This Can’t Be Everything

We had another amazing day at sea yesterday, which included a few hours in port in Falmouth, Jamaica. Lots of food, lots of swimming, and lots of adventures. This trip has been THE definition of relaxation (well, except for everything that goes into caring for two first graders). It's been absolutely wonderful, and I'm so very grateful for our opportunity to go on this trip together.

As I was in the hot tub yesterday afternoon, I overheard a group of twenty-somethings next to me. They, too, were thoroughly enjoying their cruise. One asked the others, "Wouldn't it be great just to live like this all the time?" They all agreed and started fantasizing about a life of perpetual relaxation, endless drinks, and a non-stop flow of delicious food.

I agree with them about how amazing this experience is, but I couldn't disagree more about making this life. This isn't life. This is something we do once in a while. This is a treat. It's a reward. It's a little luxury. But it's not a life. This can't be everything.

I can't wait to jump back on a cruise ship again one day, but I would never want it to be my life. There are too many more meaningful and impactful things we must accomplish. We can't live a life solely for ourselves. That's a purposeless and empty existence.

While we're on the subject, I can't wait to get back home and back to work. It's going to be wonderful. I have so many thoughts, ideas, and dreams that are ready to be unleashed. Stuffing it all down while I continue to live a life of leisure would be the selfish thing to do.

So I'm going to enjoy the heck out of these last few days, be excited to get back into the swing of work and life, and maybe even plan another vacation for the not-too-distant future.

Find ways to get away, relax, and live in temporary leisure. It's healthy for us, and it's a ton of fun. Go book that trip! But also know it's not everything. It can't be everything. We must find meaning and purpose, and lean into them each day.

One Fear at a Time

Confession: I like encouraging my kids into uncomfortable and scary positions. Instead of trying to ensure their comfort, I find ways to make them uncomfortable. It's all contextual to age, of course. I wouldn't throw a seven-year-old onto the street at 11 PM and wish him luck. It's little things at their age. Making them pay for something independently at a store. Coaxing them onto a roller coaster. Trying new and unique foods. None of these things are life-altering, but each propels them to the next.

Yesterday was a new one. The boys and I bought tickets to play at an aqua park at our port stop in Haiti. Think of it as an inflatable obstacle course in the deep water of an ocean bay. The boys were excited, but a bit nervous. As our reservation approached, we walked out onto the long dock, fastened our life jackets, and listened to the safety instructions. When it was time to jump in and swim to the obstacles, Pax seized up. Fear had overcome him. I think it was a combination of a fear of sharks snacking on his little body, the fact he couldn't touch the bottom, the long swim, and the uniqueness of the attraction. I held his hand and said I would count to three, then we'd jump. At about two, he started wimpering and changed his mind, but I made an executive decision to pull him in with me on the third count anyway (bold move, I know).

As soon as his head crested the surface and he realized he wasn't dead, he smiled and excitedly started swimming toward the first obstacle. That began a fun and exhausting hour of climbing, jumping, falling, and splashing. They both had the time of their lives, and we made some fun memories. As I do every night, I asked the boys what their favorite part of the day was. Pax: "The ocean obstacle course."

I'm such a believer in confronting fears. Not all at once. One fear at a time. Each time we conquer one (even a small one), it gives us momentum and confidence to face the next one.

Food is much the same way. In our family, we don't get free passes to say "no" to food. There are no special kids' menus or accommodations. They don't have to like it, but they do have to try it. And if they try it but don't like it, that's ok. But they will never know unless they try. Not every food is a hit, and sometimes it can be ugly. On the flip side, their fear turned to tolerance, and their tolerance turned to a fairly diverse palate. It's the power of confronting one fear at a time. If they had it their way, they would have stuck to eight lame items and simply "not liked" everything else. Instead, we pushed them every step of the way.

One fear at a time. You'll thank yourself later.

Pax sitting in the hot tub, enjoying the view, after returning to the boat in Haiti.

