UnGuilty Pleasures

I have a confession to make. I despise the term “guilty pleasure.” I know it’s a ubiquitous phrase in our culture, but do you ever stop to think about what it really means? At its core, calling something a guilty pleasure insinuates that you shouldn’t be doing it. It’s something you enjoy, but know it’s wrong (or wrong-ish). If anything, we should call adultery and stealing guilty pleasures.

I’m reminded of my hatred of this phrase because a client recently referred to getting her nails done as a guilty pleasure. Another client referred to golfing as a guilty pleasure. And a third person recently said her morning coffee at a local coffee shop is a guilty pleasure. None of these things are inherently bad. In fact, they may be quite good. The question isn’t about right and wrong, but rather right for YOU and wrong for YOU. For many of my friends, spending money on golf is the absolute best use of their personal spending money. For me, it would be counter-productive. Why would I want to blow my money on something that will just upset me and make me want to break something (which will cost me more money)? That doesn’t sound like a good value.

Instead, perhaps we can rebrand guilty pleasure into “unguilty pleasure.” These are purely wants, but add value to our lives. By definition, then, they are important. Yes, wants can be important. One of mine is a monthly massage. About two years ago, after spending years believing massages are something I could neither afford nor justify, I signed up for a membership at a local massage studio. Each month, I pay a fee and get a massage. In hindsight, it’s one of the best expenditures I’ve made in years. I always look forward to my appointment, and it adds value to my life. I don’t feel guilty about this. It’s not for everyone, but it is absolutely for me.

Today, I have two homework assignments for you. First, please remove the phrase “guilty pleasure” from your vocabulary. You deserve better than to do something you feel guilty about or perceive it as a bad decision. Second, lean hard into the following question: “What’s one want in my life that would make my life better?” Don’t filter your answer through the lens of needs and wants. It’s a want....you don’t need it. Let’s make that clear. It’s purely a want. Filter it through the lens of whether it adds value to your life. If it does, go for it! No guilt, no second-guessing, and no regret.

Enjoy those unguilty pleasures!

Shame On Me

I did it again. I promised myself I wouldn't, but I did. I suppose I haven't had enough punishment yet. When will I learn? Maybe next time I'll know better. These thoughts ran through my head yesterday as I sat in a local restaurant. I'd been in that restaurant countless times, which usually ended with similar laments oozing out of my pores. Each time, I say to myself, "This is the final straw!" Yet, there I was, subjecting myself to a level of torment I clearly deserved.

Some places deserve our business, and some don't. This one doesn't. Bad food, lousy service, poor cleanliness, long waits, and terrible ingress/egress. My miserable experience was capped off by waiting 9 minutes for a car in front of me to get the courage to take a hard left into dangerous and speedy traffic. Just getting in and out is a torturous endeavor.

I'll take 100% of the blame for this one. After all, I knew exactly what I was getting into.....and as a result, I got what I deserved. However, there's something bigger at play. This restaurant doesn't deserve my business, or yours. They don't value their customers, and they certainly don't value their employees. The poor service is, in large part, due to management's unwillingness to adequately staff it. Yet, I'm part of the problem. I'm willingly giving money to this place when countless alternatives deserve my patronage. Every time I visit this place, I'm encouraging, supporting, and perpetuating a clear abuse of people, food, and power. It's exploitive, and I'm to blame. Shame on me.

This is where I draw a line in the sand. I'm apologetic for my role in this, and I hope others feel the same. Instead, I need to be more intentional about giving business to those who value me, their craft, and their people. I want to invest in those businesses. Those are the businesses that have earned the right for me to return again and again.

We need to choose wisely. When we give someone the right to serve us, they must earn the right to do it again. Some do, some don't. I think we need to honor the purity in this approach. It's simple, but difficult. It's easy to say, hard to do. I failed in this example, but it won't happen again. There's someone more deserving to serve me next time.

