Slow Down or Get Burned

We recently made a bad decision in one of my businesses. It’s not a life-threatening mistake, but it was serious enough to cause some heartburn and consequences. We haven’t made many bad decisions in the past, but this one was a doozie. In the moment I kind of knew there would be regrets, for one specific reason. We rushed to make a decision and did so under pressure.

Us humans rarely make good decisions when we’re under duress or facing time constraints. It’s a concept I talk to clients about all the time, yet here I was falling for the same trap. This topic is so, so, so important. Think back to the financial and career decisions you regret. Were you under stress or experiencing pressure to make a quick decision? The answer is probably “yes” in most cases. Common examples of bad financial decisions revolve around the following situations:

• When we’re faced with a car accident or significant repair needs, which often leads us to quickly buy a vehicle we can’t afford.

• When we’re house shopping and the seller’s agent tells us there are a few other offers on the table already, forcing us to make a snap decision.

• When we experience a major medical or relational situation, resulting in us making impulsive financial decisions to self-medicate the pain.

• When someone offers us a job but they need to know by the end of the day.

One of my primary objectives when working with clients is getting them to slow down, take their time, and be intentional about their decisions. It’s a simple concept, but it’s easier said than done when life is moving fast and feeling chaotic. There are probably 10-20 decisions made (or not made) each year that have the power to significantly alter our financial journey. If we can slow down and get those right (or at least not get them wrong), our future selves will be grateful.

Have an awesome and intentional day!

"They Only Care About Money"

I thoroughly enjoyed watching the AFC and NFC title games yesterday, especially the AFC game. The way the Chiefs won was as equally euphoric as the Bengals loss was crushing. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by these moments that I can’t sleep when lay my head on the pillow. Last night was no different. I had so many thoughts running through my head.

“They only care about money.” These are words that are often spoken about professional athletes…..and most other wealthy people. Perhaps it’s our culture’s way of demeaning someone who has something we don’t, but we love to put a superficial, materialistic label on people who have achieved financial success. Truth is, I think we have it backward. Instead of looking at them through the lens of only caring about money, perhaps we should consider their massive success (financial and otherwise) is because they actually care so much. After all, when we’re talking about the top of the top of the top echelon of achievers, the allure of money can’t propel one to get to that level. Money isn’t a motivator, but rather a product of the motivation put into action.

This was on full display immediately following the Chiefs/Bengals game. Players on both sides were sobbing. Some were sobbing from the devastation of defeat, while some were sobbing from utter joy. But we’re collectively going to label them as only caring about money?

We see contracts, cars, clothes, houses, and commercials, but rarely see the tens of thousands of hours of practice, studying, and repetition that got them here. We see their masterful achievements, but we don’t see the sacrifice behind closed doors. We see the fame, but we didn’t see everything they went through before they were household names.

Instead of demeaning successful people, maybe we should learn from them. Instead of criticizing them, maybe we should be inspired by them. Instead of telling ourselves they only care about money, maybe we should realize their financial success may be a result of how much they truly care about their craft.

There is No Impact Without Failure

During yesterday’s keynote address at a high school FBLA conference, I stressed the importance of failing. We live in a culture that tells us to avoid failure. Even parents protect their children from failing these days. Not only do I dislike this mindset, but I actually think we should pursue failure. In my talk, I shared two primary reasons why failure is important on our journey:

1. There’s nothing worth doing that doesn’t involve the risk of failing. I jokingly mentioned there was still a chance I would botch my talk and completely humiliate myself. However, there was one surefire way I could have avoided the risk of failure. I could have simply stayed home, which would be much safer and ensured nothing bad could have happened to me. On the flip side, staying home also meant I had a zero percent chance of making an impact. You can’t have one without the other.

2. When we fail, we learn. Failing is never fun, but it stretches us and helps us grow. When we put ourselves in uncomfortable situations and force ourselves to figure it out, we will absolutely fail from time to time. Simultaneously, we’ll also learn, adapt, and stretch ourselves. That’s exactly why something that may be uncomfortable at first eventually becomes comfortable. In the absence of failure, there’s an absence of growth.

I’ll leave you with the wise words of the GOAT, Mr. Air Jordan. “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. And 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.”

