Don't Let Your Kids Wear It

As the parents of twin boys, our household motto for the last six-and-a-half years has been, “hurt, not injured.” We have a lot of hurts. Bruises, cuts, bumps, and blood…..almost daily. LOTS of hurts. Fortunately, we’ve avoided injury, until now. A few nights ago, Pax took a nasty fall while climbing out of a bunk bed. It was probably the least violent thing he did all day, but it was immediately clear something was wrong with his arm. Sarah and the boys were out of state while I was at home, so she was bearing the brunt of it without me, in an unfamiliar geographic area, having never dealt with anything like this before. There weren’t urgent care facilities nearby, so she took him to the emergency room. A lengthy wait and a few x-rays later, it’s revealed that Pax fractured two bones in his forearm. They secured the arm and splinted it (buying some time until we can see a specialist here locally), then eventually made it back to their Airbnb around 2:00 AM. It was a long night for all.

As with any medical situation in this country, the conversation quickly turns to health insurance. A few keywords get me a bit anxious: x-rays, emergency room, and specialist. We intentionally carry a health insurance plan with a very high deductible, and have done so for nearly a decade. We’ve definitely come out on the winning side of this decision, but this incident may tip the scales back the other way. There’s no doubt this incident will cost us many thousands of dollars.

I didn’t share this story to garner sympathy. We’re a family blessed with good health and a solid run without incident. Rather, it’s about what comes next. Yesterday, I had a conversation with Sarah about something we need to be very intentional about. We can NEVER discuss the financial implications of this around either of the boys. Doing so can be destructive and long-lasting. I’m far from the perfect parent and I can use all the advice people are willing to give, but this is one area that I’m 100% confident in. We can’t let our kids wear the pressure, stress, and guilt of financial implications…..ESPECIALLY when it involves them. If we were to tell Pax that his mistake cost us thousands of dollars, he may carry that guilt for decades.

Some parents use money as a weapon, always reminding kids of what something costs. Whether it’s the cost of a medical bill, an activity they pay for, a growing grocery budget, or a gift they purchased them. Each of these has negative implications. Every time we as parents do this, all our children hear is how much of a burden they are. One exception. If there’s a decision to be made and your child shall be part of that conversation, the cost should absolutely be discussed. That’s a healthy and valuable thing to do. Where it turns toxic and destructive is when we’re talking about something that’s already happened or something that will happen in the future that can’t or won’t be altered.

So this is my advice to all parents. Don’t let your kids wear it. Yes, I wish this never would have happened. Yes, I’m extremely frustrated by the inevitable bill. Yes, this absolutely sucks. But I never want Pax to feel the financial weight of it. That’s a burden for Sarah and me to shoulder. We’ll get through it, we’ll pay for it, and Pax will be back to his superhero ninja self in no time!