Investing In Wants

The personal finance space is filled with gurus, influencers, and professionals who demonize spending on wants. "You don't need it!" "Do something more responsible!" "Stop spending!" Everything is looked at through the lens of need (good) and want (bad). Need = spend. Want = don't spend. Need = responsible. Want = waste. I think we need to stop thinking in terms of needs and wants, and start categorizing as valuable and not valuable. I know lots of wants that are valuable to people, and lots of "needs" that don't add much value at all. That expensive car, for example. For most people, that newer car (and its $700 monthly payment) doesn't actually add much value to their life. But spending $75 on a massage or getting their nails done adds a ton of value.

I've openly discussed several of my want spending habits and how much value they add to my life. I have a new one to add to the mix. I often (unfortunately) find myself taking a lot of 5AM flights on Monday mornings. I'll help you with the math….. that's a 3AM wake-up! It's terrible. We'll call it the cost of living in a smaller city with limited direct flights. But wow, those mornings are rough! I get packed the night before, sleep like crap for four hours, wake up exhausted, drive 30 minutes to their airport parking facility, and take a shuttle to the airport. Here's my new want. When I have those excruciatingly early flights, I'll book a room at a hotel across the street from the airport for the night before. Doing so forces me to pack earlier, encourages me to go to bed sooner (limited distractions), removes the 30-minute drive the next morning, and creates a much simpler (and more predictable) travel process. It's the best $65 I'll spend all month. Is it a need? No. Is it valuable? Ab-so-freaking-lutely. It's been a real game-changer for me. My trips start off cleaner, I have more energy, and I can be more productive those first few days.

Invest in wants. Not just any wants, though. Invest in wants that add value to your life. YOUR life. Some of you will read this post and suggest I'm practically setting $65 on fire. After all, I have a perfectly good bed to sleep in for free. It's not what you would do….and that's ok! There's a want in your life that you should absolutely invest in that would be a complete waste of my resources. That's what makes this money stuff so fun. It's deeply personal and unique to each of our own journeys.

As you go about your day, ask yourself what wants in your life would be a worthwhile investment. Not because it's a "need," but because it's a want worth spending on. Then, here's the fun part. Spend the money. Make the investment. Enjoy!

Every Meal Matters

My family recently had the most wonderful dining experience. The food was enjoyable, we had great conversations, our waitress was sweet, the kids had fun, and most importantly, we created some fun memories. It was one of my favorite dining experiences ever. Pretty impressive for $50, eh? Oh yeah, and it was at Perkins. I don't have any photos of the food or profound insights to share about the culinary delights, but I do have this little gem.

To understand why this meal was so special, I should offer up some context. It was a Sunday night, and I was preparing to leave town for the week. The kids were noticeably sad about the prospect of me leaving. We spent the day playing X-Box, watching Elf, and doing chores around the house. But as the hour neared for Sarah and the boys to drop me off at the airport, the kids' spirits diminished. While finishing my packing, Sarah suggested we stop for dinner on the way to the airport. After a quick Google search, she suggested we hit up Perkins, which was right next to the airport. That's the origin story of our amazing dining experience. 

A few things about this meal were different:

• The kids got along remarkably well (which is a departure from their normal twin brother antagonizing).

• They both sat in their seats like actual sane humans (this is a new and exciting twist).

• They excitedly read the menu for the first time ever (those new reading skills are starting to come in handy!).

• We enjoyed fun conversations about the weekend, the upcoming week, and other various 7-year-old topics.

• The kids were excited about their food selections, and eagerly shared theirs with the family.

• Everyone at the table knew I was leaving, so it felt like we were all trying to soak it in. 

This meal was absolutely nothing special, yet it created a seared-in memory for me. We don't need to drop hundreds of dollars to have a good meal. The restaurant doesn't need to have Michelin stars attached to its name to offer a high-quality experience (though I'd take some Michelin-starred dining right now!). The food doesn't have to be fancy or exotic to check the right boxes. Rather, it's the memories and shared experiences. I'm going to think about that meal for a long time. That brioche French toast wasn't necessarily life-changing, but I'll be craving that taste for a long, long time. 

The goodbye hugs were extra long that night. Pax, with a face covered in pancakes, added a few extra firm man pats to his hug. In Finny fashion, Finn threw out a random science fact as I shut the door. All seemed right with the world. 

