A Price Tag on Legacy?

I was talking to someone the other day about big-picture financial goals. This topic often produces some interesting ideas, but there are a few responses I hear over and over. This particular man uttered an all-to-common phrase, "Leave a legacy for my kids." And by legacy, he meant millions of dollars dumped into his children's laps. I know this for two reasons: 1) that's typically what this phrase means in modern America, and 2) he clarified and said it means leaving his kids millions of dollars.

This phrase is common, especially for Christians, for one big reason: it's frequently discussed, advocated for, and glorified by one of the nation's top financial personalities. I hear this phrase multiple times per week, and it usually goes hand-in-hand with similar concepts, such as creating generational wealth, eliminating the need for your kids to work, and giving your kids more than you had. I get a queasy feeling just typing that.....

In a recent podcast episode, Cole and I talked about the idea of leaving our children a bunch of money one day. I made a comment that created more buzz than I had anticipated. I said I didn't believe in leaving large sums of money to my kids. Instead, most of what we have will either be given away upon our death or put into a charitable trust where my kids will manage its longer-term distribution. There are two primary reasons for this perspective. First, it's not my money to begin with. If I believe all I have is God's, which I do, then I don't own it......my job is merely to manage it while I'm here. If that's true, what makes me think I should pass it down to my kids instead of blessing and serving others? Second, I think my kids deserve better than to have their drive and ambitions chopped off at the knees by a big pot of money. They deserve the opportunity to carve their own path, pursue work that matters, and use their unique gifts and talents to create an impact on this world. A big pot of unearned money can quickly zap this from them in a heartbeat. Yes, it's possible that a large sum of money could help in their endeavors. It's also true that I could successfully rob a nearby convenience store, but it's probably not a good idea to try. Behavioral science, statistics, and my own experience working with countless families tell me there's a higher probability for downside than upside.

Want to leave a legacy for your kids? That's awesome, me too!!! I just define legacy differently than a big pile of cash. For me, legacy is about character, faith, generosity, humility, impact, and service to others. Money factors zero into this. If my kids have millions of dollars but not the traits listed above, my legacy is garbage. If my kids have limited financial means but possess these traits, I succeeded in the mission. You can't put a price tag on legacy.

Green Egg & Ham

I ran into my friend, Abby, yesterday and asked her about her Easter weekend. She mentioned her family had smoked ham and a ton of other food. Then, she added, “They smoked it on a green egg smoker.” This launched into an entirely different conversation, leading another person to laugh about the fact someone would make a smoker in the form of a green egg. Who does that? Why would they do that? What’s the point of doing that?

I quickly pointed out there may be one very simple reason why someone would create a smoker in the form of a green egg. We’re talking about how the ham was smoked on a Big Green Egg smoker. Had it been any other smoker, the conversation would have simply gone, “smoked ham.” But here we were, a bunch of amateur non-meat smokers going on and on about a green egg smoker. Geniuses, I tell you!

Between my businesses and my clients’ businesses, I think about this idea a lot. What makes you/me/them stand out? What makes people pause, tilt their heads, and ask questions? What draws people to you? We may not have something as quirky as a green egg to smoke meats on, but we do have something. Here’s the irony. We often try to smooth out our uniqueness to fit in with the crowd. If the Big Green Egg did that, they would just be a regular ‘ol smoker. Instead, we should embrace what makes us different from others and lean into that thing.

Just the other day, I was meeting with a couple. They asked me an interesting question, to which I gave them an honest answer. The wife responded, “I think you’re the only person who would have ever given us that answer……..*pause*………..and we expected you would say something like that.” To be honest, it would be easier if I would just mold myself to be more like everyone else, giving the same advice. After all, I don’t always enjoy the pushback and criticism. It can be exhausting at times. But I need to be genuinely me and not be scared to do so. It’s a battle at times, but a battle worth fighting.

The same goes for you. Don't water down your gifts or what makes you unique. People can go anywhere for the ordinary……they come to you for you. Whether that’s through the lens of you as an employee, friend, family member, or business owner, the world deserves to get the full and real you.

"But What Certifications!?!?"

I’ve shared this story with a handful of people, each of which who voiced their displeasure for me not blogging about it yet. So, here goes! A while back I met a couple who was potentially interested in pursuing a coaching relationship with me. When I asked them how they found me, they explained how multiple people in their lives have shared how their work with me has been transformational in their life. I’m always grateful for these stories, though I always feel like I get too much credit.

Needless to say, this couple came in hot and were excited about what a potential coaching relationship could do for them. The conversation was going great. They shared about their lives and aspirations, and I shared about my background and what coaching would/could look like. Then, it took an unexpected turn.

“What are your coaching credentials or certifications?”

“I don’t have any.”

“You have to have something! Did you go to school for this?”

“No”

“How do you know what you’re doing?”

“I’m not saying I do. Those other people said I do.”

“I’m not sure we can hire someone without any actual credentials”

“That’s totally ok. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t fully believe in. You have to be 100% comfortable and confident going into this, otherwise, it won’t work.”

