What Country Am I In?

I often experience something that, until a recent conversation with my friend Claire, I thought was normal. It happened again this morning. Whenever I wake up in a hotel room, I often don’t know what country I’m in. There’s an immediate moment of confusion before getting my bearings. Is that normal? Since sharing this with Claire, I’ve told several other people about these situations. Turns out I am, in fact, weird.

Whenever this happens, roughly half the mornings I wake up in hotel rooms, I think about how funny life is. I grew up in a small farm town in NW Illinois. For me, going to South Dakota was exotic. And one time we went to Florida! Wow, that might as well have been a different planet. When I left home for college and ventured four hours west to Ames, Iowa, that was a scary and treacherous endeavor.

When I started my real estate career, the idea I would travel to different cities around America was wild. For me, it was exhilarating. My first business trip was to Denver, Colorado, to visit Sterling Point Apartments in Littleton. Sure, Denver isn’t the most exotic city in the world, but it might as well have been Hong Kong or London for me. I loved everything about that experience.

Fast forward a decade, and my clients were primarily in Europe and the Middle East. At the same time, I joined the board of an organization in SE Asia. Between those two endeavors, I traveled abroad many times a year. On one occasion, we visited 8 Middle Eastern countries on an 8-day trip (see where I get my hotel wake-up quirk?). For as weird as that travel initially felt, it soon became normal. When Sarah and I first visited Hong Kong in early 2016, it felt intimidating. Today, Asia feels like a second home. I love everything about it. The people, the food, the culture, the history….all of it.

All this is a testament to how small our world is today. Between the technological advances in communication and travel, it’s never been easier (or cheaper) to connect with people on the other side of the world. We shouldn’t take that opportunity for granted. I was recently on a podcast in Australia. Towards the end of the episode, I made a half-joke (but serious) comment to host Joe Stephan about needing to fly to Australia to meet him for dinner. The fact that it’s even possible is wild. Technology allows me the opportunity to create a relationship with this stranger, and a different kind of technology allows me to visit him if I’m up for the adventure. What a world we live in!!!

Sure, we have some problems in our modern world. But let’s never take for granted all the good that comes with it. We can use our resources and technology for evil, or we can use it to create beautiful relationships, far-reaching impact, and priceless memories. Don’t let this opportunity slip through your fingers.

Pulling Apart vs. Bringing Together

I love business travel. Since my first opportunity to travel for work (Denver in August 2005), I've loved it. In the front half of my career, the travel was primarily domestic (NYC leads the way with 24 trips, followed by South Florida with nine, and Los Angeles with eight). In the last eight years, it's been more international (mainly Middle East and SE Asia).

There's so much to love about travel, business or otherwise. Seeing new sights, experiencing different cultures, meeting unique people, staying in interesting hotels, and learning something new about yourself. I always love the trips.

Along the way, I learned a few particular people don't always love the trips: two little boys. They don't ask much of me.....just 100% of my attention 100% of the time. No big deal....haha!!

Business travel always felt like a positive for me.....until one particular trip. It was September 2018. I was throwing the final few items in my bag before heading to the airport. I was flying to the Middle East and would be gone for nine days. Though Sarah was supportive of this trip, I could see the stress and nervousness in her eyes. Not because I was heading to the Middle East, but rather the stress of caring for twin two-year-olds for more than a week without me being around. To top off the moment, this particular day was Finn and Pax's second birthday....ouch!

I've been mindful and intentional about my trips since that experience. I still enjoy them as much as ever, but it's always hard to leave the family. After some of these experiences, I realized a shift needed to happen. Luckily (or unluckily) for me, two consecutive events transformed my relationship with business travel: I left my prior career, and COVID shut down our world.

As my new career started to grow and the world opened back up, I finally had my opportunity to put my money where my mouth was. If business travel had historically pulled our family apart, was there a way to use the same business travel to bring it together? It was an interesting experiment, but I was up for the challenge.

We tested this idea by bringing the entire family to Los Angeles earlier in the summer. Not only were we able to create some amazing memories (Disney, beach, food, more beach), but they were also present for some of my work. Sarah attended one of my talks and also watched me deliver a sermon at a church.

This week, we're trying it again. I'm spending the next eight days with a client in Midland, TX. Instead of being absent from my family for the home stretch leading up to school starting, we're using this opportunity for one last family summer adventure.

I don't know how this experiment will play out in the long run, but I'm excited to find out. I hope it provides meaningful work, tons of new memories, and brings us all together in powerful new ways.

The Power of (Actually) Shared Experiences

One of my favorite past times is sharing a meal with friends: good company, good drinks, good food, and good conversation. When I look back on some of my favorite memories, it usually revolves around a shared meal. However, there's one problem. In the U.S., we don't actually share in the dining experience. You enjoy your meal, Mary enjoys her meal, Bob enjoys his meal, and I enjoy my meal. We have an experience together, but it's not a truly shared experience. We may be sitting at the same table, but depending on our specific order, we're each having a unique and siloed experience.

