Taking Inventory of Readers’ “Bargains”

A while back, I wrote a piece about some of the expenditures in my life that feel like bargains, but are probably head-scratchers to others. Monthly massages, Christian education, and Apple computers are a few of my examples. At the end of the post, I solicited your feedback. I wanted to know what items you spend money on that may feel like a ripoff to many, but a bargain to you.

Let me just say, you didn't disappoint! I immediately received feedback from dozens of readers. Today's post is a sampling of reader feedback. I know these are great examples because my gut reaction to several is, "Wow, what a ripoff!" That's when we know we're going in the right direction. That's also the point. What's valuable to me is different than what's valuable to you. Translation: We need to stop listening to what other people say and stop living their values. Without further ado, here's your feedback:

• Flying across the country just to attend a concert from a favorite musician.

• Taking kids skiing in Colorado, or as he put it, "spending hundreds of dollars to freeze and fall." 

• Taking spouse's parents on a trip to Europe.

• Flying to NYC just to go to a Broadway show.

• A monthly Regal Cinema pass for unlimited movies. This person explained how they were so poor growing up that a trip to the movie theater was a special, once-per-year treat. 

• Pedicures (mentioned by both men and women!).

• Golf membership.

• One NFL game per season.

• Professional house cleaning once per week.

• Bouncing from new car lease to new car lease.

• Lip injections. Not necessarily to look better, but to feel better about themselves. 

• Motorcycles.

• A lake house. 

• First-class airfare for every flight they take. 

• Gun collection.

• Star Wars collectibles.

• Extremely expensive gym membership ($500+ per month for a single person).

• Professional music lessons for their kids.

• Dance program for their kids (IYKYK).

• Multiple plane vacations per year.

One person even mentioned my financial coaching services. I loved this answer and in no way take offense to it. He's absolutely right. Many people think what I do is a ripoff. I remember once having back-to-back consultations. During the first one, the husband told me my services were the biggest ripoff he'd ever heard of. He continued to say you'd have to be stupid to hire me. It was a feel-good moment, I tell ya. In the very next meeting, the couple said it seemed like a huge bargain and asked when we could start. Both couples made the right decision. 

This is the beauty of having our own interests, values, and motivations. For as much as I'd like to roll my eyes at some of the above items, my opinion doesn't matter. What matters is whether or not these items add value to that person's life. 

Whatever you do, I hope you lean into your unique interests and values (while aggressively disregarding the rest). It will surely add a richness to your life!

Turning the Tables

In yesterday's post, I mentioned how my friends considered their $700 Taylor Swift concert tickets a bargain. On the surface, this seems absurd. However, their perspective makes sense through the lens of value vs. cost. I've been receiving a lot of feedback from this post. Some people think $700 for concert tickets is ridiculous, but the sentiment landed with many. 

It's the paradox with spending. Some of the best values in our lives are things other people just scratch their heads at. I love this tension. I love how unique we are wired. 

Today, I want to hear yours. What purchases in your life seem like a bargain to you, while many others simply scratch their head (and possibly talk about you behind your back)? I'll go first. Here are a few of the things that can sometimes cause tension in the minds of others:

• Monthly massages (oh so good)

• Drycleaning all my dress shirts (I always love my crisp shirts)

• Killer seats when I go to a live sporting event (I don't go to many, but love going all-in when I do)

• Christian education for our kids (a lot vs. free is an interesting equation)

• Apple laptops (wow, they are expensive!)

Each of these items adds a ton of value to my/our life, yet at the same time, some people look at me like I'm a crazy person. I love that! Now that I've gone, it's your turn! Please reply to this e-mail (if you're an e-mail subscriber) or drop a comment on the webpage. I want to know what items you spend money on that are simultaneously a bargain for you and a head-scratcher to many others. I'm going to compile them and share them in a future post. 

Have an awesome day, and keep making people scratch their heads!

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The $700 Bargain & $50 Ripoff

Last week, I took the boys to a popular local attraction. I won't use the business's name, as the point of this post isn't to drag a local organization through the mud. I paid $50 for us to get in. We had a pretty good time, but it was honestly one of the biggest ripoffs I've experienced in quite some time. I kind of knew I was putting myself in that position, but it felt worse than I anticipated. Needless to say, I hope never to make that mistake again.

On the flip side, my friends Steve and Whitney recently paid $700 for tickets to Taylor Swift's Eras Tour. When I ask them (specifically Whitney) about the experience, she lights up. That was a bucket list item for her. She could go on and on and on about that night. She even carried the joy of that event for the months BEFORE the concert. If they were being honest, that $700 was a bargain.

They paid 14x the amount I paid for my family's recent outing, which lasted about the same amount of time. My 1/14th cost was a ripoff, and their 14x cost was a bargain. Not all costs are created equal, for one big reason: value.

The cost is never just about the cost. The cost is only one measurement. The other measurement needed is value. How much value does it bring us? In the case of my family outing, it was less than $50. In the case of my friend's Taylor Swift experience, it was more than $700.