Other than this being somewhat humorous, why am I sharing this? I think we often undervalue ourselves. We rely on a piece of paper, a title, or some letters behind our names to determine the value we offer the world. I’m not saying these things don’t matter. Rather, I’m saying what you already have to offer the world DOES matter. You don’t need someone else’s permission to make an impact. Not everyone will want what we have to offer, but lucky for us, we have neither the need nor the time to work with everyone. Our job is simply to serve those who wish to be served.

The world is full of people who are gifted at something. You’re probably one of them. There are countless skill sets that can be used to serve people in unique ways. You probably have one. There are millions of people who have unmet needs, just waiting to get a hand-up. You probably know some.

We don’t need permission. We need action.

**Side note: This couple DID decide to hire me and we’ve laughed (multiple times) about this story. They are killing it, by the way!!!

Finding Your Craft

I just spent the past 30 minutes on TikTok watching a barber in Rome shave random men’s faces with a straight-blade razor. Not sure how I got there, but it was quite satisfying! A few things stood out to me as I was watching him:

• He is brilliant at his craft. He confidently operated with excellence. The process was smooth and the finished product was outstanding.

• He carried himself with a sense of passion. I could tell he loves what he does. Every action showcased in the videos illustrated his love for the craft.

• He’s adding value to people’s lives. The men in his chair were relaxed throughout the service and were genuinely pleased with the results. Their smiles spoke for themselves.

When I see things like this, I often wonder to myself, “how in the world do you wake up one day and decide you’re going to be an expert at _______?” I know absolutely nothing about this barber, but I admire him for spending his days doing something that clearly aligns with his gifts, passions, and opportunity to make a difference in this world.

Each one of us has the opportunity today to do the same. It’s probably not using a straight-blade razor to shave facial hair, but yours is just as unique and just as important. I hope you find it, I hope you do it, and I hope you enjoy it.

All It Takes is One

While recently giving a talk, I couldn’t help but notice two people in the audience who were talking to each other and laughing…..for nearly my entire talk! This isn’t uncommon, unfortunately. Every audience includes people who seem disengaged at best, and disruptive at worst. It’s easy to dwell on these people, as they stick out like a sore thumb. There were times in the past when I definitely would have been consumed by them.

Then, something happened that changed everything for me. There was one particular talk where a few audience members were especially disrespectful and disruptive. I dwelled on this for months, wondering if I was so boring that someone would disregard me altogether. Maybe six months after the talk, I received a letter in my business mailbox. It was from someone who had attended that talk. Their handwritten note explained how my talk completely changed the way they view work and money, and they just wanted to thank me for making a difference in their life.

Wow, all this time I was focusing on the wrong people. Instead of focusing on the disengaged few, I should have focused on those who were willing to be impacted. It’s hard, though, as our impact isn’t always visible. It happens behind the scenes, oftentimes long after we pass through someone’s life. If there were 200 people in that audience, knowing that even one person was positively impacted made it worthwhile for me. We’re never going to impact everyone……we may not even impact most. But if we put ourselves out there, do the hard work, and aim to serve, we will most certainly impact someone in a meaningful way. Sometimes we will learn about it, sometimes we won’t. In this particular situation, I received the privilege of learning about it. Ever since that day, I’ve been able to keep this dynamic in perspective. I’m not for everyone, but I’m for someone.

You’re not for everyone, but you’re for someone. You have an impact to make today! Not on everyone, but on someone. Many may disregard you, but someone will be transformed because of you. You may find out about it, but you might not. All it takes is one. Go serve that one!

Someday

Photo by Nicholas Barbaros on Unsplash

When working with coaching clients, I usually ask two questions pretty early in the relationship. 1) “When do you want to retire?”, and 2) “What do you want retirement to look like?” On the first question, 90% respond with a variation of “as soon as I can….that’s why we’re hiring you.” For the second question regarding what they want retirement to look like, there are three answers I most often hear. Some say they want to travel, some say they want to relax, and MANY say they want to continue working, but do “something I enjoy.”

I totally get the travel and relax answers, though I have a totally different opinion on the topic. As it pertains to that third answer, I have a dumb question. Why would we spend the next 10-20 years working at a job we can’t wait to leave (reminder, 90% say they want to retire ASAP) so we can later go work at a job we enjoy? Let’s think about that for a moment……..

Ok, I’m back. We’re going to live a life where we celebrate Friday, dread Monday, painfully gut through the majority of our waking hours, go spend money on things to mask the discontentment, and repeat that process again for the next 500-1,000 weeks? That’s insanity, but we’ve been wired to think that’s just how the world should work. Instead, why aren’t we aggressively pursuing that “something I enjoy” career today rather than waiting 10-20 more years?

Six months ago, I had an amazing career. I was doing something I had always dreamed of. It was an awesome 15 years of relationships, experiences, and growth. But God gave me a new dream, and a new vision. I’ve had pieces of this dream in the back of my mind for many years. I would tell people about how “someday” I was going to do something about it. When? “Once I retire from this career……maybe at 50, or 55, or 60.” See, I did it too!!

