A Continuous Circle, and You’re Part of It!

My close friend, Gary Hoag, recently wrote an excellent piece for the Christian Leadership Alliance. Gary is a world-renowned speaker and teacher in the area of Christian generosity. I'm always excited to read Gary's work, including his blog that he's posted daily for nearly 14 years (yeah, 5,000+ consecutive days......wild!).

Gary has been a monumentally important figure in my life over the last eight years. Much of what you read and hear from me has Gary's fingerprints all over it. For this reason, I'm always stunned when Gary advocates for me or my work. In the article I referenced above, Gary recommended our Meaning Over Money podcast as one of his four next steps. It's wild that someone like Gary would lift up a person like me. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't I be singing his praises and telling everyone to check out his work? Of course I should! But he doesn't owe me that. There are plenty of people in Gary's life with more experience, expertise, and talent than me. Yet, he trusts the work we're doing over here. I never take that for granted!

That's the beauty of life. It always feels like a circle. Gary is always so gracious to pour into me and lift me up, but someone poured into him and lifted him up. And so, too, did someone for that person....and so on. It's one big circle, and we get to be part of it. We don't have to be, but we get to be. I often wonder how many lives have been impacted due to Gary's work and pouring into others. Has he done for a handful of other people what he's done for me? Dozens? Hundreds? And what have all those people done in turn to pour into others? Handfuls? Dozens? Hundreds? Gary is changing this world, one conversation, one relationship, and one generous act at a time.

Here's the point of today's post. The circle can stop with us. We can gratefully accept the gift, benefit from it, and simply sit on our hands. We're certainly better for it, but that's about it. Alternatively, we can embrace that same spirit Gary carries himself with and pass it on to others. There are many people in my life that I sincerely want to pour into. Some of this has been happening for years, others more recently, and some will happen for people I've yet to meet. And we all get to be part of it! How exciting is that!?!? Some days I think about this fact, and it overwhelms me. Such an opportunity.....and responsibility.

Don't let that opportunity slip away. Find people in your life to pour into and lift up. Be a difference-maker in their life, encourage them, and help them be better.....so they, in turn, can do the same for others. It's a continuous circle, and you're part of it!

Can't Win 'Em All

On Saturday, I was struck with a brilliant idea. Ok, maybe it wasn’t brilliant……but in my head it was! The Minnesota Timberwolves were a near lock for the 9th seed in the NBA’s Western Conference, meaning they would host a home play-in game on Wednesday night. Considering this is a borderline bucket list item for me, the idea of road-tripping to this game excited me. That’s when my second brilliant idea surfaced. My buddy, Keaton, is a Minneapolis resident and a huge Timberwolves fan. It was then and there that I decided to buy fantastic seats for that game and gift my friend an awesome experience. He said he was in, I bought the tickets, and I rearranged my schedule. Investing in memories, notching off a bucket list item, and giving an awesome gift to a friend…….such a cool situation! Brilliant, right?!?!

Second tier, front row, mid-court…….

What happened next is where it all came crumbling down. The Timberwolves go on to win their final two games and other teams lost theirs. Translation: the Wolves moved up in the standings and weren’t going to host this game in Minnesota. Huge bummer! All is not lost, fortunately, as I’ll get a refund because the game got canceled…..or so I thought. The ticket system considered this game “play-in game #1.” Little did I know, but if the Wolves lose this first game (played last night), they would play a second play-in game on Friday night at home. Well, I knew that part. The part I didn’t know is that Friday’s home game would now be considered “play-in game #1.” In other words, I may still have two expensive tickets to Friday night’s game……which my friend can’t attend.

Meanwhile, the Timberwolves are a mess. One of their best players punched a teammate during a huddle in the season finale, resulting in a one-game suspension (for last night’s game), and another player, in anger, punched a wall at halftime and broke his hand (out indefinitely). Did I mention they were playing at the Lakers, where Lebron and AD are getting hot at the right moment? Not looking so good for the Wolves……which means it might not look so good for me. How’d it all play out? Last night’s game was an overtime thriller, with the Lakers pulling it out. Therefore, it looks like I have two expensive tickets for a game I can’t take my friend to. Ouch.

