The Power of (Actually) Shared Experiences

One of my favorite past times is sharing a meal with friends: good company, good drinks, good food, and good conversation. When I look back on some of my favorite memories, it usually revolves around a shared meal. However, there's one problem. In the U.S., we don't actually share in the dining experience. You enjoy your meal, Mary enjoys her meal, Bob enjoys his meal, and I enjoy my meal. We have an experience together, but it's not a truly shared experience. We may be sitting at the same table, but depending on our specific order, we're each having a unique and siloed experience.

This has always bugged me, especially when order regret sets in. You know what I'm talking about. The server brings the dishes out and delicately places each one in front of the person who ordered it. You look at yours, then at your neighbor's, and realize you wish you ordered what they did.....it's the worst feeling!

All this dining angst came to a head when I made my first trip to Asia in January 2016. Sarah and I were invited to fly across the world so I could interview for a board position. Our first night rolls around, and it's time for dinner. I'm eagerly anticipating this meal, as I love unique food, and it's my first time eating Asian food in Asia. I'm totally geeking out, while at the same time nervous. What will I order? What if I make the wrong choice? What if I accidentally order something I don't like? There are so many things to eat....how do I pick just one? I'm weird, I know.

But as we get settled into our seats and it's time to order, something weird happens. My friend Rob just started ordering. He asks if anyone wants anything in particular, then continues to order more. A while later, food starts coming out. The plates, platters, and bowls are haphazardly set wherever there is space to house it. Then, the good part. Everyone starts serving themselves from each of them. You know, like you do at home with your family. You know, a truly shared experience. It was an amazingly fun experience. I tried maybe 15 different dishes that night, and each person at the table also experienced those same 15 dishes. It was a shared dining experience we don't often get here in the States.

An example of a truly shared experience meal. Notice the massive lazy suzan to efficiently share with each other. This picture makes me hungry!

From that point on, it changed how Sarah and I experience food when we go out to eat. She orders something, and I order something, then we share. As our kids have grown, we've expanded that experience. Each person will choose a menu item, and we request the servers to set all of them in the center and provide some extra plates. Then, we have our fun shared experience.

It's been a beautiful shift for our family. It adds an entirely new dynamic, excitement, and bonding. There's so much meaning in shared experiences, and I encourage everyone to seek them out whenever possible.

Challenging Your Beliefs

We just arrived in Doha, Qatar, in what should be a whirlwind 24-hour adventure. This is one of our favorite places to visit. I absolutely love the Middle East. A handful of years ago, there’s zero chance I would have ever said that. When I was first offered the opportunity to travel there for work, I was admittedly nervous. After all, I watch the same news coverage you do. Lots of bad things happen in the Middle East. Then, I went…..and it changed everything for me. The Middle East is one of the safest, most family-friendly places in the world, full of sights, culture, and amazing food. Never in a million years would I think that……until I saw it with my own two eyes. I’ve been to 10 countries there and each one offers a different and unique perspective. I always look forward to going back and seek out reasons to do so.

We’re still trying to decide what to do while we’re here. Maybe we’ll ride camels, or take a dip in the Persian Gulf, or take a 4x4 tour across the expansive sand dunes. All of these are amazing experiences, by the way! We’ll most certainly eat a bunch of good food, drink tasty coffee, walk through the historical markets, and stare at the brightly lit skyline at night.

Going to the Middle East forced me to challenge my own beliefs. Had I spent my whole life being scared of the Middle East, I would have robbed myself of something wonderful. I’m grateful for younger me for leaving his comfort zone to try something new. Today’s Travis and Sarah will benefit because of it.

This applies to travel, but it also applies to so many other areas of our life. We all have bias and other deeply seeded beliefs that act as guideposts to our thoughts and actions. It’s always healthy to challenge them in the name of growth. Challenging them doesn’t mean we’re wrong, but rather gives us an opportunity to grow. It’s always hard, but always worth it.

Food is More Than Food

For me, one of the highlights of traveling is the food. That’s certainly been the case on this trip! I’ve probably tried more than 30-50 new dishes in just the past week. I’ve loved some, liked most, and a few weren’t my cup of tea. These have been wonderful experiences and I’m so glad it’s been part of our trip.

Food is always more than food. Yes, we’re exchanging money for an item on a plate. However, it’s almost always about more than that. Food is a representation of culture. When we experience food, we’re immersing ourselves in someone’s culture. The flavors, the ingredients, and the techniques. Take Tom Yum, for example. Tom Yum is a Thai soup comprised of seafood (squid in my case), lemon juice, seafood stock, and other veggies and spices. We were with a few friends in a small fishing village just on the other side of Monkey Mountain (a story for another day). The small street was lined with little seafood markets/restaurants serving up that morning’s catch. Tom Yum was just one of many dishes we enjoyed, but one that stands out to me as truly unique. This meal was one of the highlights of my trip. Spending time in that environment, eating those flavors, and learning about Thai culture was an amazing experience. I learned so much, and enjoyed every single bite.

Next, and more importantly, experiencing food with others allows us to build relationships. The shared experience, quality time, and meaningful conversation is the perfect recipe for the cultivation of relationships. We spent the last 4 days growing a relationship with an old friend and creating a relationship with new friends. These are truly some of the best people we’ve ever met. Just days ago they were strangers who grew up in different countries, speaking different languages. Today, they feel like family. The meals we shared and the time we invested in each other will most certainly create relational momentum for years to come. Maybe someday we’ll have the opportunity to share some of our culture (through food) with them. That would be a true blessing.

So yeah, food is awesome. I love food. But food is always about more than food. I’m grateful for the experiences, cultures, and relationships it can help unlock. Next time you have the opportunity to enjoy a fun meal, remind yourself it’s about far more than just food.

Cost vs. Value

I’ve had $5 meals that were a rip-off and $200 meals that were a bargain. It’s easy to look at those two prices and naturally assume it’s the other way around. After all, $5 isn’t much and $200 is far too much. However, we tend to look at just one side of the coin: cost. When assessing purchases in our lives, we need to look at both cost AND value. The cost matters, but the value is equally important. In order to determine if the cost is worth it, whether $5 or $200, we need to understand the value to us.

Here’s the catch. We all have a different measuring stick and a varying set of interests by which we assess value. Some of you may see $200 tied to the price of a single meal and it makes you want to literally or figuratively vomit. I totally understand that. Through your lens, and your value system, there can’t possibly be enough value derived from a $200 meal to justify it in a million years. On the other hand, many of you know exactly what I’m talking about and you can absolutely see how an amazing $200 meal is worth it.

This starts to lean into the idea of cheap vs. frugal. Cheap is an inability to spend money, whereas frugal is the determination to only spend on things that add more value than they cost. So yes, a $200 meal could still be considered a frugal purchase if the perceived value is high enough.

As I always say about budgeting and spending, “the objective isn’t to spend less, but rather to spend better.” Better is better, and my better is different than your better. The sooner we tune out the noise created by everyone around us and start leaning into our own unique values, the sooner we find contentment and satisfaction in our spending.

What’s something you find valuable for the price but most perceive as a rip-off?