This concept applies in every aspect of our life. Here's another example. I just threw away my favorite pair of boots. I paid $75 for them and have worn them for two years. They were wonderful.....but now they are trash. I had to throw them away.....it was a sad day in my house. I'm in the process of buying a new pair that will cost $250. On the surface, that seems steep considering my last pair cost only $75. However, these new boots should last at least 10+ years (according to the company and friend testimonials). If true, the $250 price tag will seem like a bargain despite being 3x more expensive than my last pair.

I encourage you today to view everything through the lens of cost & value. If the value (to you!) is greater than the cost, it could be a bargain. If the opposite, it may be a ripoff. This type of analysis changes the way we perceive spending money. It prevents us from buying stuff we shouldn't, and encourages us to buy stuff we might otherwise shy away from.

As with all things, it's about creating a healthy relationship with how we perceive and handle the money we're blessed to manage. What an amazing responsibility and opportunity!

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Death to Girl Math, Death to Boy Math

There's a new social media trend that's both silly and worrisome. It was initially called "girl math," which highlighted some of the psychological games women play on themselves to justify financial decisions. Women quickly turned the tables and started highlighting some of the ridiculous psychological games men play on themselves. Here are a few examples:

• If you spend $100 at a store and get a $10 gift card in return, that's income.

• If something costs $5.99, we mentally round it down and consider it $5. Or if something costs $47, we round it down to $40.

• Shipping will cost $5, so we add a $10 item to get free shipping....meaning we "saved" $5.

• If something costs less than $5, it doesn't really count (because that's too small to matter).

• Tattoos are essentially free, as you'll have them the rest of your life. If you live another 50 years, a $100 tattoo costs about 1/2 cent per day.....i.e. it's free.

• If you were thinking about buying a $80 product and ultimately buy a $40 product instead, you made $40. 

These posts were pretty silly, but what made them go viral was the discovered reality that many of us play the exact same psychological games on ourselves. Over time, however, the idea of "boy math" and "girl math" has taken on a whole new life. Instead of being silly, these posts have become more demeaning and condescending. While much of this new stuff is pretty dark, I wanted to share one that nearly made me spit my coffee out in laughter. 

"Boy math is being afraid of gold diggers when you only have three pairs of socks to your name."

I digress. While the original idea of girl math and boy math are generally innocent, we should shine a light on the overarching risk here. We humans love to play psychological tricks on ourselves to justify our decisions. It's one thing to do it, but it becomes something even more significant when we start to normalize, rationalize, and encourage it. 

I see the implications of boy math and girl math every day. I watch couples play mental gymnastics with themselves to justify all sorts of self-sabotaging behavior. Here's the good news. We can kill boy math and girl math in our life. Just knowing we're subject to these psychological effects can allow us to be more self-aware and make better decisions. 

At the heart of this is our desire to remove guilt. When we can justify a decision, it allows us to scrap the guilt and replace it with satisfaction. My encouragement is to face reality on reality's terms. Call something what it is, understand the true reason for our desires, and understand the actual cost of this decision at face value. Then, we can make the best decision for us. No guilt, no second-guessing, no games. If it adds more value (to us) than it costs, it's part of the budget, and we're not going into debt, then do it!

Protecting Yourself From Yourself

As much as we try, we humans are experts in the art of self-sabotage. Sometimes, we're oblivious to it, while other times, we know exactly what we do. Yet, we can't help but sabotage our own well-being. 

• Hitting the snooze button instead of going to the gym.

• Showing up to work late.

• Sneaking that tasty little snack right before bed.

• Insert countless financial versions here!

As I often tell my clients, we must protect ourselves from ourselves. It's not because we're weak, but rather because we are smart. Well, maybe we are weak......which means we need to be smart!

An example of this popped up with a client this week. This particular client struggles to keep their grocery spending in check. Sound familiar? They budget a reasonable number, have clarity on how much they are spending as the month wears on, and desperately want to stay within budget. Yet, they fail. Every. Single. Month. 

In our most recent meeting, I told them they desperately need to protect themselves from themselves. I can relate to this exact issue! We love food. If left to our own devices, my family would spend every cent on food. We can't do that, though. Sticking to the plan is a non-negotiable. 

Here's the idea I put on the table for this couple. They should open a CashApp account, which is an app that acts like its own little bank account. It connects directly to your personal bank account, so you can add or subtract money anytime. It also provides you with a debit card. Once set up, this would be their grocery account. Here's why this can be a powerful tool to protect themselves from themselves:

• You must intentionally load it with whatever dollar amount you choose. Therefore, once you budget for $x for groceries, you will deposit the money with just a few clicks. 

• Once the money is living in CashApp, you can see an up-to-the-minute balance. If you swipe your debit card in the store, the balance adjusts within 10 seconds. You always have 100% clarity. 

• It doesn't allow you to overdraft. If you have $44 in your CashApp and you try to purchase $44.01 worth of merchandise, it declines you. There's no way to overspend. 

