The Case Against (Hosting) Garage Sales

I love garage sales. Before having kids, I would regularly hit the local neighborhoods on Saturday mornings, looking for an exciting score. It felt like a modern-day treasure hunt. Some days I would strike out, and others, I would hit the jackpot! 

With that context in mind, I'm against hosting garage sales. High cost, low reward, and most importantly, a giant missed opportunity. I'll share a brief story to illustrate why I land where I land. Many years ago, I found out via Facebook that my obviously wealthy friends were hosting a garage sale. Knowing what I know about their careers, they easily combined for $500,000 of annual income (and have the house and cars to match that perception). Out of pure curiosity, I showed up at the garage sale. Disorienting doesn't even begin to describe the feeling I had by combing through $5 skillets and $6 bedsheets while standing in the driveway of an $600,000 house (for my non-Midwest friends, that's a pretty nice house). 

First, I don't think they are evil or doing something unethical. It's their life and they get to do whatever they want. However, I believe they whiffed on one of the greatest giving opportunities of their lives. Tens of thousands of dollars of material goods were sold that day, for maybe a few hundred bucks. The alternative option was to bless others in significantly profound ways. That kitchen set? There's probably a single mom in their community that just left an abusive marriage that would be over the moon to receive that gift. Or the bedroom goods? They probably have some friends with a kid who just left the nest with few resources. The list can go on and on.

Sarah and I had this conversation relatively early in our marriage. We committed to never selling anything. Any time we part ways with something, it will be given away. It's not ours to begin with, after all. We get to benefit from it for a while, then share it with someone else can do the same. For more than a decade, that belief has carried through to our actions. My favorite example of this was in late 2019 when we sold our 4-bedroom house and downsized into a 2-bedroom townhome. We gave away nearly every material possession we had. 

• Our mower went to a former youth group kid who had just purchased his first home.

• We gave my beautiful office furniture to a local woman with terminal cancer. 

• Our kitchen table went to a close friend, and we regularly eat at that table when we visit them. 

• Tons of baby clothes and supplies went to former youth group kids and clients who were becoming first-time parents. 

We could have easily sold this stuff, but instead we got to be on the giving end of some special blessings. These are beautiful opportunities in front of each of us. We all have something to share, and I believe sharing is better than any price you could charge. 

The Ripple Effects of Sharing

In the summer of 2020, just as the COVID lockdowns were starting to take hold, one of our friends gave us the surprise of all surprises. They unexpectedly reached out and asked if we wanted to spend a week at their condo in a popular lake town. We had never been to this town, but had always heard rave reviews. We excitedly and gratefully accepted their invitation. It was sincerely one of the best weeks our family had experienced in white a while. The following spring, the same friend reached out via text and asked what dates we wanted. Wait, what!?!? That wasn't a one-time event?!?! We did it again.....and similarly, it was an amazing experience for my family.

Fast forward to this week, and my family is in the midst of our fourth annual trip to our friends' condo. Grateful doesn't even begin to explain how we feel about this. It's become one of the most anticipated weeks of the year, for the kids and parents alike. We've created many memories on these trips, and the kids talk about it year-round.

As much as I enjoy being on the giving end of generosity, being on the receiving end of this ongoing generous gift is truly beautiful. Our friends have been blessed with this place, and instead of keeping it all to themselves (which they have every right to do), they choose to share it. I'm continually humbled by the gift and can't express my gratitude enough.

Generosity, in all its forms, has ripple effects. When someone is on either the giving or receiving side of generosity, it impacts them. That impact, sometimes visible and sometimes not, materializes in varying ways. For me, this specific act of generosity has inspired several ideas for generosity in my own journey. It's also become a cornerstone of my children's summer, giving them memories and experiences they wouldn't otherwise have. I suspect that when my kids eventually understand the magnatude of generosity shown to them in this act, they too will be inspired to their own forms of generosity.

Generosity always wins, but the ripple effects can span much broader and deeper than we'll ever know. It's a beautiful thing, and I'm always grateful to be on either side of it. Know that every generous act, whether on the giving or receiving end, has the opportunity to create ripple effects in someone's journey. That someone just may be you!

