UnGuilty Pleasures

I have a confession to make. I despise the term “guilty pleasure.” I know it’s a ubiquitous phrase in our culture, but do you ever stop to think about what it really means? At its core, calling something a guilty pleasure insinuates that you shouldn’t be doing it. It’s something you enjoy, but know it’s wrong (or wrong-ish). If anything, we should call adultery and stealing guilty pleasures.

I’m reminded of my hatred of this phrase because a client recently referred to getting her nails done as a guilty pleasure. Another client referred to golfing as a guilty pleasure. And a third person recently said her morning coffee at a local coffee shop is a guilty pleasure. None of these things are inherently bad. In fact, they may be quite good. The question isn’t about right and wrong, but rather right for YOU and wrong for YOU. For many of my friends, spending money on golf is the absolute best use of their personal spending money. For me, it would be counter-productive. Why would I want to blow my money on something that will just upset me and make me want to break something (which will cost me more money)? That doesn’t sound like a good value.

Instead, perhaps we can rebrand guilty pleasure into “unguilty pleasure.” These are purely wants, but add value to our lives. By definition, then, they are important. Yes, wants can be important. One of mine is a monthly massage. About two years ago, after spending years believing massages are something I could neither afford nor justify, I signed up for a membership at a local massage studio. Each month, I pay a fee and get a massage. In hindsight, it’s one of the best expenditures I’ve made in years. I always look forward to my appointment, and it adds value to my life. I don’t feel guilty about this. It’s not for everyone, but it is absolutely for me.

Today, I have two homework assignments for you. First, please remove the phrase “guilty pleasure” from your vocabulary. You deserve better than to do something you feel guilty about or perceive it as a bad decision. Second, lean hard into the following question: “What’s one want in my life that would make my life better?” Don’t filter your answer through the lens of needs and wants. It’s a want....you don’t need it. Let’s make that clear. It’s purely a want. Filter it through the lens of whether it adds value to your life. If it does, go for it! No guilt, no second-guessing, and no regret.

Enjoy those unguilty pleasures!

Buy That Coffee

It's been a week. Today will mark my seventh consecutive day working at my client's office in Midland, TX. I've really enjoyed the work, and the people, but I'm spent. I've really poured myself out this week, and we've made some massive progress along the way. All in all, it's been a tremendously worthwhile endeavor. 

Yesterday, in an effort to give myself a much-needed kick-start, I stopped for a coffee on the way to the office. As I was paying the cashier, all I could think about was all the financial gurus shaming and belittling people for buying coffee. 

**In my best condescending financial bro impersonation voice** "Did you know that instead of spending $6 on that coffee each workday, if you invested it in the stock market, you'd have $220,000 in your investment account after 30 years? I hope you enjoy your coffee!!!"

A few thoughts:

1. The math is correct. 

2. $220,000 is a lot of money.

3. That coffee really made my morning.

4. Life is about so much more than a financial equation.

5. Meaning over money.

6. I'm not going to feel one ounce of guilt.

As a finance guy, I could obsess about hoarding every penny I earn, investing it well, and watching it compound into millions of dollars so that one day I can swim in it like Scrooge McDuck. But that sounds terrible. 

I'm not advocating reckless financial irresponsibility. I'm not suggesting we shouldn't save or invest. Rather, I'm suggesting that we shouldn't give up little things that add value to our lives. If you love buying coffee each day, but that coffee. If you love going to your fancy gym, go to your fancy gym. If you love eating at excellent restaurants, bon appetit. 

There's always a place to sacrifice, but it doesn't have to be what others tell us it should be. It's sad to watch clients reluctantly give up something that adds value to their life simply because everyone around them is slowly but surely guilting them into it. At some point, we convince ourselves that what we're doing is wrong or stupid. But in many cases, it's not. We're exactly where we should be. 

I'm really glad I bought that coffee yesterday. I just may do the same today. Or not. Either way, I won't sweat the things that add richness to my life. There are plenty of places to sacrifice.....this won't be one of them. 