Brilliant idea, horrible outcome. I never would have known had I not tried. I don’t regret it at all and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Oh well, nothing worth doing is ever easy or perfect. I’ll definitely do something dumb like this again in the future, and that one may work out to be one of the best outcomes ever……or it too could blow up in my face, again. You can’t win ‘em all.

Hopping Into the Delorean

Nearly every time I start working with a new client, they make the statement, “I wish someone would have shown this to me when I was younger.” This comes out of the mouths of people in their 50s, 40s, 30s, and even late 20s. Almost without fail, people have this moment when they realize how much better their financial life or career would be had they implemented some of these ideas earlier in life. My moment came when I was 28 years old. I was still pretty young, but I had already made multiple life-altering financial mistakes. If only I could get a do-over!

Unfortunately, none of us can hop into our Delorean, accelerate to 88 MPH, and tell our younger selves the secrets of a better way. On the other hand, we actually do! We all have young people in our lives who we love. I think about my youth group kids, nieces, friends’ children, and other friends who are (much) younger than me. “I wish someone would have shown this to me when I was younger.” We may not be younger, but these other people are! Each of us has an opportunity to help shift the life trajectory of the young people in our lives. Even just one little conversation could be transformational for their journey. Words are free and words are powerful.

I’ll leave you with one story. Several years ago, I was paddling a canoe in the Minnesotan wilderness with a young man I had just met the day before. We used that opportunity to get to know one another. We talked about sports, family, passions, dreams, and probably a whole lot more. I really enjoyed that time with him, but I don’t have any significant memories of that particular conversation.

About 12-18 months later, out of the blue, I received a thank you card in the mail. It was from that same young man! in it, he explained how that conversation in the canoe changed his life. I shared ideas, encouragement, and advice that would go on to fundamentally shift the way he perceived his money and career. The rest is history, as they say. To me, it was a casual conversation. To him, it was so much more. I love that guy and I’m so proud of him! He’s now like a little brother to me and one of the great blessings of my life is to watch him thrive. Words are powerful and words are free.

Hop into the Delorean and bless those young people in your life! It will change their lives…..and possibly yours as well!

Giving What You Have: PTO Edition

In multiple posts, I’ve mentioned the words of my wise friend, Gary Hoag. “Give what you have, not what you don’t.” This simple saying has changed my perspective on life, as it has for countless others. When the topic of generosity comes up, people are quick to highlight all the things they don’t have. But everyone has something to give. We just have to each recognize what we’re blessed with and decide to share it with others.

This idea hit full speed today as I was chatting with a friend. My friend has been dealing with significant and scary medical issues. I’m sure it’s taken a toll emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. It’s been a brutal journey and there’s no way around it. This situation has caused my friend to miss a lot of work recently. Luckily she has PTO (personal time off - i.e. paid vacation time), which has been a blessing. Unfortunately, her bank of PTO hours is waning, and more time off will most certainly be needed. Knowing this, their family has been preparing the finances to take unpaid time off to navigate the weeks ahead.

Recognizing this and also caring for their friend/colleague, her co-workers decided to step up. In a very creative idea, they volunteered to donate some of their own PTO time to their struggling friend, meaning their sacrifice allows her to get additional time off without losing her pay. I couldn’t have loved this story more! These people have zero obligation to her, surely have their own issues at home (financial or otherwise), and could have just kept doing what they were doing. But they didn’t! They had something to give, and gave it!

Such a beautiful model of what generosity looks like. They gave what they had, not what they didn’t. I hope you find some creative opportunities this week to share what you have.

The Test of Time and Space

As I’m writing this, it’s mid-afternoon on New Year’s Eve. Today is a big day. Well, not today, technically. 20 years ago, at this very hour, was a big day. 3PM on December 31st, 2002. That’s when I arrived at a grungy (at best) apartment in Memphis, TN. After an exhausting 10-hour drive, I anxiously but excitedly walked into an unfamiliar building, in an unfamiliar city, in an unfamiliar state, and met an unfamiliar person. His name was Brook, and he too had just moved into this apartment. He was from Penn State and we were both about to embark upon an internship experience at International Paper Company. Think of it as Dunder Mifflin before Dunder Mifflin even existed, but much bigger and not nearly as funny. What we didn’t know at the time was it would be about a whole lot more than a simple internship.

