackpot! 

With that context in mind, I'm against hosting garage sales. High cost, low reward, and most importantly, a giant missed opportunity. I'll share a brief story to illustrate why I land where I land. Many years ago, I found out via Facebook that my obviously wealthy friends were hosting a garage sale. Knowing what I know about their careers, they easily combined for $500,000 of annual income (and have the house and cars to match that perception). Out of pure curiosity, I showed up at the garage sale. Disorienting doesn't even begin to describe the feeling I had by combing through $5 skillets and $6 bedsheets while standing in the driveway of an $600,000 house (for my non-Midwest friends, that's a pretty nice house). 

First, I don't think they are evil or doing something unethical. It's their life and they get to do whatever they want. However, I believe they whiffed on one of the greatest giving opportunities of their lives. Tens of thousands of dollars of material goods were sold that day, for maybe a few hundred bucks. The alternative option was to bless others in significantly profound ways. That kitchen set? There's probably a single mom in their community that just left an abusive marriage that would be over the moon to receive that gift. Or the bedroom goods? They probably have some friends with a kid who just left the nest with few resources. The list can go on and on.

Sarah and I had this conversation relatively early in our marriage. We committed to never selling anything. Any time we part ways with something, it will be given away. It's not ours to begin with, after all. We get to benefit from it for a while, then share it with someone else can do the same. For more than a decade, that belief has carried through to our actions. My favorite example of this was in late 2019 when we sold our 4-bedroom house and downsized into a 2-bedroom townhome. We gave away nearly every material possession we had. 

• Our mower went to a former youth group kid who had just purchased his first home.

• We gave my beautiful office furniture to a local woman with terminal cancer. 

• Our kitchen table went to a close friend, and we regularly eat at that table when we visit them. 

• Tons of baby clothes and supplies went to former youth group kids and clients who were becoming first-time parents. 

We could have easily sold this stuff, but instead we got to be on the giving end of some special blessings. These are beautiful opportunities in front of each of us. We all have something to share, and I believe sharing is better than any price you could charge. 

The Ripple Effects of Sharing

In the summer of 2020, just as the COVID lockdowns were starting to take hold, one of our friends gave us the surprise of all surprises. They unexpectedly reached out and asked if we wanted to spend a week at their condo in a popular lake town. We had never been to this town, but had always heard rave reviews. We excitedly and gratefully accepted their invitation. It was sincerely one of the best weeks our family had experienced in white a while. The following spring, the same friend reached out via text and asked what dates we wanted. Wait, what!?!? That wasn't a one-time event?!?! We did it again.....and similarly, it was an amazing experience for my family.

Fast forward to this week, and my family is in the midst of our fourth annual trip to our friends' condo. Grateful doesn't even begin to explain how we feel about this. It's become one of the most anticipated weeks of the year, for the kids and parents alike. We've created many memories on these trips, and the kids talk about it year-round.

As much as I enjoy being on the giving end of generosity, being on the receiving end of this ongoing generous gift is truly beautiful. Our friends have been blessed with this place, and instead of keeping it all to themselves (which they have every right to do), they choose to share it. I'm continually humbled by the gift and can't express my gratitude enough.

Generosity, in all its forms, has ripple effects. When someone is on either the giving or receiving side of generosity, it impacts them. That impact, sometimes visible and sometimes not, materializes in varying ways. For me, this specific act of generosity has inspired several ideas for generosity in my own journey. It's also become a cornerstone of my children's summer, giving them memories and experiences they wouldn't otherwise have. I suspect that when my kids eventually understand the magnatude of generosity shown to them in this act, they too will be inspired to their own forms of generosity.

Generosity always wins, but the ripple effects can span much broader and deeper than we'll ever know. It's a beautiful thing, and I'm always grateful to be on either side of it. Know that every generous act, whether on the giving or receiving end, has the opportunity to create ripple effects in someone's journey. That someone just may be you!

No Good Deed: The Rest of the Story

Yesterday, I shared the story of a crappy flight experience where I tried to be generous and do the right thing, but quickly paid a harsh price for said generosity. If you haven't read that post yet, I highly recommend you do before reading the rest of this article. During this horrendous experience, I did the one thing that could possibly help me keep my sanity: I started writing. The frustration I experienced while sitting in my plane seat happened while we were experiencing a severe delay in taking off. So as I'm writing, the pilot announced the flight would be delayed for "at least 1 hour" as maintenance crews fix a broken part. They then asked us to get off the plane and await further instructions. That's when I wrote the majority of yesterday's article.

I have a confession for you. Yesterday's post wasn't the whole story. As I was lamenting the situation to myself and in my writing, I stated, "All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not)." Today's post is about what happened next.

After a lengthy delay, we all got back on the plane......well, most of us. Given the severity of the delay, many people were going to miss their connecting flights and had to make alternative arrangements. Thus, there were far fewer people on the plane. Due to a minor miracle (and much luck), I had an entire row to myself. For this, I was extremely excited!!!! As we were getting ready to take off, the mom behind me (the one who leered at me as if I was a child molester) engaged me and thanked me for being so kind to their little girl. They revealed to me how they were on day two of flight cancellations and hadn't slept in two nights. This fact would most certainly explain why the dad was so irritable, or as I referred to him yesterday, "belligerent." As the conversation continued, they realized I was the one who gave up my seat so they could all sit together as a family. They expressed their gratitude for this gesture, especially for how exhausted and distraught their last few days have made them. In short, this was a good family, with the best intentions, clearly struggling, but majorly grateful for my small generous act.

Remember my comment from yesterday? "All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not)." Doing the right thing is always the right thing. We can never go wrong with being generous. I meant those words when I said them yesterday, but I'm so grateful for the swift and forceful reminder of how important our generosity, humility, and empathy is. It always matters.