Life is so short. We only have one shot at this life. You’re only going to be 35-years-old once….and 40…..and 45……and so on. We can’t go back, we can’t get a do-over. If you only get to live this life once, what are you doing wasting it on something that doesn’t fill you, simply waiting for it to end?

“If you only get to live this life once, what are you doing wasting it on something that doesn’t fill you?”

Is it a money thing? I get it. That’s scary! Money always seems to have a grip on us. We are told money is so important, it’s a measuring stick for success, it buys things that makes us happy. Why do we think the money matters so much? Behavioral scientists have been proving for years money doesn’t make us happy. What’s one of the primary drivers of happiness, according to the science? Work that matters! I could have let money stop me……..spoiler, it almost did. But I finally got over my own pride and my own materialism to do what I knew deep in my heart was right. My family voluntarily chose a 90% income decrease (90%!!!) for me to step into this new career. Two things came from that.

First, we are happier today than we’ve ever been in our lives. We live each and every day with meaning and joy. I worked a 14-hour day last week and I was upset with myself that I couldn’t work more. Every day is an adventure, and I actually celebrate Mondays. When I wake up each morning, I can’t wait to get my day started so I can create, contribute, and use whatever opportunities God gives me to serve others. It is a profound feeling I so badly wish others could experience.

Second, knowing how much fire and energy I have towards my work, I wouldn’t be surprised to wake up one day to find that my income is comparable to the one I left behind. Who am I to judge God’s blessings and the value of my own work? I don’t know how that will play out over time, but I now know it was foolish of me to mentally condemn myself to a low income from here on out.

If it’s not money for you, is it the fact you’d be “throwing away” your career? Believe me, I had those thoughts, too. It took me 12 years to get the position I had always dreamed of…..only to leave that position three years later. One could argue I “threw it away”, but I don’t look at it that way. I got so much out of it. That career prepared me for the next step in my journey. Back in January, on a long-haul flight to Asia, I told my wife Sarah I was going to write. See, I’ve wanted to be a writer my entire life. But here I was, 37-years-old, and I hadn’t written anything my entire adult life. I told her it would probably be a train wreck, but I was going to give it the ol’ college try. So I started writing, and the words flew off my computer keys. It felt so natural……I was really confused. How did writing feel so natural when I hadn’t written for nearly 15 years? Then it hit me: I write all the time! In the 15 years I’ve spent working in commercial real estate, my job was to communicate. I wrote every single day. It just looked different. I spent 15 years writing to my clients, to my colleagues, and to our investment committees, which absolutely prepared me for the next step in my journey. Nothing worthwhile is ever thrown away. Every experience, every struggle, and every skill I acquired in my 15-year real estate investing career is meaningful to me as I step into this new chapter. I’m so grateful for those 15 years and everything that came with it.

So back to my original question. If you’re saying to yourself “someday, I’m going to do _____”, why not now? I’m not saying I have everything figured out – far from it – but I can tell you I’m so grateful I decided to do at 38 what I always told myself I would do at 50, or 55, or 60. Life is too short for regret! When will you step into your someday?

“Life is too short for regret! When will you step into your someday?”

Radical Generosity

We are on our way to the mountains! Packed up, in the car, driving west, heading for Colorado. It also happens to be Finn and Pax’s third birthday!

A friend of a friend – a man we’ve never actually met – owns a handful of hotels in the Rocky Mountains. He generously and graciously offered my family a free week’s stay at any of his properties. How amazing is that?!?! One stranger offering another stranger an unconventional and extravagant gift. Except we aren’t strangers……we’re all brothers and sisters in Jesus. This is what we do. We use our unique gifts, talents, and resources to bless others. Not because we expect something in return, but because we are blessed with the opportunity to serve and love one another in unique and profound ways. I would argue there’s nothing better than blessing someone else, especially the person who has nothing to offer you in return.

You may be saying to yourself, “that’s great for the guy who owns hotels…….but I don’t own hotels and I’m certainly not wealthy.” Here’s the great news: we all have something to give! Whether we’re rich or poor, old or young, in school or in the workforce, creative or not-so-creative, the boss or the employee, we all have something to offer! We are called to serve each other and give in accordance to our abilities. What that looks like will vary from one person to the next. It’s not about the dollars……it’s about the heart. It’s about wanting to make a difference in someone’s life. It’s about wanting to live out – in the 21st century – what Jesus modeled in the first century.

So while I’m enjoying time with my family this week, I’ll be thinking about this generous man who blessed us in such a wonderful way. I am so grateful for his gift and his generous heart. I’ll also be using this time to think about new and fun ways I can use my unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well. I already have a few ideas up my sleeve, but I hope this time of relaxation and rejuvenation will spark even better ideas in my soul. I’m really looking forward to that!

What are some ways you can use your unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well in your world? I’d love to hear your ideas!