It’s Possible…..If You Believe

I recently met with a young couple who are frustrated with their finances. They are early in their careers with lots of potential, but with one elephant-in-the-room problem: a ton of student loan debt. $60,000 of student loan debt. They've paid some of it off, but it feels daunting to them. If they just make the minimum payments, it will be gone in eight years......but that idea sucks.

"We'd like to pay it off in two years, but we know that's not a reasonable goal." They are right. It's not a reasonable goal. It's an absurd goal. Everyone in their life agrees, too. There's no shortage of people who tell them to quit trying to pay it off. It's not possible, they say. It will take forever, they are told.

Their challenge to me was to develop a plan to get the debt paid off as quickly as possible......whatever that timeline looks like. Paying off debt (as well as other financial ventures) requires creativity. Nothing is black and white. Rather, we need to think outside the box, take inventory of all the different tools in our lives, and find ways to create something beautiful with them.

Here's the end of the story. This couple can pay off this $60,000 in nine months. NINE! Yes, less than one year. They chuckled at the absurdity of my pitch, waiting for the punchline. But there was no punchline. I was being serious. Over the next 10 minutes, I outlined all the tools they had available to them. Piece by piece, we chipped away at the timeline, one month at a time. When I was done, they looked at each other, then back to me, and the wife said, "That actually seems doable. Are you sure the math is right?"

There's one important ingredient that's needed for them to succeed. They actually need to believe it's possible. If they do, it can happen. If they don't, it can't. The belief makes all the difference in the world. This is what sets some people apart from the rest. They have the absurdity to believe something is possible when the rest of the world just shakes their heads and rolls their eyes.

Two ideas come from this. First, be someone who believes. Not blindly believing, but someone who gives yourself permission to dream and plan, then the courage to act. Second, surround yourself with people who believe. People who believe in you. People who believe in your dreams. People who believe in the impossible. Those people will lift you up on the days when your own belief might start to wain.

It's possible.....if you believe.

Doing the Right Thing is Always the Right Thing

We had a situation in our house last night. Sarah and I had dinner plans with our long-lost friends, Ryan and Anna, who are visiting family for the holidays. We were excited for dinner and had a babysitter lined up. Then, something happened. About 90 minutes before the babysitter was scheduled to arrive, our kids received an invite for another activity that was too good to pass up.

We had a dilemma on our hands. We wanted our kids to do this other activity, but we didn't want to disrespect the babysitter by pulling the rug from underneath her. Therefore, we quickly found a workable solution. I contacted the babysitter to communicate our change of plans (along with an apology), then Venmo'd her the same amount of money we would have paid her for her babysitting duties.

On one hand, we didn't owe her anything. She didn't actually spend her time babysitting. She didn't actually earn it. Plus, it would have been great to save 50 bucks. However, paying her was the right thing to do. And doing the right thing is always the right thing. I still felt bad about it, but she got paid in full, and hopefully, she found something else fun to do instead.

It feels like our society operates on a series of technicalities. If there's no hard rule or signed contract, we'll do anything to make self-serving decisions. Here's an example. I go to dinner and use a gift card that covers the vast majority of the bill. Since we typically tip on the amount of our bill, I don't technically have to leave much of a tip. But doing the right thing is always the right thing.

Here's another. Sometimes, my coaching clients use their meetings at a slower pace than originally structured. In that case, they can run out of contract term before using all their meetings. Technically, I don't have to honor these meetings. After all, the contract has expired. But doing the right thing is always the right thing. In that situation, we just extend the contract to ensure they get their final meeting(s) in (at no cost to them).

I could give a hundred more examples, but I'll save you the time. Instead of finding ways to derive the best outcome for ourselves, we should always look through the lens of the right thing to do. If the right thing falls in our favor, great.....if not, great. The right thing is always the right thing.....because it's the right thing.

When we operate our finances this way, we remove all doubt about motives, reasoning, and justifications. It builds trust. It creates goodwill. It shows the other side that we respect them.