Us living together was an arrangement of finances and convenience. We were both broke college kids who needed a cheap place to live, hopefully close to the office. Through e-mail, we made that happen. But what we were unknowingly doing was creating a lifelong friendship that withstood the test of time and space. He and I, along with our third amigo Nick (who was a local Memphis kid who also shared the internship experience), have remained close 20 years after that experience. Fun fact: we’ve only seen each other in person maybe 6 times since we lived together (3 of which were our respective weddings). Yet, we still talk weekly (or more).

What’s interesting about Brook and I’s relationship is we aren’t alike….at all. We have vastly different views on politics, faith, culture, finances, sports teams, and pretty much every topic imaginable. But what we do have is love for one another and a mutual respect for each other’s perspectives. I’ve learned a lot from Brook, and I suspect he’d say the same about me. In a life where I’ve gotten a lot of things drastically wrong, this is one thing I can say I’ve got remarkably right. Whether it’s Brook, Nick, Ryan, Dan, Gary, or a handful of other people who I have deeply genuine and honest relationships with, I’m so grateful for those bonds that withstand the test of time and space. I hope you also have a Brook in your life. That’s what the idea of meaning over money is all about…..the meaning.

“Please Don’t Steal My Blessing”

A while back, a close friend asked me if it's wrong he was the one who ended the "pay it forward" streak at Starbucks. In other words, someone decided to be generous by anonymously paying for the next person's coffee and an unknown number of people subsequently did the same thing…….until my friend broke the streak by not paying for the person behind him.

Does that mean my friend is selfish? Greedy? Less generous than the people ahead of him? Many of you were probably nodding your head up and down as you read those questions. I see it differently. I believe he was the only person in the story (besides the original giver) who acted with love and selflessness.

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Several years ago, I was sharing a meal with one of my mentors. Being the generous and loving man he is, he offered to pay for my meal. Me, as I always tended to do, tried to pay for his instead……and when unsuccessful, tried to have it split. You've seen it before. A handful of friends having a fun dinner at a restaurant. Lots of storytelling, laughing, and sharing memories about the good 'ol days. Then the bill arrives and there's suddenly this awkward little scrum where a couple guys look like they're hand fighting, trying to be the one to grab the bill out of the waiter’s helpless and nervous hands. The more aggressive one (or perhaps the one with the longer arms) snags the bill and proudly slams his card in the little black jacket. Meanwhile, the other guy is still trying to snatch the bill out of his buddy's hands, insisting he should be the one to pick it up.

You're probably smiling at the thought of this scenario, as you've witnessed it first-hand and it's kind of funny to watch. While I was busy trying to do the same thing to my mentor, he said something to me I will never forget. "When you refuse someone's generosity, you're robbing them of the opportunity to be a blessing. Please don’t steal my blessing!" At the time, I was just starting to learn what it means to be truly generous. I was learning that giving was one of the most Godly and life-giving things I could ever do with my money. I reveled in finding opportunities to be a blessing to others. In doing so, I became prideful and falsely believed generosity needed to flow one way and one way only: away from me and towards someone else. So here I was, in the stage of life trying to model and encourage generosity to others, while simultaneously robbing those very people of the opportunity to be generous. Talk about sabotaging my own mission!!

Since that conversation, I’ve really tried to do better. I’ve tried to change my heart, and for the most part I have. When someone gives me a gift, my gut still tells me to push back. After all, I don’t “need” it. Then I quickly remember…..they aren’t giving me a gift because I “need” it. Rather, they are giving me a gift because they see an opportunity to be a blessing and show love to me. Even when my gut says “no”, my heart and my response says “thank you.” I’m thankful for their generous spirit. I’m thankful for the love they are showing me. I’m thankful for their selflessness. As a matter of practice, I’ve made a vow to never again rob someone of their opportunity to be a blessing. When a youth group kid offers to buy me lunch (perhaps a lot of money for them and not much to me), I say “thank you.” When a colleague offers to buy my coffee, I say “thank you.” When we’re out to dinner with another couple and they offer to buy our meal, I say “thank you.” Generosity doesn't flow one way. In order to be truly generous, we need to be humble enough to accept other’s generosity with love and gratitude.