There’s Only One Way to Find Out

As I write this, I'm in the midst of some quiet time. Not just any quiet time, though. I'm sitting on the back of a cruise ship, perched on a lounge chair, 15 feet above the ocean, in the middle of the Atlantic, watching the vastness of our earth pass by. It's a surreal experience, and one that I treasure. The wind is swirling, and the occasional spraying of salt water on my face reminds me of who's boss.

I've spent the entirety of my adult life actively avoiding cruises. Perhaps it was the fear of getting seasick. Perhaps it was a dislike for crowds. It could have been a disdain for schedules while on vacation. Or maybe I just didn't want to be confined to a small space. It was probably all of the above, most likely.

There's a motto I live by, and I am trying to instill it into my kids. "There's only one way to find out." We don't know until we know. Perhaps our fears and suspicions will be confirmed, and we've been right all along. Or maybe, just maybe, our lack of insight and experience has misled us, and one of the most incredible things in our life is just on the other side of "yes."

Many of us will go our entire lives, never finding out. What if I applied for that job? What if I asked that girl/guy out? What if I started that business? What if I tried a different approach? What if I published that podcast? What if I wrote that book? What if I published that song? So many what-ifs! The only thing separating a regret from a story is action. The courage and curiosity to say "yes" and then let the chips fall how they may.

This is the approach I've lived my life by for the better part of a decade. It's resulted in some pretty bad mistakes, some amazing stories, and a blessed journey I couldn't be more grateful for. But I didn't know until I knew.

As for this cruise, let's just say I'm a cruise guy now. I'm having a wonderful time and cherish every day I have here to make memories with my family. I didn't know until I knew……and I'm glad I do now.

There's only one way to find out!

Fun, But Measured

In yesterday's post, I mentioned my family contributes $1,000/month to our travel fund. As has been the case for the past decade, giving and travel (mission and memories) are the two largest non-housing categories in our budget. Several of you reached out to comment on this. Some people think that's an absurdly high amount. Considering it's a want, perhaps they are right. Other readers believe $12,000/year is practically nothing. Or, as one person put it, "That's like one trip." 

Similar to the power of saying "no," the opposite is also true. There's power in being able to say "yes." When we intentionally set aside money for a specific purpose (travel in this case), we've already said yes. By definition, that money has already been spent on travel. However, the who, what, when, where, and how haven't yet been defined. That's where the fun begins. We know the money is available, but decisions must be made. Do we go all-out and blow the entire $12,000 on a single trip, or take a more measured approach to get more mileage out of those funds. In most cases, we take a measured approach. Fun, but measured. 

Here's a real-time example. My family is currently on our first-ever cruise. A few weeks ago, I found out one of my closest friends is also going on a cruise soon. We compared notes. They also have a family of four, traveling with the same cruise line, in a similar geographic vicinity. The biggest difference is they are gone 7 nights vs. our 6 nights. In other words, it's almost apples-to-apples. When I asked what it cost, she said, "A little more than $7,000" (before flights, excursions, add-ons, or any other goodies). Our total cost was $1,800, or nearly one-fourth of what they paid for a similar trip. She cringed. Ouch! There were a few drivers on why ours was so much less:

• We specifically picked a route that was on the more affordable side. 

• We specifically picked a week when that route was even cheaper.

• We waited until the cruise line offered a promo. This one was 30% off for all adults, plus kids sail free. The cost melted away faster than Frosty getting locked in the greenhouse. 

Question: Will my friends have 4x as much fun as us? Or will we create one-fourth as many memories as they will? Of course not! Also, this isn't a knock on them. I hope they have the time of their lives. They get to do whatever they want, and I'll support them every step of the way. Our family's priority is to make the best use of our limited (and blessed) $1,000/month of travel funds. I pray that we share amazing experiences together and create lifelong memories that our boys will someday share with their kids. 

Go enjoy some amazing travel, but don't feel the pressure to break the bank. It won't necessarily create better experiences or more meaningful memories. Stay measured, remain intentional, and make the most of whatever travel resources you set aside for your family. Fun, but measured. 