Nine-Pound Pillows For the Win

As I'm on the road this week, I miss my pillow. But not in a little-kid-who-misses-his-blanket sort of way. I have a ridiculously amazing pillow....and it's not just any pillow! It's nine pounds of buckwheat hulls jammed into a piece of fabric. Yes, I sleep with a nine-pound pillow. Yes, it's as weird as it sounds. No, I don't know what buckwheat hulls are. Yes, it's fantastic.

About a year ago, I stumbled upon some random dude on social media who was touting "The 10 best products I purchased last year." Curious, I gave it a quick read to see if I could learn anything. Several items on the list were interesting, but none more than a nine-pound pillow filled with buckwheat hulls. This sounded mysterious and a bit new-age-y, but I was curious enough to find out. I forked over $38 and eagerly awaited its arrival. I'm not saying I sat at the window for hours waiting for the delivery truck to pull up, but I'm not saying I didn't. Then, it came!

The first few nights were rough. It was such a different experience that I couldn't tell if I loved it or hated it. Shortly, though, I thoroughly loved it. Sarah made fun of it and mocked it for months. In her defense, have you ever tried to change the pillowcase on a nine-pound pillow? It’s like trying to give a bath to a toddler…..it’s taxing. But then, something happened! I went to bed one night, and she had stolen it! She claimed she just needed a second pillow and had no other options. But she repeated her crimes on multiple occasions. Eventually, she confessed that she, too, loves the buckwheat pillow. I have a feeling we're about to have 18 pounds of buckwheat living on our bed. Weird times.....

Of all the purchases I've made over the last five years, never in a million years did I think a nine-pound pillow would top my list. But alas, it's been a game-changer for me. It's changed my sleep quality, and I rarely get neck soreness anymore. Some of the most impactful purchases come in the most unexpected packages. We shouldn't be afraid to try new things or to invest in products that can add value to our lives (even when it's a want!). Even better, many of these products are pretty affordable. Double win!

What about you? What's one product you purchased for less than $75 that added a shocking amount of value to your life? Curious minds want to know! If you leave a comment below or reply to the e-mail (if you're a subscriber), I'd love to aggregate all your ideas into a future post. Oh yeah, and I may just test them myself!

It Doesn't Have to Break the Bank

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, TJ and I made our way to a Chicago Cubs game after our conference on Thursday night. We had the most wonderful time! It was quite spontaneous, as evidenced by our not deciding to go until 1PM the day of the game. That's what makes some of these memories so fun. While eating lunch, TJ suggested we buy tickets.....so we jumped on the Seat Geek app and bought tickets. Despite popular belief, creating memories doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg.

Do you remember those old Mastercard commercials where they listed out all the costs of a particular thing, then the last item's price was listed as "priceless?" That's what I thought of while we were at the game. Here's what my ad might look like:

Tickets to the game: $32

Parking: $15

Italian Beef: $11

Old Style Beer: $12

Lifelong Memories: Priceless

I paid $70 for an impulsive outing to create memories that I wlll surely carry with me for years to come. It was the easiest $70 I'll spend all month. I could play the "I could use that $70 for something more responsible" game, or the "but I don't need it" game, but no other use of that $70 would generate the return Thursday's night escapades did. Those memories truly are priceless!

That's the power of memories. Some memories are free, some are expensive, and some are just pretty dang affordable. They are often even sweeter when they are impulsive, as it adds a different dynamic to the situation.

What's an impulsive decision you recently made that resulted in a fun, priceless memory? I'd love to hear your stories!!!

Following a Budget Goes Both Ways

I received a text from my wife yesterday afternoon. "What do you want to do for dinner?" Knowing it was a Friday and the last day of the month, I immediately opened my budgeting app to see if we had any dining out money left. $76!!! I guess that's what happens when we're gone for half the month. Knowing we had a nice chunk of change remaining, we made a family date night out of it. We walked to a local pizza restaurant, then to a nearby ice cream shop. We had a blast!