This has always bugged me, especially when order regret sets in. You know what I'm talking about. The server brings the dishes out and delicately places each one in front of the person who ordered it. You look at yours, then at your neighbor's, and realize you wish you ordered what they did.....it's the worst feeling!

All this dining angst came to a head when I made my first trip to Asia in January 2016. Sarah and I were invited to fly across the world so I could interview for a board position. Our first night rolls around, and it's time for dinner. I'm eagerly anticipating this meal, as I love unique food, and it's my first time eating Asian food in Asia. I'm totally geeking out, while at the same time nervous. What will I order? What if I make the wrong choice? What if I accidentally order something I don't like? There are so many things to eat....how do I pick just one? I'm weird, I know.

But as we get settled into our seats and it's time to order, something weird happens. My friend Rob just started ordering. He asks if anyone wants anything in particular, then continues to order more. A while later, food starts coming out. The plates, platters, and bowls are haphazardly set wherever there is space to house it. Then, the good part. Everyone starts serving themselves from each of them. You know, like you do at home with your family. You know, a truly shared experience. It was an amazingly fun experience. I tried maybe 15 different dishes that night, and each person at the table also experienced those same 15 dishes. It was a shared dining experience we don't often get here in the States.

An example of a truly shared experience meal. Notice the massive lazy suzan to efficiently share with each other. This picture makes me hungry!

From that point on, it changed how Sarah and I experience food when we go out to eat. She orders something, and I order something, then we share. As our kids have grown, we've expanded that experience. Each person will choose a menu item, and we request the servers to set all of them in the center and provide some extra plates. Then, we have our fun shared experience.

It's been a beautiful shift for our family. It adds an entirely new dynamic, excitement, and bonding. There's so much meaning in shared experiences, and I encourage everyone to seek them out whenever possible.

Say "Yes", Then Enjoy the Ride

I've spent all week amidst the oilfields of West Texas. 105 degrees, sunny, strong winds, and a culture far removed from my normal day-to-day life. I've been on-site with a client, working on some fun but intense projects. It's been a series of 12-hour work days capped off by a delightful meal before returning to the hotel. It's been a challenging week, but it's been a rewarding week. I never anticipated this is where I'd spend a week of my life in June 2023, but life is funny like that. There were a million reasons it wouldn't happen, but one thing led me to this place: "Yes." In December, I had a coffee with a man who runs an up-and-coming company. This is where he asked me to do some work for them. I didn't really know what to say, as the work was a lot different than most of my other client and content creation work. However, it sounded fascinating, it was an opportunity to exercise some of the skills I put on a shelf after leaving my last career, and I knew it would be immensely challenging. I was correct on all accounts.

I'm not advocating we say "yes" to every single opportunity that comes our way. I know first-hand how poorly that can go for us. However, I suggest that maybe we need to be more willing to say "yes." Sometimes we need to say "yes" enough times before we truly understand where we need to say "no." Some of the best parts of my life are things I likely would have said "no" to.

If you're anxious about saying "yes" to something, ask yourself one crucial question: "I am stuck if I do this?" In most cases, there's no real risk to saying "yes." I could have done one project for this company, realized it wasn't for me, then quickly got out. No harm, no foul. That option was on the table. Instead, I'm in Texas meeting new people, learning new things, and adding value to others in a different way. It's wonderful, and I'm grateful for the opportunity!

I'm excited to see my family later tonight, but I'll also be excited for my next trip to one of this company's various locations. Life is a fun journey full of twists, turns, and uncertainties. I heard we'll never get out alive. If that's true, let's say "yes" more often and enjoy the ride.

No Good Deed: The Rest of the Story

Yesterday, I shared the story of a crappy flight experience where I tried to be generous and do the right thing, but quickly paid a harsh price for said generosity. If you haven't read that post yet, I highly recommend you do before reading the rest of this article. During this horrendous experience, I did the one thing that could possibly help me keep my sanity: I started writing. The frustration I experienced while sitting in my plane seat happened while we were experiencing a severe delay in taking off. So as I'm writing, the pilot announced the flight would be delayed for "at least 1 hour" as maintenance crews fix a broken part. They then asked us to get off the plane and await further instructions. That's when I wrote the majority of yesterday's article.

I have a confession for you. Yesterday's post wasn't the whole story. As I was lamenting the situation to myself and in my writing, I stated, "All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not)." Today's post is about what happened next.

