They Come in Threes, Right?

You know the saying, “Bad things come in threes”, right? I always roll my eyes at this saying, as I’m not a superstitious person. Well, I’m no longer laughing. In the 36 hours leading up to our family trip, we got struck by the trifecta of terrible. First, a tree fell on our house. Then, we randomly had water in our basement, on either side of an interior wall. Just hours after that, the pipes under the kitchen sink burst as Sarah was doing dishes. I was already stressed as I was trying to finish my talks ahead of this hybrid work trip / family vacation, so needless to say the stress level in our house increased dramatically. .

It may have been a bit poetic to get hit by the hat trick of crappy considering I met with three separate families earlier in the week who have been navigating their share of heavy life. All three of these families have their own unique junk that continues to pile up (theirs didn’t stop at three). Though it feels like they are losing, I reminded them how well they are doing considering the circumstances.

There’s one question that tends to change the perspective of the conversation. “How would this have played out in the past?” The answer is usually a combination of fighting, drained savings, credit card debt, an abandonment of priorities, a feeling of hopelessness, and a bit more fighting. These types of situations can be utterly destructive to a couple’s relationship and finances.

In each of these recent cases, however, the consequence was a little stress and a slowdown of financial progress. Night and day difference! What’s the secret sauce? Intentionality, ongoing budgeting, a healthy emergency fund, living with margin, planned savings for foreseeable needs/issues, and a shared vision. It doesn’t make these types of situations fun to deal with, but at least they will live to fight another day…..and not lose their dreams along the way.

So despite each of these families losing ground on their progress, I congratulate each one for amazing work. Even if it feels lousy, these are amazing wins worth celebrating! Winning is fun, but sometimes the win is not losing. It enables us to get back on the horse and keep fighting the good fight. Find those little wins and celebrate the heck out of them. They may not be the wins you’re looking for, but they may be the wins you need.

Unwinding Your Way to Contentment

The pursuit of more is a slippery slope. It starts innocent enough. We enter the real world and get our first place. We see how nice our friends’ place is, so we also get something nice. Maybe we’ve been driving a beater for a while, so we decide to get an upgrade. After all, we’ve been working hard and we’re finally making grown-up money. Then the new iPhone comes out and we realize ours is already a few years old……better get a new one. One small step, then another, then another. None of these are inherently bad. But without knowing it, we’ve set into motion the ever-alluring and never fulfilling pursuit of more. As I always say, the problem with more is that more is still, well, more.

Fast forward 15 years, we have a significantly higher income than we started out with……and an inflated lifestyle to match. Then, it dawns on us: we’re just as stressed and discontent now as we were back when we had almost nothing. This is the fork in the road. Down one path is the continued pursuit of more. Maybe we just haven’t gotten to the point where we have “enough” to actually be happy. Maybe we’re one promotion, one trip, one house upgrade, or one additional zero in our bank account away. The other path? The other path requires humility. It’s an acknowledgment that perhaps we’ve been seeking comfort and happiness in the wrong things, then deciding to unwind some of our past decisions.

Two clients have recently decided to pursue the latter path. These are families who have achieved much success. Incomes most of us will never have, and lifestyles to match. Truth is, they aren’t happy. Life is moving fast, they are overly busy, their marriages are strained, and they feel quite discontent. So what are they doing about it? They have humbly and painfully decided to take a few drastic steps:

• Sell their house and downsize (one is purchasing a much small house and the other will rent)

• Downgrade their vehicle situation to something a bit more practical.

• Start saying “no” to various activities, trips, and memberships. This is an effort to create margin in their family time.

• Dramatically increase how much they give, taking the focus off them and putting it on others.

• Downshift their careers to stop focusing on an upward trajectory and lean in on creating a healthier balance.

These are no doubt counter-cultural decisions. They’ve already started getting pushback from friends and family, which is how they know they are probably on the right track. Whenever the prevailing culture pushes back against you, it’s probably a sign you’re doing something right.

They haven’t even implemented all these changes and they are already feeling better about their situations. There’s something empowering about knowing you have the power to unwind past decisions. It’s a constant reminder that everything is on the table.

How Much Lemonade Can You Make?