Through Children's Eyes

Yesterday was a series of firsts for Finn and Pax. Their first flight, their first In-N-Out burger, and their first time in the ocean. For the cherry on top, we shot off a bunch of fireworks with our friends to end the night (not a first, but who doesn’t love blowing stuff up!?!?). It was a fun day, indeed, but what makes it special for me is watching it through their eyes. The looks of shock, awe, excitement, and amazement…..all of them are gold! It can be magical.

I sometimes get jealous of how excited kids get. The simplest thing for a kid might as well be the Powerball jackpot. We adults, on the other hand, oftentimes struggle to get excited about even the coolest of things. I suppose that’s what happens after you’ve lived long enough and nothing feels truly new.

I think this is one of the contributing factors to why many adults try to spend their way to happiness. Upping the ante, shooting higher, going bigger. Sometimes we make drastic decisions in hopes of sparking something. Maybe it’s that something we used to feel way back when in childhood.

But what if we could find a way to regain some of that childlike excitement? I’ve been experimenting with this idea for a while now…..especially as it pertains to travel. The 1,000th flight and 400th hotel start to feel a bit blah, but there are so many ways to light that fire of wonder. For me, it’s seeking out a new city, or maybe a new neighborhood in a city you’ve already spent a lot of time in. That’s what Sarah and I did during a recent trip to Doha, Qatar. We intentionally explored a different part of the city, forcing ourselves to get uncomfortable. It felt like a whole new adventure. Or maybe we’ll try to find under-the-radar sites to visit, or unique food, or connect with different people.

To be honest, there’s one more idea that’s been better than any of the others. Finding ways to loop other people into the journey with us. I may not be able to experience something for the first time again, but I can help others gain that experience in their own lives (and share it with them). This is truly one of my favorite things in the world. It’s an act of generosity. Some people want these new experiences but don’t know how to access them. Each of us has access to something unique in life, just waiting to be shared with others. Maybe it’s a place, or an event, or a relationship, or a skill. When we share it, in a way, we get to watch it through their eyes. That’s a true gift…..for the giver.

Sharing What You Have: Pool Edition

Generosity comes in many forms. It’s not simply the money you give to church each week, or a monetary gift you leave someone in need, or a donation to a local organization. These are all examples of giving, but generosity is a much broader concept. As I’ve said before, we’re all called to share what we have, not what we don’t. What we each have to give is different. It’s a beautiful mix of resources, skills, time, influence, experience, and possessions. Every single one of us has something to give. if we’re willing to participate.

Yesterday, my family was treated to a very special gift. Some local friends hosted us at their backyard pool. We spent many hours relaxing, playing, conversing, eating, and drinking. We had an absolute blast and were grateful for the time spent with our friends. To them, they were just inviting someone to join them in their weekly ritual of spending time in their backyard. To us, it was a very sweet and special gift.

This is the beauty of sharing what we have. We’re just living life, AND inviting someone else into it. Every time we step outside ourselves and bring someone else in, it’s a form of generosity. I’m not sure this family really thought of it this way, but they provided such a profound gift to my family. They helped us create new family memories, build relationships with friends, and relax on an otherwise stressful day.

When we look at generosity through the lens of sharing what we have, it opens us to a whole new world of possibilities. We’re so grateful to our friends for sharing with us! It was much appreciated and it emboldens us to continue sharing what we have. That’s the beauty of sharing. We don’t have a backyard pool like them, but we have other things to share. If we all had the same thing to share, it wouldn’t be worth sharing.

So as you go about your work and play today, spend a few minutes thinking about what you have to share with others. Then, simply act.

“Please Don’t Steal My Blessing”

A while back, a close friend asked me if it's wrong he was the one who ended the "pay it forward" streak at Starbucks. In other words, someone decided to be generous by anonymously paying for the next person's coffee and an unknown number of people subsequently did the same thing…….until my friend broke the streak by not paying for the person behind him.

Does that mean my friend is selfish? Greedy? Less generous than the people ahead of him? Many of you were probably nodding your head up and down as you read those questions. I see it differently. I believe he was the only person in the story (besides the original giver) who acted with love and selflessness.