Saying “No” to Yourself

In a recent client meeting, we discussed where this couple would prioritize their discretionary income in 2024. Giving, investing, and travel are their big three. But the question was how much to allocate to each. I shared a few different strategies and ideas to consider, including setting non-negotiable dollar amounts to specific categories. As a reference point, I communicated that our family makes a mandatory $1,000/month contribution to our travel fund. It's as non-negotiable as our housing payment or groceries. No, it's not a need, but it is critically important to us. 

Amidst this conversation, one spouse asked, "What do you do if you don't have money in your travel fund? Just not go?" 

Correct. No money, no travel. No excuses. No justifications. No cheating. No credit cards. No robbing other accounts. If there's no money in the travel fun, there's no travel. That's why it's important for us to fund this account each month. It would be a real bummer for our family to have a travel opportunity arise, but we have to say no because we don't have those resources available. 

The willingness (er, commitment) to say "no" to important and alluring things is a life-changing endeavor. If we have the discipline to say no to ourselves when we haven't earned the right to say yes, a few things happen:

1. It provides a genuine incentive to do it better next time. If we're willing to cheat ourselves to get what we want, there's no real reason to get our act together. 

2. When we learn to say no, we teach ourselves contentment. On the flip side, there's no better way to erode contentment than by giving yourself everything you want, no matter the cost or consequences. 

3. Speaking of consequences, when we're willing to say no, we can avoid putting ourselves into questionable (or destructive) financial situations. We don't thrust ourselves into debt, rob other important spending categories, or irrationally drain our emergency savings. 

This concept goes deeper than travel. If our family doesn't have dining out money remaining, we don't go out to eat. If we don't have kids money remaining, we don't buy anything for our kids. If we don't have any grocery money remaining, we don't go to the grocery store. That may seem extreme, but it's amazing how creative we can get by diving deep into our freezer and pantry. Further, running out of grocery money sucks enough that it provides great motivation to learn from our mistakes next time.

Learn to say no to yourself. It often sucks in the moment, but it creates contentment, growth, resilience, discipline, and gratitude. That's a winning formula!

Pigs Over Money

Our family will be taking our first cruise soon. I never thought I'd be a cruise guy, but it made sense with the age of our kids, the number of activities available, a robust children's program (#datenights!), and the fact it's a safe, contained environment. Who knows, maybe I'll come back with a whole new perspective (and fandom) of cruises. Crazier things have happened (such as Rex Grossman leading the Bears to a Super Bowl).

I don't like planning my day-to-day activities on vacation, but I now realize that's critical in the cruise world. This includes on-ship activities, as well as port activities. While scanning the various port options/excursions, one caught my eye: Pig Island! Have you ever heard of Pig Island? It's exactly what it sounds like. It's a bunch of wild pigs that live on a tropical island, and you can go play with them. Visiting this place has been on our bucket list since we married. Now, it shows up as a port-day option for our upcoming cruise! It's fate!

I was pretty excited.....until I saw the price: $700. Ouch! That's a lot of money to pay for a 5-hour excursion, especially considering our entire 6-night cruise cost us $1,800 (children-cruise-free promo!).

These are the types of dilemmas I love. It doesn't intuitively make sense. There's no world where spending $700 to swim with pigs for a few hours feels rational. On the flip side, this is a bucket list activity for us. It could very well go down as one of our family's favorite all-time travel memories....or not. But there's only one way to find out. That's the risk....and the opportunity.

We decided to book it. While the financial cost is expensive, the memories and shared experiences will be priceless. We probably won't remember what it even cost when we wake up ten years from now. But those memories will last a lifetime. Here's one last thought. There's very little chance we'll regret doing it, but on the flip side, there's a high likelihood we'd regret not doing it. I hate living with regret. Take my money, pig people!

Meaning Over Money. Strike that. Pigs over money!

Small Gestures, Big Impact

When we think about impactful giving, we typically think about profound, massive, staggeringly generous gifts. A five-figure check. Giving someone a car. Forgiving someone's loan. The list goes on and on. Think about an example of a profoundly impactful gift. I bet you're thinking of something big.