Sharing What You Have: Pool Edition

Generosity comes in many forms. It’s not simply the money you give to church each week, or a monetary gift you leave someone in need, or a donation to a local organization. These are all examples of giving, but generosity is a much broader concept. As I’ve said before, we’re all called to share what we have, not what we don’t. What we each have to give is different. It’s a beautiful mix of resources, skills, time, influence, experience, and possessions. Every single one of us has something to give. if we’re willing to participate.

Yesterday, my family was treated to a very special gift. Some local friends hosted us at their backyard pool. We spent many hours relaxing, playing, conversing, eating, and drinking. We had an absolute blast and were grateful for the time spent with our friends. To them, they were just inviting someone to join them in their weekly ritual of spending time in their backyard. To us, it was a very sweet and special gift.

This is the beauty of sharing what we have. We’re just living life, AND inviting someone else into it. Every time we step outside ourselves and bring someone else in, it’s a form of generosity. I’m not sure this family really thought of it this way, but they provided such a profound gift to my family. They helped us create new family memories, build relationships with friends, and relax on an otherwise stressful day.

When we look at generosity through the lens of sharing what we have, it opens us to a whole new world of possibilities. We’re so grateful to our friends for sharing with us! It was much appreciated and it emboldens us to continue sharing what we have. That’s the beauty of sharing. We don’t have a backyard pool like them, but we have other things to share. If we all had the same thing to share, it wouldn’t be worth sharing.

So as you go about your work and play today, spend a few minutes thinking about what you have to share with others. Then, simply act.

Opportunity Cost: In the Wild

On the heels of yesterday’s post about opportunity cost, at least 10 people asked if I would provide a real-life example of how the exercise works in practice. At the same time, Cole (Meaning Over Money co-founder) has been encouraging me to be more transparent with my own numbers. I feel like I’m a very transparent person, but being open with my specific numbers does not come naturally. In fact, it’s quite uncomfortable. Therefore, let’s get me out of my comfort zone!

The following is what our prioritized opportunity cost list looks like. As a reminder, this is everything that’s not a basic need in our household (housing, food, transportation, insurance, phones, interest, etc.). The following list is for a specific month, but it also resembles what a “normal” month looks like in this season of life. Our basic needs are fairly modest and we never carry any debt. Excess income is approximately $3,800 this month. With that context in mind, here we go:

1. Giving: $1,000

2. Travel: $800

3. Kids: $600 (this is a mix of needs and wants, but heavy on wants)

4. Sarah's Personal Spending: $250

5. Travis's Personal Spending: $250

6. Dining Out: $150

7. Streaming Services: $150

8. Car Fund: $150

9. Events/Entertainment: $150

10. Home Furnishings: $300

11. Investing: None

12. House Cleaning: None

13. College Funds: None

14. Lake Condo: None

When I pull back the curtain and reveal our list, a few things come to mind.

• The fact giving and travel eats up 47% of our excess income is a true reflection of how important those are in our life. They are the foundation of our family.

• I believe personal spending for each spouse should be a non-negotiable in every marriage. It acts as a great release valve and allows each spouse to live out their unique values and interests with a portion of the finances. Our house rule has always been each of us shall get the same amount…..no matter what.

• For as important as food is to our family, dining out hasn’t received as much love in recent years (initiated by COVID). Something to think about in the months to come.

• I’ve been putting $150/month into the car fund for 19 years. It works wonders!

• Investing and college funds have taken a back seat in this season of life. This is, in part, a consequence of our heavy giving and travel budgets (mission and memories, as my friend Gary Hoag likes to say).

• We stopped getting periodic house cleaning in Fall 2022…..probably something we’ll move up the list in the near future.

• Sarah REALLY wants a small condo on a lake. I mean, she REALLY wants it. This is an ongoing discussion in our household and it wouldn’t surprise me if this one moves up the list in due time.

Wow, that was as uncomfortable as I feared. Oh well, I hope you found it insightful, beneficial, and perhaps a bit entertaining. What’s most important to remember is this is a reflection of OUR values. It’s unique to us because we are the ones who have to live our life. And you get to live yours! As you do, I hope you recklessly and relentlessly live your values!

Celebration of Generosity Reflections

Wow, it was an amazing three days at the Celebration of Generosity Conference. I got home around midnight last night, exhausted, fulfilled, and content. It was my first time attending this event, and I had no idea what to expect. Between the wonderful talks, the powerful testimonies, and the discussions I shared with fellow attendees, I was deeply moved. I’ve spent a lot of time processing what I experienced. Knowing me, there’s a high likelihood that I could quickly get swept back into life in the hours or days to come. I don’t want to let this opportunity pass me by. Therefore, I’m going to share with you my top 10 takeaways and next steps for myself. Partly for accountability, but partly to give you something to ponder about your own generosity journey. Whenever I refer to “our/we”, that’s me referring to Sarah and me.

1. Despite our margin already being somewhat tight, we need to challenge ourselves to increase our monthly giving. We’re already giving sacrificially and joyfully, but there’s more sacrifice to be had.

2. There are a few organizations in our life that need to get a lump-sum gift, ASAP.

3. I’m more convinced now than ever that we need to set up a DAF (donor-advised fund). This has been on my to-do list for years, but I just haven’t followed through. Some of the discussions I had on the trip reminded me of how much good this will bring into our life (probably something to discuss in a future blog post). We started this process with NCF a while back, and plan to close the loop on this ASAP.

4. I need to do a better job at bringing others along for the journey with me, Sarah included. In my efforts to remain anonymous in our giving, we do it in a bit of a silo and lose out on an opportunity to rally others.

5. I need to double down on creating more content (written, audio, and video) about generosity. We haven’t even scratched the surface yet.

6. We need to ramp up the intentionality and frequency of Sarah and me having generosity meetings. We’ve gotten lax over the past few years. We have a giving plan in place, but it’s largely set to auto-pilot and we rarely discuss it intentionally.

7. As Christians, we’re already weird (i.e. counter-cultural). If that’s true, why not lean in and ramp up the weirdness when it comes to radical generosity?