There are so many lessons to glean from this story. I'll let you take from it what you will. Here's my parting thought: don't waste meals. We only have so many before we die, so make each one count.

“Support” vs. Service

Small Business Saturday is one of my least favorite days of year. No, not because I dislike small businesses. Quite the opposite, actually. I have a few small businesses myself. What I dislike about it is the pandering, guilt-tripping, and manipulation that comes with it. 

• "Please support us." 

• "Go support xyz business." 

• "abc needs our support."

• "Support small business.....by giving me money." 

As I've discussed multiple times on this blog, I can't stand the term "support" when it comes to business. Businesses don't exist for us to "support" them. Businesses exist to serve their customers. If they do it well, they earn the right to do it again. It's cause and effect. If they serve well, they get to do it again. If they don't, they lose that right. 

I recently saw a Facebook post on a local restaurant review group. It was about a local business that desperately needs our "support." The post's tone was that because of us terrible citizens, this unfortunate business won't be able to stay open for much longer. In other words, they would survive if we just gave them more money. Problem: Nowhere did anyone mention the restaurant's responsibility to earn the right to serve its customers. 

I've been to this restaurant several times. None of the experiences were great, and one was quite poor. The employees treat customers with indifference, the food is average at best, and the prices are ridiculously high. Comments on the post were quick to point out that the restaurant is located in a high-rent part of town, negating their responsibility to offer prices commensurate with their product. Comments included themes such as:

• People need to stop spending money at national chains.

• People need to keep their money in our town.

• People need to increase their dining out spending.

• People need to spend their dollars at businesses that are owned by "good people." 

Small businesses, you deserve better than to receive people's guilt-driven "support." Yes, it's difficult. Yes, it can be a brutal endeavor. Yes, there are days you'll feel like throwing in the towel. But there's nothing better than serving someone well, earning the right to serve them again, and maybe (just maybe), earning the right to serve more people. It's capitalism at its finest. It's the foundation on which nearly every successful business (large and small) has built itself. 

As I wrap this up, I thought I'd reflect on some of my recent small business wins: 

• I'm buying 1/4 of a beef from a local meat market in the next few days. I've purchased a few items from them over the past year, and they've earned the right to serve our family even more. 

• I just returned from a local bookstore with too many buys. They continue to re-earn the right to serve me.

• I just signed my kids up for drum and guitar lessons after a local business impressed us (i.e. earned the right) with their introductory lessons.

Small businesses, you're awesome! So go be awesome!

Well, What'd I Miss?

Confession: I'm not a Black Friday'er. I'm not against people that are, but I'm just not. And it's not because I don't have any interest. In fact, it's the opposite. Deep down, I can feel a deep interest in all the things that comprise Black Friday. The deals, the hunt, the fun new shiny objects to discover. Truth is, there was a season in my life where I could quickly spiral into the whole Black Friday chaos. Today, though, it's different.

I realized how amped up I could get about those sorts of consumeristic days, so I decided to step away from it. It's not that I'll get out of control or overspend, but rather because it takes my attention away from the things that matter most. Instead of looking at deals and trying to score fun goods, I was playing with my kids and nieces all day. We even went to see the new Trolls movie. All in all, it was a fun and relaxing day.....much more so than had I decided to participate in Black Friday.

As I mentioned earlier, I don't think getting into Black Friday is wrong. What concerns me is when people get so engrained in the consumeristic aspect of the holidays that they miss the entire point of the season. Their kids may have the newest toys, but they miss out on valuable time enjoying the holidays together. They get so consumed in ensuring every aspect of the holiday is perfectly presented and curated that they don't have time to enjoy the people they are hosting.

If your kids are like mine, their Christmas list is a mile long. Sure, they will be excited when they receive that extra special gift they've been wanting so badly. But just remember, that euphoric feeling is fleeting. Soon, it will be just another toy in their room. That shiny new object will be in a landfill within a handful of years. The memories you create with them, on the other hand, will last a lifetime. Go heavy on memories. Memories will never let you down. While you're at it, go easy on yourself about the gifts. They matter, but they don't. Please don't put too much pressure on yourself to spend, spend, and spend.

I'm sure I missed something on Black Friday, but what I got in return was pretty sweet. I hope your holiday season is full of memories, togetherness, and joy.