Doing the right thing has surely cost me thousands of dollars over the years, but it's an absolute no-brainer. I have a clear conscience and build meaningful relationships in the process. I hope you do the same. Doing the right thing is always the right thing!

The Propaganda of Easy Money

If you ask anyone on the internet (or don't ask), they will tell you about xyz way to make easy money. Everyone has a get-rich-quick scheme to share with us. For a while, it was crypto (until the entire market seized up). For others, it's a pyramid scheme. For many, it's about drop-shipping or re-selling. The real estate bros are my new favorite. On a post that recently went viral, a man is spouting off that everyone should just buy 10 rental properties......then, boom (!!!!), you're filthy rich! Geez, I never realized how easy the money is. Just buy a bunch of properties.......it's like clockwork. Printing money! So easy!

A handful of my young friends spend their time online bragging about all their day-trading wins. "Look at this $2,000 score!" "I made $10,000 last month!" "I just hit a new record high profit from a single trade!" When we see these posts, it's alluring. We think, "If this guy can do it, surely I can, too!!!" Here's the problem: it's not really happening.

Well, let me rephrase. It is, but it isn't. That $10,000 of day-trading wins? He's probably not going to tell people that that number doesn't include the $13,000 of losses he incurred in the same month. Or the tens of thousands of dollars of net losses incurred up to that point. These are true stories, and I see them frequently.

We're also not seeing what's happening behind the curtain of the "just buy real estate" crowd, where most of them are imploding. They buy these properties, assuming it will be easy money, only to find out it's anything but easy. I actually feel a ton of empathy for this crowd. They were sold a half-truth bill of goods, have tightly wound their entire financial world around it, and have no easy way out if/when it blows up in their face.

This is the problem with the propaganda of easy money. We don't want to miss out on amazing opportunities if others are "winning" with them. So we throw our rational brains aside and dive in head-first. It's absolutely crushing people. So many people (especially young men) are falling into this trap.

Sure, we can chalk it up to "boys being boys," but this isn't innocent fun. The consequences can be brutal....and long-lasting. I've had more than a few women reach out to me in the past 18 months, sharing news that their husbands/boyfriends either committed suicide or attempted it. Why? The stress and pain of these get-rich-quick schemes turn into nightmares. It's tragic.

As I'm coming to a close, it's painfully clear that nothing I've written here is the least bit inspiring, motivating, or encouraging. I contemplated scrapping this and starting over, but maybe this is what I'm supposed to publish. Here's my encouragement. It's not too late for people who have been sucked into this toxic culture. Be a positive force in their lives. Model a better, more integrity-filled way. Live by example. They need the truth. Meaning over Money.

“I Don’t Have That Kind of Cash”

As I was navigating the Minneapolis airport last week, I found myself sharing an elevator with a young man on a business trip. Out of the blue, he lets out a string of expletives. Seeing he was upset, I asked him if everything was alright. He explained to me that his hotel reservation for that evening never got finalized. He blamed it on his company's travel system, but in any event, it was 8PM and he didn't have a hotel room. I spent a few minutes brainstorming ideas with him. One of my suggestions (given the late hour) was to personally buy a room and subsequently expense it through his company. After all, they whiffed on him, resulting in an employee without a place to sleep. 

He contemplated this idea briefly, then responded, "That could work, but rooms are like $150. I don't have that kind of cash in my account." Here he was, stranded in an unfamiliar city on a Friday evening without a place to stay, and the only thing standing in the way of a temporary solution was $150……and he didn't have it! I felt so bad for this young man.

As a society, we like to minimize the struggle of others. With our good jobs, big houses, and nice cars, we hear people talk about struggle, and we think to ourselves, "Things aren't that bad." The weather always looks good at the top of a mountain while we watch the rain clouds below us drench the people at the bottom. It's not to say that most people are unsympathetic. I don't believe that to be true. For most, they simply don't know what they don't know. They have a sample size of one: their own experience. Those are the lenses by which they view the world. As such, it's hard for people to recognize what's happening out there.