After a lengthy delay, we all got back on the plane......well, most of us. Given the severity of the delay, many people were going to miss their connecting flights and had to make alternative arrangements. Thus, there were far fewer people on the plane. Due to a minor miracle (and much luck), I had an entire row to myself. For this, I was extremely excited!!!! As we were getting ready to take off, the mom behind me (the one who leered at me as if I was a child molester) engaged me and thanked me for being so kind to their little girl. They revealed to me how they were on day two of flight cancellations and hadn't slept in two nights. This fact would most certainly explain why the dad was so irritable, or as I referred to him yesterday, "belligerent." As the conversation continued, they realized I was the one who gave up my seat so they could all sit together as a family. They expressed their gratitude for this gesture, especially for how exhausted and distraught their last few days have made them. In short, this was a good family, with the best intentions, clearly struggling, but majorly grateful for my small generous act.

Remember my comment from yesterday? "All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not)." Doing the right thing is always the right thing. We can never go wrong with being generous. I meant those words when I said them yesterday, but I'm so grateful for the swift and forceful reminder of how important our generosity, humility, and empathy is. It always matters.

No Good Deed

Yesterday, while waiting to board a flight, I heard my name called over the loudspeaker. Since I suspected I wasn't lucky enough to get upgraded to first class, I knew it wouldn't be a wonderful moment of my day.

I sauntered up to the counter, where they informed me there was a family who wanted to sit together. I wait for the punchline. To make that happen, they want me to change seats. Doing so required me to go from an aisle seat to a window seat. They weren't telling me.....they were asking me. 100% my choice. Should I stay in the seat I want, or should I move so a handful of strangers can sit where they want while I get jammed against the window?

I certainly didn't want to move from the aisle to a window, but in my mind, it was the right thing to do. I understand what it's like to travel with kids; as I thought about it, it felt like moving was the right and generous thing to do. Fast forward 30 minutes, I'm sitting in my new and downgraded window seat......right in front of the family who consolidated into my old seat. And as luck would have it, their toddler was sitting directly behind me, where she repeatedly and continually kicked, punched, and slammed the back of my chair. To top it off, the parents were quite rude. The dad was somewhat belligerent and acted like a complete jerk. At one point, I turned around to say hello and engage with the cute little girl, which was met with harshness from the parents (perhaps assuming that I was a predator attempting to prey on their little girl). Overall, it was an incredibly frustrating experience.

No good deed goes unpunished, as they say. If I'm being candid, the whole thing felt pretty crappy. I wouldn't take it back, though. Doing the right thing is always the right thing. We can never truly lose if we're pursuing generosity. All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not). I made a sacrifice so a family could sit together. They did sit together, which was probably better than not sitting together, and it turns out I'm still alive and healthy.

I'm just going to call that a win. A small and somewhat crappy win. But a win nonetheless!!

The One Place....Yeah, That One

Question of the day: What’s that one place you want to travel to more than any other? Most people know the answer to this question, and you probably do, too.

A while back, I was talking to a client when the topic of travel was brought up. They revealed to me their absolutely biggest bucket list item is to travel to ________ (the place isn’t important….insert your imagination here). They’ve always dreamt of it, and they talk about it all the time, but they have no plans to ever do it. It’s not a money issue. The trip honestly wouldn’t cost too much money in the context of their financial situation. It just felt too big to actually be real.

In the conversation, I reminded them how they’ve spent many multiples of this trip in restaurants, clothes, toys, and other miscellaneous “want” categories over the last few years alone. In short, they’ve willingly (but accidentally) abandoned their biggest bucket list item in exchange for a lot of things they really don’t care about.

Then, I asked another question. “When are you going? Pick a day.” “It’s not that simple, Travis.” But it is. It is that simple. It’s that stinkin’ simple. We visually mapped it out on the whiteboard. They have the vacation time, they have the flexibility, and they certainly have the desire. We illustrated that if they were to save $_____ for the next 5 months (completely doable!!), the trip is paid for. Just like that!

Last night, I received a screenshot of a hotel reservation. They are doing it!!! They’ve waited 15 years to take this trip, and all it took was a little nudge and a lot of intentionality.

What’s your one place?

What is Family?

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of speaking at The Gathering, a church located in Hawaiian Gardens, CA (southern edge of LA County). Having that opportunity meant the world to me, as that church means the world to me. It was a surreal feeling to fly halfway across the country to speak to an audience that feels like family. It’s a foreign place to me (#midwesternkid), yet it feels like home. Before and after both services, I caught up with old friends and made some new friends. Lots of hugs, life updates, and stories about past shenanigans. I was also blessed by having my friends Chi-Chung and Roberta come listen to me speak (plus a wonderful lunch at the park afterward).

Days like yesterday really make me pause and ask the question, “What is family?” Sure, the easiest answer revolves around blood. That’s our natural go-to when thinking about family. However, it’s interesting to think about how I don’t share blood with a single person in the photo above (nor with any of my Hawaiian Garden family). We adopted our two amazing sons, Chi-Chung and I have served together in Southeast Asia for the last seven years, and I’ve spent many weeks with my friends in Hawaiian Gardens while leading high school mission trips. Yet, all of these people are family to me.

