Don't Let Your Memory Become a Nightmare

In yesterday’s post, I talked about the idea of investing in memories and not dwelling on the cost. The key point was that memories will last forever, while you soon won’t even remember what you paid for them. Two readers quickly pointed out this perspective seemed a bit negligent. That it’s irresponsible to recklessly pursue memories at the risk of impairing one’s financial life.

I’m really glad they pointed this out to me! I couldn’t agree more. I was perhaps too casual or too presumptuous that people are avoiding self-sabotage in the process. I of all people should know better than to make this assumption. I work with people every day who make decisions that will haunt them for years or decades to come.

Whenever we make a financial decision, it has to fit within the broader context of our life. When I made the choice to fly to Dallas and sit courtside at a Mavs game, contextually I knew I could intentionally budget for it while still finding my balance between needs, wants, giving, and saving. If this opportunity would have presented itself 10-15 years earlier, I don’t think I could have said the same thing. Back then, a similar decision could potentially have knocked me off balance, or incentivized me into debt. When we make those types of choices, we create a scenario for ourselves where our memories turn into nightmares.

Each summer, Sarah makes the case for us to buy a small condo in a popular nearby lake community. She dreams about all the memories we can create there, as well as all the family time we would get to share together. She makes some very good arguments….and it sounds amazing. However, we then have to consider how it fits into the context of our broader life. Unfortunately, choosing to purchase this condo today would have deep negative ripple effects that could quickly turn into a nightmare.

Memories matter, but not when they haunt us for months or years to come. Choose wisely and choose carefully. When you do, those memories will be beautiful….and priceless!

It's the Same 10 Miles Either Way

I was recently meeting with a client who drives a very average car. Seven years old, 120,000 miles, nothing fancy. When I asked him why he hadn’t made the choice to buy something nicer (because that’s what most people naturally do), he responded, “it’s the same 10 miles either way. Driving this car lets me do all the other things I want to do when I’m not driving those 10 miles.”

There’s so much truth in his dry but poignant response. Regardless of what vehicle he drives, he still has the same commute, on the same roads, over the same period of time, each and every day. Now it’s true people won’t admire his vehicle and give him a virtual pat on the back for being “successful”, but he gains something so much more powerful.

His singular decision to drive with humility has unlocked so many opportunities for him. There are only two ways to drive a newer, fancier vehicle: 1) large monthly payments over the course of several years, or 2) a large chunk of up-front cash. Both have consequences….inescapable consequences.

For this particular family, their choice has resulted in better family vacations, contributions to their children’s college fund, the wife staying at home with the kids (one of her aspirations), an appropriately funded retirement, and limited financial stress/tension.

Sure it’s the same 10 miles each day, but to this family, their counter-cultural decision changes everything!

The Choice

I didn’t set out to plagiarize my close friend and mentor Dr. Gary Hoag’s amazing book, The Choice, when I started writing this post……but here we are. Sorry, Gary! Rather, I was contemplating a text I received from a friend this morning. After some back-and-forth regarding a few of my recent blog posts, I asked him a question: “Which topics/components do you think resonate with people?” He responded with “There’s a desire to make a difference, but a feeling that you have to either get paid to work for the man, or make a difference and be a struggling artist type.”

As I’m sitting in my office pondering these words, I look down and spot my copy of Gary’s book sitting before me (see, Gary, I am reading your stuff!!!). Two simple words in big, bold white letters, “The Choice”, scream right off the cover of the book and into my periphery. We make choices every day. We choose what to wear, what to eat, who to spend our time with, what podcasts to listen to, and what NBA superstar jersey we’re going to buy our toddlers next (just me?). But there seems to be this HUGE choice that lingers over all of us, every single day. The choice of what to do with the majority of our waking hours. The choice of how we are going to use our talents and passions to make an impact. The choice of where our life’s energy will go. Such a huge choice!

As I’m considering my buddy’s words about this choice, I thought back to a very intense conversation I had with Gary over FaceTime last year. I was teetering back-and-forth on the idea of leaving my awesome career to do something totally crazy. It was one of those days where the self-talk was thick. “What are you doing!?!” “You’re going to fail!” “Don’t be irresponsible, you can never make a living doing what you want to do.” Every insult possible was hurled my way…..by my own mean self. I did what I always do when the self-talk ramps up……I engage a trusted mentor. This was one of those I-remember-exactly-where-I-was-when-it-happened kind of moments. I distinctly remember shouting at Gary - in my doubt and frustration - “Yeah, but what I’m thinking about doing hasn’t even been legitimized. There’s no proof this will actually work.” Gary smiled and responded (too) calmly, “Only God gets to decide what’s legitimate.” Thus I started chewing on the slice of humble pie Gary was serving up, piping hot!

One of Gary and I’s many Asian adventures!!

Fast forward several months, I left my career, took a 90% pay cut, and set out to build a new career. Nine months later, I’m able to support my family financially, the business is growing, and I’m already dreaming about what’s next. I often think back to that conversation with Gary and his virtual slap in the face. He was right! Had I not listened to him, and instead listened to my self-talk and the culture around us, I would have made a different choice. I would have chosen “normal”, safe, predictable, and comfortable. Instead, I chose uncertainty, impact, trust, and purpose.

Here’s an interesting thing about this choice, specifically the two options laid out by my friend. We don’t actually have to choose between “getting paid” and “making a difference.” Though I took a 90% pay cut, there’s a legit chance I eventually get to the point where I make as much (or more) in my new career than I did in my old career. If I’m pouring out my passion, using my gifts, serving people well, making an impact, and truly setting out to make the difference I know God is asking me to make, there’s no reason the income can’t follow. That doesn’t drive my decisions and ultimately I don’t really care, but that’s a reality we often don’t think about. It’s not an either/or type of choice. Rather, it’s an “I trust God” or “I don’t trust God” type of choice…….and an “I value money” or “I value meaning” type of choice. Whether we realize it or not, we make these choices every day, as not making a choice is still making a choice.

If I were still at my old job, this week I would have received a pretty sizable bonus. Out of respect for my former employer I won’t disclose what it would be…….but it’s a LOT! A former co-worker asked me a few days ago if this “lost bonus” gives me any regrets. Honestly, no. That money would be nice and could do a lot of cool things, but today my life is awesome and I get to dedicate each and every day to doing cool things. It’s honestly an unfair exchange, in my favor. Giving up a large chunk of money to violently pursue what I know to be God’s calling in my life. Knowing what I know today, in hindsight, it was the easiest decision I ever made.

So as I try to land this plane, here are my top three takeaways about this choice:

• Every day is a new opportunity to make a choice.

• Not making a choice is still making a choice.

• Find a few amazing mentors in life that will build you up, be real with you, encourage you when you need it most, and help you make better choices. We can’t do it alone…..and luckily we don’t have to!

What choice will you make?