People are struggling for many different reasons:

• Poor past financial decisions

• Lack of financial literacy

• Inflation

• Layoffs

• Bad luck

• Health issues

• Lack of intentionality

• Lack of discipline

• Debt

• Broken marriages

• Lack of education

• Followed crappy advice

This list goes on and on. Some of these reasons are preventable, and some aren't. But regardless of whose fault it is, their reality is still their reality. I think we have two choices for these people in our lives: 1) We can demean them and treat them as though they deserve whatever they are going through, or 2) We can show empathy, provide a hand-up (not a hand-out!), and walk alongside them. The first causes shame, while the second creates impact.

Please keep your eyes open for struggling people. They are all around us, and based on everything that's going on, it will probably get more challenging in the coming months. Let's show them grace, generosity, and love (with honesty). We can't necessarily prevent them from experiencing tension and pain this time, but we can play a role in helping them survive and build a better foundation for next time.

Stories Matter

"I can't believe you said that publicly." Those were the words of a trusted friend who listened to a recent podcast episode. He felt I shared too much, and it portrayed me as "weak." I completely understand where he's coming from, and frankly, it would be easier to share fewer stories about my life and focus primarily on things that make me look good. On the flip side, stories matter. Stories move needles. Stories create impact. Stories build trust. Stories create connection. Stories are everything!

Just a few nights ago, I met someone for the very first time. Over dinner, he shared some amazing stories from his journey (some amazingly good and some amazingly bad). Not only did he share them, but he shared them with complete strangers. The result? Connections were made. His stories also moved the needle with me. There's no doubt he created an impact on me.....and perhaps a few others as well. Stories matter.

There are multiple instances each week when I question whether or not I should share a particular story on the podcast, blog, or someone I'm meeting. After all, once something is said in a public forum, it's there forever. Do I really want that? I do. I really do! Not only do these stories have the potential to make a difference, but it's the slow and methodical building of a digital time capsule that my kids will someday unearth.

Speaking of, I was recently on two podcasts you might be interested in. The first was an interview I did on Ryan Snaadt's new podcast. He's a friend, former client, and extremely interesting guy. He took me down some unexpected roads during our time together, and I said things I'd never said publicly before. His show is called Rhymes with Odd, and you can find my episode by clicking either of the following links: APPLE & SPOTIFY).

The second is a recent episode of It's Never About Money, an Australian-based podcast hosted by Joe Stephan. If that name rings a bell, I've mentioned him before. I was on Joe's podcast in June. We had so much fun that I invited him onto our podcast in October to continue that conversation. Given how well-aligned we are regarding this meaning over money idea (plus the conversation was fantastic), he asked if he could republish our episode as the season premier of his podcast. You can find it by clicking this link: APPLE.

I understand how hard it can be to share stories - especially the difficult ones - with others. It's scary being vulnerable. It's nerve-wracking to put something into the world without knowing how it will be received. I promise some will receive it poorly. Don't focus on them, though. Focus on the people who will be moved or inspired by what you have to offer. You have something to share! Please share it. Stories matter.

Every Meal Matters

My family recently had the most wonderful dining experience. The food was enjoyable, we had great conversations, our waitress was sweet, the kids had fun, and most importantly, we created some fun memories. It was one of my favorite dining experiences ever. Pretty impressive for $50, eh? Oh yeah, and it was at Perkins. I don't have any photos of the food or profound insights to share about the culinary delights, but I do have this little gem.

To understand why this meal was so special, I should offer up some context. It was a Sunday night, and I was preparing to leave town for the week. The kids were noticeably sad about the prospect of me leaving. We spent the day playing X-Box, watching Elf, and doing chores around the house. But as the hour neared for Sarah and the boys to drop me off at the airport, the kids' spirits diminished. While finishing my packing, Sarah suggested we stop for dinner on the way to the airport. After a quick Google search, she suggested we hit up Perkins, which was right next to the airport. That's the origin story of our amazing dining experience. 

A few things about this meal were different:

• The kids got along remarkably well (which is a departure from their normal twin brother antagonizing).

• They both sat in their seats like actual sane humans (this is a new and exciting twist).

