The Prerequisite of Gratitude

I don't have everything I want.....and that's a good thing! In order to be grateful for what we do have, there must be things we don't have. The lack of something is the prerequisite of gratitude. If we have anything and everything we want, it's impossible to feel genuine gratitude. This is why people with seemingly unlimited resources often seem so discontent.

Today, as I reflect on the things I'm thankful for, I'll be grateful that I don't (and can't) have everything I want. Do I still want some of these things? Absolutely! Will I be excited if I ever get them? 100%! But until I do, or if I don't, it won't make me any less grateful for all the wonderful blessings in my life. I cherish each and every one of them.

As you stuff yourself with yummy food, watch sports, play in the backyard, or dive into whatever traditions your family engages in, take a moment to reflect on the beauty of not having all that you want. It's the prerequisite of gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

".....Then What Was It All For?"

I had a brief but impactful conversation with a client today. He and his wife are considering making a questionable financial decision. They have been intentional about living a debt-free life, and as a result, they live a truly remarkable life. Sacrifice after sacrifice, they've chosen the road less traveled. They could easily have a bigger house, better vehicles, fancier trips, and an overall bougier lifestyle. However, they elected to stay disciplined.

As luck would have it, a piece of land recently went on sale. Not just any land, but a property adjacent to their family's land. This parcel is a bucket list piece of real estate for them. The kind of property they envision someday building a house and eventually passing down to their children.

There's a catch. They can't afford to wave their magic wand and write a check for the whole property. Ideally, they could in due time, but the sellers of this particular property aren't going to wait around for them. It's now or likely never. Knowing this, they have two options: 1) pass on the opportunity, or b) use debt to secure the transaction.

As you probably know, I'm not a fan of debt. I've been personally debt-free since 2016, and have no intention of going back. However, in my friend's situation, it actually makes sense. Given the rare opportunity, the fact they have so much margin in their financial life, and the overall economics of the transaction don't impair their family's life, it makes all the sense in the world.

However, he's conflicted. He doesn't love the idea of procuring debt for this. He goes back and forth about what the right decision is. On one hand, he thinks he needs to keep saving and avoid the debt. On the other hand, he may not get this type of opportunity again.

After bouncing back and forth while thinking out loud, he concludes with this: "If I don't pull the trigger on this, then what was it all for?" This single comment perfectly summed up the tension between meaning and money. Yes, he wants to make wise financial choices. He's done that! He's made so many sacrifices for his family's future. He and his wife have done tremendous work over the past five years. Everything they've done up to this moment has prepared them for such a moment.

His comment echoes so much truth. ".....then what was it all for?" If he's not willing to choose meaning now, all his past wise financial decisions were pointless. Staying out of debt, living below their means, and intentionally maintaining a lower-than-necessary lifestyle. In my opinion, each of these decisions, magnified over years, has brought them to this place where they can make this powerful decision without impairing their financial life. That's a gift! That's a blessing! That's the reward for their good work.

They should buy the land. Meaning over money. Always meaning over money.

The Possibility of Moments

I'll be speaking to a group of 500 kids later today, and another 500 tomorrow. As usual, the nerves are running high. The nerves aren't present because of my fear or intimidation, but rather because of how much I care. I feel a deep sense of responsibility to make a difference during this talk. Each person will be in that room for a reason, and the potential exists for each of them to leave better than they arrived. I feel the weight of that.

While these sorts of talks are what I do, it may be the only time I'll have the chance to interact with many of these individuals. What an opportunity, and what a responsibility!

Life is funny like that. Every day, we venture in and out of moments. Sitting at a stoplight. Interacting with the cashier at our local convenience store. A casual conversation at a co-worker's desk. A meeting with a client. Hanging out with our kids. Mingling in the lobby before church service. Moment after moment after moment.

Each moment contains a unique and fleeting opportunity to make an impact. Not necessarily a change-the-world type of impact, but a move-the-needle-in-the-right-direction type of impact. Will we seize the moment or squander the opportunity? Or worse, will we leave them worse than we found them?

I used to struggle living in the moment. While in the middle of a conversation, I'd be glancing around the room, anticipating who I needed to talk to next. I'd feel distracted, anxious, and impatient. Then, something happened. I realized that each interaction with someone was a special moment to savor. It was an opportunity for good. It was then that I immediately started working on trying to become more present. Fast forward a few years, and I started hearing comments from people about this. A youth group kid told me, "When we're talking, you make me feel like I'm the only person in the room. You really listen to me." Wow! I worked so hard to get to that point, and in some situations, I actually achieved it.

This is the possibility of moments. Even if our day is full of hundreds of seemingly meaningless interactions, each one has the potential to mean something. Life feels different when we get chance after chance after chance to make a positive impact. We don't need to cure cancer. Sometimes we just need to make someone smile, show them we care, or let them know they are heard. Any one of those moments may be just what they needed.

Live the next few days with this perspective and see if it makes your life richer. It sure did mine, and I hope it will for you, too!

