You Aren't Alone

On August 7th, at a client's request, we published a podcast episode titled "Making Financial Progress While Inflation is Kicking Your Butt." In it, I shared a common experience many families across our country are going through. Inflation is doing a number on us. For millions of families, the inflation we've experienced over the past few years has eroded most (or all) of the financial margin they've managed to create. It's scary, frustrating, and defeating.

This week, I spent time with this client for the first time since that episode went live. They jokingly asked if that episode had gone viral. While it hasn't necessarily gone viral, at least 15-20 people have mentioned that specific episode to me. Comments such as, "that hit a little too close to home," "I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way," and "I feel like you understand what we're going through."

All this feedback illustrates an important and powerful point. We aren't alone. While we often feel like we're dealing with genuinely unique circumstances, they are often slight variations of what others are experiencing. I say this to highlight the fact you aren't alone. If true, there are a handful of implications:

• You don't have to go through it alone.

• If others can do it, so can you!

• If others have done it, there are resources to learn and grow.

• Success isn't possible.....it's probable. We just need to keep moving forward. 

• There will be people who try to tear you down with a victim mentality.....

• .....but there will be people who try to encourage and support you.

I've experienced this first-hand over the past 15 years. When we were deeply in debt, I realized millions of others were as well. When I wanted to start a business, I realized millions of others had already gone down that road before me. When we struggled with fertility issues, I realized millions of others struggled as well. When we lost a child, I realized millions of others were also dealing with a similar pain. I wasn't alone, and neither are you.

With that in mind, don't be afraid to be open with others. With honesty comes support, and with support comes progress. Oh yeah, and never hesitate to hit me up if you need anything. I'd be honored to help. You aren't alone, and that's a beautiful thing. 

The Reminders We Don't Want

On Saturday, during the busiest day of the week, our Northern Vessel coffee shop experienced what could have been the most tragic of situations. A car, stolen earlier that morning, barrelled into the side of our shop at full speed. It first struck a customer standing out front, sending him through the main window and down into the basement (the cavern being exposed due to the impact).

At the same time, two of our full-time staff members and a loyal customer were sitting on the built-in bench with their backs against the glass window. Upon impact, as the bench was dislocated (exposing the basement where the outside passenger fell), these three individuals began to retreat and were thrown across the room.

Miraculously, nobody sustained life-threatening injuries. In the aftermath, as the team looked around the room, now covered in glass and blood, it was a harsh reminder of how delicate our lives are. One minute we are enjoying a sunny weekend afternoon sipping a coffee while hanging with friends, and the next minute all hell breaks loose. We often take for granted how special this opportunity of life is.

I've been debating all week about whether I should write about this situation. My gut initially said no, but something else happened. Well, two something elses. One of my team members experienced an unfathomable tragedy in her life last week. That's not my story to tell, but it's a story that makes me weak in the knees just thinking about it. And just two days ago, a team member at one of my clients also experienced a tragedy that's hard to wrap my head around.

To be honest, I've had a hard time processing all of this. Life happens, because life always happens. But these are hard pills to swallow. These are the reminders we don't want. Reminders about how someone you care about so much can be gone in a heartbeat. Reminders about how unpredictable this life can be. Reminders about how meaningless money, status, and stuff are in the big picture. Sure, we need to handle our finances well and care for ourselves. Absolutely. But when push comes to shove, 99.9% of us would give up all the money in the world to be with those we love. But in the repetitive rhythm of our lives, it's easy to forget that. We quickly find ourselves fixating on something a bit more superficial.

This is why meaning over money is so important. Life is too delicate, too short, and too special to focus on the money. Hug your loved ones, create memories, and always live for the meaning.

The Struggle is What Makes the Adventure

Last night, our family time at the campsite was cut short when a nasty thunderstorm blew in. It was the whole package: thunder, lightning, rain, and wind. We quickly retreated to the tent where we rode out the storm and eventually fell asleep. While we were trying to settle the boys in, they were a bit panicked. I think there’s some lingering impact from an absolutely brutal storm we endured in the tent earlier this summer…..which included Pax getting flooded out in the middle of the night. In an attempt to calm them down, I encouraged them that these are the moments that make the adventure. It helped…..a little.

Think about your favorite movie. The struggle is what makes it. If Darth Vader wasn’t around, Luke Skywalker’s journey would have been a borefest. If the Hunger Games never occurred, Katniss would just be another girl. If Michael Jordan didn’t have the Detroit Pistons, his legend may not have been as iconic. The triumph over struggle is what makes it good.

I think about this a lot when it comes to work and money. It’s fun when we experience wins, achieve our goals, and continue to experience up-and-to-the-right progress. But the struggle? The struggle is what makes those moments so much sweeter. I remember back to January 2020, seven months after leaving my career to start my coaching business. That was the month when our monthly income exceeded our modest expenses. Until then, we were riding the struggle bus and supplementing our income from savings. It was a scary time, but the struggle made the win feel all that much more satiating. I can think of so many other struggles we’ve faced in the last 15 years. Struggles that oftentimes felt like they would break us. Like the struggle of fertility. Finding out I’ll never become a biological father, then the nearly three-year wait in the adoption process, then the failed adoption when we were ready to go meet our child. Gut-wrenching struggles. So when we met Finn and Pax four months later, it was the sweetest of the sweetest wins. It was the best day of our lives. All these years later, it was the struggle that defined us, not the win. When I look at my kids, I remember everything that went into becoming a parent and finally meeting them. I will never take that for granted.

So yeah, we’re huddled up in a tent with a storm whipping right through us. Not ideal, for sure. But the struggle is what makes the adventure.

Removing the Option

I'm a broken record on this topic, but credit cards aren't our friend. Every time the words "it's a tool," "just need to be responsible," or "we pay it off every month" are uttered, I know how the story will eventually end. Family, after family, after family, after family is literally being destroyed by these things, and it's getting hard to stomach. Credit cards work really, really well...... until the moment they become our worst nightmare.

Every time I say such slanderous words, I get mocked and ridiculed. To some extent, I get it. My sentiment flies in the face of society, and I look like a complete weirdo. But if you could see the things I see, have the conversations I have, and provide the shoulder to cry on that I provide, I think you'd have a much different perspective.

There's one sentiment that I share over and over again with families. If you allow credit cards to be an option, you WILL use the option. It's the path of least resistance.....until it becomes THE resistance. It's the remedy that immediately solves your problems.....or so it seems. It's the action that takes your stress level from a 90 to a 10.....for a while. Credit cards are a great band-aid, but a lousy tourniquet.

If I could make one general recommendation to every single person who reads this article, it would be to remove credit cards from your life. Perhaps you're the exception who can use them well.....but probably not. That's the problem with exceptions; everyone thinks they are the exception. That's what happens with so many of the people in my life. They believe they are being wise, strategic, and resourceful. Then, it catches up to them. Not immediately. It may take 2 years, or 5 years, or 10 years, or even 20 years. But when it does, watch out! It's a curse I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

If credit cards are an option, we WILL use the option. For that very important reason, I couldn't recommend more that we remove the option altogether. I removed the option from my life more than 10 years ago. Had I not, I most assuredly would have used the option at some point. Life is messy, life is hard, and life is unpredictable. But if the option isn't on the table, we must find other, much better options.