I’m a big believer that good can always come from bad situations. Turning lemons into lemonade, right? But what happens when there are just too many lemons? I suppose we should keep making lemonade, but how much lemonade can you make?

As I read the ridiculous paragraph I just wrote, I can’t help but think about how overwhelming some seasons are. Sometimes I expect it. Schedules get tight. Travel starts landing on the calendar. Deadlines overlap. You can see it coming from a mile away…..and it lives up to the hype. Other times, they sneak up on you. A few things take longer than you expect. Distractions throw you off your game. You’re exhausted after a busy streak, causing you to lack focus and energy. You’re busy cleaning up messes from other less-than-ideal circumstances. Your kid breaks his arm……

There are times in life when disappointing others seems like my vocation. I whiff on texts, fail to deliver on commitments, and generally feel like a bad friend. This feels like one of those seasons of life. Just yesterday, multiple people told me I let them down. They are right….I did let them down. All I could do was apologize, ask for forgiveness, and commit to doing better.

At the Omaha YP Summit that I spoke at a few weeks ago, I attended a few other talks. One of them was about preventing burnout. It was in the same ballroom I would later be speaking in, so it was a good opportunity to see how the room felt. To be honest, though, I just needed to hear a talk about burnout. In the talk, one thing in particular caught my ear. It was a concept called a Kanban board. Here’s how I understood it (which may or may not be a proper or full definition of its full powers). You make a board with three sections (left to right): To-do, in-progress, and done. Then, you unload every single thing in your brain that needs to get done. Personal, work, ministry…..everything. Drop all these items in the to-do section of the board. Then, each day, decide which items get moved over to the in-progress section, and execute only those items. Attack those items aggressively, and give no thought/stress/worry/energy to the items in the to-do section. Those items will have to wait for another day. Execute, then repeat.

Just the mere act of unloading everything from my brain to the board was a relief. However, I’m still thinking of items I missed, and the execution has been iffy. I’m still working on finding my rhythm, but it’s already starting to feel better. I’ll probably write a follow-up post about how the process is going, so stay tuned. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas, and recommendations for keeping the train on the tracks.

I’m tired of making lemonade, and I’m sure some of you are, too. Just know you aren’t alone. Let’s walk this messy road together. Have an awesome day!

Ignorance is Bliss, Until It's a Nightmare

Whenever I start working with a new client, there’s a moment early on when they have more money stress and tension than they did before we started working together. On the surface, it seems like the coaching is counter-productive. After all, the whole point of this coaching concept is to make things better…..not worse. There’s a universal truth in all this. Ignorance is bliss. Many people have very little day-to-day tension and stress when it comes to money. It’s not because their finances are in a good place, but rather because, “out of sight, out of mind,” as the saying goes.

Digging into our finances and facing reality on reality’s terms can dredge up a lot of junk. It’s like looking into one of those ultra-magnifying mirrors you see in some hotel bathrooms. It’s scary to see yourself that close. ALL the blemishes become apparent. Money is much the same way. When we look close enough, we won’t always like what we see.

This idea hit home recently when I had two contrasting conversations. The first conversation was with a friend who is somewhat critical of my work. by the way, I love when people I care about can engage me in conversations like this. It shows trust in each other, and I always learn something from them. His main point was he and his wife spend almost zero time talking about money in their marriage. They “just live life,” as he put it. He went on to explain they don’t really worry about what they spend, they don’t worry about saving, and they don’t worry about the future. Life is good, live in the moment, and it will all work out in the end. In some ways, I’m jealous of their approach to life. I wish I could be more like that at times. On the other hand, based on what he shared with me, I have a feeling where some of this will go a few decades down the road……and it’s not good.

In a subsequent conversation, I talked to a couple who was a few decades older than the guy I just mentioned. They explained how they used to handle finances, or rather how they didn’t handle them. The way they portrayed their younger selves sounded a lot like the man above. Fast forward a few decades, and they are freaking out. They lived a financially stress-free life, but now stress is barreling down on them. They are starting to realize social security isn’t nearly enough to support them, they didn’t adequately save on their own, and the clock is ticking. The reality is they will HAVE to work well into their 70s (or beyond). I don’t personally believe in traditional retirement and I hope to be working into my 80s, but it breaks my heart to see a couple work so hard for many decades, only to find themselves in a position with very limited options.

