Keeping Emotions at Bay

Welcome to the time of year when Sarah and I grumble about our vehicle situation. With the recent 25 inches of snow that blasted our town in a matter of four days, we received another harsh reminder that her mid-size front-wheel drive SUV with 175,000 miles isn't the most ideal winter ride. To top it off, we've started to experience some minor maintenance setbacks.

Given my line of work, I regularly have a front-row seat to how couples navigate car situations. In general, emotions steer the boat (er, car). In a situation similar to ours, the red flags, sirens, and all other ancillary warning signs in the emotional side of our brain start escalating. "We NEED something safer." "We NEED something more reliable." "We NEED something newer."

Whenever you start spiraling on an idea, stay keen on the words you're using. If "need" keeps popping up, pay special attention. The word "need" is often used as a justifier, because if we can mentally shift something from a want to a need, it's easier to justify pulling the trigger on a purchase....no matter the cost.

Sarah and I won't be purchasing a vehicle any time soon. We don't use debt for non-real estate purchases, period. We haven't in our 14 years of marriage, and we aren't starting now. There's zero chance we would sign the dotted line to acquire monthly payments for a vehicle because we "need" it. Even if we truly did need a vehicle, there's zero chance we would buy anything requiring a loan. Those $400, $700, or $1,000/month payments are such a harsh opportunity cost. There are literally a hundred things we'd rather do with $400-$1,000/month than dump it into a depreciating asset that gets us from point A to point B. When debt (option A) is off the table, we must resort to options B, C, D, and so on. That's when creativity and discipline start to shine. When we remove the path of least resistance, we make clearer, better, and more beneficial long-term decisions. To be honest, most of the freedom and opportunity in our family’s life can be directly attributed to those moments where we steered away from our emotions (and the debt they typically lead us into). I’m so grateful that younger Travis and Sarah had the courage to defy our culture’s prevailing wisdom of debt and finance.

If we were to listen to our emotions, we'd probably have a different vehicle by next week. However, our dreams are too big, and our purpose is too great to let our emotions win. We'll plan for the vehicle situation and pull the trigger when the time and situation are right. In the meantime, we'll continue to navigate our vehicles with intentionality, patience, and humility.

Keep your emotions at bay. When you do, it's amazing how much peace, contentment, and financial achievement will come. I believe you deserve that, and hopefully, you believe it, too.

Current You vs. Future You

We humans have a fantastic ability to disassociate our current selves from our future selves. Take a recent date night as an example. We're out with a few friends, enjoying dinner and some drinks. We're all having a good time and excited to have kid-free time with other adults. Fast forward a few hours, I ate too much rich food, and I probably didn't need that drink toward the end of our evening together. In those moments, I was focused on my current self while completely disregarding my future (12 hours from now) self. I woke up the next morning feeling pretty blah. Had I been more self-aware, I would have considered what future me would want current me to do.....but I didn't. The problem is that, in due time, future me becomes current me.

That's a more minor and less consequential example of this concept. It's also scary considering how short of a time gap there is between current me and future me in that story.....a measly 12 hours. But yet, even though future me would become current me in less than a day, I still disrespected him.

Now, take that same concept and expand the time gap to 5, 10, or 20+ years. The further out in the future we're looking, the harder it is for us to associate with that person. And when we can't associate with that person, we lose empathy, compassion, and care. They are a stranger to us. It's someone we haven't met yet, nor will we meet for possibly decades. As a result, we don't much care what they think or feel.

Let's replace dinner and drinks with financial decisions. Maybe current you is thinking about taking out a big, fat car loan to acquire that shiny new vehicle you've had your eyes on. Have you considered what future you will think of that? In a few years, that shiny vehicle will be worn, out-of-date, and beat up. At the same time, future you will still be making those ridiculous payments and will have lost out on the opportunity cost of what could have been done with all those monthly payments.

Or maybe it's investing. Let's face it: investing $1,000/month isn't all that fun. I can think of a hundred things I'd rather do with '$1,000 each month. However, what would future me think about current me's decision to spend all that money on myself now? Current me can have a lot of fun with $1,000/month, but future me is relying on current me to step up and think big-picture. After all, someday future me will be current me......and I deserve better than to reap the consequences of my past self's selfishness.