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So, back to "pay it forward" streaks at Starbucks. When someone in front of us pays for our drink, why don't we simply receive their gift, be thankful, and enjoy our free drink? Some would argue we are returning the favor by paying for the next person. Math says otherwise. If our $4 coffee is paid for by a stranger but we "pay for" the next person's drink, we still paid the same $4 we were already going to pay. We just trick ourselves into believing we paid for someone else. Why do we do this? I think there are two primary reasons. First, some people feel guilty not paying for the next person's drink. They think to themselves, "if they paid for me, I should probably pay for someone else……plus I don't want to be the one to break this streak." Guilt-driven giving is the opposite of generosity. Second, and I believe more relevant to most, many people simply aren't willing to receive a blessing from someone else. We think "I don't need this gift", or "someone else could use it more than me." So by telling ourselves we are "paying it forward", what we're really doing is deflecting the blessing and making ourselves feel like we've actually exhibited generosity. There’s another word for this: PRIDE.

The reality is my friend is the only person in the string who actually had the humility to accept the blessing. There may have been 100 people before him that "paid it forward", but he had the humility and gratitude to receive the blessing and simply enjoy it. Does that make him greedy? No way! I think it makes him loving. Loving enough to receive a blessing with humility and to put his pride aside. It's not to say my friend isn't generous. Perhaps next time in Starbucks he will pay for someone else's drink, or maybe he'll pay the light bill for a struggling neighbor, or maybe he'll give his car away to a single mother at church. Who knows what he'll do, but when he does it, I hope the person on the other end of the gift humbly receives the blessing and simply enjoys it with a spirit of gratitude. I sincerely hope they don't steal his blessing.

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I wrote the above piece more than a year ago, but didn’t know what I wanted to do with it. Fast forward to today, it just feels like the right time to talk about this. This piece also raised to the top of my mind based on something that recently happened to me.

In this wild season of life, amidst all the quarantining, amidst small business closing their doors, amidst people losing jobs left and right, generosity matters more than it ever has. Though my wife and I have cut back our budget significantly to help navigate these stormy waters (as I also recommend to my clients), we’ve simultaneously doubled our giving. There are so many new and unique ways to show people generosity in this season! And so many groups of people who could use some extra love right now! Countless ways to give to countless numbers of people……what a time to be alive!!!

In light of this, my wife and I have been experimenting with new and fun ways to bless others. One of these ways, which was triggered by a sermon I heard from my friend Aaron Vis, is to show intentional love to grocery store employees. Grocery stores have become the backbone of our communities during this crazy season, and their employees have become newfound heroes. I solicited friends in my social media circle to give me names of grocery store employees so I could bless them in some small way. I collected their names, found their Venmo handles, and started giving gifts. It was fun! Dropping little notes of encouragement (along with money) into their Venmo account. One of them responded: “OMG. Travis, you didn’t have to do that at all! But thanks! I appreciate it! This virus thing has been crazy.” To be honest, this was the highlight of my day. There was nothing that could top the feeling of having an opportunity to be a blessing, acting on it, and having the recipient receive it with love and humility.

A few days later, a different recipient refunded my gift and included a message saying they appreciate the gesture……but don’t need it. They sent the gift back to me! I have to be honest, this one upset me. I wasn’t giving them a gift because they needed it. I was giving them a gift because I wanted to give them a gift! I WANTED to bless them. I so badly wanted to bless them. Pride got in the way, and they rejected the gift. This one still bums me out..

Now maybe good will still come from this. Maybe my gesture truly did mean something to them. But I didn’t want to make a gesture….I wanted to give a gift. It’s like me giving an awesome new toy to my son, him ripping the wrapping paper off the gift, marveling at the fact he’s holding this awesome toy, handing it back to me, and telling me he appreciates the gesture. I wanted him to open the toy and play it! I wanted him to enjoy it! I didn’t want him to give me a tip-of-the-hat for my gesture. But yet, so many of us do this when people try to show us generosity.

It’s hard to change, but we can do it! Every time someone gives you a gift, please think about this article, suppress your gut instinct to deflect it, and simply receive their gift with love and humility. When you do, it will change you and it will change them. Every time you do this, it will shed a little bit of your pride and replace it with humility. For the giver, at the very least it will make their day. Something greater is at stake, however. For the giver, this one simple gift, given with love and received with love, could unlock a life of generosity they never knew they had inside them. Please don’t steal that from them. Please don’t steal their blessing.