".....Then What Was It All For?"

I had a brief but impactful conversation with a client today. He and his wife are considering making a questionable financial decision. They have been intentional about living a debt-free life, and as a result, they live a truly remarkable life. Sacrifice after sacrifice, they've chosen the road less traveled. They could easily have a bigger house, better vehicles, fancier trips, and an overall bougier lifestyle. However, they elected to stay disciplined.

As luck would have it, a piece of land recently went on sale. Not just any land, but a property adjacent to their family's land. This parcel is a bucket list piece of real estate for them. The kind of property they envision someday building a house and eventually passing down to their children.

There's a catch. They can't afford to wave their magic wand and write a check for the whole property. Ideally, they could in due time, but the sellers of this particular property aren't going to wait around for them. It's now or likely never. Knowing this, they have two options: 1) pass on the opportunity, or b) use debt to secure the transaction.

As you probably know, I'm not a fan of debt. I've been personally debt-free since 2016, and have no intention of going back. However, in my friend's situation, it actually makes sense. Given the rare opportunity, the fact they have so much margin in their financial life, and the overall economics of the transaction don't impair their family's life, it makes all the sense in the world.

However, he's conflicted. He doesn't love the idea of procuring debt for this. He goes back and forth about what the right decision is. On one hand, he thinks he needs to keep saving and avoid the debt. On the other hand, he may not get this type of opportunity again.

After bouncing back and forth while thinking out loud, he concludes with this: "If I don't pull the trigger on this, then what was it all for?" This single comment perfectly summed up the tension between meaning and money. Yes, he wants to make wise financial choices. He's done that! He's made so many sacrifices for his family's future. He and his wife have done tremendous work over the past five years. Everything they've done up to this moment has prepared them for such a moment.

His comment echoes so much truth. ".....then what was it all for?" If he's not willing to choose meaning now, all his past wise financial decisions were pointless. Staying out of debt, living below their means, and intentionally maintaining a lower-than-necessary lifestyle. In my opinion, each of these decisions, magnified over years, has brought them to this place where they can make this powerful decision without impairing their financial life. That's a gift! That's a blessing! That's the reward for their good work.

They should buy the land. Meaning over money. Always meaning over money.

It’s WHEN, Not IF

For most families, finances are generally ok......IF unforeseen issues don't pop up. That's the problem. We tend to live life as though it's an IF, but it's not. It's a WHEN. Unforeseen issues will absolutely rear their ugly head, but we won't know when, where, or how much. And WHEN they do, they can wreak havoc on our finances. 

Take this recent client story, for example. In a three-day stretch, this couple experienced a hat trick of crazy:

• Hit a deer with their car

• Coyotes attacked their dog

• Backed into their garage door

All that in three days!!! Wow. It wasn't an IF, but rather a WHEN. And WHEN happened to be an already busy week in the middle of November. They never saw it coming. They never anticipated a single one of these issues, never mind all three. They had enough life going on that they didn't need this to weigh them down. 

But they were prepared! This is the beauty of getting right with our finances. Instead of destroying their financial life and creating a ton of relational stress in their marriage, it was a mere bump in the road. An ugly bump, but a bump. Here's how/why they were able to navigate this week without it crushing them:

• They have a strong emergency fund for WHEN (not IF) life happens. 

• They are adequately insured to protect against significant liabilities falling on their plate. 

• They have sinking funds specifically for key categories (pets and home maintenance, in this case).

• They have margin in their monthly budget, allowing them to reallocate income to meet unforeseen needs, WHEN necessary. 

They are a wonderful case study of what it looks like to get this money stuff right. It didn't happen by accident. I began working with them in the spring to bring intentionality, preparedness, and acceleration to their financial life, but they have spent years building a strong foundation. Nothing here was good luck. I don't think anyone can accuse them of good luck after the crazy week they just had. 

They focused on getting their money right, so they don't have to dwell on their money when life hits hard. They practiced proactivity in the past, which resulted in them not having to practice reactivity in the present. It's not making money our number one priority, but rather putting intentional focus on financial matters so that we can continue to push money down on our priority list of life. It's living with financial margin, which prevents any single life situation from knocking us down. It's called humility and contentment. 

That's what it looks like to live meaning over money. 