• When the money is gone, it's gone. This is a powerful lesson. No, your family won't die. Rather, it forces you to get creative and dive a bit deeper into the pantry and freezer. We've had several "interesting" months in our house. Something powerful happens when we commit to the plan. 

• Having only one transaction for groceries (the original deposit each month) eliminates the need to continually track these expenses. It's all housed in the app with a pretty little bow. 

It sounds simple....because it is. And it can change everything! Despite groceries being one of our most challenging categories, we haven't overspent in nearly a decade. There's just one reason for this: we protect ourselves from ourselves. 

What do you need to protect yourself from yourself from? 

To Coffee or Not to Coffee

We had a fantastic event last night in Los Angeles. I couldn't have been more grateful to be in that room. One of the points I wanted to drive home was the importance of each person spending their values. Not the values of their neighbors, family, co-workers, or the underlying culture. This seems obvious, but most people subconsciously spend other people's values.

To illustrate this, I used a story I've previously shared on this blog. A young woman comes to me, frustrated with her situation. She's a young adult with a good career, but she’s discontent. Ever since college, her dream was to travel. However, two years into her career, she still hadn't traveled.

She had a fairly expensive car (with hefty payments to go with it), so I asked her about it. She said she didn't really care about the car. Her parents told her she needed something "reliable," which led her down this path. She was also living in a fairly high-end apartment. Again, she said she really didn't care much about it. It's where many of her close friends live, so it seemed the right place for her.

While she believed she was spending her values, I showed her how her two most significant expenses in life directly resulted from her living her parents' and friends' values. Shortly thereafter, she sold the car and moved into a cheaper apartment, opening the door for lots and lots of travel (you know, her values).

When we got to the Q&A portion of the night, I asked the audience what expenses in their budget DON'T add value to their life. There were many good answers, but two women almost simultaneously shouted "coffee." One of the women explained how she often goes to Starbucks, and it's always a ripoff to her. It doesn't add nearly as much value as it costs her.

It reminded me of a post I wrote a few weeks ago about a woman who finds tremendous value in her 7-days-per-week $7 lattes. These women have the complete opposite opinion about the very same purchase. One says it's the biggest waste of money, while the other calls it the biggest bargain and value-add in her life.

This is the beauty of how we're all wired differently. It's also a perfect representation of why it's important to lean into our unique values. If we do, it drives meaning. If we don't, it causes discontentment. It's the same $7 purchase, but one adds and one subtracts.

Here's my question today. What's one thing you spend money on that doesn't add value to your life? For me, it's fast food when I'm scrambling from place to place. I love the occasional fast food meal, but I get absolutely no enjoyment from it when it's done out of stress and hurry. I need to cut those from my spending.

That's my answer. What about you? I hope you have a meaningful day, living in accordance with your values!

Puzzle Pieces

This is a puzzle piece from one of Finn's puzzles. What do you see? 

Here's what the full puzzle looks like:

Did you get it right? Were you even close? That's the fun part about puzzles. Each piece, on its own, means something different (or perhaps nothing at all). But when all the pieces are arranged together, it creates something beautiful. 

Yesterday, I posted about a woman I know who buys a $7 latte each morning. I explained why she does it and how it's about something bigger than a cup of coffee to her. I can usually tell when my posts will be controversial and/or cause pushback. I didn't smell this one coming. When I finished a string of meetings, I was met with an inbox full of responses (I always love your feedback, by the way!). The replies were entirely one-sided.....veering hard negative. Sentiments such as how wasteful she is, how selfish she appears, how materialistic she's behaving, and how bad of a steward she is with her money. 

What I gave you was a single puzzle piece. Many looked at that single puzzle piece and drew their own conclusion about what the entire puzzle looked like. Just like my example above, it's difficult to ascertain the beauty of this puzzle from just one piece. Here's what I'd like to do. I'm going to let you see a few more pieces of this puzzle, then give you a second chance to guess what the full puzzle looks like:

• This woman works in full-time ministry, serving single mothers and their children.

• This woman and her husband have been fostering kids for over a decade.

• This woman is actively engaged in her local church, serving in various areas.

• This woman and her husband drive older cars and live in a very average house. 

• Based on my limited knowledge, I suspect this family gives at least 15-20% of their annual income. 

• This woman is adored by many, which likely stems from how much love and encouragement she constantly pours out to others. 

• Oh yeah, and she buys a $7 latte each morning. 

We're quick to judge others through the lens of our values, our interests, and our limited visibility of their life. But that's the problem. We're looking at it through our lens, not theirs....and we only get to see a few pieces of their puzzle. This woman lives quite conservatively, yet buys a nice coffee each morning. That doesn't make her evil. That makes her unique. This is what makes meaning over money so special. It looks different in every person's life. 

I think the message today is two-fold. First, we should resist the urge to judge people (or their decisions) when we can only see a few pieces of their puzzle. Without proper context, we have no idea what's truly going on. Second, it's ok if your puzzle pieces don't all look alike. It's not until they get fully assembled that they create something beautiful.