Gary Was Right

On September 13th, 2022, I had the privilege of enjoying a coffee with my close friend, Gary Hoag. I don't see Gary often, but he was in my city for a speaking engagement that would unfold later that day. As is typical with Gary and I, we bounced from topic to topic, trying to squeeze every drop out of our limited time together. Since Gary is a prolific writer, I began interrogating him about his writing habits and practices. I confessed to him that I was struggling to write 2-3 articles per month, citing a lack of time and ideas. Gary gave me the most Gary-like advice: "Write every day." Ok, so I'm supposed to write every day.....but how often do I publish an article? "Publish every day." 

Uh, I think Gary missed my initial problem. I had neither the time nor the ideas to write and publish even 2-3 articles per month. "Write every day." He could tell I looked a little overwhelmed by this idea, so he added, "It will change you." 

Well, today is the one-year anniversary of beginning that journey. From November 14th, 2022, to November 14th, 2023, I wrote and published one article per day. Wow, what a journey! Here's what writing 365 articles in 365 days has taught me:

• We all have way more in us than we believe. What often feels impossible can be achieved by simply putting one foot in front of the other. 

• Ideas can come from every area of our life....even the most mundane and insignificant nuances of our day. 

• Creativity can happen anywhere. I've written posts in tents, planes, grocery stores, forests, hospitals, truck stops, and highway shoulders. 

• Writing is really just the art of learning how to think. When we write, it forces us to think through a subject in an entirely different way. We're better for it. 

• Our pain, while often feeling like a stain on the fabric of our past, has the power to shine a light on someone else's darkness. Pain isn't wasted, but rather repurposed for future good. 

• Technology makes our world small. So many beautiful relationships have been born from this blog. Many of you started as strangers, but are now family. 

• When my ideas aren't formed well enough (or even when they are), I'll get called out. When I do, I have two choices: a) take offense, or b) allow it to be an opportunity to learn. I pray I always take the latter. I've learned so much from you all!

• Creating content (whether audio, video, or writing) is one of the best ways to leave a legacy to the next generation. While every post is written for you and for me, each one is really a breadcrumb for my kids to someday find. 

• Writing each day reminds me of how much meaning and purpose I have in my life. I'm so very grateful for that. Every day is special. 

Gary, you were right. It changed me. Wow. It really worked. 

When Rules Are About More Than Rules

I love breakfast: fried eggs (sunny side up), toast/bagels, crispy bacon.....I could go on. I started intermittent fasting earlier this year to improve my health and sleep. The rules were simple. After I ate my last meal of the day, I'd start a 16-hour timer. When the timer expired, I'd begin eating again. It worked out to a 10AM-6PM eating window, then fasting between. Overall, I could see a significant improvement in my health, primarily driven by two main factors. First, I never realized how much I snacked at night out of boredom. That ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. Second, I often enjoyed a bourbon at night after the kids went to bed. That also ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. While I really enjoyed this habit, I didn't realize how much one drink impacted my sleep until I stopped.

However, I noticed something about this fasting practice. I found myself counting down and dwelling on the timer. I would rush dinner, so I could start the timer, so I could eat breakfast earlier. There was something mentally unhealthy about this rhythm. Therefore, I tweaked the rule. No more timers. Instead, I started eating dinner at a reasonable time (but not militant about when), then I wouldn't eat until after 12PM the next day. This is the practice I have today. I don't break this rule. No snacking or drinks after dinner. No calories before noon. No excuses.

It wouldn't significantly harm me if I cheated every now and then. It wouldn't hinder my progress. It wouldn't negate the good work I'm doing. However, one cheat is the gateway drug for the next. One creates two, and two creates twenty. The moment it's ok to cheat once is the moment cheating becomes normalized. I spent all last week in Midland, Texas, working at a client site. Each morning, as I'm walking from my hotel room to my truck (I have a big ol' truck in my Texas identity!), I stop at the breakfast buffet to grab a black coffee. It's the hardest part of my day. The eggs, bacon, biscuits, and gravy!!! I've walked by that same buffet maybe 30-40 mornings this year, but haven't taken a single bite of food. This discipline has propelled me in so many ways this year. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

I'm a long-winded writer. One of the reasons I started this blog was to learn how to share a good idea in a compact package. As such, I had a very clear rule with myself. No article could be more than 500 words, period. There are days when I spend 30 minutes trying to condense a finished post from 520 words down to 500. I could easily click "publish" at 520 words, but that's the gateway drug to longer posts. First, it's 520, then 540, then 600. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

Set rules. Honor them. Grow.

Caring Enough About Money

In my keynote talk, I spend a healthy amount of time discussing the science of money and happiness. In short, once our needs are met, money won't make us much happier. I go down several roads to make this argument, concluding that more money isn't the answer. 

There's a dilemma here, though. If more money, more stuff, and more status can't make us happier, should we disregard money altogether? There's an entire segment of our population who falls into this camp. These people simply don't care about money. It manifests differently in each person, but some common characteristics may include:

• Burning through your bank account via spending and perpetually having little-to-no money.

• Living an extremely frugal and/or minimalist lifestyle.

• Periodically giving away all of their resources.

• Inconsistent work patterns.