Though I appreciate and deeply respect these types of large gifts, I firmly believe even small gifts can significantly move the needle in someone's life. While I was stuck in travel hell a few nights ago, three separate instances of small but powerful generosity played out in a short time span.

First, as it was clear that I wouldn't get home that night, my client stepped into the situation and reserved me a hotel room right in the middle of O'Hare Airport. No shuttles. No Ubers. No commute. All I had to do was take a short indoor walk. It wasn't cheap; he didn't have to do that. That single act of generosity changed my outlook on the situation. I couldn't be more grateful for his compassion and generosity in that moment.

An hour later, I'm on my flight from Dallas to Chicago. I'm on the aisle, a young man is in the middle seat, and an elderly man is at the window. I was repeatedly struck by how sweet and generous the middle guy was with the elderly man. The older man had a hard time moving around and had difficulty hearing. This other man spent the flight helping this man navigate the flight (getting up, reaching for things, communicating with the flight attendant, etc.). It was heart-warming. At the end of the flight, the older man shared his sincere appreciation for how well he was served.

At the same time, a third act of generosity happened. Instead of my usual ice water, I decided to treat myself to a bourbon. When the flight attendant asked for my order, I excitedly ordered my bourbon (neat, of course). But she never took my card. About 30 minutes later, when she walked by, I reminded her I still hadn't paid. "Let's not worry about that. This one is on me." Wow! That was so sweet.

Epilogue: I eventually made it home yesterday. My fate was very much up in the air. I had three opportunities to get a standby seat on Saturday and another three on Sunday, but it wasn't looking pretty. However, in another generous act, my client spent part of his Saturday morning scanning airlines for newly available tickets. A single seat opened up on a different airline, and he instructed me to quickly purchase it. Wow, yet another generous act. The day was still an absolute travel disaster (including digging my car out of a snow bank in -25 degree wind chill with no coat, no hat, and no gloves), but my client's continued generosity led to me getting home safely.

Small acts of generosity can completely alter a person's day.....or month.....or life. Don't overlook those opportunities to make a difference.

You Can’t Control What You Can’t Control

Here's a live look at my day:

I was supposed to get home last night, but my flight from Dallas to Des Moines was canceled. After several discussions with airline employees, I decided to fly to Chicago to provide a few more opportunities to get home the following day(s). I spent the night at a hotel in an O'Hare airport, and now I will spend my day in the airport on standby, praying to make it home. The first available flight home isn't until Monday, so I'll be playing the waiting game until then. Ouch.

In the past, a situation like this would have likely sent me over the edge. I would have been furious. Now, however, I feel different about it. Instead of obsessing about everything I can't control (like blizzards, frigid temps, canceled flights, and a backlog of people trying to get home), I try to focus on what I can control. And today, that's very little. I can show up to the gate and hope. I can try to be productive with my lengthy airport time. I can treat people with dignity and not be a complete jerk. That's about all I can control. The rest is out of my hands. Maybe I'll get home today, or Sunday, or Monday. At this point, that fate is out of my hands.

Our finances and careers are much the same. So many components of our work and money are out of our hands. We can't control the stock market. We can't control whether or not our boss gives us the promotion we deserve. We can't control housing prices. We can't control what the Joneses are doing.

On the flip side, we can control how much we invest each month. We can control how hard we work and what value we add to the organization. We can control where we live. We can control what lifestyle we pursue.

For every 1,000 things we can't control, there are 1,000 things we can. Ignore the former and embrace the latter.

In the meantime, I'll just be bribing strangers with cash, jewelry, and whatever other trinkets I can muster. Hey, it worked for Kevin McCallister's mom!

“Am I Excited to Go Home?”

Last night, I was blessed with a chance airplane encounter with my awesome friends, Brett and Tracy (and family). They are on their way to a wonderful-sounding vacation at a tropical destination. That sounds pretty nice when contrasted with the weather we're about to experience here in the Midwest. While waiting for the plane to take off, I texted Tracy, jokingly asking her to give me some ideas for blog content she could enjoy at the pool each morning. She didn't take the bait……perhaps she doesn't want to spend her vacation absorbing random ideas from my brain. Today's post is written with her vacation in mind, though!