Delayed Gratification

Later today, I’ll be delivering the keynote address at a Future Business Leaders of America conference. It will be comprised of 150-300 high school students interested in pursuing business careers. I’ll be talking about three myths I believed when I was younger, and why overcoming them can be transformational for their journey.

One topic I’ll bring up is delayed gratification. As humans, especially as young adult humans, we want what we want…..and we want it now. We also live in a culture that is tailored to give us the instant gratification we desire. Unfortunately, the important things in life rarely provide instant gratification. It’s a slow burn of patience, discipline, persistence, and maybe a bit more patience.

As I reflect back on some of my successes, it dawned on me just how patient I was (even if it didn’t feel like it at the time):

• I offered financial coaching as a free ministry for more than six years before someone paid me to do it. Those years allowed me the opportunity to serve people well, learn my craft, carve out my approach, and discern my desired client base.

• I gave 95 talks before someone paid me to speak. I suspect the first 30+ were terrible! Every repetition allowed me to get comfortable on the stage, try new techniques, and find my voice.

• We’ve produced nearly 200 podcast episodes and haven’t made a single penny in revenue. That’s more than 60 hours of free content, available to the world. Maybe someday we’ll decide to create an income from the podcast, but until then our goal is to find our audience, add a ton of value to people’s lives, and start to bend the culture when it comes to work and money.

Patience isn’t easy, but it does get easier if we remember our why. My why is to make the deepest and broadest impact possible over the next 40 years. When I remind myself of this, it’s far easier to remain patient and keep my eyes focused on what truly matters (and what doesn’t).

The Problem With More

We have a “more” problem in our culture. In nearly every facet of our lives, it becomes about having, getting, making, and doing more, more, and more. The problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still, well, more.

Once we set ourselves down the path to more, there’s no natural endpoint. It’s an infinite game with no real winners. No matter the job we possess, there’s always one that pays more. No matter the phone we buy, there’s always a shinier, faster one coming out next week. No matter the restaurant we go to, there’s always something trendier. No matter the vacation we take, there’s always something more exotic.

Then, there are cars and houses. People can’t get enough when it comes to their vehicles. Newer, bigger, sleeker vehicles with enough high-tech features to launch a man to the moon. Then, the mother of all more, our houses. When people are looking to buy a house, one popular phrase they throw into the mix is “our forever home.” Every time this is proclaimed, I’m quick to say, “no, it’s not.” Why? Because more is always more. Inevitably, in most cases, these “forever homes” become former homes in just a handful of years, as the goal post of what satisfies shifted upwards mere months after moving into the so-called “forever home.”

This is the problem with more. There’s no way to psychologically combat this very human quirk. However, we do have a choice on the table: step out of the madness and choose not to participate in the pursuit of more. It’s a simple, yet profound idea that can fundamentally transform people’s lives. It changed mine, it’s changed countless families I work with, and it can change yours.

Even Robots Know My Weaknesses

There’s nothing quite like the pain of having to listen to your own voice or watch yourself on video. Every word, motion, tone, and nuance gets put under a microscope. And not just any microscope, but an unfair, distorted, and brutally critical microscope. Can we all just admit it sucks to watch and listen to ourselves?

When we started producing content for Meaning Over Money, I played a strong role in the editing process. Cole eventually kicked me out of that role, citing my need to trust him and his need to not deal with me. But those days of editing were telling for me. Watching myself and listening to myself helped me clearly see where my deficiencies were. I learned so much from that experience, and it honestly helped me get better every step of the way. Though I don’t watch or listen to all my own content anymore, I do absorb most of it at some point. A funny thing happened along the way. Now, when I’m absorbing my own content, it’s not me. It’s just some other guy who I’m experiencing as a consumer. It almost feels like a different person. It sounds weird - and it is - but it’s helped me become constructively critical instead of toxically critical.

Here’s the thing with our weaknesses. We may not always know them, but everyone around us does. If you’re ever brave enough, ask someone to share what yours are. It can be a brutal experience, but just like my story above, it can help us grow. A few nights ago, I was messing around with ChatGPT and trying to generate some ideas. Out of curiosity, I fed it my most recent blog post and asked it to “tell me how I can improve it.” The following is what the AI robot spit back out at me:

Here are a few suggestions on how you can improve the text:

1. Use more active voice: The text is written in passive voice in certain parts. Use more active voice to make the text more engaging and direct.