There's a massive misunderstanding about budgeting. Budgeting it's about spending less.....it's about spending better. Yes, budgeting well keeps us from overspending. But it goes both ways! Budgeting, when done healthily, also prevents us from underspending. Spending better means being intentional, spending on our values, and removing negative emotions such as guilt, resentment, fear, and worry.

Many people would look at that extra $72 and proclaim it a win. Yay, we came in under budget!!!! But Sarah and I negotiated our budget at the beginning of the month, and we promised each other this was what we would spend money on. Us going out for a fun night was our way of honoring what we promised ourselves and each other. Just like we promised to pay our rent and life insurance, we promised to spend this money on dining out. It has to go both ways. We can't use a budget to only prevent us from having too much fun.....it also needs to encourage us to have fun. It's a tool to align our money with our values. And last night, our values pointed toward spending intentional time with the boys, creating memories, and enjoying some tasty food together.

The moment we treat budgeting like a one-way, fun-hating tool of cheapness and saving (er, hoarding), is the moment budgeting completely sucks. When that occurs, we start treating our life like a giant game of let's-try-to-live-like-broke-college-students-so-one-day-we'll-have-even-more. You know the problem with more, right? Every time we get more, more is still more.

There's a better way, and the better way is to have it both ways. Let the budget prevent us from coming off the rails AND let the budget force us to do the fun things we promised ourselves we would do. If more people viewed and handled money this way, budgeting may no longer be a four-letter word in most marriages.

Here’s the plan:

1. Make a budget on or around the first of the month.

2. Make sure your budget aligns with your values.

3. Do what you said you were going to do.

4. Track it.

5. Have fun!

6. Repeat.

If you follow these six simple steps, I promise you’ll find more joy, more peace, more intentionality, more unity, and more progress. Have a great day!

Empty Pantries and Rolexes

I had a fantastic week working in Midland, TX. The days were long and I missed my family, but I’m so glad I had the opportunity to make the trip and do work that matters. As I was flying home last night, I inadvertently found myself eavesdropping on a conversation happening immediately behind me. It was a man, probably in his 40s, talking to another man. They started talking about where they grew up, but the discussion quickly shifted to the first man’s childhood. He shared the harrowing story of poverty and how he and his siblings never knew if there would be a meal at night. The pantry was often empty, and he and his siblings would often find small jobs to bring in a little extra money to contribute to the family. I really felt for this man. I know there are a lot of people who go through similar experiences, and all are heartbreaking to me.

Fast forward an hour, and the two men start talking again. The same man again shares about his life. This time, the conversation is drastically different. He’s talking about his toys and trips. The spoils of his work. He’s an oil field guy, so there’s no doubt he grinds in his career. Work hard, play hard, as they say. What he said next perked my ears. “A few years ago, I bought a Rolex. I always wanted a Rolex, so I decided to get one. $15,000. But after wearing it once, I realized I didn’t really like it. So I just threw it in a drawer. Been sitting there for maybe 10 years. Oh well.”

As he was sharing this story, all I could think about was how $15,000 would have changed his family’s life when he was a kid with an empty pantry and an empty stomach. Granted, he probably doesn’t own a Delorean to go back in time*…..but he kind of does. There are so many people struggling today. Struggling in the same way he once struggled. Kids who go to bed hungry every day, probably in his own town. How much impact could he make with $15,000? Probably a ton! Instead, there’s $15,000 (plus appreciation) just sitting in a junk drawer in his kitchen.

I’m not demeaning this man. In fact, he’s pretty normal. Maybe not the Rolex part, but in the way he’s lost perspective as more resources came into his life. I see it daily and walk alongside countless families fighting that same battle. Some are winning, and some are losing. It’s so easy to lose sight of where we came from. We whine about how our 5-bedroom house isn’t big enough, yet that dumpy 1-bedroom apartment 20 years ago was just fine. We’re adamant that we need to drop $10,000+ to stay on-site at Disney World to “get the full experience,” but we were happy as clams to sit on the floorboards of the no-A/C van, listening to our parents’ lame music for 10 straight hours, on a family road trip to Mount Rushmore when we were kids. Here’s the cool part, though. It’s never too late. We are one or two decisions from drastically and suddenly shifting the trajectory of our life (and maybe someone else’s). Don’t allow money to let you lose perspective.

