What We're Really Buying

We think we’re buying a car, but we’re often buying status. We think we’re buying plane tickets, but we’re really buying memories. We think we’re buying a college degree, but we’re really buying credibility. We think we’re buying an app or software, but we’re really buying time and efficiency. We think we’re buying a babysitter when we go on a date night, but we’re really investing in our marriage.

I was thinking about this idea recently while sipping on a Spanish Latte at our coffee shop, Northern Vessel. As I’m enjoying my drink, and watching other people enjoying theirs, I realize none of us really paid for coffee. We paid for hospitality and a feeling. We can get a cup of coffee anywhere, and I often do. I make coffee at home each morning and I frequent many different copy shops around my metro. Each one offers a different experience. Some offer a bland experience, some offer a bad experience, and some offer something worth investing in. Yes, the coffee matters. Nobody wants to pay for bad coffee. However, at the heart of it, especially when done well, it’s not really about the coffee. It’s about how the experience, staff, and product make us feel.

When we walk into a business and are met with a smile and warm welcome, it matters. There’s nothing more demoralizing than walking into some business and immediately feeling like we’re inconveniencing them. It makes me not want to buy their product. Why? Because we’re really not just buying the product…..there’s something more.

The message behind this post is two-fold. First, as a consumer, we should take a moment when we’re about to make a purchase and ask ourselves what we’re really buying. I’m about to buy new bikes for my kids. They like riding bikes, they need new bikes, and they will benefit from having new bikes. But if I ask myself my own question, I have a different answer. The nighttime and summer rides I share with my boys are sacred to me. It’s a chance to spend meaningful time with them, explore, get exercise, teach them about pushing themselves, and create memories. In other words, these bikes are priceless. Through that lens, these bikes may be the biggest bargain I pay for all year.

Second, we should think about this idea from the perspective of a business owner, employee, or whatever role you play in your work. We aren’t just selling products. We are offering something much deeper. Whenever someone purchases my services, listens to our podcast, reads this blog, or listens to me speak, it’s not about the product. Instead, it’s about how they feel and experience it…..meeting that deeper need. Everything in my career changed when I learned this lesson many years ago. You have your own version of this in your work. Really embrace that and use your opportunity for impact. Even something as simple as a cup of coffee has the power to make a difference. Just imagine the opportunity in front of you!

As you start your day, please take a moment to think about this idea through the various aspects of your life and work. It can be a game-changer!

Things Old and Things New

Two big events popped up in my world this week.

A while back, I was approached by a mid-sized company to do some contract work for them to help reimagine and recreate one of their key operational tools. I really enjoyed the project. In a lot of ways, it felt like a throwback to some of the work I did in my former career (which I left nearly 4 years ago). I’m using skills I previously acquired, exercising experience I gained from past work, and injecting ideas/principles I’ve been developing for the last decade. The work has also stretched me and forced me to learn new things in order to execute. To be honest, I really enjoyed it. On the heels of a very successful rollout of the new tool this week, the company asked if I’d be willing to do more work with them. When I asked how much of my bandwidth they were looking to acquire, they responded, “up to 60 hours per week.” It gave me a good chuckle. While that certainly can’t happen, we’re working on the details and I’m excited to spend some more time with them.

Yesterday was also a weird day. I had a few meetings that fell completely outside of my expertise. Through a business venture I’m involved in, I found myself in the middle of a deep dive into an unfamiliar industry, meeting with seasoned experts in a field I honestly didn’t even know existed. It was a humbling experience, to say the least. My main role was to bring my area of expertise to the table and know what questions to ask along the way. I was very much out of my element, but I was able to add value by being there (despite being the dumbest person in the room). These meetings have the potential to open up some really fun doors and positively impact a lot of people (to be discussed in a future post). Though all this is exciting, it feels intimidating and overwhelming.

A common thread persists through these two unrelated stories. Everything we’ve been through, learned, and done prepares us for the next thing. Our experience, education, influence, relationships, resources, and skills. None of these things go to waste. Sure, we may leave a job or a career to do something different. But these things don’t die when we shift. Rather, we’re able to put them to a different use. I also recognize the importance of doing new things. It would be easy to stay in a very narrow lane, keep it simple, and do only what I’m comfortable with. However, I find the most growth, excitement, and fulfillment when I push myself outside my comfort zone and do something scary. I never want to in the moment, but I’m always glad I did. It’s how we move forward and it’s how we make a difference.