However, I want to focus on a different characteristic. It's the act of undercharging or being willfully underpaid for your work. This practice usually comes at the intersection of not caring about money and absolutely loving their work. You probably know someone in your life who fits this profile. They are incredibly passionate about their work, but don't have much in terms of resources. Our immediate response to these types of people is to think, "They are following their passion, so of course they don't make much money." 

I've done lots of business with these types of people. They are amazing people doing amazing work, but grossly undercharging. In fact, I used to be one of them! When I started my company in 2019, I charged about 1/4 of what I currently charge for my coaching services. This was a combination of not caring about money, loving my work so much, and perhaps a lack of confidence in some regard. 

As I was digging more into the science of money and happiness, coaching families and businesses, and trying to navigate my own business journey, I had an epiphany. I still held firm that money isn't all that important, but with one caveat. While we shouldn't dwell on the money, we need to care enough about money to continue our journey. 

Put another way, we need to financially earn the right to serve those who we wish to serve. When we do, we get to serve them again next time. If we don't, we may lose the right. This is one of the biggest pitfalls people can fall into. If they care too little about money, they may face financial pressures that will prevent them from living out their mission. 

I've seen too many brilliant people get knocked out of the game because they disregarded their finances. There's a bit of sad irony in there. They cared so little about money that they found themselves in a place where they dwelled on the money (out of the need to survive). 

No, don't obsess about money. But spend some time getting it right. Earn your right to keep serving those who you wish to serve. You deserve it, and the world deserves you!

Taking Inventory of Readers’ “Bargains”

A while back, I wrote a piece about some of the expenditures in my life that feel like bargains, but are probably head-scratchers to others. Monthly massages, Christian education, and Apple computers are a few of my examples. At the end of the post, I solicited your feedback. I wanted to know what items you spend money on that may feel like a ripoff to many, but a bargain to you.

Let me just say, you didn't disappoint! I immediately received feedback from dozens of readers. Today's post is a sampling of reader feedback. I know these are great examples because my gut reaction to several is, "Wow, what a ripoff!" That's when we know we're going in the right direction. That's also the point. What's valuable to me is different than what's valuable to you. Translation: We need to stop listening to what other people say and stop living their values. Without further ado, here's your feedback:

• Flying across the country just to attend a concert from a favorite musician.

• Taking kids skiing in Colorado, or as he put it, "spending hundreds of dollars to freeze and fall." 

• Taking spouse's parents on a trip to Europe.

• Flying to NYC just to go to a Broadway show.

• A monthly Regal Cinema pass for unlimited movies. This person explained how they were so poor growing up that a trip to the movie theater was a special, once-per-year treat. 

• Pedicures (mentioned by both men and women!).

• Golf membership.

• One NFL game per season.

• Professional house cleaning once per week.

• Bouncing from new car lease to new car lease.

• Lip injections. Not necessarily to look better, but to feel better about themselves. 

• Motorcycles.

• A lake house. 

• First-class airfare for every flight they take. 

• Gun collection.

• Star Wars collectibles.

• Extremely expensive gym membership ($500+ per month for a single person).

• Professional music lessons for their kids.

• Dance program for their kids (IYKYK).

• Multiple plane vacations per year.

One person even mentioned my financial coaching services. I loved this answer and in no way take offense to it. He's absolutely right. Many people think what I do is a ripoff. I remember once having back-to-back consultations. During the first one, the husband told me my services were the biggest ripoff he'd ever heard of. He continued to say you'd have to be stupid to hire me. It was a feel-good moment, I tell ya. In the very next meeting, the couple said it seemed like a huge bargain and asked when we could start. Both couples made the right decision. 

This is the beauty of having our own interests, values, and motivations. For as much as I'd like to roll my eyes at some of the above items, my opinion doesn't matter. What matters is whether or not these items add value to that person's life. 

Whatever you do, I hope you lean into your unique interests and values (while aggressively disregarding the rest). It will surely add a richness to your life!

Knowing When to Say “No”

If you're someone with variable income (wage, commission, bonuses, solopreneur, freelancer, or business owner), there's an obvious upside. When you work more or produce more, you make more. Work more hours, get a larger paycheck. Sell more widgets, get a better commission/bonus. Serve another client, get another revenue stream. There's a direct correlation between your work and your compensation.

There's a shadow side to this, of course. It can be extremely difficult to say "no." If we have the potential to make a sell, we're inclined to do it. If we have the opportunity to grab some overtime hours, we're inclined to do it. If we have the opportunity to take on a new project, we're inclined to do it. While each of these scenarios means we'll likely make more money, there's a very real cost to it. It can cost us our time, stress, energy, physical/mental health, and opportunities to be with our loved ones. But it’s so hard to say “no”!

All these factors combine for one difficult journey. This is the battle millions of people face each day. And to be honest, many of us are losing the battle. This has been an ongoing conversation between Cole and me in our office for several years. We're both freelancers with wives who stay at home. Translation: there's a constant underlying pressure to provide financially. At the same time, we feel the responsibility to be present for our families and play other critical roles inside and outside our homes.