That Expensive Bed Sure Was Cheap

I moved into my first big-boy apartment when I was a sophomore in college. It was an exciting and scary time. After all, I was entering a life where I would have to cook for myself. Yikes! One of my favorite memories during that process was going bed shopping at Sam's Club with my parents. I needed a bed, and Sam's Club had affordable options for a young college kid. It was a match made in heaven! I think we paid $200 for it, box spring included!

Little did I know, but that bed would journey with me for quite some time. I would eventually lug it with me to eight apartments/houses covering three different states. Besides my $236,000 of debt, it was the second-worst thing Sarah married into. It was garbage when we got married, and it hung around for another six years. After an illustrious 17-year run, I finally retired the bed when Sarah and I moved into our first house. In all reality, I was going to move into that house with Sarah or the bed, but not both.

After some research, we decided to buy a fancy SleepNumber bed. Coming off a $200 bed that lasted for nearly two decades, the idea of spending thousands on a bed seemed absurd. Was it a waste of money? Were we overdoing it? Was there a more practical option? Should we have kept the old bed? Well, Sarah made sure the last option was off the table.

In hindsight, it was one of the biggest bargains in our life. Sure, at $3,000, it was expensive.....very expensive. But when I think about cost vs. value, it was the world's biggest no-brainer. I've spent approximately 1/3 of my life in that bed in the last eight years. If my numbers are accurate, I've spent 15,000-20,000 hours in that bed so far.....which equates to 625-833 full days. Wow! It's been a glorious 625-833 days, I might add. If I threw our bed into the trash today, I would have paid $0.15-$0.20 per hour of use. Again, it was the bargain of a lifetime!

I'm not sure spending the first three minutes of your day watching me obsess about a bed is your best use of time, but this isn't really about a bed. This is about looking at our lives through a different lens. This is about turning things on their head and finding a better way to perceive money. There's always a different angle to explore. There's always a unique consideration to factor in when making decisions. When we do, we make different decisions......better decisions. Taking it a step further, we can do so with more clarity, conviction, and confidence. That's when we stop dwelling on the money, and start focusing on the meaning.

Taking Inventory of Readers’ “Bargains”

A while back, I wrote a piece about some of the expenditures in my life that feel like bargains, but are probably head-scratchers to others. Monthly massages, Christian education, and Apple computers are a few of my examples. At the end of the post, I solicited your feedback. I wanted to know what items you spend money on that may feel like a ripoff to many, but a bargain to you.

Let me just say, you didn't disappoint! I immediately received feedback from dozens of readers. Today's post is a sampling of reader feedback. I know these are great examples because my gut reaction to several is, "Wow, what a ripoff!" That's when we know we're going in the right direction. That's also the point. What's valuable to me is different than what's valuable to you. Translation: We need to stop listening to what other people say and stop living their values. Without further ado, here's your feedback:

• Flying across the country just to attend a concert from a favorite musician.

• Taking kids skiing in Colorado, or as he put it, "spending hundreds of dollars to freeze and fall." 

• Taking spouse's parents on a trip to Europe.

• Flying to NYC just to go to a Broadway show.

• A monthly Regal Cinema pass for unlimited movies. This person explained how they were so poor growing up that a trip to the movie theater was a special, once-per-year treat. 

• Pedicures (mentioned by both men and women!).

• Golf membership.

• One NFL game per season.

• Professional house cleaning once per week.

• Bouncing from new car lease to new car lease.

• Lip injections. Not necessarily to look better, but to feel better about themselves. 

• Motorcycles.

• A lake house. 

• First-class airfare for every flight they take. 

• Gun collection.

• Star Wars collectibles.

• Extremely expensive gym membership ($500+ per month for a single person).

• Professional music lessons for their kids.

• Dance program for their kids (IYKYK).

• Multiple plane vacations per year.

One person even mentioned my financial coaching services. I loved this answer and in no way take offense to it. He's absolutely right. Many people think what I do is a ripoff. I remember once having back-to-back consultations. During the first one, the husband told me my services were the biggest ripoff he'd ever heard of. He continued to say you'd have to be stupid to hire me. It was a feel-good moment, I tell ya. In the very next meeting, the couple said it seemed like a huge bargain and asked when we could start. Both couples made the right decision. 