Appreciate the old and use it for the new.

Nothing is Thrown Away

Nearly four years ago, I stepped away from my 15-year career in commercial real estate. It was an awesome career, and to be honest, I miss it some days. Everyone assumes I walked away from it disillusioned and angry, but I didn’t. There is probably an alternate reality where I happily spend another 10-15 years in that role.

After my resignation was announced, I received a LOT of feedback from my colleagues. Mostly good, a few bad, and a lot of curiosity about my thought process and next steps. A few people made a comment that stuck with me for months, “you’re throwing away your career.” Ouch!

At the time, even I wondered if I was throwing something away. After all, I built up skills, experience, influence, and relationships over more than a decade. But then, something happened. Sarah and I were on a long flight home from a trip to Asia. I shared with her my dream of writing, but also confessed I hadn’t written for maybe 17 years. It was going to be a train wreck of a process, but I would give it the ol’ college try. I spent a large portion of that 16-hour flight writing on my laptop. To my shock, the words flowed from the tips of my fingers and onto the screen. What the heck!?!? How could I feel this comfortable writing if I hadn’t written in nearly two decades? That’s when it hit me! In my career, a big chunk of my job was to communicate with my overseas clients…..over e-mail. You know, writing…..

Nothing is wasted. Not my skills, experience, influence, or relationships. I didn’t throw any of it away. It all matters. I may have left that previous career, but all those other things came with me. I get to keep those forever. I get to use all the things I acquired and apply them to the next chapter in my journey. I laugh sometimes when pieces of my old career intersect with my new career. Once I started to be aware of it, I noticed it happening daily. So much of what I did and learned in my previous career helps me each and every day. I’m grateful for that.

Someone needs to hear this today. If you make a big shift in your life, you aren’t throwing something away. You’re merely taking it with you and applying it to the next thing that matters. Your previous impact will be the springboard to your upcoming impact. You got this!

I Don't Even Remember the Cost

Ten years ago, my buddy Nick was about to have his first child. In a moment of panic, he called me and said we need to fly to Dallas to watch Dirk Nowitzki play before the baby arrives (insinuating this could be his last chance to make that dream a reality). I immediately said yes, but added one condition: “we’re only going to do this if we sit courtside.”

Nick’s next question was obvious, “well how much will those seats cost?”

Me: “no idea, but it doesn’t matter.”

He reluctantly said yes! We quickly bought our plane tickets, hotel room, and game tickets. Then, we waited. He and I shared an amazing experience that weekend. Lots of good food, sights, and of course a Mavs game with a courtside view. Our seats were along the sideline in the direct path to the locker room. So to end our experience, Nick fist-bumped the entire team as they exited the court. Jason Terry, Vince Carter, Jason Kidd, Shawn Marion, Lamar Odom…….and yes, Dirk Nowitzki!

To this day, I don’t remember what we paid for those seats, or what the trip cost for that matter. But those memories, shared experiences, and stories will last a lifetime. It’s a small but powerful example of investing in memories. My stuff will eventually die in a landfill, but these memories are forever.

40 is the New 0

A few weeks ago, one of my close friends turned 40. I’m not one to buy guy friends birthday cards, but c’mon it’s 40!! So I bought him a card and started writing. I’m totally paraphrasing here…..mostly because I can’t remember the exact words I wrote. I had bad news and good news for him. The bad news: he’s old. I have the creative freedom to tell him things like that since I’m quickly running up on that milestone as well. He’s nearing half a century old. He’s been living his adult life longer than he lived his pre-adult life. But here’s the good news: he will soon be wrapping up the 40 least impactful years of his life. Yes, you read that correctly. Those were the 40 least impactful years he’ll ever have. During those 40 years, he had a cool childhood, crushed the high school sports game, went on to play collegiate athletics, got married, found a career, had kids, found a better career, raised kids, all the while growing in his faith and his relationships. But yet those were the 40 least impactful years of his life.

As I think about his journey and his life, I can’t help but think about my own. After all, I too am nearing the big four-oh mark. And as I sit here in my late 30s - not “old” like him - I can’t help but think about how amazing the future looks. In a lot of ways, everything we’ve been through is just a training for everything we’re yet to do. All the experiences, all the learning, all the successes, all the failures. Each one building on top of the last. Day by day, block by block. The time goes by so fast! I don’t know about him, but I feel like I was playing high school basketball just last month. I feel like I was moving into that college dorm room just last week. And I feel like I was starting my first adult job just yesterday. It just goes by so dang fast.