Last night, we went trick-or-treating with Cole's family. We had a great time despite the weather feeling like we were in the dead of winter. As we were walking from house to house, Cole revealed that he said "no" to a highly lucrative shooting gig for earlier that day. It was a hefty sum of cash for a single day's work. It's also worth noting that Cole loves that work. However, he said "no." He wanted to prioritize spending time with his family in preparation for their Halloween celebrations.

In years past, I'm not sure he would have declined such a gig. For this reason, I really admired his decision. This is a consequence of excellence. The better you serve people, the more people want to be served.....and are willing to pay more for the privilege. It's a constant battle, but a good battle.

Each of us must make our own choices along the journey. Saying "yes" is important. It's how we financially provide for our families, as well as add value to others. It's using our gifts and time to make a difference in this world. Saying "yes" is a noble endeavor. However, are we willing to say "no" when needed? Are we able to create boundaries to protect what's most important? Are we able to walk away from money when other things are more important?

This is the tension between meaning and money. It's a delicate dance, but I hope you win more times than you lose. Never forget the meaning. Always meaning over money.

Riddle Me This

What's something we take for granted when we have it, then desperately crave it when we don't?

It's relatively affordable to keep, but very expensive to get back.

Though we know it's important, we'll trade it away for things that feel even more important.

Do you have a guess?

Our health. We have an interesting relationship with health in our culture. On one hand, we're obsessed with fad diets, drinking plenty of water, and getting exercise. These are multi-billion-dollar industries, after all. On the other hand, we simultaneously sabotage ourselves when it comes to actually being healthy. We're so busy with the rigors of life, parenting, activities, and trying to make money that we're high on stress, lacking in sleep, and strained every which way. We make a few good decisions, then make a bunch of bad ones. Then, make a few more good ones, followed by a bunch more bad ones.

For the record, I'm not talking down to you. I'm one of the worst offenders. Coincidentally (or not!), my health has been terrible lately. Frequent migraines, a lack of sleep, and a sickness that's come and gone for several weeks now. I'm not living my best life.....far from it. It would be easy for me to blame a bug my kids brought home from school, or simply bad luck, but there's no doubt my decisions have played an influential negative role. I take my health for granted when I have it, but I'm desperate to get it back when it leaves. That's where I'm at right now.

At the same time, many people in my life are dealing with significant health issues. Scary times. Life-altering situations. I feel for them so much. Like me, they may have taken health for granted when they had it.......but now want nothing more than to get it back.

It's humbling. It's scary. It's a wake-up call. Regardless of what endeavors we pursue in life (and many are amazing), we ought not lose sight of our health. There's no amount of money, status, or accomplishment that's worth losing our health over. If we have all the money in the world but can't live a respectable quality of life due to our health, what do we really have?

It's a sobering reminder. Many people have learned this lesson the hard way.....sometimes too late. Maybe we don't have to. Maybe we can use this as a reminder to reset our priorities and values to focus on the right measuring stick.

We should invest in our health. The word "invest" probably has many meanings here. We can literally invest money into a healthier lifestyle. But we need to invest our time, energy, and discipline into being intentional with our health. The best news is those things are free! Talk about a positive return on investment! This will be one of my top focuses in the weeks and months to come. I said it, and now I need to live it.

Stay healthy, friends!

The Meaningless Meaning

Do you have any silly little habits, traditions, or activities in your life that don't have much meaning, yet provide a lot of meaning? Here's an example. Last night was the draft for our 12th annual fantasy NBA basketball league. Our 12-person league is comprised of friends, colleagues, and friends and colleagues of friends and colleagues. Some of these people have been my friends for decades, while others I've never actually met in person. This silly little league is a mainstay in my life each year from late October through mid-April.

It's not something we do because of the money. We each pitch in $50 and pay out the top half of the league, but that's just meant to keep people accountable. There's no good reason to participate in this league outside of enjoying basketball and camaraderie with the other league members. That's one of the beautiful things about it. It's a simple and innocent activity in a world that feels anything but simple and innocent.

There's an irony in these types of activities in our lives. There's no meaning to it, yet it produces meaning. These types of opportunities are all around us, but they are easy to miss. In the rigors of life, we often overlook them or avoid them because they seem somewhat pointless. After all, there's no tangible value to them. But we need to look deeper. It's not really about a make-believe sports league where we can live out our wannabe GM life. Instead, it's about community, investing in relationships, sharing experiences with others, and enjoying a sport we've grown up playing and watching. That, in my book, is meaningful.

I think about my friend who collects Star Wars memorabilia. I think about my friends who play in a bowling league. I think about my colleagues who are ritualistic about their weekly trivia night. I think about my client who rebuilds antique guns. I could give dozens more examples of people who get meaning from seemingly meaningless things. These things are unique, quirky, simple, innocent, and oh so meaningful.

What about you? Do you have any meaningless things in your life that actually provide meaning? I'd love to hear your versions of this!

As an aside, the image below is me showing off the amazing team I built in last night's draft. Now you know who to cheer for!

Don’t Wait Alone

Yesterday, our church celebrated its 25th birthday. The service was a series of stories, testimonials, and interviews with people who have been part of our church over the years. Awesome day! Through it all, the concept of family and community kept coming up. This felt fitting, as the people in our church are family to us. We've experienced so much life in the 12 years of being part of our church, which flooded my mind as I sat there.