This is the beauty of having our own interests, values, and motivations. For as much as I'd like to roll my eyes at some of the above items, my opinion doesn't matter. What matters is whether or not these items add value to that person's life. 

Whatever you do, I hope you lean into your unique interests and values (while aggressively disregarding the rest). It will surely add a richness to your life!

Turning the Tables

In yesterday's post, I mentioned how my friends considered their $700 Taylor Swift concert tickets a bargain. On the surface, this seems absurd. However, their perspective makes sense through the lens of value vs. cost. I've been receiving a lot of feedback from this post. Some people think $700 for concert tickets is ridiculous, but the sentiment landed with many. 

It's the paradox with spending. Some of the best values in our lives are things other people just scratch their heads at. I love this tension. I love how unique we are wired. 

Today, I want to hear yours. What purchases in your life seem like a bargain to you, while many others simply scratch their head (and possibly talk about you behind your back)? I'll go first. Here are a few of the things that can sometimes cause tension in the minds of others:

• Monthly massages (oh so good)

• Drycleaning all my dress shirts (I always love my crisp shirts)

• Killer seats when I go to a live sporting event (I don't go to many, but love going all-in when I do)

• Christian education for our kids (a lot vs. free is an interesting equation)

• Apple laptops (wow, they are expensive!)

Each of these items adds a ton of value to my/our life, yet at the same time, some people look at me like I'm a crazy person. I love that! Now that I've gone, it's your turn! Please reply to this e-mail (if you're an e-mail subscriber) or drop a comment on the webpage. I want to know what items you spend money on that are simultaneously a bargain for you and a head-scratcher to many others. I'm going to compile them and share them in a future post. 

Have an awesome day, and keep making people scratch their heads!

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The $700 Bargain & $50 Ripoff

Last week, I took the boys to a popular local attraction. I won't use the business's name, as the point of this post isn't to drag a local organization through the mud. I paid $50 for us to get in. We had a pretty good time, but it was honestly one of the biggest ripoffs I've experienced in quite some time. I kind of knew I was putting myself in that position, but it felt worse than I anticipated. Needless to say, I hope never to make that mistake again.

On the flip side, my friends Steve and Whitney recently paid $700 for tickets to Taylor Swift's Eras Tour. When I ask them (specifically Whitney) about the experience, she lights up. That was a bucket list item for her. She could go on and on and on about that night. She even carried the joy of that event for the months BEFORE the concert. If they were being honest, that $700 was a bargain.

They paid 14x the amount I paid for my family's recent outing, which lasted about the same amount of time. My 1/14th cost was a ripoff, and their 14x cost was a bargain. Not all costs are created equal, for one big reason: value.

The cost is never just about the cost. The cost is only one measurement. The other measurement needed is value. How much value does it bring us? In the case of my family outing, it was less than $50. In the case of my friend's Taylor Swift experience, it was more than $700.

This concept applies in every aspect of our life. Here's another example. I just threw away my favorite pair of boots. I paid $75 for them and have worn them for two years. They were wonderful.....but now they are trash. I had to throw them away.....it was a sad day in my house. I'm in the process of buying a new pair that will cost $250. On the surface, that seems steep considering my last pair cost only $75. However, these new boots should last at least 10+ years (according to the company and friend testimonials). If true, the $250 price tag will seem like a bargain despite being 3x more expensive than my last pair.

I encourage you today to view everything through the lens of cost & value. If the value (to you!) is greater than the cost, it could be a bargain. If the opposite, it may be a ripoff. This type of analysis changes the way we perceive spending money. It prevents us from buying stuff we shouldn't, and encourages us to buy stuff we might otherwise shy away from.

As with all things, it's about creating a healthy relationship with how we perceive and handle the money we're blessed to manage. What an amazing responsibility and opportunity!

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Death to Girl Math, Death to Boy Math

There's a new social media trend that's both silly and worrisome. It was initially called "girl math," which highlighted some of the psychological games women play on themselves to justify financial decisions. Women quickly turned the tables and started highlighting some of the ridiculous psychological games men play on themselves. Here are a few examples:

• If you spend $100 at a store and get a $10 gift card in return, that's income.

• If something costs $5.99, we mentally round it down and consider it $5. Or if something costs $47, we round it down to $40.

• Shipping will cost $5, so we add a $10 item to get free shipping....meaning we "saved" $5.