So I’ll ask again, “What is family?” To be honest, I don’t know the answer……but I know it when I see it. Family is family, well, because it is family. There’s a richness in these relationships that cannot be adequately explained in writing. I see my Hawaiian Garden friends once per year, and I probably see Chi-Chung about the same (usually in some faraway land). But when I do, it’s like we just saw each other yesterday. That’s family. Life is messy, filled with twists, turns, pain, and turmoil. But there are people around us who share in the burden so we don’t have to do it alone (and vice versa). That’s family. In a world that’s quick to criticize, question, and discourage, there are people in our life who will support, love, and encourage. That’s family.

I still don’t know the definition of family, but I know it when I see it. Yesterday was truly one of the best days of my year. Every single interaction I had meant something to me. It was one of those “pinch me” days, where I couldn’t believe this is my life. Or, maybe more precisely, I couldn’t believe who I get to call family.

Never stop building family and never stop pouring into those relationships. Those relationships provide a richness not attainable with money or status. A richness that makes life worth living.

Opportunity Cost: In the Wild

On the heels of yesterday’s post about opportunity cost, at least 10 people asked if I would provide a real-life example of how the exercise works in practice. At the same time, Cole (Meaning Over Money co-founder) has been encouraging me to be more transparent with my own numbers. I feel like I’m a very transparent person, but being open with my specific numbers does not come naturally. In fact, it’s quite uncomfortable. Therefore, let’s get me out of my comfort zone!

The following is what our prioritized opportunity cost list looks like. As a reminder, this is everything that’s not a basic need in our household (housing, food, transportation, insurance, phones, interest, etc.). The following list is for a specific month, but it also resembles what a “normal” month looks like in this season of life. Our basic needs are fairly modest and we never carry any debt. Excess income is approximately $3,800 this month. With that context in mind, here we go:

1. Giving: $1,000

2. Travel: $800

3. Kids: $600 (this is a mix of needs and wants, but heavy on wants)

4. Sarah's Personal Spending: $250

5. Travis's Personal Spending: $250

6. Dining Out: $150

7. Streaming Services: $150

8. Car Fund: $150

9. Events/Entertainment: $150

10. Home Furnishings: $300

11. Investing: None

12. House Cleaning: None

13. College Funds: None

14. Lake Condo: None

When I pull back the curtain and reveal our list, a few things come to mind.

• The fact giving and travel eats up 47% of our excess income is a true reflection of how important those are in our life. They are the foundation of our family.

• I believe personal spending for each spouse should be a non-negotiable in every marriage. It acts as a great release valve and allows each spouse to live out their unique values and interests with a portion of the finances. Our house rule has always been each of us shall get the same amount…..no matter what.

• For as important as food is to our family, dining out hasn’t received as much love in recent years (initiated by COVID). Something to think about in the months to come.

• I’ve been putting $150/month into the car fund for 19 years. It works wonders!

• Investing and college funds have taken a back seat in this season of life. This is, in part, a consequence of our heavy giving and travel budgets (mission and memories, as my friend Gary Hoag likes to say).

• We stopped getting periodic house cleaning in Fall 2022…..probably something we’ll move up the list in the near future.

• Sarah REALLY wants a small condo on a lake. I mean, she REALLY wants it. This is an ongoing discussion in our household and it wouldn’t surprise me if this one moves up the list in due time.

Wow, that was as uncomfortable as I feared. Oh well, I hope you found it insightful, beneficial, and perhaps a bit entertaining. What’s most important to remember is this is a reflection of OUR values. It’s unique to us because we are the ones who have to live our life. And you get to live yours! As you do, I hope you recklessly and relentlessly live your values!

Through the Lens of Opportunity Cost

Let’s say you want to spend money on something. It could be a number of things. A new car, a fresh wardrobe, private school for your kids, or maybe a trip to Disney. Let’s also say this particular item is important to you. If it’s important to you, it’s important (other people’s opinions don’t count). Let’s assume this purchase is highly important to you.

Where is the money going to come from? No, this isn’t a pay with debt vs. a pay with cash type conversation. Whether you use debt or pay with cash, the question still stands. Where is the money going to come from? There’s no free pass. This is the essence of opportunity cost. Every time we spend one dollar on item A, it’s one less dollar we can spend on items B, C, D, E, etc. Whenever we elect to spend money on something, something else suffers. I’m not saying this through the lens of negativity, but rather a simple reality.

Let’s say you’re planning to save up for a trip to Disney…..call it $8,000. If you really want to spend $8,000 on a trip to Disney, great. But where is the money going to come from? The simple (and recommended) answer is that you’ll set money aside in your sinking fund each month until you have enough. But where is the money going to come from? Maybe you decide to set aside $500/month for the next 16 months. The most important question isn’t whether or not you should do it, but rather what you’ll give up as a consequence. That’s $500 that won’t go somewhere else……so what is that something else?