• They excitedly read the menu for the first time ever (those new reading skills are starting to come in handy!).

• We enjoyed fun conversations about the weekend, the upcoming week, and other various 7-year-old topics.

• The kids were excited about their food selections, and eagerly shared theirs with the family.

• Everyone at the table knew I was leaving, so it felt like we were all trying to soak it in. 

This meal was absolutely nothing special, yet it created a seared-in memory for me. We don't need to drop hundreds of dollars to have a good meal. The restaurant doesn't need to have Michelin stars attached to its name to offer a high-quality experience (though I'd take some Michelin-starred dining right now!). The food doesn't have to be fancy or exotic to check the right boxes. Rather, it's the memories and shared experiences. I'm going to think about that meal for a long time. That brioche French toast wasn't necessarily life-changing, but I'll be craving that taste for a long, long time. 

The goodbye hugs were extra long that night. Pax, with a face covered in pancakes, added a few extra firm man pats to his hug. In Finny fashion, Finn threw out a random science fact as I shut the door. All seemed right with the world. 

There are so many lessons to glean from this story. I'll let you take from it what you will. Here's my parting thought: don't waste meals. We only have so many before we die, so make each one count.

Throwing Away Our Influence

A few years ago, one of my friends said something ridiculously inappropriate to me. They crossed a line, and the entire thing was quite awkward. I ultimately brushed it off and tried not to take personal offense to it. As I told Cole about this exchange, his immediate reaction was, "If someone said that to me, I would have _______ (I won't repeat his words here)."

Truth is, I agreed with Cole's undisclosed words. A significant portion of me wanted to respond and possibly lash out. However, there was another consideration at play. Had I reacted the way I wanted, I would have thrown away my influence in this person's life. I had, and continue to have, a lot of positive influence on this person's journey. Looking back, I'm so glad I didn't throw it away over some words that likely wouldn't have helped.

I also think about a lunch I shared with a trusted friend. He expressed his disappointment in me for not speaking out on various topics. As he put it, "You have a lot of influence with people, and you're wasting it." I understood what he was saying but disagreed with his overarching premise. Yes, I have some influence with people.....and I'm grateful for that. However, I only have influence in the areas I have influence. Many people respect me for my perspectives on work, money, and behavioral science. They likely don't care about my perspective on other various topics. I, of course, have opinions on many topics and issues, but that's not what people are looking for when they seek out our content. Each time I spout off on a topic unrelated to my core competencies is an opportunity to throw away influence in someone's life. In my view, that's selfish and short-sighted. My own feelings and impulses can't outweigh the opportunity to add value to people's lives.

The timing of this post isn't random. I was again reminded of the importance of not throwing away our influence because yet another person in my life just threw away theirs. It's someone I used to have a deep respect and admiration for. Unfortunately, they've slowly shifted their online presence to something far more unsavory. It's also entirely incongruent with the core competencies that so many people seek them out for. In other words, they are throwing away their influence, including mine, for unrelated and ridiculous reasons. Far too many people are doing this. It's sad. People are falling like flies. Good people with important perspectives/insights to share.

As our world gets progressively crazier, this is the challenge before each of us. We all possess two powerful things: 1) influence in the lives of others and 2) a platform to share it. Every day, we must make a choice. Are we going to use our influence and platform for good? Or will we let our emotions get the best of us and use our platform to throw away our influence? Choose carefully. There is no undo button.

"$10,000 is My Limit"

I recently had a conversation with a friend, and I can't shake it. He's a hard-working man, a grinder by every meaning of the word. I'm not sure how we got there, but he mentioned giving a $1,000 gift to someone in his life. This sparked a long and winding conversation about generosity, grace, gratitude, and faith. 

Until that moment, I didn't even know he was a faithful man. I hadn't known him that long, and this was our first conversation about things deeper than the usual surface-level topics. 

I don't know what shocked me more. Some of his stories about generosity, or his telling of how selfish, greedy, and self-serving he was in his younger days. And wow, he had some wild, unsavory stories about his younger years. But today? He speaks with a passion about generosity, helping others, and trying to live with faith. He mentioned concepts such as:

• Everything we have belongs to God.