• If something costs less than $5, it doesn't really count (because that's too small to matter).

• Tattoos are essentially free, as you'll have them the rest of your life. If you live another 50 years, a $100 tattoo costs about 1/2 cent per day.....i.e. it's free.

• If you were thinking about buying a $80 product and ultimately buy a $40 product instead, you made $40. 

These posts were pretty silly, but what made them go viral was the discovered reality that many of us play the exact same psychological games on ourselves. Over time, however, the idea of "boy math" and "girl math" has taken on a whole new life. Instead of being silly, these posts have become more demeaning and condescending. While much of this new stuff is pretty dark, I wanted to share one that nearly made me spit my coffee out in laughter. 

"Boy math is being afraid of gold diggers when you only have three pairs of socks to your name."

I digress. While the original idea of girl math and boy math are generally innocent, we should shine a light on the overarching risk here. We humans love to play psychological tricks on ourselves to justify our decisions. It's one thing to do it, but it becomes something even more significant when we start to normalize, rationalize, and encourage it. 

I see the implications of boy math and girl math every day. I watch couples play mental gymnastics with themselves to justify all sorts of self-sabotaging behavior. Here's the good news. We can kill boy math and girl math in our life. Just knowing we're subject to these psychological effects can allow us to be more self-aware and make better decisions. 

At the heart of this is our desire to remove guilt. When we can justify a decision, it allows us to scrap the guilt and replace it with satisfaction. My encouragement is to face reality on reality's terms. Call something what it is, understand the true reason for our desires, and understand the actual cost of this decision at face value. Then, we can make the best decision for us. No guilt, no second-guessing, no games. If it adds more value (to us) than it costs, it's part of the budget, and we're not going into debt, then do it!

Protecting Yourself From Yourself

As much as we try, we humans are experts in the art of self-sabotage. Sometimes, we're oblivious to it, while other times, we know exactly what we do. Yet, we can't help but sabotage our own well-being. 

• Hitting the snooze button instead of going to the gym.

• Showing up to work late.

• Sneaking that tasty little snack right before bed.

• Insert countless financial versions here!

As I often tell my clients, we must protect ourselves from ourselves. It's not because we're weak, but rather because we are smart. Well, maybe we are weak......which means we need to be smart!

An example of this popped up with a client this week. This particular client struggles to keep their grocery spending in check. Sound familiar? They budget a reasonable number, have clarity on how much they are spending as the month wears on, and desperately want to stay within budget. Yet, they fail. Every. Single. Month. 

In our most recent meeting, I told them they desperately need to protect themselves from themselves. I can relate to this exact issue! We love food. If left to our own devices, my family would spend every cent on food. We can't do that, though. Sticking to the plan is a non-negotiable. 

Here's the idea I put on the table for this couple. They should open a CashApp account, which is an app that acts like its own little bank account. It connects directly to your personal bank account, so you can add or subtract money anytime. It also provides you with a debit card. Once set up, this would be their grocery account. Here's why this can be a powerful tool to protect themselves from themselves:

• You must intentionally load it with whatever dollar amount you choose. Therefore, once you budget for $x for groceries, you will deposit the money with just a few clicks. 

• Once the money is living in CashApp, you can see an up-to-the-minute balance. If you swipe your debit card in the store, the balance adjusts within 10 seconds. You always have 100% clarity. 

• It doesn't allow you to overdraft. If you have $44 in your CashApp and you try to purchase $44.01 worth of merchandise, it declines you. There's no way to overspend. 

• When the money is gone, it's gone. This is a powerful lesson. No, your family won't die. Rather, it forces you to get creative and dive a bit deeper into the pantry and freezer. We've had several "interesting" months in our house. Something powerful happens when we commit to the plan. 

• Having only one transaction for groceries (the original deposit each month) eliminates the need to continually track these expenses. It's all housed in the app with a pretty little bow. 

It sounds simple....because it is. And it can change everything! Despite groceries being one of our most challenging categories, we haven't overspent in nearly a decade. There's just one reason for this: we protect ourselves from ourselves. 

What do you need to protect yourself from yourself from? 