8. Though we have intentionality with our kids when it comes to money and giving, we need to double down on our efforts to model generosity. Not in what we say, but by inviting them into the doing with us. This trip spurred many ideas I’m excited to explore.

9. As a Christian, I have a high level of faith and trust that God will provide. I feel like I followed the call in who I serve and how I serve them in my business. Though the trust and faith remain intact, I think I’ve tried to take back control over the years. It’s time to reverse that approach.

10. I’m more convicted now than ever that we made the right choices with our generosity journey and my career transition. There’s a purpose to all this. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

There you have it! Those are my top 10 takeaways. Unfortunately, Sarah will probably learn about them from the blog before she and I have a chance to discuss in person. Sarah, I’m sorry and you’re welcome!

Did anything I said above trigger any thoughts, ideas, or questions? If so, I’d love to hear from you! Hit reply or leave a comment. Have an awesome day!

Generosity Capers

Ca-per (noun): an activity or escapade, typically one that is illicit or ridiculous.

One of the breakout sessions in the Celebration of Generosity Conference yesterday was titled, Generosity Capers. In it, they talked about the importance and impact of creating unique giving opportunities. Capers come in all shapes and sizes. Some capers are expensive, while others are cheap. Some capers are planned, while others are spontaneous. Some capers benefit friends, while others benefit strangers. Some capers are complex, while others are simple. Some capers are serious, while others are silly. Some capers involve cash, while others involve goods or services.

A large tip for the waitress. An anonymous utility bill payment for a struggling colleague. Inviting a friend on a trip, then paying for them. Unexpectedly mowing your neighbor’s lawn while they are gone for the weekend. Surprising a loved one when a service member returns early from a deployment……those always get me! All examples of generosity capers. The possibilities are endless, and we’re only limited by our creativity.

I frequently talk about this topic on the podcast (including our recent episode 220), but I never had a name for it. Now I do! They are called generosity capers! This is one of my favorite forms of giving. Yesterday’s session convicted me of a few things when it comes to generosity capers:

1) They matter more than I realized, and there’s a whole army of people perpetrating them.

2) I need to get even more ridiculous in my execution.

3) I need to do a better job bringing others into my capers.

As part of the session, they created their own caper. In the printed materials handed out to us, one person had a little sticker hidden in it. That person was surprised to receive a Chic-fil-A delivery, scheduled to arrive in just a few minutes (yes, during the session). That wasn’t the caper, though. Earlier in the day, the session leader reached out to Chic-fil-A’s manager and specifically asked them to hand-select who would make this delivery. The manager chose a single mom who had recently experienced a lot of life. This is where it gets good. The session leader communicated to us that the plan was to surprise the delivery person with an unexpected cash gift (we’ll call it a handsome tip). The gift was going to be “in the four figures.” Then, the session attendees were invited to participate if they desired. People all around me were ripping out their wallets and frantically scanning Venmo QR codes to submit their gifts.

About 10 minutes later, in comes the delivery. It was a somewhat awkward situation to hand-deliver a sack of yummy chicken in front of a crowded hotel ballroom, but she came rolling up with a smile on her face. A woman in our group shared some encouraging words with the woman, then prayed for her. Then, a man handed her a check…….$5,000!!!! She looked stunned. “That’s a big tip,” she exclaimed with a shaky voice. She couldn’t quite find the words, but her eyes spoke humility and gratitude. The energy in the room was amazing and I’m so grateful to be part of such a gesture.

Generosity capers, man! New name, same great taste. Generosity always wins!

* stay tuned for some absolutely ridiculous capers, coming soon.

"I'll Get the Next One"

We Americans have a problem. It’s an epidemic of the non-medical sorts. On the whole, we struggle to accept generosity from one another. Many people are quick to show generosity to others (which is awesome!), but when it comes to being on the receiving end of generosity, we avoid it like the plague. We tend to defer, deflect, and re-direct. Guilt and pride are usually at the center of our generosity denials, but there can be many reasons for it.

The other day, I was out to lunch with a friend. We had a great time. We caught up on life, work, family, and of course, NBA playoffs. When it was time to pay the bill, he quickly jumped in with, “I got you today, Travis!” Awesome stuff. I’m always grateful when someone shows me generosity, and I have a personal rule that I will never say “no” when someone shows me generosity. I quickly responded, “Thanks so much, man.”

Then, however, I instinctively and foolishly added one more sentence. “I’ll get it next time.” Do you see what I did there? Without even thinking about it, I accidentally turned his gift into a transaction. Tit for tat, if you will. Considering I repeatedly beat on this drum of accepting generosity from others, it shocked me when I realized what I just said. I felt bad, honestly. Then, as I’m feeling like a dummy for having just said that, my friend responds, “No you won’t. This is a gift. Accept the gift. I listen to the podcast. You have to accept the gift.” Right on, my man! Well played!

Generosity always wins, but generosity can’t take hold if we defer, deflect, or re-direct. I almost robbed him of his generosity, and what a shame if that happened. I’m grateful for my friend calling me out. I’ll try to do better next time, and I hope you do, too.

Generous Tomorrow, Generous Today

A very common line of thinking I observe with people is this notion of building wealth today…..then being generous down the road (*if/when/after they achieve a yet-to-be-determined level of wealth, income, or other financial achievements to be named at a later date). It’s spoken as if building wealth or reaching a certain status is a prerequisite to generosity. While I disagree with this sentiment, I do think there is one prerequisite to generosity: having a pulse. Tall bar, I know. If we’re breathing, we should be generous…..period. Not IF we have a certain net worth. Not WHEN we’ve achieved a certain lifestyle. Not AFTER we’re attained a certain income. Generous today, wherever you are.