*Side note: I heard the other day that if Back to the Future was made today, Marty McFly would go back to 1993. Let that sink in……

Through the Lens of Opportunity Cost

Let’s say you want to spend money on something. It could be a number of things. A new car, a fresh wardrobe, private school for your kids, or maybe a trip to Disney. Let’s also say this particular item is important to you. If it’s important to you, it’s important (other people’s opinions don’t count). Let’s assume this purchase is highly important to you.

Where is the money going to come from? No, this isn’t a pay with debt vs. a pay with cash type conversation. Whether you use debt or pay with cash, the question still stands. Where is the money going to come from? There’s no free pass. This is the essence of opportunity cost. Every time we spend one dollar on item A, it’s one less dollar we can spend on items B, C, D, E, etc. Whenever we elect to spend money on something, something else suffers. I’m not saying this through the lens of negativity, but rather a simple reality.

Let’s say you’re planning to save up for a trip to Disney…..call it $8,000. If you really want to spend $8,000 on a trip to Disney, great. But where is the money going to come from? The simple (and recommended) answer is that you’ll set money aside in your sinking fund each month until you have enough. But where is the money going to come from? Maybe you decide to set aside $500/month for the next 16 months. The most important question isn’t whether or not you should do it, but rather what you’ll give up as a consequence. That’s $500 that won’t go somewhere else……so what is that something else?

This question gets to the heart of aligning our values with our behaviors. It forces us to look at each part of our life objectively, prioritize, then act. If you do that in earnest, you may decide not to go to Disney. Or you may immediately decide Disney is important, then discern what to give up in order to make it happen. But there’s a very real cost either way.

Here’s a quick idea of how to execute this:

1. Make a list of all the things in your financial life that are wants (i.e. not your basic needs to survive). This includes items such as dining out, travel, entertainment, extra debt payments, investing, etc.

2. Put a monthly dollar amount next to each of these items.

3. Prioritize them in order of most important to least important.

4. Determine which ones make the cut in your monthly budget this month (i.e. there’s enough money to fund it), and execute accordingly.

5. Repeat this process every so often to ensure you continue to align your values with your behavior.

When you do this, you’ll say yes to your yes’s and no to your no’s. It’s not always easy, but you will most certainly find more contentment and satisfaction when you know you’re pursuing what really matters to you.

The Cost of Status

Do you ever ask yourself why you spend money on x thing? We often buy something because we want it, but why do we want it? It’s the reason behind the reason. It’s not atypical to have multiple reasons to buy something, needs and wants alike. Regardless, it’s important to recognize our true motives. When we do, we make better choices for better reasons. Let’s use a recent real-life example I encountered. Someone wanted to buy a truck. Here’s the breakdown:

• They NEED a different vehicle because their current one is on its last legs.

• They NEED a truck to facilitate the various hauling and transport needs in their life/work.

• They WANT a bigger truck so they can further expand their hauling capabilities.

• They WANT fancy bells and whistles…… because they like fancy bells and whistles.

All this is making sense so far, but there was one more component missing from the list. It was the elephant in the room, which needed to be called out. Despite all the reasons listed above, this missing factor was the biggest emotional driver of the bunch, as well as the one that had the largest impact on the price tag:

• They WANT people to know they are successful.

There’s another name for this: status. Whether it’s consciously or subconsciously done, most of us do certain things in pursuit of status. The brands we wear, the restaurants we dine at, the neighborhoods we live in, the places we travel, the schools we choose, the organizations we belong to……this list keeps going. This particular person cared a LOT about driving a new, top-end model because it was a signal to others that they are successful. This one nuance alone has the potential to drive the price up by $20,000-$30,000.