2. Use specific examples: The text could benefit from more specific examples of how the author's skills, experience, influence, and relationships from their previous career have helped them in their new career. This will make the text more relatable and convincing.

3. Be more concise: The text can be made more concise by eliminating unnecessary details and focusing on the main points.

4. Use transitions: The text may flow more smoothly if you use transitions between paragraphs and sections to guide the reader through the story and the author's thought process.

5. Be more specific in the end: The end of the text is a bit generic, it could be more specific if the author provides some tips or examples of how someone else can take the same approach to their own career shift.

Keep in mind that these suggestions are based on the text you provided, and the final decision on how to improve it is yours. These are just suggestions that you can use to make your text more engaging and effective.

Ouch! My gut reaction was, “What do you know? You’re just a stupid robot!” Then, I looked back and forth between its feedback and my article. If I’m being honest with myself, that feedback was 100% accurate. The truth hurts, but we have two options: 1) ignore it and be defensive, or 2) accept it and use it to grow.

I don’t always choose route #2, but my prayer today is to do it more consistently each day.

Confronting Fear Head-On

I’m scheduled to deliver two talks this week. One is at a high school youth group and the other is a keynote address at a high school leadership conference. I couldn’t be more excited about these opportunities. They also kick off a series of speaking engagements I have lined up for the spring.

Confession: public speaking is my biggest fear. Ironic, I know. Several years ago, I had a strong desire to combat my fear of speaking. I knew I would be doing some level of public speaking in my career, and didn’t want to bomb, so I looked for opportunities to speak to other audiences as practice. I was a mess the first time I spoke on stage. Vomit was involved…..and sweating….and shaky hands……and stuttering. Did I mention it was a mess? I hope no footage exists of that first one.

Then I did it again, then again, then again. Each time, I performed a little better and I was a bit less terrified. Before I knew it, it went from my biggest fear to something I get excited about. For me, there’s nothing quite like the rush of knowing I have 30 minutes of people’s attention to possibly make an impact. Equal parts responsibility and opportunity. I still get nervous, and I’d definitely still call public speaking my greatest fear (well maybe #2 after snakes).

I don’t do it as much as I should, but I’m a big believer in confronting fear head-on. I have a list of things I’m scared to do, and hopefully I’ll get the courage to attack each one soon. I’ll end by sharing one. I don’t do well being in the wilderness, especially if it involves being wet and cold. I’ve addressed this fear somewhat through a men’s ministry trip I take each fall to the Boundary Waters. I used to be terrified of that trip. But now, I actually enjoy it (sort of). That means it’s time to step it up. Sometime soon, I’m going to do a solo trip into the wilderness. Just me, a canoe, whatever is in my pack, and three days of isolation. Just typing that scares me to death. That’s a good sign I should probably get to planning.

What about you? What fears do you want to confront?

Nothing is Thrown Away

Nearly four years ago, I stepped away from my 15-year career in commercial real estate. It was an awesome career, and to be honest, I miss it some days. Everyone assumes I walked away from it disillusioned and angry, but I didn’t. There is probably an alternate reality where I happily spend another 10-15 years in that role.

After my resignation was announced, I received a LOT of feedback from my colleagues. Mostly good, a few bad, and a lot of curiosity about my thought process and next steps. A few people made a comment that stuck with me for months, “you’re throwing away your career.” Ouch!

At the time, even I wondered if I was throwing something away. After all, I built up skills, experience, influence, and relationships over more than a decade. But then, something happened. Sarah and I were on a long flight home from a trip to Asia. I shared with her my dream of writing, but also confessed I hadn’t written for maybe 17 years. It was going to be a train wreck of a process, but I would give it the ol’ college try. I spent a large portion of that 16-hour flight writing on my laptop. To my shock, the words flowed from the tips of my fingers and onto the screen. What the heck!?!? How could I feel this comfortable writing if I hadn’t written in nearly two decades? That’s when it hit me! In my career, a big chunk of my job was to communicate with my overseas clients…..over e-mail. You know, writing…..