For this reason, I was absolutely delighted when I recently spent some time with a couple I had just met. I was completely enthralled by this conversation. I had spent a total of 15 minutes with them in my entire life, and I was ready to be their biggest cheerleader. Then, the wife said something that pushed me over the top. I’m paraphrasing, but she said something to the tune of, “we want to be generous tomorrow……..AND generous today.” YES!!! I about jumped out of my chair. This couple gets it, and their heart to serve others is contagious.

Somewhere along the road, our culture determined generosity is something we do IF/WHEN/AFTER we’ve achieved a specific set of milestones. Until then, we should live for ourselves and pursue the path toward “building wealth.” Instead of building up wealth through hoarding, what if we all took a page out of this couple’s playbook to build up others through generosity? As sure as the sky is blue, I believe it would change our culture from the inside out.

The sick, the poor, the abused, the hurt, the hungry, the cold, the vulnerable, the old, the young, and the lonely. They are here today. Luckily, so are you. Luckily, so am I. Let’s make a difference…..today.

Giving What You Have: PTO Edition

In multiple posts, I’ve mentioned the words of my wise friend, Gary Hoag. “Give what you have, not what you don’t.” This simple saying has changed my perspective on life, as it has for countless others. When the topic of generosity comes up, people are quick to highlight all the things they don’t have. But everyone has something to give. We just have to each recognize what we’re blessed with and decide to share it with others.

This idea hit full speed today as I was chatting with a friend. My friend has been dealing with significant and scary medical issues. I’m sure it’s taken a toll emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. It’s been a brutal journey and there’s no way around it. This situation has caused my friend to miss a lot of work recently. Luckily she has PTO (personal time off - i.e. paid vacation time), which has been a blessing. Unfortunately, her bank of PTO hours is waning, and more time off will most certainly be needed. Knowing this, their family has been preparing the finances to take unpaid time off to navigate the weeks ahead.

Recognizing this and also caring for their friend/colleague, her co-workers decided to step up. In a very creative idea, they volunteered to donate some of their own PTO time to their struggling friend, meaning their sacrifice allows her to get additional time off without losing her pay. I couldn’t have loved this story more! These people have zero obligation to her, surely have their own issues at home (financial or otherwise), and could have just kept doing what they were doing. But they didn’t! They had something to give, and gave it!

Such a beautiful model of what generosity looks like. They gave what they had, not what they didn’t. I hope you find some creative opportunities this week to share what you have.

Calendar: "Feed Travis"

As I discussed in a prior post, I had a brutal Thanksgiving this year. Instead of spending time with family and enjoying too much delicious food, I was left home alone writhing in the fetal position (sick as sick can be) while my family was enjoying the festivities. To be honest, it was as emotionally exhausting as it was physical.

Despite all the loneliness, fatigue, fever, and pain, there was one silver lining amongst all the disasters of my holiday. Sarah, nervous about me and fearful I’d probably just whither away, made arrangements with some friends to bring me some Thanksgiving dinner. Accompanying her communication of this news was a screenshot from our friend’s phone calendar to ensure I knew what time they would be arriving:

“Feed Travis.” It was a playful way to schedule a simple gesture. Except it wasn’t a simple gesture to me. At some points that day, it was the only thing getting me through the misery. I looked forward to that moment all day. To me, it was a massive, thoughtful, sacrificial act of generosity. To them, it was dropping leftovers off at a friend’s house on the way home from a family gathering. To me, it was everything. And let me tell you, it was EVERYTHING I imagined it could be. They brought a feast, and it was nothing short of amazing.

Simple acts, huge impact. Generosity looks like that sometimes……er, most times. When we share what God has blessed us with and honor what is His, it has the ability to change people and make an impact. There’s no such thing as a small gift. Each and every gift we make has the possibility of creating a ripple effect we may never fully realize.

If what I just said is true, imagine the influence, impact, and opportunity at your fingertips each day. What are you waiting for? Let’s do this!

The Parable of the Cyclone Tickets

In August of 2021, some dear friends generously gifted my family season tickets to Iowa State Cyclone football. It was such a sweet gesture, and those games created so many wonderful memories for our family. We were beyond grateful for the gift.

A few people asked me why we would accept that gift. After all, we didn’t “need” their generosity. We could have purchased our own tickets if we really wanted to. While that’s factually true, I believe this is a selfish and short-sighted way to view generosity. My friends didn’t buy tickets for us because we were in a place of “need.” Rather, they made this gift because they wanted to bless us. When that happened, I had two choices: humbly and gratefully receive their gift……or steal their blessing by turning them down. I chose a posture of humility and gratitude.

Generosity needs to be a two-way street. We can’t be truly generous if we refuse to be humble and grateful receivers. When we learn to accept generosity from others, it unlocks something special in our faith journey and our relationships with others.

Fast forward to this season: we purchased our own season tickets. It most certainly wouldn’t have happened had we not experienced all the blessings that came from the generous gift the prior year. Similar to last year, we created so many fun memories together as a family. Tailgating, playing catch on the hill, cheering for our team, watching the band, stalking the mascot, and concession snacks. There were a handful of games we weren’t able to attend this year, so we did what felt natural: we found people to bless with our generosity. It was fun watching people enjoy our tickets, creating memories with their own families. One of them was my cousin. She and her husband were able to attend a game featuring each of their alma maters, as well as share the experience of taking their young son to his first-ever college football game. It was pure joy to make that gift, and I’m grateful they accepted it.

This is the parable of the Cyclone Tickets. You give, then receive, then give, then receive. It’s one of the things that makes life beautiful.

Give Away All the Fruit Snacks

A while back, my 5-year-old son, Pax, came into the house and asked Sarah if he could get a package of fruit snacks for himself and also give one to his neighbor friend. Sarah immediately said yes, and that was that. A bit later, Pax comes tearing through the house, grabs another package of fruit snacks, and starts to run out the door. Sarah asked what he was doing, and he said he was getting one for another neighbor friend. Sarah, focusing primarily on the thought of how this will further erode our quickly dwindling grocery inventory (#growingboys), admonished Pax and said he shouldn’t be giving away more fruit snacks.

