One Relationship Away

A decade ago, I was an avid user of a program called Instapaper. This tool allows you to save web articles and documents in a central location for later reading. If you’re anything like me, I frequently see interesting things to read, but am too busy with other obligations to digest it on the spot. Enter Instapaper. This app lets you click a button on your phone or desktop browser, and boom (!!!), it’s forever saved and organized until you decide to read it.

For reasons I don’t quite understand (but may have something to do with the craziness of becoming a parent), I stopped using the app. Today, after years of frustrations of not remembering where I saw this article or that research paper, I decided to dust off Instapaper and bring it back into my life. No, this isn’t an ad for Instapaper…..but it should be! As I was cleaning up my account, I was reviewing some of the articles I read back in the day. Right at the top of my list was this gem:

That’s my Meaning Over Money business partner, Cole The Hawkeye Killer Netten! Funny thing about this article. When that article was published, I had never even met Cole. I was a Cyclone fan, and it was cool that a local guy was having big-time D1 success. The man in that article was a stranger to me. Today, however, he’s someone I trust deeply and spend a lot of time with (though not nearly as much as I wish we could). The world is so small! It seems big – and in many ways it is – but it’s also much smaller than we realize.

In August of 2015, I was at the Global Leadership Summit, and Craig Groeschel was talking. I can’t remember the full context of his talk anymore, but one particular line hit me hard. He said, “You may be one relationship away from changing the trajectory of your life.” Deep down, I think I knew this was true. Three weeks later, I met the first of two men who would swiftly and dramatically change my life. Kevin Sutton from Coldwater Foundation in Grand Marais, MN. Kevin taught me the importance of being comfortable being uncomfortable. My time with him over just a few days would transform my life. He remains a close friend to this day.

Just one month later, I would meet Gary Hoag. I’ve mentioned Gary many times in this blog, but Gary revolutionized the way I view generosity and stewardship. A few months after that meeting, Gary invited me to serve alongside him for an organization in SE Asia. The rest is history, as they say.

I’m grateful for Cole, Kevin, Gary, and so many others who have literally transformed my life. Here’s the takeaway today. The world is small and relationships deeply matter. Be available and be curious. You never know who may wander into your life and stir up trouble.

The Joneses Don’t Know They Are The Joneses

Most of us know the saying, “keeping up with the Joneses.” It’s become the motto of modern-day American materialism, referring to the never-ending pursuit to keep up with the spending lifestyles of our neighbors, friends, and colleagues. The house we live in, the car we drive, the school our kids go to, where we go on vacation, the clubs we belong to……the list goes on and on. This phenomenon is a significant contributor to people’s decisions. We all like to say and pretend it doesn’t impact us, but I’ve spent enough time with clients to know we’re being naive if we think that way.

Here’s how powerful of a force The Joneses are in our lives. When we buy a house, we’re not just committing to a certain down payment and monthly mortgage payment. When we select our house, or more specifically, our neighborhood, we’re committing to a lifestyle. This singular decision about what street or neighborhood to move to has the potential to fundamentally change the way we live our lives. That’s a terrifying thought, but it’s as true as the sky is blue.

I want to share a story. It’s a story of four families. These four families are amongst a larger group of friends and neighbors. Through various odd circumstances and connections, I’ve had the privilege of spending time with these families in one way or another. Through conversations with the first couple, it becomes clear the pressure of keeping up with their neighbors adds a level of stress to their marriage. Then when I talk to another couple, they admitted some of their credit card debt is attributed to expensive meals and trips with their neighbors. Then when I interact with the third couple, they get frustrated by “having” to go to certain events (accompanied by a high cost). Lastly, the fourth couple admitted to making a few questionable vehicle purchases out of fear of negative judgment.

Here’s the kicker. Each of these families gets frustrated by trying to keep up with The Joneses (i.e. their neighbors), but to their neighbor, THEY are The Joneses. By trying to keep up with each other, they in turn become the thing each other is trying to keep up with. It’s irony at its finest.