So here he is, beginning his 40th year. Today, he has more relationships, more experience, more knowledge, more resources, more wisdom, more confidence, and more purpose than at any point in his life. His starting spot for the next 40 years will be better than any other time in the history of his life. That’s a perspective we don’t often talk about. We live in a culture that says we should be racing to the finish line known as retirement. We should run as fast as we can. Do whatever we need to do to accelerate the process and fall over that finish line so we can start to live the life we want. In fact, there’s an entire movement bubbling up in our culture around this concept. It’s called FIRE, which stands for “Financial Independence Retire Early.” On the surface, what they advocate for is really good: financial independence. Making good financial decisions, getting out of debt, and living with margin so our finances aren’t a burden in our day-to-day life. But the problem is it gets twisted around and taken to another level by glorifying retirement…..and even worse, the-earlier-the-better. I spend a lot of time in the personal finance social media world……and see a lot of this content. I cringe often, as I know so many people are going to be so disappointed when they hoard, hoard, and hoard, only to realize one day no amount of money or “independence” will truly make them happy. There’s something so important missing from the equation: meaning. Just last week, I stumbled upon a young lady’s social media account where she talked about scheduling a retirement date in her calendar 8 years from now……she’s 29 today. Her singular focus is to save (er, hoard) as much money as possible for that next 8 years and hang up the briefcase at the old age of 37. Don't worry, though, she said she still wants to maintain some hobbies to keep her occupied once she retires. Even sadder, there were dozens of people dropping comments to applaud her, encourage her, and celebrate her goal. She obviously gets to do what she wants, and I certainly don’t have the relational equity in her life to try to directly influence her. My prayer for her is that she finds something that inspires her, angers her, and fuels her towards a deeper meaning and a mission worth pursuing. If not, we will all suffer, as we won’t get to experience all the amazing influence and impact she could have had on this world. It will be stolen from us, and from her, and repackaged as an idealized life of leisure. And our culture will rejoice.

We often hear stories about the old man who worked his whole life, only to die 8 months after he retired. We look at that story and we use it to perpetuate this notion that “we need to hurry up and retire so we can enjoy life, or else we miss our chance.” But what if we have it backwards? What if this man’s passing wasn’t a terribly-timed coincidence, but rather the consequence of losing meaning? After all, these stories aren’t rare…..they repeat over, and over, and over. Someday, I believe some really smart scientists are going to prove my notion correct, and it’s going to shake our understanding of our retirement culture to the core. After all, this is America….and we’re all trying to achieve the American dream: grind away at a career we can tolerate, procure a bunch of nice stuff, retire as soon as possible, and live a life of leisure with whatever time we have remaining.

As for my “old” 40-year-old friend, he’s just getting started. The game is just beginning. Never before has he had more more relationships, more experience, more knowledge, more resources, more wisdom, more confidence, and more purpose than he has today. The last 40 years are going to be a joke compared to what’s in store for him and the impact he’ll surely make on this world. I look forward to writing the follow-up piece to this when he turns 80, where we can assess whether I was right or wrong. I’ll still be the young guy in my late 70s, mind you! Until that day comes, I’m going to keep doing what he’s doing. I’m going to wake up every day, full of purpose and meaning, excited to do what I’m about to do today, and do it every day until I physically or mentally can’t do it anymore. It won’t be perfect, and there’s going to be pain, and I’m most certainly going to fail, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. The next 40 years are going to be awesome! After all, 40 is the new 0, as they say.

"Throwing Away" a Career

Sometimes people tell me one of the reasons they don’t want to follow their dream is because they don’t want to “throw away” the career they’ve spent so much time and so much energy building. There is a mentality that this singular, specific job is what matters. It’s not, and as long as we think it is, we miss the bigger picture. What matters is the experience, the skills, the relationships, and the growing you’ve achieved during your time at the job. Nobody can take away any of those things from you. They can take away your desk, and your computer, and your telephone, and your paycheck, but they cannot take away the growth you’ve experienced during your tenure.