One particular memory stood out. It's a story that I don't often share. I had an inkling to write about it, but I was unsure. Then, something happened. Or rather, someone happened. My friend Suzanne was on stage sharing about her journey. She ended her story with three powerful words: "Don't wait alone."

---

Sarah and I started trying to have a child when we were right around 30. We had been married for a few years at that point. Those first few years of marriage were spent traveling, paying off debt, enjoying being together, and learning how to be husband and wife. Then, the day came when we knew it was time to have a child. It's a pretty simple process, or so my fifth-grade science class taught me. Our reality was anything but simple.

After about nine unsuccessful months, we started getting worried. That began a brutal series of medical consultations, tests, procedures, and suffering. We were in our early 30s, facing a fork in the road. The fork wasn't medical...it was community. We were surrounded by countless people who loved us dearly, yet we were suffering in silence. This was our fork. We could either a) continue to bear this weight alone (while people would likely talk behind our back), or b) allow others to carry some of this weight and be there to support us. We chose the latter. We chose transparency.

What came from that experience was absolutely life-changing. We were in the midst of the most painful season of our lives, yet experiencing the beauty of true community. We suffered, but we weren't alone. Every step of the way, people were there to pick us up when we couldn't.

One of the most powerful moments of my life was sitting through service on Father's Day, just two days after losing a child that would have made me a dad. It was arguably the worst day of my life. I could have stayed home and hid, but I needed my church family.

Family cuts both ways. On the one hand, they are there to mourn with you, but on the other hand, they are there to celebrate with you, too. Just four months later, we became parents to two beautiful baby boys. Our church family was right beside us, celebrating like it was their own. I couldn't believe how happy everyone was. It was almost like these children were theirs......and in a way, they were. It's a true love I hope my kids someday recognize.

"Don't wait alone." You got that so right, Suzanne.

Today is the 7-year anniversary of bringing those two little 4-week-olds home. It’s typically called “gotcha day” in the adoption world, but we just call it the day we became a family. We will celebrate by sharing pictures, videos, and stories with the boys. Oh yeah, and maybe some treats. Below is the first photo taken after bringing the kids home on that crisp October 23rd morning.

The Sunday Scaries

Happy Sunday! Depending on what time of day you're reading this, your mood could be vastly different. Studies show that 4PM on Sunday is the most depressing hour of the week. The fun weekend is almost complete, and now our brain is shifting its attention to tomorrow. And considering 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job, the mere thought of Monday makes most people cringe. Some refer to it as the Sunday Scaries.

Whether we know about the 4PM on Sunday statistic or not, we know about the Sunday Scaries. It's all around us. We either feel it, know someone close to us who feels it, or see it manifest in our culture. The concept that Monday sucks is ubiquitous in our society. It leaks out through our cultural pores. Movies, music, TV, social media. Dread and Mondays go together like peanut butter and jelly. I often think about the song, Migraine, by Twenty One Pilots. Check out this verse:

Thank God it's Friday, 'cause Fridays will always

be better than Sundays, 'cause Sundays are my suicide days.

I don't know why they always seem so dismal.

Thunderstorms, clouds, snow, and a slight drizzle.

The Sunday Scaries stick with us, too. I was talking to a friend last night when she made a specific reference to her Sunday Scaries. Hers are not caused by what she will do on Monday, but rather what she used to do on Mondays decades ago. That's right. She used to dread Mondays so much that it's tainted the mere idea of Mondays decades later. That's how engrained the Sunday Scaries can be.....almost like it gets into our blood.

Here's the good news. We CAN reverse this curse. If 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job, that means 30% like or love their job. And if they do, so can you! I hope you get to a point in life where Monday is your favorite day of the week. A life where weekends are fun, but Mondays are full of promise, meaning, and impact. That reality does exist. I promise you that.

However, there's a catch. There's always a catch. In order to attain it, we typically must stop pursuing more. More money, more stuff, and more status. It doesn't mean we'll be poor or have little; rather, it means we're chasing after something different....something better. Work that matters.

I have a memory seared into my brain. I was having a beer with a friend one Sunday afternoon. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and we were enjoying a cold drink on a patio. All the while, he looked miserable. His eyes looked tired, borderline lifeless. He was suffering from the Sunday Scaries. I asked him point blank if all his stuff and bank accounts were worth it. He half-heartedly nodded his head yes, but he looked unsure. Fast forward many years, and he still has that same look in his eyes.

Sunday Scaries are a choice. I choose a life without them. How about you?

The Many (Noble) Roles of Businesses

Businesses get a bad rap. For whatever sick and twisted reasons, businesses get pigeonholed as soulless entities whose sole role is to take advantage of people while extracting as much money from them as humanly possible. This is absolute nonsense, of course. Businesses don't thrive by taking advantage of people. They thrive by adding value to people's lives, which earns them the right to add more value to more people's lives. The more people they serve, the more financial success they can achieve. 