To Coffee or Not to Coffee

We had a fantastic event last night in Los Angeles. I couldn't have been more grateful to be in that room. One of the points I wanted to drive home was the importance of each person spending their values. Not the values of their neighbors, family, co-workers, or the underlying culture. This seems obvious, but most people subconsciously spend other people's values.

To illustrate this, I used a story I've previously shared on this blog. A young woman comes to me, frustrated with her situation. She's a young adult with a good career, but she’s discontent. Ever since college, her dream was to travel. However, two years into her career, she still hadn't traveled.

She had a fairly expensive car (with hefty payments to go with it), so I asked her about it. She said she didn't really care about the car. Her parents told her she needed something "reliable," which led her down this path. She was also living in a fairly high-end apartment. Again, she said she really didn't care much about it. It's where many of her close friends live, so it seemed the right place for her.

While she believed she was spending her values, I showed her how her two most significant expenses in life directly resulted from her living her parents' and friends' values. Shortly thereafter, she sold the car and moved into a cheaper apartment, opening the door for lots and lots of travel (you know, her values).

When we got to the Q&A portion of the night, I asked the audience what expenses in their budget DON'T add value to their life. There were many good answers, but two women almost simultaneously shouted "coffee." One of the women explained how she often goes to Starbucks, and it's always a ripoff to her. It doesn't add nearly as much value as it costs her.

It reminded me of a post I wrote a few weeks ago about a woman who finds tremendous value in her 7-days-per-week $7 lattes. These women have the complete opposite opinion about the very same purchase. One says it's the biggest waste of money, while the other calls it the biggest bargain and value-add in her life.

This is the beauty of how we're all wired differently. It's also a perfect representation of why it's important to lean into our unique values. If we do, it drives meaning. If we don't, it causes discontentment. It's the same $7 purchase, but one adds and one subtracts.

Here's my question today. What's one thing you spend money on that doesn't add value to your life? For me, it's fast food when I'm scrambling from place to place. I love the occasional fast food meal, but I get absolutely no enjoyment from it when it's done out of stress and hurry. I need to cut those from my spending.

That's my answer. What about you? I hope you have a meaningful day, living in accordance with your values!

Puzzle Pieces

This is a puzzle piece from one of Finn's puzzles. What do you see? 

Here's what the full puzzle looks like:

Did you get it right? Were you even close? That's the fun part about puzzles. Each piece, on its own, means something different (or perhaps nothing at all). But when all the pieces are arranged together, it creates something beautiful. 

Yesterday, I posted about a woman I know who buys a $7 latte each morning. I explained why she does it and how it's about something bigger than a cup of coffee to her. I can usually tell when my posts will be controversial and/or cause pushback. I didn't smell this one coming. When I finished a string of meetings, I was met with an inbox full of responses (I always love your feedback, by the way!). The replies were entirely one-sided.....veering hard negative. Sentiments such as how wasteful she is, how selfish she appears, how materialistic she's behaving, and how bad of a steward she is with her money. 

What I gave you was a single puzzle piece. Many looked at that single puzzle piece and drew their own conclusion about what the entire puzzle looked like. Just like my example above, it's difficult to ascertain the beauty of this puzzle from just one piece. Here's what I'd like to do. I'm going to let you see a few more pieces of this puzzle, then give you a second chance to guess what the full puzzle looks like:

• This woman works in full-time ministry, serving single mothers and their children.

• This woman and her husband have been fostering kids for over a decade.

• This woman is actively engaged in her local church, serving in various areas.

• This woman and her husband drive older cars and live in a very average house. 

• Based on my limited knowledge, I suspect this family gives at least 15-20% of their annual income. 

• This woman is adored by many, which likely stems from how much love and encouragement she constantly pours out to others. 

• Oh yeah, and she buys a $7 latte each morning. 

We're quick to judge others through the lens of our values, our interests, and our limited visibility of their life. But that's the problem. We're looking at it through our lens, not theirs....and we only get to see a few pieces of their puzzle. This woman lives quite conservatively, yet buys a nice coffee each morning. That doesn't make her evil. That makes her unique. This is what makes meaning over money so special. It looks different in every person's life. 

I think the message today is two-fold. First, we should resist the urge to judge people (or their decisions) when we can only see a few pieces of their puzzle. Without proper context, we have no idea what's truly going on. Second, it's ok if your puzzle pieces don't all look alike. It's not until they get fully assembled that they create something beautiful.