"$10,000 is My Limit"

I recently had a conversation with a friend, and I can't shake it. He's a hard-working man, a grinder by every meaning of the word. I'm not sure how we got there, but he mentioned giving a $1,000 gift to someone in his life. This sparked a long and winding conversation about generosity, grace, gratitude, and faith. 

Until that moment, I didn't even know he was a faithful man. I hadn't known him that long, and this was our first conversation about things deeper than the usual surface-level topics. 

I don't know what shocked me more. Some of his stories about generosity, or his telling of how selfish, greedy, and self-serving he was in his younger days. And wow, he had some wild, unsavory stories about his younger years. But today? He speaks with a passion about generosity, helping others, and trying to live with faith. He mentioned concepts such as:

• Everything we have belongs to God.

• Giving makes us better people.

• The joy that comes from serving others. 

• Holding our money loosely and having faith. 

He had me on the edge of my seat. I wanted more! I wanted to hear more about how he used to be, what changed, and who he is today. 

One thing became glaringly evident: giving is part of his DNA. This is the beautiful thing about life, faith, and redemption. Regardless of who we are today, tomorrow can be different. That message hits a little too close to home for me. In my early-to-mid 20s, I was most certainly on a path to becoming a world-class selfish, materialistic, greedy jerk. But then, I changed. In some ways, the change was overnight, but in other ways, it happened over the course of years (or decades). 

One of my favorite moments during this conversation was when he shared his philosophies and practices around giving. At one point, he looked at me dead-eyed and clarified, "I have limits, though." Now he had my interest. Limits? What does that even mean? Luckily, I didn't have to ask. He continued, "$10,000 is my limit. That's the most I would just give to someone." 

A $10,000 gift is all he would just give to someone? Coward! What a penny-pincher! Ye of little faith. Haha! Just kidding. Wow! I loved how he laid out the boundary, and then immediately explained how the boundary is something utterly absurd that most people will never be able to relate to. Such a fun conversation!

Here's the good news for you. You can be just like my friend. Finding the humility, joy, faith, and growth in acts of generosity. Regardless of where you are or where you came from, you can experience the life-changing power of giving.

I have more good news. You don't have to give $10,000 to be like my friend. We aren't called to give as much as the next person. Instead, we're called to give from what we have, not what we don't have. Joy and sacrifice, sacrifice and joy. 

Recovering Alcoholics Don’t Live Above Bars

Over the past few weeks, I've spent time with several friends who are celebrating various sobriety milestones. Drugs, alcohol, and tobacco, to name a few. Each of their stories is remarkable in its own way. They involve pain, consequences, and redemption. Woven through each of these amazing stories are some general truths. One such truth is that the disease is never entirely gone. Each day, they risk relapsing. To combat this, everyone must set clear and non-negotiable boundaries about what they do, where they go, and who they interact with. Or, as one close friend in recovery puts it, "Recovering alcoholics don't live above bars." 

Let's shift gears to one of my clients. This couple spent the majority of their adult lives deeply in debt. They were especially susceptible to credit cards. However, after having their life, work, and marriage nearly ruined, they had enough. Rock bottom was hit, and I was called into the situation. 

What this couple did was nothing short of remarkable. They committed to a plan, practiced discipline, executed with aggression, and slowly (but surely) paid off every single penny of debt. Just the credit card debt alone was $75,000. Crazy, I know! They achieved a massive accomplishment, and their life transformed in many ways. 

Amid their debt payoff journey, I repeatedly begged them to cancel their credit cards. It was a point of contention between us, but I would gladly die on that hill. I'm not usually this firm with clients, but I could feel the risk. Here's what happened. While I was pleading with them to cancel the credit cards, they had other voices speaking into their life:

• "You'll be fine if you're just responsible with them."

• "Don't pass up on the free points."

• "Just pay them off each month." 

• "Just keep the lower interest rate ones."

• "If you cancel them, it will hurt your credit score."

Perhaps you know where this is headed. This couple continued to carry these little pieces of plastic with them. The same pieces of plastic that nearly ruined their life and sabotaged their marriage. The same little cards that caused so much pain and suffering. They were the equivalent of recovering alcoholics living above a bar. 