First, I need to clarify something: Sarah is a generous person with a loving heart. But in this situation, she viewed it as more of a grocery situation than a giving situation. When I got home and she told me this story, I felt terrible for Pax. All these years, we continually talk about giving, giving, and more giving. It’s one of the primary values of our family and we discuss it frequently. Then once he has an opportunity to put these ideas into practice, he gets in trouble for it. Ouch! After discussing this with Sarah, she agreed with my perspective and felt bad for how she handled herself.

I pulled Pax aside and said, “hey man, I heard you gave away two packages of fruit snacks to your friends!” He looked at me sheepishly, as if he’d done something wrong, and nodded his head up and down. I quickly explained to him how Mom didn’t mean it that way, and he indeed did a very good thing. I told him I’d be extremely proud of him if he decided to give away all the fruit snacks. We can never be too generous, and his decision to get a second package of fruit snacks was a sign of love (not neglegence). After a few minutes, his spirits were lifted. He confidently walked into the pantry, grabbed a handful of fruit snacks, and took them out to the other neighbor kids who had since joined the game.

Two lessons:

1) The words and actions shared with our kids make far more impact than we’d like to admit. It can be a humbling journey as a parent.

2) You can never give away too many fruit snacks!

“Please Don’t Steal My Blessing”

A while back, a close friend asked me if it's wrong he was the one who ended the "pay it forward" streak at Starbucks. In other words, someone decided to be generous by anonymously paying for the next person's coffee and an unknown number of people subsequently did the same thing…….until my friend broke the streak by not paying for the person behind him.

Does that mean my friend is selfish? Greedy? Less generous than the people ahead of him? Many of you were probably nodding your head up and down as you read those questions. I see it differently. I believe he was the only person in the story (besides the original giver) who acted with love and selflessness.

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Several years ago, I was sharing a meal with one of my mentors. Being the generous and loving man he is, he offered to pay for my meal. Me, as I always tended to do, tried to pay for his instead……and when unsuccessful, tried to have it split. You've seen it before. A handful of friends having a fun dinner at a restaurant. Lots of storytelling, laughing, and sharing memories about the good 'ol days. Then the bill arrives and there's suddenly this awkward little scrum where a couple guys look like they're hand fighting, trying to be the one to grab the bill out of the waiter’s helpless and nervous hands. The more aggressive one (or perhaps the one with the longer arms) snags the bill and proudly slams his card in the little black jacket. Meanwhile, the other guy is still trying to snatch the bill out of his buddy's hands, insisting he should be the one to pick it up.

You're probably smiling at the thought of this scenario, as you've witnessed it first-hand and it's kind of funny to watch. While I was busy trying to do the same thing to my mentor, he said something to me I will never forget. "When you refuse someone's generosity, you're robbing them of the opportunity to be a blessing. Please don’t steal my blessing!" At the time, I was just starting to learn what it means to be truly generous. I was learning that giving was one of the most Godly and life-giving things I could ever do with my money. I reveled in finding opportunities to be a blessing to others. In doing so, I became prideful and falsely believed generosity needed to flow one way and one way only: away from me and towards someone else. So here I was, in the stage of life trying to model and encourage generosity to others, while simultaneously robbing those very people of the opportunity to be generous. Talk about sabotaging my own mission!!

Since that conversation, I’ve really tried to do better. I’ve tried to change my heart, and for the most part I have. When someone gives me a gift, my gut still tells me to push back. After all, I don’t “need” it. Then I quickly remember…..they aren’t giving me a gift because I “need” it. Rather, they are giving me a gift because they see an opportunity to be a blessing and show love to me. Even when my gut says “no”, my heart and my response says “thank you.” I’m thankful for their generous spirit. I’m thankful for the love they are showing me. I’m thankful for their selflessness. As a matter of practice, I’ve made a vow to never again rob someone of their opportunity to be a blessing. When a youth group kid offers to buy me lunch (perhaps a lot of money for them and not much to me), I say “thank you.” When a colleague offers to buy my coffee, I say “thank you.” When we’re out to dinner with another couple and they offer to buy our meal, I say “thank you.” Generosity doesn't flow one way. In order to be truly generous, we need to be humble enough to accept other’s generosity with love and gratitude.

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So, back to "pay it forward" streaks at Starbucks. When someone in front of us pays for our drink, why don't we simply receive their gift, be thankful, and enjoy our free drink? Some would argue we are returning the favor by paying for the next person. Math says otherwise. If our $4 coffee is paid for by a stranger but we "pay for" the next person's drink, we still paid the same $4 we were already going to pay. We just trick ourselves into believing we paid for someone else. Why do we do this? I think there are two primary reasons. First, some people feel guilty not paying for the next person's drink. They think to themselves, "if they paid for me, I should probably pay for someone else……plus I don't want to be the one to break this streak." Guilt-driven giving is the opposite of generosity. Second, and I believe more relevant to most, many people simply aren't willing to receive a blessing from someone else. We think "I don't need this gift", or "someone else could use it more than me." So by telling ourselves we are "paying it forward", what we're really doing is deflecting the blessing and making ourselves feel like we've actually exhibited generosity. There’s another word for this: PRIDE.

The reality is my friend is the only person in the string who actually had the humility to accept the blessing. There may have been 100 people before him that "paid it forward", but he had the humility and gratitude to receive the blessing and simply enjoy it. Does that make him greedy? No way! I think it makes him loving. Loving enough to receive a blessing with humility and to put his pride aside. It's not to say my friend isn't generous. Perhaps next time in Starbucks he will pay for someone else's drink, or maybe he'll pay the light bill for a struggling neighbor, or maybe he'll give his car away to a single mother at church. Who knows what he'll do, but when he does it, I hope the person on the other end of the gift humbly receives the blessing and simply enjoys it with a spirit of gratitude. I sincerely hope they don't steal his blessing.