Here's a little trick I often think about. When I'm about to make a decision, financial or otherwise, I ask myself what future me will think of it. If I don't like the answer, I should consider making a different decision.

Treat future you well......they will soon be current you.

Never Waste a Perfectly Good Mistake

In a sobering coaching moment, I recently explained to a client that their investing decisions have cost them handily. They asked me how much we're talking about, so I did some calculations. Though it's a rough estimation, it's safe to say they've lost at least $25,000 so far. They were livid. Worse, their financial advisor is a family member. What this family member did to them wasn't explicitly immoral, but rather "normal." Normal in the sense it's what most people are doing.....which is terrible. They were sick about it, and rightfully so.

But as I love to say, let's not waste a perfectly good mistake. Yes, they lost out on +/- $25,000. There's no way to reverse that. However, that pales in comparison to what they will potentially lose in the future. By my estimation, they will lose a minimum of $1M in the decades to come if they stay on this same path. It's an expensive mistake, but that singular mistake will ironically be the springboard to them doing so much better. That mistake was transformational......in the best way.

I also think back to my own journey. Specifically, when I received the humbling of a lifetime when the Great Financial Crisis struck us. I was $236,000 in debt, on the verge of losing my job, and had limited options. I was blessed with the opportunity to keep my job (by moving states), which gave me a second chance to do this financial stuff right. That mistake was costly, but it was ironically the springboard to a better life. That mistake was transformational.....in the best way. I still carry some of that pain, but I also carry a ton of gratitude with it.

I don't know what mistakes you've made, are making, or will make in the future, but I know they are coming. Some of them will be mild, but others will be costly. I hope they don't cost you as much as they cost this young couple or the younger version of me, but whatever they are, I hope you use it for good. Learn from it. Be humbled by it. Grow from it. Let it shift your perspective. See it through a different lens. Share it with others. Be better as a result of it. Regardless of how bad the mistake was, more good can come from it than bad......if we allow it.

We can't avoid mistakes altogether, but we can use them as a force for good. Never waste a perfectly good mistake!

A Resolution to Eliminate Resolutions

I used to be a New Year's resolution guy. I love beginnings, endings, seasons, clean slates, and fresh starts. There's something so alluring about the idea of the blank canvas of a new year. 

The key word is "used to." Somewhere along the journey, I started looking around (and in the mirror) and realized most resolutions were a bunch of crap. Not the idea behind the resolution, but rather the execution of it. Do you ever go to a gym during the first few weeks of January? It's absolutely packed. It's filled with people you've never seen before. But by March, most of those people will be gone, and the gym will be normal again. I'm not criticizing. Heck, I've been one of those January-through-March gym people before. 

It's not that I don't think there's value in wanting these things. Whether it's going to the gym, eating better, paying off debt, or any number of respectable goals, they are inherently good. The problem, however, is the resolution part. A resolution is just a shinier version of a wish. There's no follow-through, no execution, and no discipline. It's just an unlikely dream that will quickly whither. 

So what's the alternative? Simply give up and not even try? No way! Not even close. We should be clear with ourselves about what we're trying to accomplish. But instead of focusing on the outcome, we should focus on the little things that help bring the desired outcome to life. 

Let's use paying off debt as an example. Let's say I have $18,000 of student loan debt that I want to pay off this year. Instead of simply resolving to pay it off, I need to ask myself what must happen to bring it to fruition. Here's how I'd process it:

• First, I need to commit to creating, executing, and tracking a budget each month. This is the tool that unlocks our potential. 

• Second, I need to break down the desired outcome into bite-sized chunks. $18,000 divided by 12 months equals $1,500/month. I don't need to pay off $1,500 every month, but I need to average $1,500/month over the year. 

• Third, I need to assess my financial life this month to determine how much (and from where) I can find $1,500+ to throw towards the debt. It may already be there, but if not, what options do I have? Extra paychecks? Tax refund? Bonus? Side hustles? Gifts?