Nine-Pound Pillows For the Win

As I'm on the road this week, I miss my pillow. But not in a little-kid-who-misses-his-blanket sort of way. I have a ridiculously amazing pillow....and it's not just any pillow! It's nine pounds of buckwheat hulls jammed into a piece of fabric. Yes, I sleep with a nine-pound pillow. Yes, it's as weird as it sounds. No, I don't know what buckwheat hulls are. Yes, it's fantastic.

About a year ago, I stumbled upon some random dude on social media who was touting "The 10 best products I purchased last year." Curious, I gave it a quick read to see if I could learn anything. Several items on the list were interesting, but none more than a nine-pound pillow filled with buckwheat hulls. This sounded mysterious and a bit new-age-y, but I was curious enough to find out. I forked over $38 and eagerly awaited its arrival. I'm not saying I sat at the window for hours waiting for the delivery truck to pull up, but I'm not saying I didn't. Then, it came!

The first few nights were rough. It was such a different experience that I couldn't tell if I loved it or hated it. Shortly, though, I thoroughly loved it. Sarah made fun of it and mocked it for months. In her defense, have you ever tried to change the pillowcase on a nine-pound pillow? It’s like trying to give a bath to a toddler…..it’s taxing. But then, something happened! I went to bed one night, and she had stolen it! She claimed she just needed a second pillow and had no other options. But she repeated her crimes on multiple occasions. Eventually, she confessed that she, too, loves the buckwheat pillow. I have a feeling we're about to have 18 pounds of buckwheat living on our bed. Weird times.....

Of all the purchases I've made over the last five years, never in a million years did I think a nine-pound pillow would top my list. But alas, it's been a game-changer for me. It's changed my sleep quality, and I rarely get neck soreness anymore. Some of the most impactful purchases come in the most unexpected packages. We shouldn't be afraid to try new things or to invest in products that can add value to our lives (even when it's a want!). Even better, many of these products are pretty affordable. Double win!

What about you? What's one product you purchased for less than $75 that added a shocking amount of value to your life? Curious minds want to know! If you leave a comment below or reply to the e-mail (if you're a subscriber), I'd love to aggregate all your ideas into a future post. Oh yeah, and I may just test them myself!

Value and Context, Context and Value

I'm particularly fond of one specific budgeting app. Well, let me clarify. They have two versions: one free and one paid. I'm fond of the paid version and severely dislike the free version. The paid version costs $80/year.

Whenever I meet with a new client interested in using an app or software for their budgeting, I highly recommend the paid version. Considering they are already paying me to coach them, the last thing they want to do is spend another $80/year on an app. I totally get it! However, I always add, "it will be the best $80 you ever spend."

It's not that I'm trying to get my client to spend money. Rather, I know how much value there is for their $80 investment. Going the premium version route will easily save them 18 hours per year (1.5 hours per month). More importantly, however, going the free route will likely end up with them giving up and quitting......which is a far worse outcome.

This brings me to the idea of value. If this $80 investment will save 18 hours per year, that works out to $4.44/hour. Is your time worth less than $5/hour? I didn't think so! Further, if this $80 investment could possibly be the make or break between you thriving financially and quitting in disgust, is it worth the investment? Ab-so-freaking-lutely! Put that way, it truly may be the best $80 you ever spend.

Whenever we spend money, we shouldn't ask ourselves if we can afford it. We shouldn't ask ourselves if the price is low or high. We shouldn't ask ourselves if it's a need or a want. Those are fine questions to ask. The primary question we need to ask ourselves is how much value we are getting for the cost. If we're getting more value than the cost, it's probably worth the investment. If we're getting less value, probably not.

But value is in the eyes of the beholder. We all perceive value differently, and value can also be contextual. Here's an example. You walk into a convenience store and see an array of bottled water products on the shelf. Some cost $.99, but another costs $5. The perceived value of that $5 water probably doesn't feel so great.

Later that day, you're watching your favorite baseball team at the ballpark. The sun is shining, it's 90 degrees out, and you're parched. That same $5 bottle of water suddenly becomes the best $5 you'll spend all day. The value changes when the context changes.