Nothing is wasted. Not my skills, experience, influence, or relationships. I didn’t throw any of it away. It all matters. I may have left that previous career, but all those other things came with me. I get to keep those forever. I get to use all the things I acquired and apply them to the next chapter in my journey. I laugh sometimes when pieces of my old career intersect with my new career. Once I started to be aware of it, I noticed it happening daily. So much of what I did and learned in my previous career helps me each and every day. I’m grateful for that.

Someone needs to hear this today. If you make a big shift in your life, you aren’t throwing something away. You’re merely taking it with you and applying it to the next thing that matters. Your previous impact will be the springboard to your upcoming impact. You got this!

Giving What You Have: PTO Edition

In multiple posts, I’ve mentioned the words of my wise friend, Gary Hoag. “Give what you have, not what you don’t.” This simple saying has changed my perspective on life, as it has for countless others. When the topic of generosity comes up, people are quick to highlight all the things they don’t have. But everyone has something to give. We just have to each recognize what we’re blessed with and decide to share it with others.

This idea hit full speed today as I was chatting with a friend. My friend has been dealing with significant and scary medical issues. I’m sure it’s taken a toll emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. It’s been a brutal journey and there’s no way around it. This situation has caused my friend to miss a lot of work recently. Luckily she has PTO (personal time off - i.e. paid vacation time), which has been a blessing. Unfortunately, her bank of PTO hours is waning, and more time off will most certainly be needed. Knowing this, their family has been preparing the finances to take unpaid time off to navigate the weeks ahead.

Recognizing this and also caring for their friend/colleague, her co-workers decided to step up. In a very creative idea, they volunteered to donate some of their own PTO time to their struggling friend, meaning their sacrifice allows her to get additional time off without losing her pay. I couldn’t have loved this story more! These people have zero obligation to her, surely have their own issues at home (financial or otherwise), and could have just kept doing what they were doing. But they didn’t! They had something to give, and gave it!

Such a beautiful model of what generosity looks like. They gave what they had, not what they didn’t. I hope you find some creative opportunities this week to share what you have.

The Joneses Don’t Know They Are The Joneses

Most of us know the saying, “keeping up with the Joneses.” It’s become the motto of modern-day American materialism, referring to the never-ending pursuit to keep up with the spending lifestyles of our neighbors, friends, and colleagues. The house we live in, the car we drive, the school our kids go to, where we go on vacation, the clubs we belong to……the list goes on and on. This phenomenon is a significant contributor to people’s decisions. We all like to say and pretend it doesn’t impact us, but I’ve spent enough time with clients to know we’re being naive if we think that way.

Here’s how powerful of a force The Joneses are in our lives. When we buy a house, we’re not just committing to a certain down payment and monthly mortgage payment. When we select our house, or more specifically, our neighborhood, we’re committing to a lifestyle. This singular decision about what street or neighborhood to move to has the potential to fundamentally change the way we live our lives. That’s a terrifying thought, but it’s as true as the sky is blue.

I want to share a story. It’s a story of four families. These four families are amongst a larger group of friends and neighbors. Through various odd circumstances and connections, I’ve had the privilege of spending time with these families in one way or another. Through conversations with the first couple, it becomes clear the pressure of keeping up with their neighbors adds a level of stress to their marriage. Then when I talk to another couple, they admitted some of their credit card debt is attributed to expensive meals and trips with their neighbors. Then when I interact with the third couple, they get frustrated by “having” to go to certain events (accompanied by a high cost). Lastly, the fourth couple admitted to making a few questionable vehicle purchases out of fear of negative judgment.

Here’s the kicker. Each of these families gets frustrated by trying to keep up with The Joneses (i.e. their neighbors), but to their neighbor, THEY are The Joneses. By trying to keep up with each other, they in turn become the thing each other is trying to keep up with. It’s irony at its finest.

Here’s the good news: every family has the power to hop off the Joneses train. It’s scary to be the first family to jump off, but doing so may give the second family the courage to do it as well. Once the second family does, it allows the entire Joneses structure to crumble.

Think about your own circle. Do you need to be the first of the Joneses to jump off the train?

"Excellence is Always Its Own Reward"

For the last few years, I’ve been in a book club of sorts with a handful of close friends. We all serve together on the board of directors of an international organization. While we may be geographically scattered around the world, technology allows us to come together to accomplish good work, encourage one another, and build meaningful relationships. This group has sincerely been one of the great joys of my adult life.