• Fourth, I need to follow through with the plan. Execute this month well. Nail it.

• Fifth, I need to celebrate the small wins along the way. If I pay off a small debt, I'll celebrate by going out to dinner. When I pay off another, I'll treat myself to something cool. Always celebrate. 

• Sixth, I need to remember my why. Getting out of debt alone isn't enough. What's my why? 

Oddly enough, when we focus on the small behaviors, the big dreams come to life. Go get it this year! You got this! Happy New Year!

It’s Possible…..If You Believe

I recently met with a young couple who are frustrated with their finances. They are early in their careers with lots of potential, but with one elephant-in-the-room problem: a ton of student loan debt. $60,000 of student loan debt. They've paid some of it off, but it feels daunting to them. If they just make the minimum payments, it will be gone in eight years......but that idea sucks.

"We'd like to pay it off in two years, but we know that's not a reasonable goal." They are right. It's not a reasonable goal. It's an absurd goal. Everyone in their life agrees, too. There's no shortage of people who tell them to quit trying to pay it off. It's not possible, they say. It will take forever, they are told.

Their challenge to me was to develop a plan to get the debt paid off as quickly as possible......whatever that timeline looks like. Paying off debt (as well as other financial ventures) requires creativity. Nothing is black and white. Rather, we need to think outside the box, take inventory of all the different tools in our lives, and find ways to create something beautiful with them.

Here's the end of the story. This couple can pay off this $60,000 in nine months. NINE! Yes, less than one year. They chuckled at the absurdity of my pitch, waiting for the punchline. But there was no punchline. I was being serious. Over the next 10 minutes, I outlined all the tools they had available to them. Piece by piece, we chipped away at the timeline, one month at a time. When I was done, they looked at each other, then back to me, and the wife said, "That actually seems doable. Are you sure the math is right?"

There's one important ingredient that's needed for them to succeed. They actually need to believe it's possible. If they do, it can happen. If they don't, it can't. The belief makes all the difference in the world. This is what sets some people apart from the rest. They have the absurdity to believe something is possible when the rest of the world just shakes their heads and rolls their eyes.

Two ideas come from this. First, be someone who believes. Not blindly believing, but someone who gives yourself permission to dream and plan, then the courage to act. Second, surround yourself with people who believe. People who believe in you. People who believe in your dreams. People who believe in the impossible. Those people will lift you up on the days when your own belief might start to wain.

It's possible.....if you believe.

The Secret Behind the Curtain

We recently introduced our kids to The Wizard of Oz. One of my favorite scenes is when the great and powerful Oz is outed. Until that moment, he's a larger-than-life figure with great power and status. However, there's a moment when Dorothy and her posse get a glimpse of what's actually going on behind the curtain. Turns out, Oz was leveraging technology to make himself look bigger and more powerful than he actually was.

"Travis, how do people afford to live like this?!?!" This is a question that I get at least once per week. I've been asked this question for years, but it's probably ramped up 4-fold in the last 12-18 months. At the heart of the question is a mix of frustration, bewilderment, and voyeurism. Regular people trying to navigate this difficult financial season can't wrap their heads around how everyone around them are buying nice cars, upgrading their houses, affording elaborate trips, and revamping their wardrobes. I often wonder the same thing as I look around and see the madness unfolding in every direction. How in the world do people afford this? Are they harvesting cash from their money tree? Do they all have ridiculously high-paying jobs? Do they have tens of thousands of cash saved in the bank or under their mattress? No, no, and no.

The answer is usually relatively simple. You want in on the secret? I'll tell you if you promise not to tell anyone. **Ok, this is my whisper voice.** Debt. Debt is the fuel bringing all this action to life. Debt is the secret sauce.

It's kinda like the great and powerful Oz. From the outside, it seems like everyone around us is freaking loaded. Unlimited money to do whatever they want. Cars, houses, trips, clothes.....you name it! Also, like Oz, they are using leverage to make themselves seem richer and more successful than they actually are. Except their leverage isn't technology.....it's debt. Debt allows people to afford things they'd never be able to afford otherwise. Debt is the key to (temporarily) unlocking all of life's trappings.