People also seem to have the mindset their old career was a total waste of time if their new career sends them in a different direction. Even if your dream is a total one-eighty from your prior career, you wouldn’t be where you’re at had you not attained that priceless experience, those valuable skills, those meaningful relationships, and all that growth. Take me, for example. I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. Early last year, at 37-years-old, I was sitting on a plane with my wife lamenting the fact I hadn’t written in nearly two decades. Her response: “well, then write.” Wow, that was obvious…..and blunt. My response was something along the lines of “well I’m probably going to be terrible since I haven’t written in so long…..blah, blah, blah.” So I spent the next few hours writing. What’s odd about that experience is the words flew out of my brain and onto the screen with very little effort. It felt really good! I was dumbfounded. How could I not write for nearly 20 years and then have it feel so natural?

Then it hit me! Everything I was telling myself was a lie. I write all day, every day. E-mail after e-mail after e-mail. Report after report after report. It may not be creative writing, but it’s writing nonetheless. Fast forward to when I decided to “start writing.” I opened a blank Word document and it was as if the floodgates had opened. I didn’t think I had it in me to just sit down and write, but all of this experience and acquired skill came flowing out. As I venture into this season of life, I love those little moments where I realize how something I’ve been doing for 10, 15, or 20 years will become immediately relevant to my current journey, but in a new way.

When I think about this topic, so many people come to mind. However, none more so than my friend Anna DeHamer (formerly Prins). Anna was a basketball player who was tremendously gifted in both height (6’7”) and talent. She was the 2009 Colorado Gatorade Player of the Year, was named All-American honorable mention both her junior and senior year, amassed a 106-4 high school record, and won three consecutive state titles (**season-ending injury mid-freshman year prevented the possibility of an even more absurd fourth title). She went on to play Division I basketball at Iowa State University, where she became one of the biggest rivals of Brittney Griner (women’s basketball legend!). Anna went to the NCAA Tournament four times, making it as far as the Sweet 16. As her collegiate career came to an end, she was blessed further by being selected as the 23rd overall pick in the WNBA draft.

I don’t say all this to brag about Anna. In fact, she’ll probably cringe when she reads this (she’s overly humble like that!). I tell all this to you because of what comes next. Anna walked away from basketball. Here’s a woman who spent her entire life building a basketball career. All the accolades, all the fans, all the achievements……..to eventually get drafted into the most prestigious league in the world…….and she walked away. I didn’t know Anna personally during this season of her life, but I suspect the world looked at her as if she was crazy. Basketball had blessed Anna for more than a decade, and there was more possible blessing to come, but she had a new dream. She wanted to get married, settle down, and become a teacher. And that’s exactly what she did. She “threw away” her basketball career, left the limelight and the identity the world put on her due to her basketball prowess, and she set out to pursue a new dream.

Anna got married to her now-husband Ryan and found a job as a third-grade teacher. She took all her life experience from sports, and education, and life, and channeled it into the lives of malleable young people who wanted and needed a role model. She taught them, she encouraged them, and she helped make them better people. She was living out her new dream, and life was good. Several years into her teaching career, she started to feel a nudge for something different, and a new dream started to take form.

In another decision that’s considered counter-cultural in our world, Anna “threw away” her teaching job to start her own company where she offers professional basketball training (www.hammerbasketball.com). Today, Anna trains young basketball players to elevate their game and their character to a higher level. Pretty different than teaching third grade, but the skills she gained from her teaching career have directly impacted her new career. Teaching kids, encouraging them, helping them be better people. Totally different……but not. Some might look at her journey and say she “wasted” all that time teaching if this basketball training is ultimately where she’s supposed to be. Conversely, I would propose she’d never be where she is today without first teaching third grade. Those experiences shaped her in very profound ways, ultimately making her a better basketball trainer. That’s what’s fun about work that matters. It’s not linear, it’s not clear, and it’s not obvious. But when we look back, it all makes perfect sense. Basketball prodigy, turned third-grade teacher, turned professional basketball trainer for young people. Nobody could have seen that coming, but hindsight truly is 20/20. Anna is exactly where she needs to be, and it wouldn’t surprise me if someday she “threw away” something else in the pursuit for her highest and best purpose. I’m proud of my friend Anna, and her journey is an inspiration to me each and every day.

“That’s what’s fun about work that matters. It’s not linear, it’s not clear, and it’s not obvious. But when we look back, it all makes perfect sense.”