Every few weeks, we’ll get on a Zoom call and discuss the most recent reading. The meeting times are always inconvenient, as everyone has to make a sacrifice due to dramatically different time zones. However, it’s always valuable and it fills my tank. We’re currently reading From Strength to Strength, by Arthur C. Brooks. The book focuses on how we can find success, happiness, and deep purpose in the second half of our life.

As I was preparing for last night’s meeting, one quote stuck out to me. “Devote the back half of your life to serving others with your wisdom. Get old sharing the things you believe are most important. Excellence is always its own reward, and this is how you can be excellent as you age.”

I have to admit something. As the youngest member of this group, I initially treated the content as something I would someday apply to my life, when (far down the road) I started to age. However, I’m starting to recognize this book is indeed talking about me, too. The signs are there….I just don’t always like to admit it. Where I sit today, there’s nothing more fulfilling to me than serving others with my wisdom. Whether it’s public speaking, one-on-one coaching, podcasting, partnering in businesses, or being a youth group leader, nothing provides more satisfaction than serving others with whatever wisdom I have to offer. Some people think I’m an idiot and wouldn’t listen to a word I said if I was the last person on earth. Others pay me a pretty decent sum for my wisdom. Life is funny like that. We serve those who wish to be served.

As much as I’d like to believe I’m still a wide-eyed kid fresh out of college, I’m not. I don’t mourn what I’m not….I celebrate what I am. Today, I’m someone who serves others with my wisdom. Sometimes it pays well…..often it pays nothing. That’s not the point. Excellence is always its own reward!

No Thank You to No Spend Months

In the personal finance space, it’s popular to practice “no spend months.” The idea is simple. Pick a month, don’t spend anything other than needs that month, save some the cash, and just like that, you’ve magically made your financial life better. Some of the biggest money “experts" advocate for this type of thing, but I couldn’t disagree with it more.

The message behind no spend months is clear: spending money on wants is irresponsible, unimportant, and hurtful. Therefore, when we can muster the energy and discipline to not spend money on wants, our life improves.

Alternatively, I argue that spending money on wants is important. Not ALL the wants, but some wants. You know, the ones that actually add value to your life. If we have a healthy relationship with our money, we’re able to find a balance between spending, saving, and giving. Too many people are being told spending is bad, leading them down the road to hoarding. It’s tragic and destructive, and it needs to stop. No spend months are like a crash diet. Sure, we see immediate and seemingly impressive progress. But once we stop the diet, we’re likely to binge and catapult ourselves back to where we started…..or worse.

When you buy your Starbucks drink today, or grab a deli lunch with a friend, or snag a new pair of shoes, or hit the theater to check out the latest movie, I hope it adds value to your life. I hope you enjoy it, feel no guilt or regrets, and give yourself a fist bump for enjoying some of what God has blessed you with. That’s so much healthier than a ridiculous no spend month.

Busyness and Happiness: Round 2

One of my favorite parts about writing this daily blog is the slew of messages I wake up to each morning from readers. Some thank me for the content, others disagree with my points, and many provide their own perspective. A few days ago, I wrote about the connection between busyness and happiness. My new friend, Randy, shared some thoughts about the topic via e-mail. While technology can be used to isolate people and do harm, it also has the power to bring people together like at no other time in history. I met Randy through this blog and I’ve learned so much from him through our many e-mail interactions. Randy, I’m grateful for you!

Randy’s first point to me: If we fill our lives with things that provide meaning, it creates joy and energizes us rather than deplete us. I’ve thought a lot about this since his e-mail hit my inbox. This is indeed true in my life. Even when I’m on the busier side of the spectrum, if the busyness comes from intentionally meaningful things, it does energize me and provides so much joy. It’s those days/weeks when my schedule is filled with less-than-meaningful things where I feel burned out.

Randy’s second point: if we want something done, ask a busy person, as they know where their free time is. Randy recognizes this one can be a double-edged sword, but it’s so true at its heart. Busy people tend to be the ones who get things done. On one hand, we don’t want to put a new responsibility on someone’s already-busy shoulders. On the other hand, it’s not our job to be their gatekeeper. The opportunity at hand may be just what they are looking for. It’s not our job to pre-judge it or make the decision for them. How many potentially world-changing things don’t exist today because someone pre-judged the other person’s decision and robbed them of an opportunity to say “yes”? I’ve experienced both sides of this. I’ve had people make my decision for me by withholding an opportunity that could have been powerful. I’ve also had people present something to me with, "I know you’re busy, but……”, then it led to something that positively changed my life forever.