I insert the word "temporarily" because it's just that, temporary. At some point, the music has to stop. We've reached a point in our culture where credit card, auto, mortgage, and student loan debt are nearing all-time highs. The ride up the mountain is pretty fun while ratcheting up the debt. It's exciting, fun, and seemingly sexy. However, there's only so much slack available before it's time to pay the piper. That time is upon us.

People have enjoyed the ride for a good decade, and now they are about to be exposed like Oz was. I've seen behind many curtains over the years. Some of the best-looking curtains contain the ugliest messes behind them.

The curtain you're most jealous of? You probably don't want what's actually behind it. All is not as it appears. Remember, the shinier the curtain, the harder it's trying to hide what's behind it.

Recovering Alcoholics Don’t Live Above Bars

Over the past few weeks, I've spent time with several friends who are celebrating various sobriety milestones. Drugs, alcohol, and tobacco, to name a few. Each of their stories is remarkable in its own way. They involve pain, consequences, and redemption. Woven through each of these amazing stories are some general truths. One such truth is that the disease is never entirely gone. Each day, they risk relapsing. To combat this, everyone must set clear and non-negotiable boundaries about what they do, where they go, and who they interact with. Or, as one close friend in recovery puts it, "Recovering alcoholics don't live above bars." 

Let's shift gears to one of my clients. This couple spent the majority of their adult lives deeply in debt. They were especially susceptible to credit cards. However, after having their life, work, and marriage nearly ruined, they had enough. Rock bottom was hit, and I was called into the situation. 

What this couple did was nothing short of remarkable. They committed to a plan, practiced discipline, executed with aggression, and slowly (but surely) paid off every single penny of debt. Just the credit card debt alone was $75,000. Crazy, I know! They achieved a massive accomplishment, and their life transformed in many ways. 

Amid their debt payoff journey, I repeatedly begged them to cancel their credit cards. It was a point of contention between us, but I would gladly die on that hill. I'm not usually this firm with clients, but I could feel the risk. Here's what happened. While I was pleading with them to cancel the credit cards, they had other voices speaking into their life:

• "You'll be fine if you're just responsible with them."

• "Don't pass up on the free points."

• "Just pay them off each month." 

• "Just keep the lower interest rate ones."

• "If you cancel them, it will hurt your credit score."

Perhaps you know where this is headed. This couple continued to carry these little pieces of plastic with them. The same pieces of plastic that nearly ruined their life and sabotaged their marriage. The same little cards that caused so much pain and suffering. They were the equivalent of recovering alcoholics living above a bar. 

About 18 months after paying off all that debt, they hit a rough patch. Stress in the marriage, a few minor emergencies, and a few desires that needed to be scratched. Within months, they ran their credit cards back up to $50,000. Utter devastation. There's no happy ending here.....yet. That may come in the future, but today, it looks like a lot of pain, suffering, and relational stress. 

What's the takeaway? I think it's two-fold. First, we need to identify our weaknesses and protect ourselves from them. That may mean canceling credit cards, freezing our credit, or avoiding stores (or websites) that overly tempt us. Second, love people enough to be honest with them. This couple's loved ones absolutely screwed them. Let's be better for the people we love! They deserve it.

Celebrate the Wins

Like millions of Americans, this one particular couple has a ton of debt. Frankly, it feels overwhelming. It's the type of debt that feels suffocating and can paralyze you from even knowing where to begin.

However, unlike millions of Americans, this couple has a plan. More importantly, they have the conviction that their plan can and will work. One year in, and so far so good. They've already paid off a half dozen small debts and are moving on to some larger ones.

They are on a challenging journey, no doubt. Nothing about paying off a ton of debt is easy, which is why very few families actually do it. It takes discipline, patience, delayed gratification, and a whole lot of motivation.