About 18 months after paying off all that debt, they hit a rough patch. Stress in the marriage, a few minor emergencies, and a few desires that needed to be scratched. Within months, they ran their credit cards back up to $50,000. Utter devastation. There's no happy ending here.....yet. That may come in the future, but today, it looks like a lot of pain, suffering, and relational stress. 

What's the takeaway? I think it's two-fold. First, we need to identify our weaknesses and protect ourselves from them. That may mean canceling credit cards, freezing our credit, or avoiding stores (or websites) that overly tempt us. Second, love people enough to be honest with them. This couple's loved ones absolutely screwed them. Let's be better for the people we love! They deserve it.

A Guaranteed Return on Investment

What if I told you there was an investment that is guaranteed to make a positive return? Not only that, but said investment returns would be sky-high with unlimited upside! You want in on this investment opportunity? This isn't a scam. This isn't some Ponzi scheme. This is the real deal! It's the investment into relationships. Relationships are one of the few things in life that have a guaranteed, massive upside return.

These last few days have made me reflect on this idea. I flew to Las Vegas on Friday to meet a client who invited me to join their family to experience the new U2 show at The Sphere. Wow, incredible experience. You better believe there's a blog post coming about that, so I won't dive down that rabbit hole today. But more importantly, we had a wonderful time together, making memories, sharing experiences, and investing in our relationship. I love this family and care deeply about them. I'm also honored and grateful they would invite me on such an adventure. It's an experience I won't soon forget, with people that are increasingly important in my life. I treasure everything about this!

Yesterday, as my friends hopped on a plane to head home, I connected with my friends John and Jamy, who live near Vegas. John and I go back about seven years, when I met him on a trip to Mongolia. Turns out, he actually lived pretty close to me......yet I met him on the other side of the world while camping with him in a Mongolian ger. It's a small world, after all! Since then, John has been a friend, mentor, and fellow board member for an awesome organization in SE Asia. I'm tremendously grateful for my relationship with John and his wife, Jamy. Here's a picture we took on a beautiful, scenic walk yesterday. You can see the Vegas Strip in the background. It was cold and windy, but the conversation was killer.

Like all investments, relationships require us to contribute something. We can't get something for nothing. It takes our investment of time, energy, love, vulnerability, and sometimes money (like this fun trip to Vegas!). We must be intentional with our investment and be sure to consistently contribute. We only reap what we are willing to sow.

And also, like all investments, there's risk involved. The risk of our investment being one-sided. The risk of getting let down. The risk of being hurt. The risk of being betrayed. The risk of not being treated well. However, knowing the upside of relationships, these risks are so worth it. Some of those risks will come to fruition. It won't be perfect. It will be messy. But it's still always worth it.

I couldn't be more grateful for all the wonderful relationships in my life. The old ones and the new ones. The personal ones and the professional ones (and the ones that blur the line). The deeper ones and the not-yet-so-deep ones. All of them.

Keep investing!

The Meaningless Meaning

Do you have any silly little habits, traditions, or activities in your life that don't have much meaning, yet provide a lot of meaning? Here's an example. Last night was the draft for our 12th annual fantasy NBA basketball league. Our 12-person league is comprised of friends, colleagues, and friends and colleagues of friends and colleagues. Some of these people have been my friends for decades, while others I've never actually met in person. This silly little league is a mainstay in my life each year from late October through mid-April.

It's not something we do because of the money. We each pitch in $50 and pay out the top half of the league, but that's just meant to keep people accountable. There's no good reason to participate in this league outside of enjoying basketball and camaraderie with the other league members. That's one of the beautiful things about it. It's a simple and innocent activity in a world that feels anything but simple and innocent.

There's an irony in these types of activities in our lives. There's no meaning to it, yet it produces meaning. These types of opportunities are all around us, but they are easy to miss. In the rigors of life, we often overlook them or avoid them because they seem somewhat pointless. After all, there's no tangible value to them. But we need to look deeper. It's not really about a make-believe sports league where we can live out our wannabe GM life. Instead, it's about community, investing in relationships, sharing experiences with others, and enjoying a sport we've grown up playing and watching. That, in my book, is meaningful.

I think about my friend who collects Star Wars memorabilia. I think about my friends who play in a bowling league. I think about my colleagues who are ritualistic about their weekly trivia night. I think about my client who rebuilds antique guns. I could give dozens more examples of people who get meaning from seemingly meaningless things. These things are unique, quirky, simple, innocent, and oh so meaningful.