Like most things in life, work, and money, this stuff isn’t black and white. If it were, it would be boring! Instead, we’re left with a world of possibilities and a lifetime to figure it out. While we do, it’s a pleasure to have people like Randy to journey with. Have a wonderful day, everyone!

Self-Inflicted Wounds

It’s a practice as predictable as it is sad. We humans are really good at creating self-inflicted wounds in our financial lives. I’ll use an example. Let’s say Joe’s been working really hard at his job for the past few years. Blood, sweat, and tears, hoping to soon get that promotion so he can create some margin in his financial life. Finally, the day arrives! He gets that promotion, which comes hand-in-hand with a nice pay increase. After so much work and waiting, he finally gets to create some financial traction with his newfound margin. However, he also “needs” a new car. A week later, he’s driving a shiny new car with a fat payment to go with it. It’s ok, though….it was a need. And just like that, his newfound margin is gone. If you were to ask Joe, he didn’t have a choice. He “needed” a car, and he likes it a lot, so he successfully solved the problem. What Joe calls a win, I call a self-inflicted wound.

Fast forward 6 months, Joe’s back to feeling the same financial tension he did before the promotion. In an effort to improve his life, he sabotaged his quality of life. While he doesn’t see it that way, his words, demeanor, and stress say differently.

Fast forward a few more years, Joe climbs another rung on the career ladder. After all those blood sweat, and tears, he gets to create some margin in his financial life. Finally, the day arrives…..and it’s as sweet as he thought it would be. He’s proud of his accomplishment, and he deserves a house worthy of his new success. He doesn’t necessarily “need” it, but he can afford it and it will surely make his life better. And just like that, his newfound margin is gone. If you were to ask Joe, this makes his life better. What Joe calls a win, I call a self-inflicted wound.

Fast forward a few months, Joe’s back to feeling the same financial tension he did before the most recent promotion. Again, in an effort to improve his life, he sabotaged his quality of life. The stress builds, the burden feels heavier, and the pressure heightens.

This is the new American way. Every opportunity we have to increase our quality of life and create margin, we find ways to create self-inflicted wounds. Fast forward a few more promotions, Joe will be making several multiples of what he used to make but feel the same level of stress, pressure, and burden. This is why so many people making $300,000, $400,000, or $500,000 feel the same financial tension they did when they were making $40,000. We aren’t trying to hurt ourselves….we’re trying to improve our life. Ironically, however, we sabotage the very thing we’re trying to create.

Busyness and Happiness

As I was scrolling Facebook yesterday, I stumbled upon the words of my wise friend, Erin. “Don't confuse being BUSY with being HAPPY, and being HAPPY with being BUSY.” I think about this topic often, Not only do I agree with Erin, but I would argue there’s a inverse correlation. Based on my personal experience, and watching others, our happiness seems to be hindered as we get busier and busier. I feel like my life is one big endeavor to de-busy myself on the heels of busying myself. I never feel more meaning when I’m busier. Rather, when I’m busier, I feel more stress, pressure, fatigue, and overwhelmingness. I do a terrible job managing busyness during the work week, and a fantastic job managing it on the weekends. It feels like a life of extremes and contradictions.

When I’m living with peak meaning and happiness, it’s usually when I’m intentional with my “yes’s” and “no’s”, being mindful of my schedule, leaning into things that truly add value to my family’s life, and pulling away from everything else. To be honest, I think I get it right maybe 10% of the time. But that’s far better than the 0%-1% I used to get it right.

I don’t have answers today. Instead, I’m a work in progress. Most days, I feel like a mess. I’m going to leave you with a great little piece of advice I once heard from the great Jon Acuff. If someone asks you to do something down the road (one week, one month, one year from now), first ask yourself if you would say yes to it if it were tomorrow. If the answer is “no”, then you need to say “no”, as eventually it will be tomorrow. This advice has revolutionized my decision-making process.

Hope you have an awesome, not busy day!