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I wrote the above piece more than a year ago, but didn’t know what I wanted to do with it. Fast forward to today, it just feels like the right time to talk about this. This piece also raised to the top of my mind based on something that recently happened to me.

In this wild season of life, amidst all the quarantining, amidst small business closing their doors, amidst people losing jobs left and right, generosity matters more than it ever has. Though my wife and I have cut back our budget significantly to help navigate these stormy waters (as I also recommend to my clients), we’ve simultaneously doubled our giving. There are so many new and unique ways to show people generosity in this season! And so many groups of people who could use some extra love right now! Countless ways to give to countless numbers of people……what a time to be alive!!!

In light of this, my wife and I have been experimenting with new and fun ways to bless others. One of these ways, which was triggered by a sermon I heard from my friend Aaron Vis, is to show intentional love to grocery store employees. Grocery stores have become the backbone of our communities during this crazy season, and their employees have become newfound heroes. I solicited friends in my social media circle to give me names of grocery store employees so I could bless them in some small way. I collected their names, found their Venmo handles, and started giving gifts. It was fun! Dropping little notes of encouragement (along with money) into their Venmo account. One of them responded: “OMG. Travis, you didn’t have to do that at all! But thanks! I appreciate it! This virus thing has been crazy.” To be honest, this was the highlight of my day. There was nothing that could top the feeling of having an opportunity to be a blessing, acting on it, and having the recipient receive it with love and humility.

A few days later, a different recipient refunded my gift and included a message saying they appreciate the gesture……but don’t need it. They sent the gift back to me! I have to be honest, this one upset me. I wasn’t giving them a gift because they needed it. I was giving them a gift because I wanted to give them a gift! I WANTED to bless them. I so badly wanted to bless them. Pride got in the way, and they rejected the gift. This one still bums me out..

Now maybe good will still come from this. Maybe my gesture truly did mean something to them. But I didn’t want to make a gesture….I wanted to give a gift. It’s like me giving an awesome new toy to my son, him ripping the wrapping paper off the gift, marveling at the fact he’s holding this awesome toy, handing it back to me, and telling me he appreciates the gesture. I wanted him to open the toy and play it! I wanted him to enjoy it! I didn’t want him to give me a tip-of-the-hat for my gesture. But yet, so many of us do this when people try to show us generosity.

It’s hard to change, but we can do it! Every time someone gives you a gift, please think about this article, suppress your gut instinct to deflect it, and simply receive their gift with love and humility. When you do, it will change you and it will change them. Every time you do this, it will shed a little bit of your pride and replace it with humility. For the giver, at the very least it will make their day. Something greater is at stake, however. For the giver, this one simple gift, given with love and received with love, could unlock a life of generosity they never knew they had inside them. Please don’t steal that from them. Please don’t steal their blessing.

The Moment

Last October, I wrote a piece titled “Seasons of Need.” For obvious reasons, it feels relevant more now than ever. Violently and unexpectedly, so many people have suddenly landed in a season of need. The world feels like it’s burning all around us.

Someone in my life recently lost their job. Someone I really care about. This is someone who was trying to do all the right things, make good decisions, and build a firm financial foundation for their future family. Someone who had been working hard, had just started a newer, better, more promising job. Then we welcomed a global pandemic to the party and everything exploded.

My wife and I do all of our giving through a special checking account creatively called "Giving Account." On our printed checks (yeah those still exist!), just below our name and just above our address is a line that reads "Proverbs 3:27." I won't make you go look it up.....the scripture says "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act."

That scripture isn't a cute quote we burn into a piece of wood and hang above our doorframe. It's not even something we do. It's who we are! We are called into a life of generosity. Joyful, sacrificial, God-honoring generosity.

Since this is who I am, I did the first thing that came to mind when I learned about my friend’s sudden job loss. I Venmo'd them rent money. It wasn't even a real consideration….we simply acted. I texted my wife with the idea and within 15 seconds she responded "Yes I'm in support." 15 seconds! I love that about her. The whole process from idea to execution took no more than 90 seconds. Sarah and I aren’t heroes, and I don’t want you to think that. Please, please, please don’t think that. We are simply doing what God has asked us to do: show His love through generosity.

In a conversation that now makes me cringe, I was talking to my mentor Gary Hoag about generosity. Mind you, he wasn’t my mentor at this point…….in fact, this conversation happened less than 24 hours after I first met him. Gary asked me “do you think you’re generous?” I confidently (and perhaps arrogantly) answered “yeah, I do.” “Why?” “Because we give 12% of our income.” “What makes 12% generous?” “Because it’s more than 10%!” See, very cringey.

Gary paused for an uncomfortable period of time (or maybe it was just me who was uncomfortable), probably trying to decide how aggressive to be with this young guy he had just met. I don’t remember his exact words and it would be unfair for me to try to put words into his mouth all these years later, but the takeaways of that conversation were profound and life-changing. In short, Gary (who is one of the world’s brightest minds on Christian generosity) explained God isn’t keeping score. He’s not tallying dollars and keeping a ledger of our giving. Instead, he’s looking at our heart. When I asked Gary what it means to truly give sacrificially, he turned it back around on me with a question: “Does your giving hurt? Do you feel like you’re really giving up a lot to give what you’re giving?” It was an easy answer for me, “no.” Our 12% giving didn’t hurt. For us, it meant we saved a little less and maybe (maybe) went on one less trip per year. Thinking about it, it wasn’t a sacrifice at all. It was giving out of surplus. It may have been joyful (so very, very joyful!), but it definitely wasn’t sacrificial.

After this conversation, I talked to my wife and we agreed to immediately double our giving. Again, she’s pretty awesome in that way. That’s when our giving started to feel like a sacrifice. All sacrifice brings pain, but this is a pain I dream others have a chance to experience. The pain of working really hard, giving up something you feel is important to you, turning around to bless someone else instead, thanking God for giving you that opportunity, and trusting He will continue to meet your needs. It sounds ridiculous when I type it out and re-read it, but in practice it is the most life-giving, faith-growing, rewarding, exciting, and loving thing we can do with the money He’s blessed us with.