Vacations are an excellent barometer for life. Not the vacation itself, but rather one key question we should ask ourselves while we're in the midst of a beautiful trip. "Am I excited to go home?" If we're vacationing well, we should be creating lifelong memories, making bad (or shall I say good?) food choices, relaxing, and carving out new adventures. But at some point, it comes to an end. And when it does, we'll soon transition back to our normal day-to-day life. When that happens, what goes through your mind? Is it dread? Fear? Tolerance? Ambivalence? Anxiety? Stress? Pessimism? Or on the other side of the coin, is it excitement? Hope? Passion? Encouraged? Optimism? 

The answer can and should be telling. Let's say your answer to the question is positive. You're looking forward to going home and resuming life. If that's the case, congrats! You're winning! I don't even care what your life looks like, what you do for a living, how much money you have, or your status. If you look forward to going home and living your life, you've already won! Millions of people would be jealous of your life. 

If your answer to the question leans negative, it's time to look in the mirror. If we need to escape our life in order to get through our life, it's a sign that something needs to change. Yes, vacations should be amazing……but vacations aren't life. They are what we do when we temporarily pause life. And the consequence of pausing is that we eventually need to unpause. When we do, our life is still our life, and we are still us. That's the problem with vacations. They don't actually change anything. We can leave our life, but we can't escape it. Ultimately, we must live in the reality we've created for ourselves. 

If you have a negative answer, I have a few follow-up questions for you:

• What part(s) of your life triggers a negative response? Work? Family? Marriage? Finances? Friends? Other?

• What alternative reality would make you shift your answer from negative to positive?

• What changes can you immediately make to begin this shift?

Next time you're on a fun vacation, try this exercise. But warning: Once you look in the mirror and see the truth, you just may have to take action. And you'll be grateful you did!

Stay Vigilant, My Friends

Throughout the course of life, it's staggering how many financial mistakes we make. Some are big, some are small, and the count is high. I'd like to tell you it's possible to completely eliminate them, but it's not. With the sheer number of decisions we make each day/week/month/year, we'll eventually get bit by the mistake bug.

This was my week. I was pretty upset with myself, but after deciding it would make for good blog content, I'll reclassify it as an "investment" in my head (or so I tell myself). Here's the situation. My family is preparing for an international trip that's coming up. In the process, we decided to get the kids their own suitcases. Until now, we've just packed their clothes in our luggage whenever we travel. But it's time for them to get their first set of luggage.

After doing some shopping, we picked out a few cool options (Minecraft for Finn and Spiderman for Pax). Luckily, the bags are also mirror images of each other.....just with a different design. Perfect! They were also fairly affordable at $65 each. Doubly perfect! I pulled the trigger and washed my hands of that chore. Until today.....

As I was reviewing transactions earlier in the day, I noticed one for $213. Wait, what is that!?!? If the suitcases were only $65 each, that math doesn't math. When I clicked on the invoice, my fears were realized. The bags were, in fact, $65 each, but I got dinged with a $77 shipping charge. Oh crap!

Pure and simple, I just made a boneheaded decision. I screwed up. I made a mistake. And the primary reason is the same as when we typically make financial mistakes: lack of vigilance. I didn't pay close enough attention.....and I paid the price for it. I was with the kids when I pulled the trigger (and one of them was melting my brain), so I completely whiffed on the shipping details. Ouch!

Though I'm still pretty frustrated, I'll get over it. I've made more expensive mistakes than that. Ultimately, we'll have a couple of suitcases that will serve us well for years to come. It won't break us. It won't move the needle in the big picture. But it's a great lesson. We need to stay vigilant. We must focus on the details, ensure we're crossing our T's and dotting our I's, and follow through with diligence.