They gave me permission to anonymously share this story with you because, as they put it, they “wouldn’t wish this upon their worst enemy.” Harsh words. I feel for them, I truly do. So if I can give you any advice on this topic, it would be this: be willing to endure some financial stress and tension today (getting it right), because it’s so much better than what’s coming down the road. This couple deserves better, and so do you!

Upending Our Lives

In a light-hearted text exchange with a friend, he suggested I write a blog post about “not stressing out while trying to upend our lives.” I think that comment may have been rhetorical, but you get a post anyway! When we take the road less traveled, abandon comfort, and risk all that we perceive as normal, stress is sure to follow. I can’t even explain the amount of stress I’ve experienced since leaving my prior career. The bills will be paid this month, but what about next month? What about the month after that? I have a bunch of client contracts expiring soon……will they keep me around or move on? Will Northern Vessel continue to perform at a high level? When will the next paid speaking gig come? Will anyone want to sponsor our podcast? Yeah, this stuff is EXTREMELY stressful.

With all that being said, I’ll take this stress every single day of the week over a different kind of stress. Many of you know exactly what I’m talking about. The stress of waking up every day with a feeling of dread or mere tolerance for what you’re about to do. The stress of knowing your job security and compensation is in the hands of a collection of people that could simply cut you at a moment’s notice. The stress of doing tasks you simply don’t believe in or see value in. The stress of wanting something different, but being too scared or overwhelmed to go after it. That’s the kind of stress that will eat one’s soul.

I’ll take my stress any day of the week. It can be daunting, overwhelming, and crushing at times……but it’s tied to meaning, purpose, and impact. We absolutely upended our lives when we made our shift nearly four years ago. Neither Sarah nor I would claim it was easy…..but we’ll both testify to our graves that it was worth it. A whole lot of stress, combined with a whole lot of meaning!

A Tottler

Q: What do you call a half of a tater tot?

A: A Tottler

_________

This was the ridiculous joke I was met with when I walked into a coffee shop yesterday and saw my friend, Meagan. To be honest, I didn’t walk through those doors with the intent of joking around. I started the week a bit stressed, determined to start the day by kicking butt. Enter Meagan. She just carries herself differently. She may have the weight of the world on her, but she always finds time for a laugh and a smile. If you were to meet her on the street, the first thing you’d say to yourself is, “there’s something different about her……something I want to be more like and be around more often.” She’s one of those friends I haven’t seen in years, then all of a sudden I see her many times per week. It’s been a true blessing to reconnect with her and play a role in each other’s lives.

I may be nearly two decades older than her, but I find myself learning from her approach to life. I’m one of those people who visibly wear their stress on their sleeves. I’m also one of those people who says “yes” to too many things, resulting in self-inflected stress and pressure. People like Meagan are a constant reminder to keep the bigger picture in focus, even when it feels heavy around us. No matter how stressed and overwhelmed we are, there’s always time for a laugh, a story, a coffee with a friend, and yes, even a dumb joke about baby tater tots.

Knowing When to Walk Away

As you probably know, I love Mondays. Mondays are my favorite day of the week. I’m coming off a fun weekend where I played with the kids, probably watched some sports, stayed up too late, and made some fun memories. And my reward? I get to wake up at the start of a new week, with endless possibilities in front of me, knowing I have five days to do good work and make a difference in this world. Sincerely, Monday mornings are the best!

Last night, I was chatting with Sarah on the couch. We talked about summer plans, current events, and happenings at church and work. As that conversation came to an end, I asked her for a blog idea for today’s post. She referred to my love of Mondays, then said I should do a post about “knowing when to walk away” when it comes to work. I asked her to elaborate, so she listed off a few thoughts:

• Being present with family

• Setting healthy boundaries with work hours

• Taking time to enjoy relaxing things

• Not bringing work home

Can we just pretend Sarah was referring to people in general and not specifically to me? Yeah, I didn’t think so. She’s right. She knows she’s right and I know she’s right. I struggle with this a lot. In my prior career, I brought home a lot of stress and carried it with me. In my current career, I carry with me an ever-present desire to do more good work. I absolutely love what I do……and sometimes, without proper boundaries, that can be a problem.