I’ve worked with many people who spend thousands of dollars per month in the pursuit of status. My job is not to judge them, but rather ask them a few questions:

• Is that what you really want?

• Is it worth it?

• Is there something you’d rather spend this money on?

When we name it head-on and people are real with themselves, most people relent and make different decisions. Some, however, are more than happy to spend on status. Not my personal cup of tea, as I believe bought status moves us away from genuine meaning and fulfillment. But at least they can call a spade a spade. Eyes wide open, properly understanding the why behind the why.

What about you? In what ways do you find yourself consciously or subconsciously buying status?

Don't Gut the Good Stuff

Let me lay out a scenario. You go into the month with a solid financial plan. You’ve prioritized your needs, wants, giving, and saving. The plan is set and you’re feeling really good about it. Then, just like that, life hits. Maybe it’s a medical situation. Maybe your income is a little lower than you thought. Maybe the car needs some unexpected work. But in any case, something happens. How do you correct it?

Most people in our culture don’t, unfortunately. Instead, they whip out the credit card, quickly “fix” the problem by dropping the new expenses on the card, then move on with life. Fortunately, most of my clients don’t own credit cards and would not take this route. But the problem still needs to be fixed. What do you do to fix it?

Many times, our gut reaction is to simply rip away some of the money allocated to the fun categories. Personal spending, dining out, entertainment, and travel are likely candidates. It’s easy to steal money from these categories. After all, you don’t “need” it. There are a few problems with this approach:

1) Life happens……then life happens again….then it will probably happen again. It’s something this month, but it may be something else next month. If our gut reaction is to constantly steal from the good categories, these categories will be perpetually abused when life inevitably happens.

2) Wants are important. I’m not going to say our wants are more important than some of the other categories, but I will say they are just as important. We need some fun things in our financial plan. They add richness and act as a release valve. When we constantly cut them from our budget, the tension builds and a future blow-up starts to build.

3) When we simply give up fun things to make the numbers work, we train ourselves to handle all unforeseen situations in this manner instead of preventing them from happening in the future. It becomes a coping mechanism and we’ll perpetually suffer because of it.

Yes, we need to be responsible and address issues as they come up. No, we don’t always need to gut our fun categories in order to make it happen. Give yourself permission to have fun, even when life happens. Strike that……especially when life happens.

Curse of Comparison: Doha Airport Edition

We just spent a 3-hour layover in the Doha airport. As an aside, the Doha airport is a sight to behold. Take the best airport in America, then make it 18x better, and you have the Doha airport. It’s nice in almost every way. It’s clean, it’s pretty, it’s full of amenities, and the service is fantastic. The multiple bathroom attendants in every bathroom show more hospitality and service than some nicer restaurants I frequent. I always love spending time there. But it also has another quirk. It’s jam-packed with high-end retail. Think of it as walking down Rodeo Drive, but in an airport in the Middle East. They have Maseratis and McLarens in the duty-free shop, for crying out loud!

But this post is about something specific I witnessed. There was a lot of this happening, but I’m talking about one particular man. Like us, he was killing a few hours between flights. He was in one of the watch stores, just browsing. A certain watch caught his eye. In his defense, it was a pretty sweet watch. In a snap decision, he decided to buy it……for $20,000!!!! That’s right. A man just burning time between flights was window shopping, and impulsively bought a $20,000 watch, just because. 

These are the moments when comparison hits hard. Sarah and I’s cars don’t even combine for $20,000 of value. And this man just drops $20,000 on a whim? In those moments, it’s really easy to play the jealousy card. It’s easy to immediately feel negative about our own life. It’s easy to wish we could have a different existence. This is where I come back to meaning over money. I don’t know anything about this man. He may be the happiest guy on the planet…..or the most miserable. His life might be full of broken relationships, loneliness, and emptiness. I don’t wish that upon him, but I simply don’t know.