Whenever someone tackles this sort of endeavor, I always give one particular tip. Celebrate the wins. All the wins. When you pay off a small debt, celebrate small. When you pay off a large debt, celebrate large. But always celebrate. Maybe it's dinner at a nice restaurant. Maybe it's a weekend away. Maybe it's a trip to the spa. Maybe it's ______ (you fill in the blank). But always celebrate!

It sounds counter-intuitive to spend money on wants when trying to pay off debt, but we need to zoom out and look at the big picture. If we stay 100% laser-focused and never celebrate, there's a high likelihood we'll burn out and possibly quit. This is an arduous journey, after all. Those little celebrations can be the refresher we need to keep fighting.

I think back to when Sarah and I were on our $236,000 debt payoff journey. It took us 4.5 years to achieve it. We celebrated every single win. If we hadn't, one of us would have broken down on the journey. The most noteworthy celebration was an amazing trip to Europe. Weird, I know. We were about 12 months away from completing our debt payoff journey, but we were exhausted. We were fighting so aggressively that we were practically burning ourselves out. That's when we decided to take drastic measures.

What ensued was a two-week trip to five countries, where we created lifelong memories. It set us back by about two months in our debt payoff journey, but it's just what we needed. One could argue we should have gotten out of debt first, but the counter-argument is that we might not have made it without that break. So, we celebrated!

This is yet another example of why money is NEVER about money. It's always about something bigger. If Sarah and I had stuck by the pure math and made it solely about money, we might have burned out and failed at our mission. Instead, we took this trip, made unforgettable memories, and successfully completed our $236,000 journey just over a year later. I will always love and cherish that story.

Always celebrate those wins! It may be the make-or-break in achieving your goals....and it's fun!

___ Months For the Rest of Your Life

Though I share a lot of stories on this blog and on the podcast, not all stories are created equal. Some stick with me, or dare I say, haunt me. One such story involves a couple I met with nearly a decade ago. This couple had been struggling with debt for the entirety of their marriage. You could cut the tension with a knife. The financial stress of the debt altered their life decisions and impaired their marriage. In short, they were miserable.

By the end of the meeting, I had created a clear, simple, and achievable plan to get them debt-free in about 18 months. It wouldn't be easy, but I knew they could do it. I assumed they would be excited about the prospect of freeing themselves from these financial handcuffs, but there was a silence in the room. After a few moments, the wife chimes in, "I'm not giving up 18 months of my life." "It's 18 months for the rest of your life! You'll have more than 50 years on the other side of the debt," I replied. She simply wasn't having it. They weren't going to cut back on their lifestyle.....period. They eventually walked out of the room, discouraged and defeated.

Five or six years later, I ran into them in public. It was the first time we had a real conversation since they left that meeting. When I asked them how things were going, they opened up about how things had only worsened. Not only had they not freed themselves from the debt, but they were in deeper and even more miserable. They both hated their jobs and felt stuck in many areas of life. They didn't want to "give up" 18 months of their life, but what they were subjecting themselves to was a far worse sentence than a little sacrifice and discipline for 1.5 years. I think about them a lot.

I was reminded of them a few nights ago when meeting an awesome young couple. This couple also has a bunch of debt. It feels intense, overwhelming, and life-altering. However, there's a different kind of energy about them. They are approaching it with determined excitement. When I said, "It's ____ months for the rest of your life," they responded with genuine excitement. What they are about to do will be so simple, yet so hard. But they are up for the challenge. Please pray for this young couple and their journey. I have a feeling they are about to write an amazing story. It will be a grind for this season of life, but that good work will unlock the next 60+ years in a way they can't yet understand. I'm grateful to play a small role in their journey.

Encourage the young people in your life. They need it, and they deserve it. They aren't victims of circumstance. They aren't condemned to a less-than-life. They aren't slated for failure. They just need to know it's possible.

When Responsibilities Collide

As expected, I received a ton of pushback after my credit card post a few days ago. The number one response I get whenever I discuss this topic is the following: people just need to be responsible with credit cards. Another version: Credit cards can be a useful and beneficial tool IF they are used responsibly. What does it mean to be "responsible?" Here's the definition:

Responsible: having an obligation to do something, or having control over or care for someone, as part of one's job or role.