While it's true that one objective for most businesses is to make a profit, that's just one of many roles. If you were to interview most business owners, many roles and objectives would be mentioned:

• Provide valuable jobs for their employees.

• Add value to their customers' lives. 

• Engage in fulfilling work.

• Make an impact on this world.

• Give back to the local community. 

• Build something they can be proud of. 

• The list goes on and on.....

I was reminded of this last night while attending a trunk or treat event a few blocks from my house. As we were surrounded by hundreds (or thousands?) of people, I got a bit sentimental while taking it in. This event was planned, executed, and made possible by the countless businesses who raised their hand and stepped forward. 

Each "trunk" was funded, set up, staffed, and represented by a business. They could have easily slapped their business name on a sign and plopped a big tub of candy on a table for kids to grab. Few did that. Instead, most businesses picked a theme, decorated like crazy, and got creative with their treats. One of my friends went full-out Ghostbusters (uniforms included!). Another friend did a shark attack schtick. Then a handful of other friends went all-out Ninja Turtles. Not only did they pass out candy, but they arranged for the pizza shop across the street to deliver five pizzas every 30 minutes so they could hand out slices to all the kids and parents. Ninja Turtles handing out pizza at a trunk or treat!!!! It was brilliant, and it made people smile. 

That's what business means to me. Turning a profit is the act serving those who we wish to serve, then re-earning the right to do it again next month. There's nothing evil in that. In fact, it's a noble endeavor. The world is a better place when it's full of businesses that add value to people's lives. 

My life is better when that local restaurant is there to serve my family a tasty meal.

My life is better when that real estate agent is there to help me buy or sell a property.

My life is better when my chiropractor is there to snap my body back into place.

My life is better when the grocery store up the street from my house sells fresh food.

My life is better when that coffee shop is willing to make me a drink.

Businesses have many roles, and they are all valuable. 

A Novel Concept

Yesterday, I met with someone who I completely disagree with on a specific topic. Oh yeah, and he disagrees with me. We actually met to talk about this very topic. There was no hate, no animosity, and no tension. Just a productive conversation. Novel concept, I know.

We each shared why we believe what we do and why we disagree with the other person's perspective. It was engaging, educational, and perhaps even fun. I learned a lot from his insights, and he said the same about mine. When we closed the conversation, I don't think either of us had changed our minds. However, we both walked away with a better understanding of the other person's perspective and some things to ponder.

While I don't know if I'll ever fully agree with his viewpoint, I definitely view it differently now that I have additional context and perspective. This will help me grow, think clearer, and become more well-rounded. That's a huge win in my book. Further, I'm grateful this person trusted me enough to be willing to go there with the conversation. I greatly respect him for that.

I'm staying intentionally vague with the exact topic of our conversation because this idea applies to most areas of life. I think we've lost the ability to live with those we disagree with. Our polarized culture says we need to toss them aside and steer clear. After all, they aren't like us. They are the bad guys. They must be ignored. They must be stopped. I'm not a fan of this mentality.....even though it can be an easy go-to.

Instead of treating them like enemies, we should embrace them as friends. Despite our differences, most of us have far more in common than we have conflicting. There's a richness to life when we can learn from and engage with people we don't see eye to eye. I'm grateful for these relationships in my life. I hope you have some in yours as well!

It Doesn’t Have to Make Sense

I love, love, love when people make decisions that fly in the face of our prevailing culture. Decisions that make people scratch their heads. Decisions that cause our loved ones to question our sanity. Decisions that lead others to talk behind our backs.

One of my friends recently made such a decision. As he was living out the final years of his career, he decided to make a drastic shift. He was perched at the helm of a fairly prestigious position at a notable institution, presumably set to coast out the remaining few years of his career in comfort before riding off into the sunset.

Today, he's settling into a new career at a new organization. Instead of coasting in comfort, he's diving head-first into discomfort. He could have taken an easy path toward the finish line, but he's choosing the road less traveled. This was a significantly counter-cultural decision, which was not lost on him as he contemplated his next steps.

Does he regret it? Did he make a mistake? Did it blow up in his face? I recently had the opportunity to ask him about it. He couldn't be happier! He's challenged in entirely new ways and, in a sense, starting over. This is the irony of pursuing meaning. In one hand, there is comfort, ease, and security. In the other hand, there is discomfort, challenge, risk, and stress.......oh yeah, and meaning! Meaning rarely comes with the prior, and almost always comes with the latter.

I hope I have his courage when I reach that point in my career. The world says to coast to the finish line (as quickly as possible). My friend said, "Nah, I prefer meaning." Well, he probably didn't actually say that, but in my mind, that's what he said.

I can't wait to see how the next chapter in his story is written! It doesn’t have to make sense. The best stories rarely do.

Celebrate the Wins

Like millions of Americans, this one particular couple has a ton of debt. Frankly, it feels overwhelming. It's the type of debt that feels suffocating and can paralyze you from even knowing where to begin.

However, unlike millions of Americans, this couple has a plan. More importantly, they have the conviction that their plan can and will work. One year in, and so far so good. They've already paid off a half dozen small debts and are moving on to some larger ones.