Here’s what I do know. I know I love my life. Even though I can’t impulsively buy a $20,000 watch, I know I wake up every day excited to serve those who I wish to serve. I have a wonderful family that I can financially take care of. I’m blessed in so many ways. I could choose to compare, but instead I’m choosing to not. I need to focus on what I do have, not what I don’t. 

We don’t need to be in a high-end watch store to feel this tension. At some level, we feel it every day. In those moments, big or small, we get to make our choice. Choose carefully.

The Joneses Don’t Know They Are The Joneses

Most of us know the saying, “keeping up with the Joneses.” It’s become the motto of modern-day American materialism, referring to the never-ending pursuit to keep up with the spending lifestyles of our neighbors, friends, and colleagues. The house we live in, the car we drive, the school our kids go to, where we go on vacation, the clubs we belong to……the list goes on and on. This phenomenon is a significant contributor to people’s decisions. We all like to say and pretend it doesn’t impact us, but I’ve spent enough time with clients to know we’re being naive if we think that way.

Here’s how powerful of a force The Joneses are in our lives. When we buy a house, we’re not just committing to a certain down payment and monthly mortgage payment. When we select our house, or more specifically, our neighborhood, we’re committing to a lifestyle. This singular decision about what street or neighborhood to move to has the potential to fundamentally change the way we live our lives. That’s a terrifying thought, but it’s as true as the sky is blue.

I want to share a story. It’s a story of four families. These four families are amongst a larger group of friends and neighbors. Through various odd circumstances and connections, I’ve had the privilege of spending time with these families in one way or another. Through conversations with the first couple, it becomes clear the pressure of keeping up with their neighbors adds a level of stress to their marriage. Then when I talk to another couple, they admitted some of their credit card debt is attributed to expensive meals and trips with their neighbors. Then when I interact with the third couple, they get frustrated by “having” to go to certain events (accompanied by a high cost). Lastly, the fourth couple admitted to making a few questionable vehicle purchases out of fear of negative judgment.

Here’s the kicker. Each of these families gets frustrated by trying to keep up with The Joneses (i.e. their neighbors), but to their neighbor, THEY are The Joneses. By trying to keep up with each other, they in turn become the thing each other is trying to keep up with. It’s irony at its finest.

Here’s the good news: every family has the power to hop off the Joneses train. It’s scary to be the first family to jump off, but doing so may give the second family the courage to do it as well. Once the second family does, it allows the entire Joneses structure to crumble.

Think about your own circle. Do you need to be the first of the Joneses to jump off the train?

No Thank You to No Spend Months

In the personal finance space, it’s popular to practice “no spend months.” The idea is simple. Pick a month, don’t spend anything other than needs that month, save some the cash, and just like that, you’ve magically made your financial life better. Some of the biggest money “experts" advocate for this type of thing, but I couldn’t disagree with it more.

The message behind no spend months is clear: spending money on wants is irresponsible, unimportant, and hurtful. Therefore, when we can muster the energy and discipline to not spend money on wants, our life improves.

Alternatively, I argue that spending money on wants is important. Not ALL the wants, but some wants. You know, the ones that actually add value to your life. If we have a healthy relationship with our money, we’re able to find a balance between spending, saving, and giving. Too many people are being told spending is bad, leading them down the road to hoarding. It’s tragic and destructive, and it needs to stop. No spend months are like a crash diet. Sure, we see immediate and seemingly impressive progress. But once we stop the diet, we’re likely to binge and catapult ourselves back to where we started…..or worse.

When you buy your Starbucks drink today, or grab a deli lunch with a friend, or snag a new pair of shoes, or hit the theater to check out the latest movie, I hope it adds value to your life. I hope you enjoy it, feel no guilt or regrets, and give yourself a fist bump for enjoying some of what God has blessed you with. That’s so much healthier than a ridiculous no spend month.