This makes a lot of sense. When we use a credit card, we need to be responsible by making payments on time and paying back what we've borrowed. We have an obligation to do so. I'm tracking. I believe the vast majority of Americans understand this responsibility. When people pull out the plastic and swipe it, they are well aware of the obligations and responsibilities at play. 

Life is full of responsibilities. Paying the credit card bill is a biggie. There are a bunch of other critical responsibilities on the table as well:

• Pay the mortgage/rent

• Put groceries on the table

• Clothe our growing kids

• Maintain and fuel our vehicles

• Health insurance and co-pays for medical services

• Ensure we have working utilities such as water and electricity

So many responsibilities!

When life is going well, we find the balance between the many obligations in our household. Shelton, food, clothing, transportation, medical care, and a long list of other needs (plus hopefully some wants). 

But what happens when life doesn't go smoothly? What happens when the car breaks down and we need to repair it? What happens when a kid gets sick or breaks an arm? What happens when the furnace goes out and it's too cold in our house? What happens when we lose a job and the income associated with it?

The moment we face tensions in life, our responsibilities collide. People don't get behind on their credit card bills because they are being irresponsible. Rather, it's because they ARE trying to be responsible. If we have the choice between eating and not eating, we're pulling that credit card out. If the furnace is broken and our family is getting cold, we're using whatever means possible to get it working again. If the car breaks down and it's the only way we're able to get ourselves to work, you better believe we're getting that repair done. If the landlord or mortgage company starts asking for their monthly payment (or else!), we sure as heck will step up and make that payment. 

In those moments, we have choices to make. Difficult, painful, and often embarrassing choices. And as I always say, credit cards are the path of least resistance. Not to be irresponsible with debt, but to be responsible for providing our family's basic needs. 

Does that context change your perspective? I hope so. But if not, I still love you and am grateful for your willingness to read each day. 

The Path of Least Resistance

As a kid, I was fascinated by the section in science class where they showed images of how rivers changed shape over time. As sediment is carried and eventually dropped, the speed and direction of the water flow shifts, carving a different path into the earth. The water constantly follows the path of least resistance.

Human behavior is much the same way. Whenever we have an array of options in front of us, we're likely to select the path of least resistance. We can get out of bed, drive to the gym, and get a workout in......or just stay in bed for another hour. The path of least resistance. We can prepare lunch the night before work.....or we can just grab a sandwich at the deli next to our office. The path of least resistance.

This is one of the many reasons I suggest clients cancel their credit cards. This suggestion is often met with eye-rolling and a staunch defense that includes something like "I'm always responsible with it." These comments are typically combined with defenses revolving around the benefit of points, the fact they pay them off every month, the perception they are safer, and the fact they are building credit.

One problem. Eventually, the path of least resistance will come into play. Two families in my life are living this reality as we speak. I've suggested for years that both these families cancel their credit cards. One family doesn't even use them....hasn't for years. It's "just in case," and that's what I'm afraid of.

As I always say, credit cards seem like our friend.....until they become our worst nightmare. Fast forward a few years, and both families are facing financial challenges. It's a combination of medical, auto, house, and job-related situations. Both of these families handle their money relatively well. They've made good decisions and are going in the right direction. One problem, though. They still have active credit cards. Just like the sediment in rivers, financial challenges will cause us to seek the path of least resistance. After all, pain hurts. Stress sucks. Tension puts a strain on relationships. There's a simple way around all that. It's the path of least resistance. Out comes the credit card.

We're going to use it just this one time, though. Well, maybe just the things we need. Then it shifts to putting everything on there because seeing our savings dwindling is scary. But just this month. Next month we'll get on top of things and back to normal. Except the path of least resistance didn't actually make this better. It just dropped more sediment, causing us to push deeper into the path of least resistance. Fast forward a few months, and our reality looks much different. We went from the family who said, "credit cards are great if we use them responsibly," to another statistic. Tens of thousands of dollars in expensive debt, in the snap of your fingers.

My heart breaks for what these families are now dealing with.