They are on a challenging journey, no doubt. Nothing about paying off a ton of debt is easy, which is why very few families actually do it. It takes discipline, patience, delayed gratification, and a whole lot of motivation.

Whenever someone tackles this sort of endeavor, I always give one particular tip. Celebrate the wins. All the wins. When you pay off a small debt, celebrate small. When you pay off a large debt, celebrate large. But always celebrate. Maybe it's dinner at a nice restaurant. Maybe it's a weekend away. Maybe it's a trip to the spa. Maybe it's ______ (you fill in the blank). But always celebrate!

It sounds counter-intuitive to spend money on wants when trying to pay off debt, but we need to zoom out and look at the big picture. If we stay 100% laser-focused and never celebrate, there's a high likelihood we'll burn out and possibly quit. This is an arduous journey, after all. Those little celebrations can be the refresher we need to keep fighting.

I think back to when Sarah and I were on our $236,000 debt payoff journey. It took us 4.5 years to achieve it. We celebrated every single win. If we hadn't, one of us would have broken down on the journey. The most noteworthy celebration was an amazing trip to Europe. Weird, I know. We were about 12 months away from completing our debt payoff journey, but we were exhausted. We were fighting so aggressively that we were practically burning ourselves out. That's when we decided to take drastic measures.

What ensued was a two-week trip to five countries, where we created lifelong memories. It set us back by about two months in our debt payoff journey, but it's just what we needed. One could argue we should have gotten out of debt first, but the counter-argument is that we might not have made it without that break. So, we celebrated!

This is yet another example of why money is NEVER about money. It's always about something bigger. If Sarah and I had stuck by the pure math and made it solely about money, we might have burned out and failed at our mission. Instead, we took this trip, made unforgettable memories, and successfully completed our $236,000 journey just over a year later. I will always love and cherish that story.

Always celebrate those wins! It may be the make-or-break in achieving your goals....and it's fun!

To Coffee or Not to Coffee

We had a fantastic event last night in Los Angeles. I couldn't have been more grateful to be in that room. One of the points I wanted to drive home was the importance of each person spending their values. Not the values of their neighbors, family, co-workers, or the underlying culture. This seems obvious, but most people subconsciously spend other people's values.

To illustrate this, I used a story I've previously shared on this blog. A young woman comes to me, frustrated with her situation. She's a young adult with a good career, but she’s discontent. Ever since college, her dream was to travel. However, two years into her career, she still hadn't traveled.

She had a fairly expensive car (with hefty payments to go with it), so I asked her about it. She said she didn't really care about the car. Her parents told her she needed something "reliable," which led her down this path. She was also living in a fairly high-end apartment. Again, she said she really didn't care much about it. It's where many of her close friends live, so it seemed the right place for her.

While she believed she was spending her values, I showed her how her two most significant expenses in life directly resulted from her living her parents' and friends' values. Shortly thereafter, she sold the car and moved into a cheaper apartment, opening the door for lots and lots of travel (you know, her values).

When we got to the Q&A portion of the night, I asked the audience what expenses in their budget DON'T add value to their life. There were many good answers, but two women almost simultaneously shouted "coffee." One of the women explained how she often goes to Starbucks, and it's always a ripoff to her. It doesn't add nearly as much value as it costs her.

It reminded me of a post I wrote a few weeks ago about a woman who finds tremendous value in her 7-days-per-week $7 lattes. These women have the complete opposite opinion about the very same purchase. One says it's the biggest waste of money, while the other calls it the biggest bargain and value-add in her life.

This is the beauty of how we're all wired differently. It's also a perfect representation of why it's important to lean into our unique values. If we do, it drives meaning. If we don't, it causes discontentment. It's the same $7 purchase, but one adds and one subtracts.

Here's my question today. What's one thing you spend money on that doesn't add value to your life? For me, it's fast food when I'm scrambling from place to place. I love the occasional fast food meal, but I get absolutely no enjoyment from it when it's done out of stress and hurry. I need to cut those from my spending.

That's my answer. What about you? I hope you have a meaningful day, living in accordance with your values!

Earning the Right: Part 1

The idea that "money doesn't matter" is naive at best, and misleading at worst. Even in the world of Meaning Over Money, it doesn't mean meaning=100 and money=0. Here's why. At the end of the day, we need to feed our families. We live in a world that requires us to financially care for ourselves. Failing to do so has some pretty dire consequences.

As such, living a life full of meaning, but failing to provide the basic needs for our family, flat-out doesn't work. It's a recipe for disaster. Yeah, I'm all about the pursuit of meaning. However, if we can't figure out how to pay the bills in the process, we lose the right to pursue this path. Completely disregarding money isn't the answer.

Three factors are at play when building a sustainable, meaningful life. We must combine our skills, with our passions, in a way that's profitable. Skills and passion without profit is a hobby. Passion and profit without skills will lead to failure. Skills and profit without passion will result in a job we merely tolerate (or worse). But if we can combine all three? That's a beautiful situation. When I say "profitble," I'm not suggesting we need to be Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk. Rather, I'm suggesting we make enough.