What about you? Do you have any meaningless things in your life that actually provide meaning? I'd love to hear your versions of this!

As an aside, the image below is me showing off the amazing team I built in last night's draft. Now you know who to cheer for!

Don’t Wait Alone

Yesterday, our church celebrated its 25th birthday. The service was a series of stories, testimonials, and interviews with people who have been part of our church over the years. Awesome day! Through it all, the concept of family and community kept coming up. This felt fitting, as the people in our church are family to us. We've experienced so much life in the 12 years of being part of our church, which flooded my mind as I sat there.

One particular memory stood out. It's a story that I don't often share. I had an inkling to write about it, but I was unsure. Then, something happened. Or rather, someone happened. My friend Suzanne was on stage sharing about her journey. She ended her story with three powerful words: "Don't wait alone."

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Sarah and I started trying to have a child when we were right around 30. We had been married for a few years at that point. Those first few years of marriage were spent traveling, paying off debt, enjoying being together, and learning how to be husband and wife. Then, the day came when we knew it was time to have a child. It's a pretty simple process, or so my fifth-grade science class taught me. Our reality was anything but simple.

After about nine unsuccessful months, we started getting worried. That began a brutal series of medical consultations, tests, procedures, and suffering. We were in our early 30s, facing a fork in the road. The fork wasn't medical...it was community. We were surrounded by countless people who loved us dearly, yet we were suffering in silence. This was our fork. We could either a) continue to bear this weight alone (while people would likely talk behind our back), or b) allow others to carry some of this weight and be there to support us. We chose the latter. We chose transparency.

What came from that experience was absolutely life-changing. We were in the midst of the most painful season of our lives, yet experiencing the beauty of true community. We suffered, but we weren't alone. Every step of the way, people were there to pick us up when we couldn't.

One of the most powerful moments of my life was sitting through service on Father's Day, just two days after losing a child that would have made me a dad. It was arguably the worst day of my life. I could have stayed home and hid, but I needed my church family.

Family cuts both ways. On the one hand, they are there to mourn with you, but on the other hand, they are there to celebrate with you, too. Just four months later, we became parents to two beautiful baby boys. Our church family was right beside us, celebrating like it was their own. I couldn't believe how happy everyone was. It was almost like these children were theirs......and in a way, they were. It's a true love I hope my kids someday recognize.

"Don't wait alone." You got that so right, Suzanne.

Today is the 7-year anniversary of bringing those two little 4-week-olds home. It’s typically called “gotcha day” in the adoption world, but we just call it the day we became a family. We will celebrate by sharing pictures, videos, and stories with the boys. Oh yeah, and maybe some treats. Below is the first photo taken after bringing the kids home on that crisp October 23rd morning.

A Novel Concept

Yesterday, I met with someone who I completely disagree with on a specific topic. Oh yeah, and he disagrees with me. We actually met to talk about this very topic. There was no hate, no animosity, and no tension. Just a productive conversation. Novel concept, I know.

We each shared why we believe what we do and why we disagree with the other person's perspective. It was engaging, educational, and perhaps even fun. I learned a lot from his insights, and he said the same about mine. When we closed the conversation, I don't think either of us had changed our minds. However, we both walked away with a better understanding of the other person's perspective and some things to ponder.

While I don't know if I'll ever fully agree with his viewpoint, I definitely view it differently now that I have additional context and perspective. This will help me grow, think clearer, and become more well-rounded. That's a huge win in my book. Further, I'm grateful this person trusted me enough to be willing to go there with the conversation. I greatly respect him for that.

I'm staying intentionally vague with the exact topic of our conversation because this idea applies to most areas of life. I think we've lost the ability to live with those we disagree with. Our polarized culture says we need to toss them aside and steer clear. After all, they aren't like us. They are the bad guys. They must be ignored. They must be stopped. I'm not a fan of this mentality.....even though it can be an easy go-to.

Instead of treating them like enemies, we should embrace them as friends. Despite our differences, most of us have far more in common than we have conflicting. There's a richness to life when we can learn from and engage with people we don't see eye to eye. I'm grateful for these relationships in my life. I hope you have some in yours as well!