Sometimes I get this right, but often I don’t. I never realized there was a shadow side to loving your work. It shouldn’t be something to be scared of, though. Rather, it’s something to harness, be aware of, and approach with intentionality. We aren’t magically going to get it 100% right, but we can get 1% better each day. Day by day, situation by situation.

Sarah likely wouldn’t have suggested this topic if she thought I was doing a wonderful job, so I still have my work cut out for me. On the bright side, I’d rather have this problem than carry stress, dread, and misery with me every day. What say you?

Slow Down or Get Burned

We recently made a bad decision in one of my businesses. It’s not a life-threatening mistake, but it was serious enough to cause some heartburn and consequences. We haven’t made many bad decisions in the past, but this one was a doozie. In the moment I kind of knew there would be regrets, for one specific reason. We rushed to make a decision and did so under pressure.

Us humans rarely make good decisions when we’re under duress or facing time constraints. It’s a concept I talk to clients about all the time, yet here I was falling for the same trap. This topic is so, so, so important. Think back to the financial and career decisions you regret. Were you under stress or experiencing pressure to make a quick decision? The answer is probably “yes” in most cases. Common examples of bad financial decisions revolve around the following situations:

• When we’re faced with a car accident or significant repair needs, which often leads us to quickly buy a vehicle we can’t afford.

• When we’re house shopping and the seller’s agent tells us there are a few other offers on the table already, forcing us to make a snap decision.

• When we experience a major medical or relational situation, resulting in us making impulsive financial decisions to self-medicate the pain.

• When someone offers us a job but they need to know by the end of the day.

One of my primary objectives when working with clients is getting them to slow down, take their time, and be intentional about their decisions. It’s a simple concept, but it’s easier said than done when life is moving fast and feeling chaotic. There are probably 10-20 decisions made (or not made) each year that have the power to significantly alter our financial journey. If we can slow down and get those right (or at least not get them wrong), our future selves will be grateful.

Have an awesome and intentional day!

Self-Inflicted Wounds

It’s a practice as predictable as it is sad. We humans are really good at creating self-inflicted wounds in our financial lives. I’ll use an example. Let’s say Joe’s been working really hard at his job for the past few years. Blood, sweat, and tears, hoping to soon get that promotion so he can create some margin in his financial life. Finally, the day arrives! He gets that promotion, which comes hand-in-hand with a nice pay increase. After so much work and waiting, he finally gets to create some financial traction with his newfound margin. However, he also “needs” a new car. A week later, he’s driving a shiny new car with a fat payment to go with it. It’s ok, though….it was a need. And just like that, his newfound margin is gone. If you were to ask Joe, he didn’t have a choice. He “needed” a car, and he likes it a lot, so he successfully solved the problem. What Joe calls a win, I call a self-inflicted wound.

Fast forward 6 months, Joe’s back to feeling the same financial tension he did before the promotion. In an effort to improve his life, he sabotaged his quality of life. While he doesn’t see it that way, his words, demeanor, and stress say differently.

Fast forward a few more years, Joe climbs another rung on the career ladder. After all those blood sweat, and tears, he gets to create some margin in his financial life. Finally, the day arrives…..and it’s as sweet as he thought it would be. He’s proud of his accomplishment, and he deserves a house worthy of his new success. He doesn’t necessarily “need” it, but he can afford it and it will surely make his life better. And just like that, his newfound margin is gone. If you were to ask Joe, this makes his life better. What Joe calls a win, I call a self-inflicted wound.

Fast forward a few months, Joe’s back to feeling the same financial tension he did before the most recent promotion. Again, in an effort to improve his life, he sabotaged his quality of life. The stress builds, the burden feels heavier, and the pressure heightens.

This is the new American way. Every opportunity we have to increase our quality of life and create margin, we find ways to create self-inflicted wounds. Fast forward a few more promotions, Joe will be making several multiples of what he used to make but feel the same level of stress, pressure, and burden. This is why so many people making $300,000, $400,000, or $500,000 feel the same financial tension they did when they were making $40,000. We aren’t trying to hurt ourselves….we’re trying to improve our life. Ironically, however, we sabotage the very thing we’re trying to create.