Self-Inflicted Wounds

It’s a practice as predictable as it is sad. We humans are really good at creating self-inflicted wounds in our financial lives. I’ll use an example. Let’s say Joe’s been working really hard at his job for the past few years. Blood, sweat, and tears, hoping to soon get that promotion so he can create some margin in his financial life. Finally, the day arrives! He gets that promotion, which comes hand-in-hand with a nice pay increase. After so much work and waiting, he finally gets to create some financial traction with his newfound margin. However, he also “needs” a new car. A week later, he’s driving a shiny new car with a fat payment to go with it. It’s ok, though….it was a need. And just like that, his newfound margin is gone. If you were to ask Joe, he didn’t have a choice. He “needed” a car, and he likes it a lot, so he successfully solved the problem. What Joe calls a win, I call a self-inflicted wound.

Fast forward 6 months, Joe’s back to feeling the same financial tension he did before the promotion. In an effort to improve his life, he sabotaged his quality of life. While he doesn’t see it that way, his words, demeanor, and stress say differently.

Fast forward a few more years, Joe climbs another rung on the career ladder. After all those blood sweat, and tears, he gets to create some margin in his financial life. Finally, the day arrives…..and it’s as sweet as he thought it would be. He’s proud of his accomplishment, and he deserves a house worthy of his new success. He doesn’t necessarily “need” it, but he can afford it and it will surely make his life better. And just like that, his newfound margin is gone. If you were to ask Joe, this makes his life better. What Joe calls a win, I call a self-inflicted wound.

Fast forward a few months, Joe’s back to feeling the same financial tension he did before the most recent promotion. Again, in an effort to improve his life, he sabotaged his quality of life. The stress builds, the burden feels heavier, and the pressure heightens.

This is the new American way. Every opportunity we have to increase our quality of life and create margin, we find ways to create self-inflicted wounds. Fast forward a few more promotions, Joe will be making several multiples of what he used to make but feel the same level of stress, pressure, and burden. This is why so many people making $300,000, $400,000, or $500,000 feel the same financial tension they did when they were making $40,000. We aren’t trying to hurt ourselves….we’re trying to improve our life. Ironically, however, we sabotage the very thing we’re trying to create.

Spending YOUR Values

As a culture, we’ve collectively decided what’s a “responsible” thing to do with money, and what’s foolish.

• Spending money on something you don’t need = foolish

• Buying a house = responsible

• Spending money on rent = foolish

• $30,000/year on college = responsible

• $300 at a nice restaurant = foolish

• Buying a new car and financing it = responsible

• Buying a big-screen TV and video game system = foolish

We hear some of these things so much that we often take them for granted and it quickly becomes a universal truth. As we do with many things, we turn money and spending decisions into a black-and-white conversation. This is one of the main reasons why most people don’t have a good alignment between their values and their financial behaviors. They say one thing, then do another. At the heart of this incongruency is the reality most of us lock into culture’s values instead of taking time to discern what OUR values are.

Here’s a very simple, but perfect, example. One of my friends shared that her family members often criticize her for her expensive gym membership. Now, it is in fact true her gym membership cost is higher than average. However, I need to add one relevant fact to the equation. She’s a fitness competitor, personal trainer, and model! This is literally what she does for a living…..and it’s her passion. Her expensive gym membership completely aligns with her values. For me, that gym membership would be absurd. For her, it’s perfect. Context matters!

Each person, family, situation, dream, calling, and value is different. Thus, each of us needs to make our own choices that align with these things. One family I know spends several thousand dollars per month on dining out because it’s the path of least resistance. When I ask them if they enjoy it, they say, “no.” It’s not fun for them, it doesn’t add a lot of value, and they worry about the health implications. Another family spends a similar amount, except the reason is different. They deeply enjoy going out to a nice dinner with friends, sharing a bottle of wine, trying new cuisines, and creating memories. For them, it’s one of the best things they do with money. In my opinion, I view this expense as responsible for one family and foolish for the other. Context matters.

What’s something you find valuable in your life that culture would say is foolish? Drop a comment down below. Have an awesome day!