This question gets to the heart of aligning our values with our behaviors. It forces us to look at each part of our life objectively, prioritize, then act. If you do that in earnest, you may decide not to go to Disney. Or you may immediately decide Disney is important, then discern what to give up in order to make it happen. But there’s a very real cost either way.

Here’s a quick idea of how to execute this:

1. Make a list of all the things in your financial life that are wants (i.e. not your basic needs to survive). This includes items such as dining out, travel, entertainment, extra debt payments, investing, etc.

2. Put a monthly dollar amount next to each of these items.

3. Prioritize them in order of most important to least important.

4. Determine which ones make the cut in your monthly budget this month (i.e. there’s enough money to fund it), and execute accordingly.

5. Repeat this process every so often to ensure you continue to align your values with your behavior.

When you do this, you’ll say yes to your yes’s and no to your no’s. It’s not always easy, but you will most certainly find more contentment and satisfaction when you know you’re pursuing what really matters to you.

You Might Be That Somebody

Last night was the opening session of the Celebrate Generosity Conference, hosted by Generous Giving. I’m blessed to attend this event in Scottsdale, Arizona with a few friends / board colleagues. Even just in the opening session, so much wisdom and inspiration was shared. My head was spinning on the car ride back to the hotel. I pondered which nugget would be the basis of today’s post, which was a difficult decision after all I had experienced.

But the answer was pretty clear. One of the speakers (a married couple) shared about the brokenness of their own lives, how it almost crushed them, the redemption and grace they received, and the ministry that came next. In the conversation about ministry, they shared about how run down and dilapidated their neighborhood had become. Drugs, gangs, poverty, and economic headwinds had done a number on this community, and the state of the residential neighborhoods showcased it.

They thought to themselves how someone needs to do something about it. Then, as the husband so bluntly put it, “If somebody needs to do something, you might be that somebody.” Maybe it was…..no, it definitely was. Fast forward many years, they’ve revitalized hundreds of homes in multiple cities in their community.

It makes me reflect on my own life. Yeah, I’m doing a lot of good things. But how many times do I say to myself, “Somebody needs to do something,” then quickly go back to my life? What if I’m that somebody? What if I’m supposed to step in and make something happen? I can think of times when I actually did act on that gut feeling, but I don’t have enough fingers to count the number of times I simply didn’t act. I was waiting for somebody, when perhaps I was that somebody all along.

What about you? Are you that somebody? Is there something in front of you that needs a champion, a leader, a fire igniter, a doer? You might be that somebody.

Credit Card Myths: Travel Edition

If you know me at any level, whether that be personally or someone who consumes some of our content, you’ll know that I’m anti-credit card. I have several reasons for despising credit cards, spanning the spectrum of principles, ethics, psychology, control, and simplicity, to name a few. I won’t rehash all the reasons in this post. Every time I discuss the topic of credit cards, I know all the arguments people will use against me. The most popular defense of credit cards is the benefit of points, cash back, and miles. If you’re interested, I did a podcast episode about why most people (yes, probably even you) are actually losing money with their points.

Another common pushback I receive about my position on credit cards is the necessity of having one to travel. Flights, hotels, rental cars, and retailers…..all of these require a credit card, right? What kind of idiot travels without a credit card? Well, me. My wife and I just got back from a 10-day trip that included Qatar and multiple cities in Thailand. No credit card. As always, we had cash, our primary debit card, and our travel debit card. That’s it! To be honest, there’s not a lot to argue about. It works great. It worked as well on this trip as the other 30+ countries I’ve been to. It’s a myth. We don’t NEED a credit card to travel.

There are a few nuances. Take hotels, for example. Most hotels require a damage deposit to protect themselves in the event you decide to throw a raver or rip the TV off the wall. Each hotel is different, as evidenced by the three we stayed at. One put a temporary $200 hold on our travel debit card, one required a refundable $100 cash deposit, and the third didn’t require anything. All of our flights go on a debit card. That’s an absolute non-issue. As for rental cars, it’s hit and miss. Any time I need to rent a car, I’ll check with the company beforehand to ensure they don’t require a debit card. Some do, but most don’t. I just choose one that doesn’t.

Life is always simpler without a credit card, and travel life is no different. We have a sum of money in our travel fund to spend on travel. When we use an ATM to take out local currency, it comes out of our account. When we swipe our debit card at retailers, it comes out of our account. When we grab an Uber, it comes out of our account. At any point on the trip, we can see exactly how much we have left to spend. It’s easy, it’s simple, and it’s freeing. We have zero financial stress coming back to America, as we only spent the money we had in our travel checking account. Nothing will haunt us, we won’t be paying for this trip for the next few months (or years), and we don’t have to worry about anything other than trying to catch up with life when we return. I’ve worked with hundreds of families over the years and I can confirm the post-trip stress caused by credit card use can be brutal.