• Giving makes us better people.

• The joy that comes from serving others. 

• Holding our money loosely and having faith. 

He had me on the edge of my seat. I wanted more! I wanted to hear more about how he used to be, what changed, and who he is today. 

One thing became glaringly evident: giving is part of his DNA. This is the beautiful thing about life, faith, and redemption. Regardless of who we are today, tomorrow can be different. That message hits a little too close to home for me. In my early-to-mid 20s, I was most certainly on a path to becoming a world-class selfish, materialistic, greedy jerk. But then, I changed. In some ways, the change was overnight, but in other ways, it happened over the course of years (or decades). 

One of my favorite moments during this conversation was when he shared his philosophies and practices around giving. At one point, he looked at me dead-eyed and clarified, "I have limits, though." Now he had my interest. Limits? What does that even mean? Luckily, I didn't have to ask. He continued, "$10,000 is my limit. That's the most I would just give to someone." 

A $10,000 gift is all he would just give to someone? Coward! What a penny-pincher! Ye of little faith. Haha! Just kidding. Wow! I loved how he laid out the boundary, and then immediately explained how the boundary is something utterly absurd that most people will never be able to relate to. Such a fun conversation!

Here's the good news for you. You can be just like my friend. Finding the humility, joy, faith, and growth in acts of generosity. Regardless of where you are or where you came from, you can experience the life-changing power of giving.

I have more good news. You don't have to give $10,000 to be like my friend. We aren't called to give as much as the next person. Instead, we're called to give from what we have, not what we don't have. Joy and sacrifice, sacrifice and joy. 

Recovering Alcoholics Don’t Live Above Bars

Over the past few weeks, I've spent time with several friends who are celebrating various sobriety milestones. Drugs, alcohol, and tobacco, to name a few. Each of their stories is remarkable in its own way. They involve pain, consequences, and redemption. Woven through each of these amazing stories are some general truths. One such truth is that the disease is never entirely gone. Each day, they risk relapsing. To combat this, everyone must set clear and non-negotiable boundaries about what they do, where they go, and who they interact with. Or, as one close friend in recovery puts it, "Recovering alcoholics don't live above bars." 

Let's shift gears to one of my clients. This couple spent the majority of their adult lives deeply in debt. They were especially susceptible to credit cards. However, after having their life, work, and marriage nearly ruined, they had enough. Rock bottom was hit, and I was called into the situation. 

What this couple did was nothing short of remarkable. They committed to a plan, practiced discipline, executed with aggression, and slowly (but surely) paid off every single penny of debt. Just the credit card debt alone was $75,000. Crazy, I know! They achieved a massive accomplishment, and their life transformed in many ways. 

Amid their debt payoff journey, I repeatedly begged them to cancel their credit cards. It was a point of contention between us, but I would gladly die on that hill. I'm not usually this firm with clients, but I could feel the risk. Here's what happened. While I was pleading with them to cancel the credit cards, they had other voices speaking into their life:

• "You'll be fine if you're just responsible with them."

• "Don't pass up on the free points."

• "Just pay them off each month." 

• "Just keep the lower interest rate ones."

• "If you cancel them, it will hurt your credit score."

Perhaps you know where this is headed. This couple continued to carry these little pieces of plastic with them. The same pieces of plastic that nearly ruined their life and sabotaged their marriage. The same little cards that caused so much pain and suffering. They were the equivalent of recovering alcoholics living above a bar. 

About 18 months after paying off all that debt, they hit a rough patch. Stress in the marriage, a few minor emergencies, and a few desires that needed to be scratched. Within months, they ran their credit cards back up to $50,000. Utter devastation. There's no happy ending here.....yet. That may come in the future, but today, it looks like a lot of pain, suffering, and relational stress. 

What's the takeaway? I think it's two-fold. First, we need to identify our weaknesses and protect ourselves from them. That may mean canceling credit cards, freezing our credit, or avoiding stores (or websites) that overly tempt us. Second, love people enough to be honest with them. This couple's loved ones absolutely screwed them. Let's be better for the people we love! They deserve it.