Giving Money a Purpose

Yesterday, I was in the middle of a coaching session with a new client (they are awesome!) when a hugely important topic came up. I was walking them through the idea and execution of sinking funds (i.e. separate named bank accounts for specific categories - travel, house, car, medical, etc.) I don’t remember the exact wording, but to paraphrase, they were curious why someone would do it this way rather than just having all the money in one account and mentally earmarked for future use. I absolutely love this question!

In theory, having all the money in one big pot would achieve the same purpose….and be administratively easier. However, in practice, it makes a world of difference. Here are a few reasons why:

Commitment: If we house all our money in one big pot, we can just make an impulsive decision and mentally reallocate the funds from one use to another. It takes no energy or work to butcher months (or possibly years) of work. When we separate these funds into unique accounts that are specifically named for that use, we’re less likely to reallocate this money for a different use. Doing so requires us to consciously make a decision and physically transfer money from one fund to another.

Emotion: If we house all our money in one big pot, it’s easy for us to feel guilty or regretful about a particular decision we’ve made. For example, let’s say we’ve set aside some money for a trip to Disney. The moment we feel financial stress, we’ll think to ourselves, “well maybe there’s a more responsible use for this money. After all, I don’t NEED this trip.” And just like that, we’ve dismantled our trip and all the amazing memories that surely would have come from it. When we separate these same funds into our travel sinking fund, it’s clear what these monies are for. There’s no doubt about it. “Travel Fund.” It’s literally in the name of the bank account! When we do this, we’re emotionally able to let go of the guilt and the regret, and simply go enjoy that trip. It sounds silly, but it’s true!

Administrative: The idea of sinking funds sounds administratively difficult. After all, having multiple accounts seems more complex than having fewer accounts. However, the execution is an entirely different story. When we push money into these accounts each month as part of our budget, it’s clear where the money goes. When we want to know how much money we have for our next trip, there’s an account balance staring at us. And when we start spending these funds (plane tickets, hotels, gas, etc.), we always know where we stand with the remaining balance. In other words, we get transparency, and with that transparency comes better decisions.

If you’re interested in setting up sinking funds for your finances, most credit unions allow it. Most banks don’t, with one exception being Wells Fargo. If your bank doesn’t (like mine), CapitalOne 360 Performance Savings accounts work great. I’ve been using this platform for more than 15 years, as do many of my clients. If you want to hear more about sinking funds, we did a podcast episode about the topic back in June 2021. You can listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Have an amazing day!

Too Much of a Good Thing

I get a massage once every six weeks or so. It’s absolutely wonderful!. I decided to prioritize this about 18 months ago, and I’m so glad I did. For me, this is an occasional luxury that adds richness to my life. There’s part of me that wishes I did it every week. But that very idea also brings to mind a concept I think about often. It’s possible to have too much of a good thing. Part of what makes this little luxury so enjoyable is the anticipation and the scarcity. If I did this every week, it would just become a normal ho-hum thing…..like brushing my teeth or taking a shower.

That’s the tightrope we walk with “good things.” It’s possible to have too much of a good thing. Travel and dining out are other fantastic examples. They also happen to be at the top of my list of fun things to do. Part of what makes them special to me is they aren’t every day. There’s a scarcity in it……oh the anticipation! I look forward to them. I enjoy looking at the menus and online reviews of potential restaurants, just as I enjoy researching upcoming trips. Flights, hotels, sights, and of course restaurants. There’s a simple pleasure in the planning and anticipation.

A while back I met with a client who was spending north of $2,000/per month on dining out. On the surface, this sounds wonderful! So many different experiences and flavors. However, they are quick to note, “we don’t even enjoy doing it anymore. It’s just something we do and it feels kind of empty.” Wow! This is the very definition of having too much of a good thing. My suggestion to them was to majorly cut back on dining out, then be very intentional when going on those experiences. Fast forward a few months, it has been transformational for them. They enjoy it so much more than in the past 4-5 years. There’s something special about it and they get excited for the next one.

Yes, lean into those good things. Whatever they are in your life, they are important. But remember, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Create scarcity and anticipation….you’ll thank yourself later.