There are so many myths surrounding the topic of credit cards. Hopefully today’s thoughts about one of them will at least give you something to think about. Happy travels!

Challenging Your Beliefs

We just arrived in Doha, Qatar, in what should be a whirlwind 24-hour adventure. This is one of our favorite places to visit. I absolutely love the Middle East. A handful of years ago, there’s zero chance I would have ever said that. When I was first offered the opportunity to travel there for work, I was admittedly nervous. After all, I watch the same news coverage you do. Lots of bad things happen in the Middle East. Then, I went…..and it changed everything for me. The Middle East is one of the safest, most family-friendly places in the world, full of sights, culture, and amazing food. Never in a million years would I think that……until I saw it with my own two eyes. I’ve been to 10 countries there and each one offers a different and unique perspective. I always look forward to going back and seek out reasons to do so.

We’re still trying to decide what to do while we’re here. Maybe we’ll ride camels, or take a dip in the Persian Gulf, or take a 4x4 tour across the expansive sand dunes. All of these are amazing experiences, by the way! We’ll most certainly eat a bunch of good food, drink tasty coffee, walk through the historical markets, and stare at the brightly lit skyline at night.

Going to the Middle East forced me to challenge my own beliefs. Had I spent my whole life being scared of the Middle East, I would have robbed myself of something wonderful. I’m grateful for younger me for leaving his comfort zone to try something new. Today’s Travis and Sarah will benefit because of it.

This applies to travel, but it also applies to so many other areas of our life. We all have bias and other deeply seeded beliefs that act as guideposts to our thoughts and actions. It’s always healthy to challenge them in the name of growth. Challenging them doesn’t mean we’re wrong, but rather gives us an opportunity to grow. It’s always hard, but always worth it.

Getting Punched in the Face

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” - Mike Tyson

As I type this, Sarah is sick…..very sick. Probably the sickest I’ve ever seen in my life. Here we are, in one of the most beautiful places on earth, staying in an awesome hotel, on an amazing trip. We had so many plans for things to do, places to see, and food to eat. Instead, Sarah is curled up in the fetal position in bed. Homesick doesn’t even begin to describe how she feels. As her husband, I feel helpless. Sure, I’m bummed we lost our day together. More so, I just feel terrible for her and wish I could either fix it or take her place.

As a business owner, I’m all too familiar with the reality we WILL get punched in the face. It’s not an if, but when. Something bad happens almost daily. I was recently with a friend when I received a phone call about something tremendously terrible happening. After I hung up and explained to my friend what had happened, he asked, “why don’t you seem more upset about this?” My answer was simple, “I knew it was going to happen.” Technically, I didn’t know this exact thing was going to happen (it was an atomic bomb of terrible). But I knew something was going to happen. This new situation just happened to be that something. Long ago did I give up my naive expectation of smooth success. The journey is anything but smooth.

Sarah and I are having an amazing trip. We’ve seen things we never imagined, met so many wonderful people, and created memories we will never forget. Then there was today. Sarah and I have a choice to make. We can either keep going and fight through this mess…..or give up. In life, money, and work, we also have the same choice. When we get punched in the face, we can fight through it……or give up. Sadly, I’ve seen far too many people simply give up when the going got tough. These decisions break my heart, as I often know how amazing someone’s journey can be if they would just keep fighting. It’s rarely easy, but always worth it. Perhaps you’re fighting the good fight in a particular area of your money or work. Trying to get out of debt. Saving for a car. Trying to earn a promotion. Building your income to meet your basic needs. We are all fighting some battle. Please keep fighting!

Please pray for Sarah’s health, and for her and I to fight through this to complete our voyage safely. Perhaps someday we’ll look back at this day and laugh about it. But right now, it feels anything but funny.

There's So Much We Don't Know

Yesterday, we wrapped up two days of meetings and said goodbye to our friends. It was a long few days and lots of important work was accomplished. We grew our relationships, created memories, shared food (lots of food!), and told stories. The experience was priceless.

This morning (Thailand time while you were all sleeping), Sarah, me, and a few other friends hopped on a plane to Hua Hin, a beach town on the Gulf of Thailand. As we left the airport and stepped into Hua Hin, it felt like we were entering Florida. Palm trees, humid weather, and countless tourists excited to begin their vacation. So many familiar things, but also quite foreign at the same time. I couldn’t read any signs, the roads and driving patterns were quite different, and I didn’t recognize many of the storefront brands.

One of my favorite parts about international travel is that literally everything we do is new to me. It’s a constant reminder about how much I don’t know. Even a trip to the grocery store unearths new finds and curiosities. Life can feel so repetitive at times. The same roads, the same buildings, the same routines. Then when we travel abroad, every little bit of our day is unfamiliar, maybe uncomfortable, and extremely interesting. As I sit here writing this, I’m watching a sport I’ve never seen (or even heard of). Indoor soccer on a basketball court with a tiny little soccer ball. These players are like magicians, maneuvering this familiar but unfamiliar ball on a court that’s also familiar (but not).