We Can't Just Skip to the Good Part

A while back, I was talking to my Meaning Over Money business partner, Cole Netten. We were talking about the podcast and how much traction we’ve gained with it. In that chat, I made a comment about how, in some ways, I wish we would have just started our business with the podcast instead of some of the other less-successful endeavors. I quickly realized how naive this comment was. Truth is, the podcast couldn’t have existed had we not been through all the other things. The thesis behind Meaning Over Money wouldn’t have been vetted like it is now. I wouldn’t have been able to clearly communicate ideas via video and audio on the podcast had we not done some of our earlier media projects (I was a hot mess in our early productions!). Even the name Meaning Over Money wouldn’t exist had we not worked on those earlier projects. None of what we have today would be possible without what we went through. We can’t just skip to the good part.

Yesterday, the Des Moines Register did a full-page story about my friend and Northern Vessel business partner, TJ Rude. I was a bit surprised by how vulnerable TJ was about his past failures and burnout. The birth of his coffee dream was full of so much hope and optimism, but just two years later he announced the closure of his shop and the potential end of his dream. Today, not only is Northern Vessel back, but it’s taken our metro by storm. Four years after its original launch, TJ has created something truly special…..and there’s no telling where it will go from here. In many ways, I suspect TJ wishes he could have just skipped to the good part. However, none of what he has today, or even who he is as a person, would be remotely possible had he not gone through everything before it. We can’t just skip to the good part…..and we should be grateful for that.

Spending YOUR Values

As a culture, we’ve collectively decided what’s a “responsible” thing to do with money, and what’s foolish.

• Spending money on something you don’t need = foolish

• Buying a house = responsible

• Spending money on rent = foolish

• $30,000/year on college = responsible

• $300 at a nice restaurant = foolish

• Buying a new car and financing it = responsible

• Buying a big-screen TV and video game system = foolish

We hear some of these things so much that we often take them for granted and it quickly becomes a universal truth. As we do with many things, we turn money and spending decisions into a black-and-white conversation. This is one of the main reasons why most people don’t have a good alignment between their values and their financial behaviors. They say one thing, then do another. At the heart of this incongruency is the reality most of us lock into culture’s values instead of taking time to discern what OUR values are.

Here’s a very simple, but perfect, example. One of my friends shared that her family members often criticize her for her expensive gym membership. Now, it is in fact true her gym membership cost is higher than average. However, I need to add one relevant fact to the equation. She’s a fitness competitor, personal trainer, and model! This is literally what she does for a living…..and it’s her passion. Her expensive gym membership completely aligns with her values. For me, that gym membership would be absurd. For her, it’s perfect. Context matters!

Each person, family, situation, dream, calling, and value is different. Thus, each of us needs to make our own choices that align with these things. One family I know spends several thousand dollars per month on dining out because it’s the path of least resistance. When I ask them if they enjoy it, they say, “no.” It’s not fun for them, it doesn’t add a lot of value, and they worry about the health implications. Another family spends a similar amount, except the reason is different. They deeply enjoy going out to a nice dinner with friends, sharing a bottle of wine, trying new cuisines, and creating memories. For them, it’s one of the best things they do with money. In my opinion, I view this expense as responsible for one family and foolish for the other. Context matters.

What’s something you find valuable in your life that culture would say is foolish? Drop a comment down below. Have an awesome day!

Defining the Win

Later today, I’ll be coaching Finn and Pax’s 6-year-old basketball team. At this age, it’s a mess! Some can dribble, most can get the kid-sized ball up to the lowered hoop, and the defenders look lost. Even at this age, some of the kids obsess about the score. During last week’s game, I honestly don’t even know what the score was. I’m not sure it was even being kept. To me, that was completely irrelevant.

This brings to mind a crucial question I ask my clients early in the coaching journey. “What is a win?” It sounds like a dumb question, but the definition of a win can be dramatically different from person to person. In the case of my young basketball team, wins are defined as a) having fun, b) learning some basic fundamental skills, c) creating a culture of teamwork, and d) showing good sportsmanship. If these four things are accomplished, we’ve won. Keeping score and collecting wins shall come later when they get a bit older, but today we need to focus on these other wins.