Enough. What does "enough" even mean? To me, it means earning the right to do it again. When I make enough this month, I earn the right to serve those who I wish to serve again next month. This is so important, and this is why so many entrepreneurs, freelancers, and solopreneurs fail. They don't fail because they are bad at their craft. They fail because they didn't earn the right to keep doing their craft.

The meaning over money angle comes into play in the curation of our lifestyle, which determines what enough is. Suppose we lean too much into the materialistic side of things. More debt, more expenses, more obligations. In that case, we raise the financial bar so high that we don't have a chance to combine skills, passions, and profit in a way that's enough. Therefore, our desire for stuff ultimately overpowers our pursuit of meaning. I see this happen again, and again, and again.

So next time you find yourself struggling to charge what you're worth or creating a revenue from your skills and passions, just remember you're not being selfish or greedy. You’re trying to earn the right to continue doing it. If you don't, you rob yourself and those who you serve. So, you charging what is fair and just is a noble, good thing. It's the prerequisite to the path of meaningful work. Don't be scared of that....embrace it!

We Don’t (Completely) Live on an Island

It sometimes feels like we're living on an island. Whenever we talk about such crazy ideas as pursuing work that matters, not keeping up with the Joneses, and practicing radical generosity, criticism and hate start rolling in. I feel it daily, but I regularly get stories from you about the harsh words and criticism you receive.

One of you left your job to pursue a career that makes a bigger impact, and a family member called you "irresponsible." Another one of you sold your fancy car and downsized your house, and people started asking if you were broke. Another person stopped hoarding money and started giving significantly more, and their colleague responded with, "Your kids deserve better." I could rattle off another dozen of these stories.

It can feel lonely at times, but community changes everything. Every time I absorb some online hate (which has slowed down in recent months), I immediately get an e-mail from one of you with an incredible story about your own journey. It's easy to dwell on the haters, while simultaneously glossing over the people who are right there alongside you. We're all on this journey together, and I couldn't be more grateful. I was reminded of this fact when a friend texted the name of a song, along with the message, "You write this song?" I had no idea what he was talking about, so off to Google I went. It’s called Bigger Houses by Dan + Shay.

Check out these lyrics:

Used to dream about buying that bigger house

Sitting on top of some hill

Losing sleep about filling my bank account

Wondering if I ever will

But the older I get, I just care less and less

'Bout keeping up with people named Jones

If you don't fill it up with somebody that you love

It ain't ever gonna feel like home

There's always gonna be a higher high

You could chase for the rest of your life

Greener grass in the yard next door

Or a shined up Chevy little newer than yours

You're never gonna fill an empty cup

If what you got's still not enough

The thing about happiness I've found is

It don't live in bigger houses

I can hear the kids making little footsteps

Running down the hallway upstairs

I can see the dogs playing in the back yard

Through the kitchen window right there

Maybe life's kinda more 'bout us swinging on a porch

Holding her while the sun disappears

Why would I wanna be anywhere else in the world

When my whole world is sitting right here?

Wow! It's so fun to know others are spreading the meaning over money message. Here's the fun part. We don't need to be a world-renowned band to have a platform. We all have a platform. We all have people watching us. That's an amazing opportunity.....and a huge responsibility. We can model money, or we can model meaning. If you're one of the hundreds who read this blog literally daily, I suspect you're probably in the meaning camp.

It sometimes feels like we're living on an island. That's probably not entirely true, but if it is, let's invite others to join the party! There's room for everyone on this island!

The Years Are Indeed Too Short

"The days are long, and the years are short."

This phrase was said to me multiple times when my kids were infants. I definitely understood the "days are long" part. With newborn twins, just the 16 bottles per day part felt long. On the other hand, I didn't fully understand the "years are short" part. Everything just felt long....and exhausting.

The boys turned seven yesterday, and we had a great day celebrating. Soccer game, roller skating, ice cream cake....lots of fun stuff. Wow, the years are indeed short. The twos and threes stage felt brutally slow, but they went from four to seven in what seemed like a month. I once read that 75% of all the time we spend with our kids will happen by the time they turn 12. Yikes! That's a staggering statistic. And a depressing one, at that.

Money can buy a lot of things, but it can't buy back lost time. It can buy houses, cars, and technology, but it can't give us back the time, memories, and moments we lost. Over the last few years, as I began to realize the years go by far too fast, I thought I had a solution. I thought if I just tried really hard to live in the moment, it would make time slow down. Turns out it doesn't work like that. Therefore, I eventually conceded that time will fly by no matter what we do, so we might as well embrace it for its rapidly moving beauty.

Happy birthday to Finn and Pax, and I'm excited to experience whatever time I'm blessed to have left with them. It's days like yesterday when meaning over money becomes even more glaring and obvious. Leaving my prior career and starting over 4.5 years ago was one of the scariest decisions of my life. I felt reasonably confident in my decision when I first made it, but that decision has been affirmed over, and over, and over again through the years. Not because it's been easy (it's actually the hardest thing I've ever done), but rather because it matters.

If you're ever teetering on the fence of meaning vs. money, look your children in the eyes. It only takes about 0.2 seconds to realize which side of the fence we should land. Meaning. Always meaning.