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Several years ago, I was sharing a meal with one of my mentors. Being the generous and loving man he is, he offered to pay for my meal. Me, as I always tended to do, tried to pay for his instead……and when unsuccessful, tried to have it split. You've seen it before. A handful of friends having a fun dinner at a restaurant. Lots of storytelling, laughing, and sharing memories about the good 'ol days. Then the bill arrives and there's suddenly this awkward little scrum where a couple guys look like they're hand fighting, trying to be the one to grab the bill out of the waiter’s helpless and nervous hands. The more aggressive one (or perhaps the one with the longer arms) snags the bill and proudly slams his card in the little black jacket. Meanwhile, the other guy is still trying to snatch the bill out of his buddy's hands, insisting he should be the one to pick it up.

You're probably smiling at the thought of this scenario, as you've witnessed it first-hand and it's kind of funny to watch. While I was busy trying to do the same thing to my mentor, he said something to me I will never forget. "When you refuse someone's generosity, you're robbing them of the opportunity to be a blessing. Please don’t steal my blessing!" At the time, I was just starting to learn what it means to be truly generous. I was learning that giving was one of the most Godly and life-giving things I could ever do with my money. I reveled in finding opportunities to be a blessing to others. In doing so, I became prideful and falsely believed generosity needed to flow one way and one way only: away from me and towards someone else. So here I was, in the stage of life trying to model and encourage generosity to others, while simultaneously robbing those very people of the opportunity to be generous. Talk about sabotaging my own mission!!

Since that conversation, I’ve really tried to do better. I’ve tried to change my heart, and for the most part I have. When someone gives me a gift, my gut still tells me to push back. After all, I don’t “need” it. Then I quickly remember…..they aren’t giving me a gift because I “need” it. Rather, they are giving me a gift because they see an opportunity to be a blessing and show love to me. Even when my gut says “no”, my heart and my response says “thank you.” I’m thankful for their generous spirit. I’m thankful for the love they are showing me. I’m thankful for their selflessness. As a matter of practice, I’ve made a vow to never again rob someone of their opportunity to be a blessing. When a youth group kid offers to buy me lunch (perhaps a lot of money for them and not much to me), I say “thank you.” When a colleague offers to buy my coffee, I say “thank you.” When we’re out to dinner with another couple and they offer to buy our meal, I say “thank you.” Generosity doesn't flow one way. In order to be truly generous, we need to be humble enough to accept other’s generosity with love and gratitude.

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So, back to "pay it forward" streaks at Starbucks. When someone in front of us pays for our drink, why don't we simply receive their gift, be thankful, and enjoy our free drink? Some would argue we are returning the favor by paying for the next person. Math says otherwise. If our $4 coffee is paid for by a stranger but we "pay for" the next person's drink, we still paid the same $4 we were already going to pay. We just trick ourselves into believing we paid for someone else. Why do we do this? I think there are two primary reasons. First, some people feel guilty not paying for the next person's drink. They think to themselves, "if they paid for me, I should probably pay for someone else……plus I don't want to be the one to break this streak." Guilt-driven giving is the opposite of generosity. Second, and I believe more relevant to most, many people simply aren't willing to receive a blessing from someone else. We think "I don't need this gift", or "someone else could use it more than me." So by telling ourselves we are "paying it forward", what we're really doing is deflecting the blessing and making ourselves feel like we've actually exhibited generosity. There’s another word for this: PRIDE.

The reality is my friend is the only person in the string who actually had the humility to accept the blessing. There may have been 100 people before him that "paid it forward", but he had the humility and gratitude to receive the blessing and simply enjoy it. Does that make him greedy? No way! I think it makes him loving. Loving enough to receive a blessing with humility and to put his pride aside. It's not to say my friend isn't generous. Perhaps next time in Starbucks he will pay for someone else's drink, or maybe he'll pay the light bill for a struggling neighbor, or maybe he'll give his car away to a single mother at church. Who knows what he'll do, but when he does it, I hope the person on the other end of the gift humbly receives the blessing and simply enjoys it with a spirit of gratitude. I sincerely hope they don't steal his blessing.

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I wrote the above piece more than a year ago, but didn’t know what I wanted to do with it. Fast forward to today, it just feels like the right time to talk about this. This piece also raised to the top of my mind based on something that recently happened to me.