Last week, I was sitting down with a new-ish client. They’ve amassed several million dollars of wealth over the past decade, and the conversation quickly went to how they could accelerate the process to garner a few million more. The elephant in the room, however, was a lot of discontentment with their careers and overall burdensome lifestyle. In the middle of this conversation, I asked again, “What do you REALLY want? What’s the real win?”

This unearthed an entirely new conversation that, instead of focusing on wealth and more, focused on being more present with their family, having the freedom to pursue more meaningful work, and waking up every day without a feeling of dread. It’s a chicken-and-egg scenario for many people. A commonly-held belief is that we need more money to create the life we want. Ironically, it’s often this pursuit of more money that creates the life we don’t want. Instead of running the race to financially create the life we think we want, we could simply take a different path and actually live the life we want….today. It’s not always that simple, but more times than not it is. Money doesn’t create meaning. Meaning creates meaning.

I guess I should answer my own question, “what is a win?” Here’s how I would answer it:

• I’m fully present for my family.

• I wake up every day knowing I’m about to do the work I’m called to do.

• I make enough money, this month, to earn the right to serve those who I wish to serve, again next month.

What’s your definition of a win?

A Fresh Start

I’m a big advocate for people creating a new budget each month. We don’t have to recreate the wheel each month, but every month is different. For most, it works well to start with last month’s budget and simply make some adjustments that are contextual to the month ahead. Doing this allows us to specifically plan for what life will bring us this month. Maybe it’s a trip coming up, a wedding you’ll attend, or some back-to-school clothes for the kids. So many different factors can play into what this month will look like.

But this post isn’t about the nuts and bolts of budgeting. Instead, I want to go a bit deeper. Some of the biggest issues we face in our finances are failure, guilt, and resentment. We screw up, then beat ourselves up, then get beat up by our partner…..and it lingers…..for a long time. This is one of the reasons why money-related issues are the #1 cause of divorce in our country. There’s so much emotion tied to it, and it’s easy for things to get tightly wound.

This is where the idea of monthly budgeting comes in. When we do it this way, sometime between 1 and 30 days from now we get a clean slate, a fresh start, and a blank canvas. It allows us to put last month’s mistakes behind us. It doesn’t make it disappear, but we learn from it, set it aside, and simply move on. This is a real game-changer for many people. That hard reset each month can be refreshing, and very much what the doctor ordered.

Though Sarah and I have been doing monthly budgets together for more than 13 years, sometimes we fail. Mistakes are made. Sometimes it’s negligence, other times it’s circumstantial, while occasionally we just get a bad break. Regardless, getting that fresh start the following month is a relief and provides us a sense of optimism.

Give yourself that fresh start. You deserve it!

Are You Tired?

After youth group last night, I was chatting with my close friends, Wendy and Heather. Mid-conversation, I asked, “Do you have any ideas for tomorrow morning’s blog? My brain feels empty…..I’m tired.” They quickly responded, “That’s your post right there. You aren’t the only one who’s tired.”

We’re in the second week of the year, coming off the heels of a 5-week holiday season, too much food, more travel than usual, winter break for the kids, and dealing with brutal weather throughout all of it. No wonder we’re exhausted! There’s something so exciting about a new year. A fresh start. A blank canvas. A clean slate. Endless possibilities! So when it seems like I’m limping into the new year, it’s embarrassing (and demoralizing).

I operate under the expectation that I must bring my best to the table each day. I’ve always been wired this way. Anything but my best feels like I’m cheating myself and those I serve. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized something. While I still believe I must bring my best each day, I’m learning my “best” isn’t the same from day to day. Some days I have the opportunity to be the best Michael Jordan I can be, but there are other days I’m striving to be the best Ron Harper I can be. Ron Harper is no Michael Jordan, but he’s still pretty good and can make an impact. Today felt like a Ron Harper type of day. My peak wasn’t as high as I would have liked, but I think I reached it. That’s all I can ask for. Maybe my peak tomorrow will be Michael Jordan, but it might be Ron Harper (or even Jud Buechler). Either way, I owe it to myself (and those I serve) to be 100% of whatever that is.

Are you tired? You’re not alone. Whatever your peak is today, whether it’s Michael Jordan or Ron Harper, strive to reach it. Give yourself grace if it’s not a Michael Jordan sort of day. Maybe tomorrow will be, but today you may need to be the best Ron Harper you can be!