Back to my friend. When they unexpectedly received a Venmo notification on their phone about the gift we had just made, it led to the following text exchange:

“I can’t accept that money from you!!!”

“Of course you can!”

“At least allow me to provide something of value for you.”

“We’re in this together. All of us. We all have seasons of need. I’ve had several. This is yours.”

“I am so humbled. I don’t know what to say aside from thank you so very much.”

They were wrong on one thing…..when they asked to provide me something of value. Who says they haven’t already? Relationships matter. In fact, there is nothing more valuable than relationships. What’s not valuable in this equation is money. Money is just some paper and coins. But money is never about money……it’s always about something far greater. Given joyfully and sacrificially, God WILL use it to change the world.

The timing of this post is not a coincidence. There are a lot of hurting people right now. A lot of people experiencing a season of need. We all go through seasons of need, but if this isn’t yours, perhaps it’s time for you to get in the game. Ramp up your giving to your local church. Ramp up your giving to organizations doing amazing work. Find people around you who are hurting, and simply step in with joyful and sacrificial generosity.

“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.” We live in a world full of pain, suffering, and fear right now. Each of us may not single-handedly change the world, but God can use us to change someone’s world. And if we all band together and change a few someone’s worlds, the world will most assuredly be changed. This, my friends, is the moment! Will you join me?

Prepare, Hope

The last 24 hours have been surreal. The NCAA formally decided to host the NCAA Tournament without fans, the NBA suspended its season indefinitely, the World Health Organization officially declared COVID-19 a pandemic, and trading in the stock market was halted for the second time in a week. First and foremost, I’m not a doctor. I don’t even play one on TV. I’m over here in my little corner of the world trying to figure out how to navigate this situation for my family. As of right now, I don’t have clarity on that but have been actively seeking wise counsel from my friends in the medical world.

However, I do have a lot of insights and opinions as it relates to how we should be approaching our finances. I’ll let you decide how much value you want to attribute to them. These are my opinions and my opinions alone. If I were you, I’d strongly consider what I have to say, strongly consider what others have to say, and use the collective insights to make the best possible decisions for your family.

I have one overarching fear. We’ve had 11 years of up. 11 years of growth. 11 years of good. That’s an absurd amount of time to be on a winning streak. This unthinkable run does have consequences, though. Specifically, if you’re under the age of 35, you’ve never experienced what economic turmoil looks like first-hand. You’ve never felt the sharp pain of watching your investments evaporate into thin air, or lived through the fear of waking up every day wondering “will I still have a job by the end of the day?” You haven’t watched your peers, one-by-one, experience a financial collapse. You haven’t felt the harsh consequences of debt (and there’s a lot of debt!).

I don’t say all this to incite panic or worry. Rather, I want us to look at this issue directly in the eyes, prepare ourselves, and navigate the rough waters that are likely in store. As the saying goes, “Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.” That’s what we’ll do. With that being said, let’s dive in!

INVESTMENTS

As of this morning, the stock market (S&P 500) is down 25% in just over three weeks. Wow, that’s scary! However, let me frame it up a bit differently. After this huge 25% decrease, the stock market is sitting at values not seen since……well, February 2019. Yes, you read that correctly. We are sitting at the same place we were just over a year ago. We’re also double where we were before the last stock market crash and nearly 4x as high as we were at the bottom of the last recession. Perspective matters! In its 150-year history, the U.S. stock market has provided an average 9% return to its investors. That’s not a 9% return during the good times. That’s a 9% return through all the times, good and bad. That 9% includes two world wars, the assassination of a president, 9/11, the tech bubble burst, 29 recessions, and countless other tragedies. The point: our country’s stock market is resilient, and over a long period of time (15+ years), poses far less risk than most believe. In fact, if you’ve put your money in the stock market and left it for 15 years at any point in the last 150 years, you’ve NEVER lost money. There are a few instances of losses over a 10-year period, but the stock market has never lost money over a 15-year period.

So what does that mean for you? What decisions should you make in light of today’s crazy situation? In short, nothing. Assuming you’re invested in diverse, low-cost, stock index funds, you should do absolutely nothing. Stay the course! If you’re currently making periodic investments into these same index funds, whether its via paycheck deductions into a 401(k)/403(b), or by you manually investing into IRAs or taxable accounts, continue to do it. Stay the course! It feels yucky at the moment, but in the long run you will be so grateful you stuck to the plan.

EMERGENCY FUND

There is so much uncertainty in our global economy right now. China is isolated from the world. Italy just went into total shutdown mode. Airlines are shutting down portions of their fleet. Public events (large and small) are being canceled altogether. So many weird things. The system is being stressed right now, and it’s hard to tell how it all plays out. One thing is for sure, this amount of stress is going to result in some casualties. Some companies will go under, some jobs will be cut, and overall business activity will slow as COVID-19 becomes a more tangible reality in our communities. It would be irresponsible for me to make any specific predictions on who will be impacted and how, but the writing is on the wall that some people are going to be materially impacted, economically-speaking. I would also caution you to not look at the situation and say “I don’t work in the ‘insert name’ industry, so I won’t be impacted.” That’s short-sighted. If there’s this much stress on the system, we will all feel it. Let’s use the travel industry as an example. If people from the travel industry lose their jobs, they may not be able to make their rent/mortgage payments (negatively impacting landlords, financial institutions, and taxing authorities), they may not have a lot of money to buy things (hurting businesses in their community), and there will be more competition for available jobs (lower pay and more stress for prospective employees in other industries). Lots of possible ripple effects.