A Guaranteed Return on Investment

What if I told you there was an investment that is guaranteed to make a positive return? Not only that, but said investment returns would be sky-high with unlimited upside! You want in on this investment opportunity? This isn't a scam. This isn't some Ponzi scheme. This is the real deal! It's the investment into relationships. Relationships are one of the few things in life that have a guaranteed, massive upside return.

These last few days have made me reflect on this idea. I flew to Las Vegas on Friday to meet a client who invited me to join their family to experience the new U2 show at The Sphere. Wow, incredible experience. You better believe there's a blog post coming about that, so I won't dive down that rabbit hole today. But more importantly, we had a wonderful time together, making memories, sharing experiences, and investing in our relationship. I love this family and care deeply about them. I'm also honored and grateful they would invite me on such an adventure. It's an experience I won't soon forget, with people that are increasingly important in my life. I treasure everything about this!

Yesterday, as my friends hopped on a plane to head home, I connected with my friends John and Jamy, who live near Vegas. John and I go back about seven years, when I met him on a trip to Mongolia. Turns out, he actually lived pretty close to me......yet I met him on the other side of the world while camping with him in a Mongolian ger. It's a small world, after all! Since then, John has been a friend, mentor, and fellow board member for an awesome organization in SE Asia. I'm tremendously grateful for my relationship with John and his wife, Jamy. Here's a picture we took on a beautiful, scenic walk yesterday. You can see the Vegas Strip in the background. It was cold and windy, but the conversation was killer.

Like all investments, relationships require us to contribute something. We can't get something for nothing. It takes our investment of time, energy, love, vulnerability, and sometimes money (like this fun trip to Vegas!). We must be intentional with our investment and be sure to consistently contribute. We only reap what we are willing to sow.

And also, like all investments, there's risk involved. The risk of our investment being one-sided. The risk of getting let down. The risk of being hurt. The risk of being betrayed. The risk of not being treated well. However, knowing the upside of relationships, these risks are so worth it. Some of those risks will come to fruition. It won't be perfect. It will be messy. But it's still always worth it.

I couldn't be more grateful for all the wonderful relationships in my life. The old ones and the new ones. The personal ones and the professional ones (and the ones that blur the line). The deeper ones and the not-yet-so-deep ones. All of them.

Keep investing!

The Meaningless Meaning

Do you have any silly little habits, traditions, or activities in your life that don't have much meaning, yet provide a lot of meaning? Here's an example. Last night was the draft for our 12th annual fantasy NBA basketball league. Our 12-person league is comprised of friends, colleagues, and friends and colleagues of friends and colleagues. Some of these people have been my friends for decades, while others I've never actually met in person. This silly little league is a mainstay in my life each year from late October through mid-April.

It's not something we do because of the money. We each pitch in $50 and pay out the top half of the league, but that's just meant to keep people accountable. There's no good reason to participate in this league outside of enjoying basketball and camaraderie with the other league members. That's one of the beautiful things about it. It's a simple and innocent activity in a world that feels anything but simple and innocent.

There's an irony in these types of activities in our lives. There's no meaning to it, yet it produces meaning. These types of opportunities are all around us, but they are easy to miss. In the rigors of life, we often overlook them or avoid them because they seem somewhat pointless. After all, there's no tangible value to them. But we need to look deeper. It's not really about a make-believe sports league where we can live out our wannabe GM life. Instead, it's about community, investing in relationships, sharing experiences with others, and enjoying a sport we've grown up playing and watching. That, in my book, is meaningful.

I think about my friend who collects Star Wars memorabilia. I think about my friends who play in a bowling league. I think about my colleagues who are ritualistic about their weekly trivia night. I think about my client who rebuilds antique guns. I could give dozens more examples of people who get meaning from seemingly meaningless things. These things are unique, quirky, simple, innocent, and oh so meaningful.

What about you? Do you have any meaningless things in your life that actually provide meaning? I'd love to hear your versions of this!