Back to the budgeting example. If someone is casually interested in budgeting but isn't really committed to making changes in their life, that $80 investment is like throwing money in the trash. On the other hand, if they are focused, determined, and ready to kick butt, that $80 investment may be the gateway to life change.

Context matters. Seek value.

It Depends On How You Look at It

A few years ago, I was having a casual conversation with a fellow husband/father. We were talking about marriage and parenting, when we went down an interesting rabbit trail. He commented on how he and his wife hadn't been on an actual date in more than five years. Five years!?!? In short, he said they couldn't justify spending money on a babysitter. Between the babysitter, drinks, and dinner, a date night "is just too expensive to justify." So they don’t.

He quickly turned the tables on me by asking about our babysitter rhythm. I told him we spend about $200-$300/month on babysitting, which usually includes a few date nights. He looked at me as though I just went to the casino and threw my life savings on red. How irresponsible of me!!! He busted my chops a bit and couldn't believe someone "financially responsible" would throw away money like that.

He looked at babysitters as a needless cash drain. My perspective was a bit (ok, a lot) different. When we hire a babysitter, we aren't paying a young adult money to watch our kids. We are investing in our marriage. We are providing ourselves the opportunity to spend time together, one-on-one or with friends, and create memories aside from our children. It also allows us to recharge and get on the same page to be better spouses and parents. In other words, that babysitting money has an incredible return on investment!

Much of personal finance is a variation of this concept. It depends on how you look at it. Me walking into a Starbucks to order myself a burnt coffee = wasteful spending. Me meeting a youth group kid at Starbucks, their favorite coffee shop = an investment into my relationship with them. Me spending $60 on a monthly massage that I don't need = throwing away money. Me spending $60 on a monthly massage that helps recharge and eliminate aches = priceless. Me hiring an assistant isn’t cheap, and it takes money out of my pocket. Me hiring an assistant allows me more time and mental/emotional capacity to serve people better and unlock greater potential in our business.

Money is NEVER about money.....it's always about something bigger. If we can move past the dollars and cents and understand the real reason we do the things we do, we make better choices. It all depends on how you look at it.

My Small Business Doesn’t Deserve Your Business

As anticipated, I’ve taken a fair amount of heat for my posts about small businesses (HERE and HERE). Perhaps they missed the preface where I clarified that I, myself, am a small business owner. My family’s survival rests solely on the fate of my small businesses. So when someone calls me a “big box retail shill”, it’s a bit confusing. Oh well, it comes with the territory.

The narrative that keeps getting pushed is this idea that small businesses deserve for you, me, and other people to patronize their companies simply because they are a local small business. Every week, another local small business sadly closes its doors. With it comes a myriad of social media posts, lamenting how nobody supports small businesses. I couldn’t disagree more, as I interact with successful small businesses every day. Businesses that have served the community well for years or even decades. If people don’t support small businesses, why have these businesses found so much success and longevity?

Small businesses, you don’t deserve anyone’s business. My small business doesn’t deserve anyone’s business. Each day, we small businesses must earn the right to serve people well, then re-earn the right to do it again. The formula is fairly simple. We need to offer a good product, at a good value, and do it with a good attitude.

If you don’t sell a good product, there’s no point for people to patronize your business. The product has to be needed or wanted, and have some level of uniqueness compared to other options. It doesn’t have to be a life-changing product, but it has to be quality. If I open a fax machine store in 2023, I don’t think I’d be in business long. The product matters.

If you have a good product, but it’s priced at a level where it costs more than the value it adds, it’s a hard sell. The pricing structure has to make sense. If you’re selling a cup of coffee for $15, not many people will find value for the price. Us business owners must find a way to offer our good products at a price that provides margin between cost and value. In that margin comes the opportunity to make people’s lives better.

If you have a good product and it offers a good value, but you don’t sell it with a good attitude, people will simply choose to shop elsewhere. On many occasions, I’ve purchased a great product at a great price, but was treated with indifference (or even annoyance). Personally, I’d rather buy a lesser product or get a lesser value than be treated like garbage. I could list off a dozen businesses in my town that don’t treat people well (and thus have lost my business). How we sell our products/services matters.