With that in mind, we would all be wise to make sure we have our emergency funds topped off during the season ahead. Having cash available could be the difference between paying the bills or not paying the bills. If you already have a healthy emergency fund (say 3-6 months of expenses), awesome! Make sure that cash stays available for immediate withdrawal. If you have the ability to increase your emergency fund in the near-term, you may want to do that as well. If you’re actively paying off debt (awesome, by the way!), you may want to push pause on that effort and instead place that money into your emergency fund. You may want to trim back some of the extras in your budget to find additional cash for your emergency fund. I would NOT advise anyone to sell stock index fund investments in order to raise cash for their emergency fund. If at all possible, please leave that money alone. We don’t want to voluntarily sell those investments in the middle of a 25% decline. Hopefully you never need to use any of this cash, but it will be there for you in the event rough waters do hit your family. When all the smoke clears and you’ve successfully navigated this mess, then that money will still be available to do whatever you were previously going to do with it (pay off debt, go on that trip, replace your car, etc.).

MAJOR DECISIONS

I’ll say this very clearly……this is NOT a good time to be making major financial decisions. If you’re thinking about buying a home, purchasing a new car, retiring imminently, or taking any other action that results in a material change to your finances, I simply wouldn’t do it. These are all great things, and I want them to happen for you, but I don’t want them to turn your life into a nightmare. My best advice is to be patient, let this season pass, and then make these awesome decisions with more clarity, full confidence, and less fear. Some of you might be thinking “well I can get a great deal if I act now.” These are also the same people I mentioned above that weren’t old enough to live through the Great Financial Crisis. Today, in this moment, some major decisions can make sense. But what happens tomorrow or next week when your world gets unsuspectedly turned upside-down? This is when fear sets in and we start to snowball bad decision after bad decision. Please don’t put yourself at risk for something like this. If you have house or car fever today, it may be time to take a cold shower. Those houses and cars will still be there for you when all this calms down, and probably at a really good price!

HEALTH INSURANCE

As I reiterate often with my clients, not having health insurance is never an option. This was true 10 years ago, it was true yesterday, it is true today, and it will be true 10 years from now. Without health insurance, we are one bad day away from absolute financial ruin. Please don’t allow yourself to be unnecessarily vulnerable to this risk, especially when the issue at hand is a global pandemic! If you’re 26 or younger and on your parents’ health insurance plan, great! If you have health insurance through your employer, great! If you’re uninsured today, not so great! If that’s you, one of the most affordable and efficient options is a health sharing program. I’m a big believer in these programs and actually use one myself. My family uses Medi-Share and I can’t say enough good things about them. Here’s an article that explains what health sharing programs are, and it even compares a few of the larger programs. I’m not affiliated with this blog, but I think you’ll find this information useful. We don’t need the Rolls Royce of health insurance plans, but we do need something. Look at it like auto insurance. We don’t rely on our auto insurance to pay for our oil changes, or brake pads, or alternators. No, we rely on our auto insurance to protect our financial life when we wrap our car around a light pole. It protects us against the really bad stuff. Our health insurance should be the same way. Find a plan that offers you enough protection that one bad day won’t blow up your life, but affordable enough for you to work it into your monthly budget.

GIVING

If you give generously, and I really hope you do, please do not let fear deter you from giving. Based on many of my words above, the need for joyful, generous givers may be more important in the months ahead than it has been for the last decade. There are people hurting and they will continue to need people like you and I to step in and show God’s love through our generosity. There are a lot of places in our financial life to cut back on, but I don’t think generosity should be one of them. The moment we stop giving (or materially pull back our giving) is the moment we start living in fear and making it all about us. If you’re a person of faith as I am, this is a great season to test your trust in God and his provision in your life. If we can be generous and selfless through a season of uncertainty and nervousness, just picture how much we can grow in our faith in the season ahead!

Those are my five key takeaways today. Stay the course on investing, keep as much cash in your emergency fund as possible, push pause on any major decisions, make sure you have health insurance, and keep being generous. If there are other topics or questions on your mind, please ask them in the comment section below. I will either address them in the comments, in a private exchange with you personally, or in a subsequent blog post. Lastly, please share this with people in your life so they too can get prepared for the season ahead. Now let’s go from here and make sure we’re taking care of our family! After all, money is never about money.

“Those are my five key takeaways today. Stay the course on investing, keep as much cash in your emergency fund as possible, push pause on any major decisions, make sure you have health insurance, and keep being generous.”

Radical Generosity

We are on our way to the mountains! Packed up, in the car, driving west, heading for Colorado. It also happens to be Finn and Pax’s third birthday!

A friend of a friend – a man we’ve never actually met – owns a handful of hotels in the Rocky Mountains. He generously and graciously offered my family a free week’s stay at any of his properties. How amazing is that?!?! One stranger offering another stranger an unconventional and extravagant gift. Except we aren’t strangers……we’re all brothers and sisters in Jesus. This is what we do. We use our unique gifts, talents, and resources to bless others. Not because we expect something in return, but because we are blessed with the opportunity to serve and love one another in unique and profound ways. I would argue there’s nothing better than blessing someone else, especially the person who has nothing to offer you in return.

You may be saying to yourself, “that’s great for the guy who owns hotels…….but I don’t own hotels and I’m certainly not wealthy.” Here’s the great news: we all have something to give! Whether we’re rich or poor, old or young, in school or in the workforce, creative or not-so-creative, the boss or the employee, we all have something to offer! We are called to serve each other and give in accordance to our abilities. What that looks like will vary from one person to the next. It’s not about the dollars……it’s about the heart. It’s about wanting to make a difference in someone’s life. It’s about wanting to live out – in the 21st century – what Jesus modeled in the first century.

So while I’m enjoying time with my family this week, I’ll be thinking about this generous man who blessed us in such a wonderful way. I am so grateful for his gift and his generous heart. I’ll also be using this time to think about new and fun ways I can use my unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well. I already have a few ideas up my sleeve, but I hope this time of relaxation and rejuvenation will spark even better ideas in my soul. I’m really looking forward to that!

What are some ways you can use your unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well in your world? I’d love to hear your ideas!