Here’s the good news: every family has the power to hop off the Joneses train. It’s scary to be the first family to jump off, but doing so may give the second family the courage to do it as well. Once the second family does, it allows the entire Joneses structure to crumble.

Think about your own circle. Do you need to be the first of the Joneses to jump off the train?

The Test of Time and Space

As I’m writing this, it’s mid-afternoon on New Year’s Eve. Today is a big day. Well, not today, technically. 20 years ago, at this very hour, was a big day. 3PM on December 31st, 2002. That’s when I arrived at a grungy (at best) apartment in Memphis, TN. After an exhausting 10-hour drive, I anxiously but excitedly walked into an unfamiliar building, in an unfamiliar city, in an unfamiliar state, and met an unfamiliar person. His name was Brook, and he too had just moved into this apartment. He was from Penn State and we were both about to embark upon an internship experience at International Paper Company. Think of it as Dunder Mifflin before Dunder Mifflin even existed, but much bigger and not nearly as funny. What we didn’t know at the time was it would be about a whole lot more than a simple internship.

Us living together was an arrangement of finances and convenience. We were both broke college kids who needed a cheap place to live, hopefully close to the office. Through e-mail, we made that happen. But what we were unknowingly doing was creating a lifelong friendship that withstood the test of time and space. He and I, along with our third amigo Nick (who was a local Memphis kid who also shared the internship experience), have remained close 20 years after that experience. Fun fact: we’ve only seen each other in person maybe 6 times since we lived together (3 of which were our respective weddings). Yet, we still talk weekly (or more).

What’s interesting about Brook and I’s relationship is we aren’t alike….at all. We have vastly different views on politics, faith, culture, finances, sports teams, and pretty much every topic imaginable. But what we do have is love for one another and a mutual respect for each other’s perspectives. I’ve learned a lot from Brook, and I suspect he’d say the same about me. In a life where I’ve gotten a lot of things drastically wrong, this is one thing I can say I’ve got remarkably right. Whether it’s Brook, Nick, Ryan, Dan, Gary, or a handful of other people who I have deeply genuine and honest relationships with, I’m so grateful for those bonds that withstand the test of time and space. I hope you also have a Brook in your life. That’s what the idea of meaning over money is all about…..the meaning.

No Longer Interested

Many people have this blog delivered to their inbox each morning. It’s free to subscribe and you should totally do it! The platform I use to distribute it provides me with a lot of insights and data. How many people are opening the e-mail, what links they are clicking, what other articles they are reading. So. Much. Data.

However, there can be a downside to all this info. A few days into this new blog format, I noticed someone unsubscribed. This was of course someone who doesn’t know me and doesn’t realize how valuable all this content is, right!?!? haha! I clicked into it and saw the name of a close friend. Wait, a close friend unsubscribed? It wasn’t enough to just ignore my e-mails and maybe come back down the road if/when they’re curious? Nah, they took an intentional step to rid me and my content from their life. Ok, now I’m just being dramatic.

When they unsubscribed, the chosen reason was, “no longer interested.” Double ouch!

I learned long ago that many people in my life don’t much care for my work or my perspective. For a while, it hurt. I was confused. Why wouldn’t they care about what I have to offer? Well, they just don’t….and that’s ok! About twice per week someone will say to me, “sorry, I don’t listen to your podcast.” My response is always, “that’s ok…..I don’t follow you to work, either.”

Many of my close friends don’t read, listen, or watch ANY of my content. My own wife doesn’t even listen to the podcast. On the other hand, we have listeners all over the world and we periodically rise up the charts in Italy and Belize (no idea why!).

All we can do is share our passions, ideas, and gifts with the world, and let the chips fall how they may. When we have the courage to do so, the right people will find us. Our people. The audience we were meant to serve. If you’re one of them, I’m grateful for you. If you’re not, I’m still grateful for you and hope you’ve found your people.

The world deserves what you have to offer!