Also, one last thought. Give yourself grace WHEN (not IF) you make a mistake. Mistakes will happen, so it's important you process them, learn from them, and ultimately put them in the rearview mirror. It's amazing how much these things will haunt us if we let them (yes, even this dumb $77 mistake). It certainly won't be my last mistake, and you'll also collect some as well. But if we handle ourselves with intentionality, we can limit them.

Stay vigilant, my friends!

Sunburns vs. Landfills

I ran into a friend at church on Sunday who I hadn't seen in a while. As we were standing next to each other in the coffee line, he noted, "My wife quoted you the other day." Intrigued, I had to hear more. He shared how they were contemplating going on a tropical getaway after the holidays. The trip would cost a nice chunk of change, so it was anything but a no-brainer decision. Ultimately, though, they pulled the trigger. Why? "Meaning over money!" Yes! I love this!

When we buy a car, we have a car. When we buy a phone, we have a phone. When we buy a shirt, we have a shirt. But trips are weird. When we buy a trip, we have nothing. There's literally nothing to show for it. The money is gone, and we are empty-handed upon our return. Some may perceive this as the world's biggest ripoff.

However, let's fast-forward a decade. That car is in a landfill. That phone is in a landfill. That shirt is in a landfill. All our junk is in a landfill. But the trip? We still have nothing, but we have everything. The memories are priceless. The memories will last a lifetime. Nothing can take away our memories. Over time, the stories and photos will be passed down to the next generation. Meanwhile, our junk will be fully decomposed and turned into dust.

In the battle of sunburns vs. landfills, I'll take the sunburns every single time. Yeah, there are probably a few things I'd love to have that will someday be in a landfill, but investing in memories will always take precedence.

Memories over stuff. Sunburns over landfills. Meaning over money. I hope you go on that trip!

Meaning in the Sky

You know what really hinders our ability to live a meaningful life? Crappy airplane travel experiences! Nothing will suck the life out of a vacation or business trip like painful travel days. While we can’t do anything about flight delays, ticket prices, TSA, or airport traffic, we, the people, control much of our own fate. We’re our own and each other’s worst enemies. While that feels grim, there’s hope! If we band together, we have the power to bend the culture of flying. So, with that glorious introduction, here are my passionate and not-so-definitive rules for air travel:

1. Never check a bag…..ever. Carry-ons only. Travel is so much easier, smoother, and better when we pack light.

2. When sitting at a crowded gate, your bags don’t need their own seats. Seats are for butts, and bags don’t have butts. 

3. When boarding the plane, don’t continually make contact with the person in front of you. Give them space. Tailgating won’t get you to your seat faster. 

4. If you’re going to negotiate (or beg) for someone to switch seats with you so you can sit with your friend, you must offer the other party the better outcome. You can’t jam someone into the middle seat while you take their aisle seat.

5. If you have two bags, put at least one under your seat. Don’t rob someone else of overhead compartment space because you want a little extra leg room.

6. If you’ve been talking to your seat neighbor and they haven’t said more than “uh huh” or “yeah” in the last five minutes, their heart isn’t in it. Give them space.

7. Never recline your seat. There’s never a good reason to cramp the person behind you. Just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should. 

8. If you’re going to play music or watch a movie, use headphones. I can’t even believe this has to be stated. 

9. Don’t treat your flight attendants like trash. They are putting in long days and busting their butts to serve us. They deserve to be treated with dignity. 

10. When moving about the cabin, never grab seatbacks. When we do, we’re literally tugging on someone’s head. 

11. When the plane lands, don’t get up and move forward. You can stand (if you must), but honor the code of waiting until it’s your row’s turn to dismiss.

12. After stepping off the plane onto the jetbridge, never stop walking to adjust your bag or wait for your travel companion. It’s disrespectful at best, dangerous at worst. 

13. If you’re going to use the folding tray table, don’t let it slam. It annoys the people around you, and the person in front of you can feel it in their soul. 

14. The armrests belong to the person in the middle seat. Their life is miserable enough, so let’s not rob them of the little dignity and comfort they have remaining. 

There you have it! 15 steps to a more meaningful (travel) life! Hope you enjoyed this completely random rant. Happy travels!