If we do all three of those things, we’ll likely thrive. If we don’t, we’ll possibly be the next story about how a small business closed its doors. It’s a hard endeavor, but worth it.

How Do We Define Value?

In yesterday’s post, I made the argument we shouldn’t “support” small businesses, as that connotation “smells of pity, condescension, obligation, and guilt.” As expected, I quickly received a lot of feedback on this post. One such piece of feedback was from my friend Mike (yes, this Mike). Mike let me know he partially agreed and partially disagreed with my post.

There are probably four posts worth of nuance Mike brought to the table, but the one I want to discuss today is the idea of value. In my post, I stated that businesses “don’t deserve our support, but do deserve the opportunity to serve us well and provide us with value.” Mike explained that he strongly values relationships, and would happily pay more for a product bought locally because the relationship he gets to create in the process is valuable to him. I couldn’t agree more!

Let’s say we can purchase a product for $50 on Amazon and $55 from a local small business. The small business is charging 10% more for the same product, so does that mean there’s less value in buying it locally? From a mathematical perspective, yes. The product is providing the same impact in our life, but costs us 10% more. By definition, that’s less value. However, this is where I think we need to take a moment to ask ourselves what the definition of value is. From a utilitarian perspective, the Amazon purchase would have more value. But this is Meaning Over Money, so you know we can’t just look at everything through the lens of money. Mike would testify, and I would wholeheartedly affirm him, that there’s much more value on the table than dollars and cents. In his example, the relationship he gets to build and maintain with the small business is also a value-add to his life.

There are a number of other things we could attribute value to:

• Buying within close proximity to your home.

• The interactions with staff and/or other customers.

• Seeing the product first-hand before buying.

• Getting questions answered by an engaged and knowledgeable employee.

• Knowing your patronage is investing in the local labor market.

• The list goes on and on.

I think Mike touched on a really good point. I don’t think his perspective is contradictory to my post, but largely complementary. This is also the opportunity for small businesses to shine. They need to add more value than they charge, but there are a number of different ways they get to create value than simply price. BUT, and it’s a big but, they do need to add value. This is the heart of my message. Small businesses (including mine) don’t deserve our support. They deserve the opportunity to serve us well and add value. If they succeed, they will earn the right to do it again….and again. And as Mike beautifully points us, that relationship piece is so, so valuable. I for one would gladly pay more in exchange for that meaningful relationship.

Don't "Support" Small Businesses

Before I begin, I’d like to remind you I’m deeply invested and exceptionally fond of small businesses. My family’s livelihood is tied to my small business, I’m a part owner of a few other small businesses, and many of my clients are small businesses. So when you read my next sentence, I want you to know I say it with the utmost respect in mind.

I don’t believe we should “support” small businesses. The idea of supporting small businesses is talked about a LOT! “We should support X small business.” “Y small business needs our support.” “Z small business wouldn’t have closed had we supported it.” To me, the idea of “support” smells of pity, condescension, obligation, and guilt. There mere idea that a small business can’t survive unless we “support'“ it really turns me off. It lacks dignity, respect, and the merit of existence.

Small businesses don’t deserve our support. What small businesses deserve is the opportunity to serve us well and provide us with value. We shouldn’t go to a small business just because they are a small business. We should give them a shot because they are a business, and let them earn (and re-earn) the right to serve us again.

Instead of giving money to them out of a sense of obligation because they are the little guy, we should direct our business to companies that demonstrate excellence. And many of them are small businesses! There’s so much dignity in that, as opposed to the idea of “supporting” them.

Here’s my simplified way of thinking about it:

1. Find a business that offers something you may need/want.

2. Allow them the opportunity to serve you.

3. If they crush it, allow them the opportunity to serve you again. Repeat.

4. If they don’t deliver or add value, move on and give a different business the opportunity to serve you. Repeat.

5. Tell others about your experiences.

There are so many different angles to unpack on this topic (which we will), but I wanted to let this idea sit with you today. I hope it lets you think about small businesses through a slightly different lens. Agree? Disagree? I would love to hear your thoughts on this one.