The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know. It’s a humbling feeling, but also exciting. It’s a constant reminder that we’ve only scratched the surface of life. We can choose to fall into what’s normal and comfortable each day, or we can choose to learn something new by putting ourselves in unfamiliar and uncomfortable situations. I need to do that more often in my day-to-day life. If you ever see me in the street, ask me how I’m doing with it. It’s an endeavor worth pursuing.

Curse of Comparison: Doha Airport Edition

We just spent a 3-hour layover in the Doha airport. As an aside, the Doha airport is a sight to behold. Take the best airport in America, then make it 18x better, and you have the Doha airport. It’s nice in almost every way. It’s clean, it’s pretty, it’s full of amenities, and the service is fantastic. The multiple bathroom attendants in every bathroom show more hospitality and service than some nicer restaurants I frequent. I always love spending time there. But it also has another quirk. It’s jam-packed with high-end retail. Think of it as walking down Rodeo Drive, but in an airport in the Middle East. They have Maseratis and McLarens in the duty-free shop, for crying out loud!

But this post is about something specific I witnessed. There was a lot of this happening, but I’m talking about one particular man. Like us, he was killing a few hours between flights. He was in one of the watch stores, just browsing. A certain watch caught his eye. In his defense, it was a pretty sweet watch. In a snap decision, he decided to buy it……for $20,000!!!! That’s right. A man just burning time between flights was window shopping, and impulsively bought a $20,000 watch, just because. 

These are the moments when comparison hits hard. Sarah and I’s cars don’t even combine for $20,000 of value. And this man just drops $20,000 on a whim? In those moments, it’s really easy to play the jealousy card. It’s easy to immediately feel negative about our own life. It’s easy to wish we could have a different existence. This is where I come back to meaning over money. I don’t know anything about this man. He may be the happiest guy on the planet…..or the most miserable. His life might be full of broken relationships, loneliness, and emptiness. I don’t wish that upon him, but I simply don’t know.

Here’s what I do know. I know I love my life. Even though I can’t impulsively buy a $20,000 watch, I know I wake up every day excited to serve those who I wish to serve. I have a wonderful family that I can financially take care of. I’m blessed in so many ways. I could choose to compare, but instead I’m choosing to not. I need to focus on what I do have, not what I don’t. 

We don’t need to be in a high-end watch store to feel this tension. At some level, we feel it every day. In those moments, big or small, we get to make our choice. Choose carefully.

Adventure (Not) For Adventure's Sake

As Sarah and I embark on our Asia trip, I’m sitting in the airport thinking about how much I missed international travel these past few years. I missed so much about it. The discomfort, the culture, the food, the sights, the history, the experiences……all of it! To be frank, travel is one of my favorite things.

But that’s also when I take a step back and ask myself why I enjoy traveling so much. For some, travel is adventure for adventure’s sake. To an extent, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this. We should go enjoy life and have fun. I have no doubt about that. I support it, encourage it, and practice it. However, there’s a movement in our culture to make travel a lifestyle. The continual search for the next high. More adrenaline, more Instagram posts, more escapism.

I can see the allure of this approach…..it can be intoxicating. However, it can quickly become another way for us to selfishly hoard our resources and keep the focus on ourselves rather than others. While this type of life may be fun, if we pursue a life that’s simply about meeting our desires, we’re probably missing the meaning part.

What’s the alternative? For me, I try to view travel as something bigger. Yes, I’m going to have fun. Sarah and I have already had a blast on our first day of flights. But my bigger purpose has a few sides to it. The primary objective of this trip is to further an organization I’m involved in. We have some key meetings that will help shape its next chapter. It’s also an opportunity to spend time with our staff and the other leaders. These relationships matter so much to me. These people went from strangers, to colleagues, to friends, to family. I also want to invest in my marriage. Sarah doesn’t get the attention from me she deserves. This will be a good opportunity for her and I to bond, child-free. Lastly, I find that I become better (in many ways) when I experience other cultures. By understanding how people live, the things they value, and how they operate, I can learn, grow, and become a better version of myself. I trust I’ll come back from this trip with new ideas, a clearer sense of my mission, and better equipped to serve those who I wish to serve.

It’s adventure, but not for adventure’s sake.

Chaos: The Entry Price to Meaning

As I’m writing this, I’m mere hours from hopping onto an international flight where my wife and I will spend some time in Asia and the Middle East. To be honest, I’m stressed. Between packing, trying to get time with the kids, meeting with clients, running errands, and preparing for some upcoming speaking engagements, it’s been a lot to handle. Probably too much. Strike that…..definitely too much.