In this wild season of life, amidst all the quarantining, amidst small business closing their doors, amidst people losing jobs left and right, generosity matters more than it ever has. Though my wife and I have cut back our budget significantly to help navigate these stormy waters (as I also recommend to my clients), we’ve simultaneously doubled our giving. There are so many new and unique ways to show people generosity in this season! And so many groups of people who could use some extra love right now! Countless ways to give to countless numbers of people……what a time to be alive!!!

In light of this, my wife and I have been experimenting with new and fun ways to bless others. One of these ways, which was triggered by a sermon I heard from my friend Aaron Vis, is to show intentional love to grocery store employees. Grocery stores have become the backbone of our communities during this crazy season, and their employees have become newfound heroes. I solicited friends in my social media circle to give me names of grocery store employees so I could bless them in some small way. I collected their names, found their Venmo handles, and started giving gifts. It was fun! Dropping little notes of encouragement (along with money) into their Venmo account. One of them responded: “OMG. Travis, you didn’t have to do that at all! But thanks! I appreciate it! This virus thing has been crazy.” To be honest, this was the highlight of my day. There was nothing that could top the feeling of having an opportunity to be a blessing, acting on it, and having the recipient receive it with love and humility.

A few days later, a different recipient refunded my gift and included a message saying they appreciate the gesture……but don’t need it. They sent the gift back to me! I have to be honest, this one upset me. I wasn’t giving them a gift because they needed it. I was giving them a gift because I wanted to give them a gift! I WANTED to bless them. I so badly wanted to bless them. Pride got in the way, and they rejected the gift. This one still bums me out..

Now maybe good will still come from this. Maybe my gesture truly did mean something to them. But I didn’t want to make a gesture….I wanted to give a gift. It’s like me giving an awesome new toy to my son, him ripping the wrapping paper off the gift, marveling at the fact he’s holding this awesome toy, handing it back to me, and telling me he appreciates the gesture. I wanted him to open the toy and play it! I wanted him to enjoy it! I didn’t want him to give me a tip-of-the-hat for my gesture. But yet, so many of us do this when people try to show us generosity.

It’s hard to change, but we can do it! Every time someone gives you a gift, please think about this article, suppress your gut instinct to deflect it, and simply receive their gift with love and humility. When you do, it will change you and it will change them. Every time you do this, it will shed a little bit of your pride and replace it with humility. For the giver, at the very least it will make their day. Something greater is at stake, however. For the giver, this one simple gift, given with love and received with love, could unlock a life of generosity they never knew they had inside them. Please don’t steal that from them. Please don’t steal their blessing.

Radical Generosity

We are on our way to the mountains! Packed up, in the car, driving west, heading for Colorado. It also happens to be Finn and Pax’s third birthday!

A friend of a friend – a man we’ve never actually met – owns a handful of hotels in the Rocky Mountains. He generously and graciously offered my family a free week’s stay at any of his properties. How amazing is that?!?! One stranger offering another stranger an unconventional and extravagant gift. Except we aren’t strangers……we’re all brothers and sisters in Jesus. This is what we do. We use our unique gifts, talents, and resources to bless others. Not because we expect something in return, but because we are blessed with the opportunity to serve and love one another in unique and profound ways. I would argue there’s nothing better than blessing someone else, especially the person who has nothing to offer you in return.

You may be saying to yourself, “that’s great for the guy who owns hotels…….but I don’t own hotels and I’m certainly not wealthy.” Here’s the great news: we all have something to give! Whether we’re rich or poor, old or young, in school or in the workforce, creative or not-so-creative, the boss or the employee, we all have something to offer! We are called to serve each other and give in accordance to our abilities. What that looks like will vary from one person to the next. It’s not about the dollars……it’s about the heart. It’s about wanting to make a difference in someone’s life. It’s about wanting to live out – in the 21st century – what Jesus modeled in the first century.

So while I’m enjoying time with my family this week, I’ll be thinking about this generous man who blessed us in such a wonderful way. I am so grateful for his gift and his generous heart. I’ll also be using this time to think about new and fun ways I can use my unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well. I already have a few ideas up my sleeve, but I hope this time of relaxation and rejuvenation will spark even better ideas in my soul. I’m really looking forward to that!

What are some ways you can use your unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well in your world? I’d love to hear your ideas!