As an aside, the image below is me showing off the amazing team I built in last night's draft. Now you know who to cheer for!

Don’t Wait Alone

Yesterday, our church celebrated its 25th birthday. The service was a series of stories, testimonials, and interviews with people who have been part of our church over the years. Awesome day! Through it all, the concept of family and community kept coming up. This felt fitting, as the people in our church are family to us. We've experienced so much life in the 12 years of being part of our church, which flooded my mind as I sat there.

One particular memory stood out. It's a story that I don't often share. I had an inkling to write about it, but I was unsure. Then, something happened. Or rather, someone happened. My friend Suzanne was on stage sharing about her journey. She ended her story with three powerful words: "Don't wait alone."

---

Sarah and I started trying to have a child when we were right around 30. We had been married for a few years at that point. Those first few years of marriage were spent traveling, paying off debt, enjoying being together, and learning how to be husband and wife. Then, the day came when we knew it was time to have a child. It's a pretty simple process, or so my fifth-grade science class taught me. Our reality was anything but simple.

After about nine unsuccessful months, we started getting worried. That began a brutal series of medical consultations, tests, procedures, and suffering. We were in our early 30s, facing a fork in the road. The fork wasn't medical...it was community. We were surrounded by countless people who loved us dearly, yet we were suffering in silence. This was our fork. We could either a) continue to bear this weight alone (while people would likely talk behind our back), or b) allow others to carry some of this weight and be there to support us. We chose the latter. We chose transparency.

What came from that experience was absolutely life-changing. We were in the midst of the most painful season of our lives, yet experiencing the beauty of true community. We suffered, but we weren't alone. Every step of the way, people were there to pick us up when we couldn't.

One of the most powerful moments of my life was sitting through service on Father's Day, just two days after losing a child that would have made me a dad. It was arguably the worst day of my life. I could have stayed home and hid, but I needed my church family.

Family cuts both ways. On the one hand, they are there to mourn with you, but on the other hand, they are there to celebrate with you, too. Just four months later, we became parents to two beautiful baby boys. Our church family was right beside us, celebrating like it was their own. I couldn't believe how happy everyone was. It was almost like these children were theirs......and in a way, they were. It's a true love I hope my kids someday recognize.

"Don't wait alone." You got that so right, Suzanne.

Today is the 7-year anniversary of bringing those two little 4-week-olds home. It’s typically called “gotcha day” in the adoption world, but we just call it the day we became a family. We will celebrate by sharing pictures, videos, and stories with the boys. Oh yeah, and maybe some treats. Below is the first photo taken after bringing the kids home on that crisp October 23rd morning.

A Novel Concept

Yesterday, I met with someone who I completely disagree with on a specific topic. Oh yeah, and he disagrees with me. We actually met to talk about this very topic. There was no hate, no animosity, and no tension. Just a productive conversation. Novel concept, I know.

We each shared why we believe what we do and why we disagree with the other person's perspective. It was engaging, educational, and perhaps even fun. I learned a lot from his insights, and he said the same about mine. When we closed the conversation, I don't think either of us had changed our minds. However, we both walked away with a better understanding of the other person's perspective and some things to ponder.

While I don't know if I'll ever fully agree with his viewpoint, I definitely view it differently now that I have additional context and perspective. This will help me grow, think clearer, and become more well-rounded. That's a huge win in my book. Further, I'm grateful this person trusted me enough to be willing to go there with the conversation. I greatly respect him for that.

I'm staying intentionally vague with the exact topic of our conversation because this idea applies to most areas of life. I think we've lost the ability to live with those we disagree with. Our polarized culture says we need to toss them aside and steer clear. After all, they aren't like us. They are the bad guys. They must be ignored. They must be stopped. I'm not a fan of this mentality.....even though it can be an easy go-to.

Instead of treating them like enemies, we should embrace them as friends. Despite our differences, most of us have far more in common than we have conflicting. There's a richness to life when we can learn from and engage with people we don't see eye to eye. I'm grateful for these relationships in my life. I hope you have some in yours as well!