If I’m being honest with myself, my life could be significantly less chaotic. I could settle into a more stable job, I could say “no” to the various organizations I serve, and I could hunker down with my family where the schedule would be much more predictable. For better or worse, chaos is the entry price to a life of meaning. I probably don’t help myself at times, but some level of chaos is what we signed up for when we chose this life.

Some days I wish it away. Some days I just want to quit. Some days I yearn for a simpler existence. Then, I have a conversation with a client and remember why I do what I do. Then, I wrap up a board meeting and am reminded why I’m serving that organization. Then, I walk off the stage from a speaking engagement and recognize why I spent all that time preparing. Every step of the way, when doubt seeps in, something happens to affirm why I do what I do. Each time that happens, I realize chaos is the entry price to a life of meaning. It’s hard, but worth it.

Giving Money a Purpose

Yesterday, I was in the middle of a coaching session with a new client (they are awesome!) when a hugely important topic came up. I was walking them through the idea and execution of sinking funds (i.e. separate named bank accounts for specific categories - travel, house, car, medical, etc.) I don’t remember the exact wording, but to paraphrase, they were curious why someone would do it this way rather than just having all the money in one account and mentally earmarked for future use. I absolutely love this question!

In theory, having all the money in one big pot would achieve the same purpose….and be administratively easier. However, in practice, it makes a world of difference. Here are a few reasons why:

Commitment: If we house all our money in one big pot, we can just make an impulsive decision and mentally reallocate the funds from one use to another. It takes no energy or work to butcher months (or possibly years) of work. When we separate these funds into unique accounts that are specifically named for that use, we’re less likely to reallocate this money for a different use. Doing so requires us to consciously make a decision and physically transfer money from one fund to another.

Emotion: If we house all our money in one big pot, it’s easy for us to feel guilty or regretful about a particular decision we’ve made. For example, let’s say we’ve set aside some money for a trip to Disney. The moment we feel financial stress, we’ll think to ourselves, “well maybe there’s a more responsible use for this money. After all, I don’t NEED this trip.” And just like that, we’ve dismantled our trip and all the amazing memories that surely would have come from it. When we separate these same funds into our travel sinking fund, it’s clear what these monies are for. There’s no doubt about it. “Travel Fund.” It’s literally in the name of the bank account! When we do this, we’re emotionally able to let go of the guilt and the regret, and simply go enjoy that trip. It sounds silly, but it’s true!

Administrative: The idea of sinking funds sounds administratively difficult. After all, having multiple accounts seems more complex than having fewer accounts. However, the execution is an entirely different story. When we push money into these accounts each month as part of our budget, it’s clear where the money goes. When we want to know how much money we have for our next trip, there’s an account balance staring at us. And when we start spending these funds (plane tickets, hotels, gas, etc.), we always know where we stand with the remaining balance. In other words, we get transparency, and with that transparency comes better decisions.

If you’re interested in setting up sinking funds for your finances, most credit unions allow it. Most banks don’t, with one exception being Wells Fargo. If your bank doesn’t (like mine), CapitalOne 360 Performance Savings accounts work great. I’ve been using this platform for more than 15 years, as do many of my clients. If you want to hear more about sinking funds, we did a podcast episode about the topic back in June 2021. You can listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Have an amazing day!

Too Much of a Good Thing

I get a massage once every six weeks or so. It’s absolutely wonderful!. I decided to prioritize this about 18 months ago, and I’m so glad I did. For me, this is an occasional luxury that adds richness to my life. There’s part of me that wishes I did it every week. But that very idea also brings to mind a concept I think about often. It’s possible to have too much of a good thing. Part of what makes this little luxury so enjoyable is the anticipation and the scarcity. If I did this every week, it would just become a normal ho-hum thing…..like brushing my teeth or taking a shower.

That’s the tightrope we walk with “good things.” It’s possible to have too much of a good thing. Travel and dining out are other fantastic examples. They also happen to be at the top of my list of fun things to do. Part of what makes them special to me is they aren’t every day. There’s a scarcity in it……oh the anticipation! I look forward to them. I enjoy looking at the menus and online reviews of potential restaurants, just as I enjoy researching upcoming trips. Flights, hotels, sights, and of course restaurants. There’s a simple pleasure in the planning and anticipation.

A while back I met with a client who was spending north of $2,000/per month on dining out. On the surface, this sounds wonderful! So many different experiences and flavors. However, they are quick to note, “we don’t even enjoy doing it anymore. It’s just something we do and it feels kind of empty.” Wow! This is the very definition of having too much of a good thing. My suggestion to them was to majorly cut back on dining out, then be very intentional when going on those experiences. Fast forward a few months, it has been transformational for them. They enjoy it so much more than in the past 4-5 years. There’s something special about it and they get excited for the next one.

Yes, lean into those good things. Whatever they are in your life, they are important. But remember, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Create scarcity and anticipation….you’ll thank yourself later.