Facing Fears Head-On

I didn’t really sleep last night. I couldn’t get my brain to shut off after delivering my talk at the DSM Small Business Success Summit. The event was good, I think my talk went well (haven’t watched the film yet), and I received a lot of positive and powerful feedback afterward. What made the day so odd is what happened next. I drove home, changed into casual clothing, and immediately started preparing for my next talk (which is tomorrow). Only this time, the audience will likely be 10x the size.

Needless to say, it’s been a wild week for someone whose biggest fear is public speaking. Well, second biggest fear. My biggest fear is falling into a pit of snakes…..but let’s just hope that never happens. Many years ago, I decided I needed to face this fear of speaking head-on. It’s been a choppy process. When people ask if I like speaking, the answer is “I hate doing it, but love having done it.” I say that somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but there’s also some truth to it. The anxiety of the build-up is excruciating, but the delivery and feeling of accomplishment I get when I’m done is tremendous. It has become one of my favorite things in life.

If I’m being honest with you, which is what you signed up for by subscribing to this blog, imposter syndrome hit me hard yesterday. I’m surrounded by all these gifted speakers and here I am, some dude whose biggest fear is public speaking, feeling like I’m the only one who didn’t belong. That’s not true, of course, but why let common sense and rational thinking get in the way of a frothy panic?

Facing our fears isn’t a singular moment in time. It’s not like in the movies. It’s a long process that takes intentionality, persistence, and patience. I get a little better every time I step onto the stage. I hope to one day be a world-class speaker. But first, I have to be a bad speaker, then an ok speaker, then a good speaker, and so on. I’m trying to earn my way up, one repetition at a time.

Facing your fears sucks, but it’s also amazing.

Confronting Fear Head-On

I’m scheduled to deliver two talks this week. One is at a high school youth group and the other is a keynote address at a high school leadership conference. I couldn’t be more excited about these opportunities. They also kick off a series of speaking engagements I have lined up for the spring.

Confession: public speaking is my biggest fear. Ironic, I know. Several years ago, I had a strong desire to combat my fear of speaking. I knew I would be doing some level of public speaking in my career, and didn’t want to bomb, so I looked for opportunities to speak to other audiences as practice. I was a mess the first time I spoke on stage. Vomit was involved…..and sweating….and shaky hands……and stuttering. Did I mention it was a mess? I hope no footage exists of that first one.

Then I did it again, then again, then again. Each time, I performed a little better and I was a bit less terrified. Before I knew it, it went from my biggest fear to something I get excited about. For me, there’s nothing quite like the rush of knowing I have 30 minutes of people’s attention to possibly make an impact. Equal parts responsibility and opportunity. I still get nervous, and I’d definitely still call public speaking my greatest fear (well maybe #2 after snakes).

I don’t do it as much as I should, but I’m a big believer in confronting fear head-on. I have a list of things I’m scared to do, and hopefully I’ll get the courage to attack each one soon. I’ll end by sharing one. I don’t do well being in the wilderness, especially if it involves being wet and cold. I’ve addressed this fear somewhat through a men’s ministry trip I take each fall to the Boundary Waters. I used to be terrified of that trip. But now, I actually enjoy it (sort of). That means it’s time to step it up. Sometime soon, I’m going to do a solo trip into the wilderness. Just me, a canoe, whatever is in my pack, and three days of isolation. Just typing that scares me to death. That’s a good sign I should probably get to planning.

What about you? What fears do you want to confront?

You Can Always Go Back

I was days away from making one of the biggest decisions of my life. I was 99% sure I was about to resign from my career, make a complete 180-degree shift, and take a 90% pay cut to do something unconventional. To be honest, I was scared out of my mind. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, and my mind was continually racing. Then, I found myself sitting face-to-face with a trusted friend. Yeah, he too thought I was absolutely out of my mind. He told me as such, elaborated on why I was, then reaffirmed his opinion that I was, in fact, insane. But then, he added, “So what if you fail? You could always go back.”

Wow. I hadn’t thought of it like that before. In my mind, I was slamming a door in life, nailing it shut, then covering it with concrete. It’s as though I was forever locking my path in a new direction, for better or for worse. The reality is, I wasn’t. He was right! What’s the worst that could have happened? If push came to shove, and I fell flat on my face, I could always go back to my old career (or something resembling it).

While the idea of utter embarrassing failure didn’t necessarily give me a warm and fuzzy feeling, it did help put the entire situation in perspective. If my idea works, our family’s dream comes true. If I fall flat on my face, I eat a slice of humble pie and we move on to something else. The cost/benefit seemed obvious, though still scary.

3.5 years later, I’m living in both worlds. Our family is living our dream life…..and I’m eating little slices of humble pie along the way. It’s way harder than I could have ever imagined it being, but far more worth it than I could have ever imagined.

I’m not advocating everyone leave their career and take a huge pay cut to do something completely different. That just happens to be my story and I’m the one writing this. But you have yours. There’s something in your life you’re scared to do. You know what it is. Just a reminder: You can always go back.