When "Skin in the Game" is Anything But

One of my favorite topics to engage in with teens and parents alike is the idea of getting through college debt-free. As you can imagine, this can be on the controversial side of the conversational spectrum. However, it’s something I believe in deeply, and I have countless examples of clients, friends, and youth group kids successfully navigating that journey. It’s one of my favorite wins to acknowledge and celebrate.

Whenever these conversations come up with parents, I get all types of responses. Please understand that I respect every parent’s opinion on the topic. They are the parents of their children and they have the right (and obligation) to lead the best they can. I will absolutely support people with whatever decisions they make with their families. In these conversations, there’s one comment I hear more than any other. They explain that their kids will take out student loans because they want their kids to “have skin in the game.” This is spoken through the lens that paying for their children’s college is an entitled approach in which their kids are not motivated to do the right thing, whereas the student acquiring student loan debt helps to align interests.

I’m all for having “skin in the game.” In fact, it’s one of the hallmarks of my coaching when walking families through the college planning process. That said, here’s what I always try to explain to parents about student loans. Having your kids sign up for student loans is the furthest thing from skin in the game as you can get. Why? Because when an 18-year-old is going to college with student loans, all that’s required of them is to sign a few pieces of paper…..then go have fun. There’s no real sacrifice, and worse, no real awareness or accountability along the way.

The student loans actually remove skin from the game. To college students, student loan debt feels like magical money falling from the sky. It enables them to go to college, pay rent, get three square meals per day, and maybe even a little pocket money……..just because. No amount of work or sacrifice goes into this. It’s the easiest form of money they will experience in their entire lives.

It isn’t until later that the reality of this debt starts to set in. By later, I mean AFTER they finish the thing they were supposed to have skin in. I call this, “the moment.” The moment when the degree is in hand, they’ve been settled into their first job for a handful of months, and are in the process of transitioning into a full adult existence…..then the letter arrives in the mail. Many of you know the letter I’m talking about! It’s the letter that comes approximately six months following graduation, communicating the commencement of student loan payments. This letter can be sobering. I owe how much!?!? My monthly payments are what?!?! For how many years?!?! This is the moment where many emotions can come flooding in. Guilt, frustration, defeat, resentment, worry, and anger.

All the while, they thought things were alright. College was being paid for, the money was always available, and they lived a solid college career. Yeah, they knew they would have some student loan debt after they graduated. But this much!?! This is the moment. I’ve walked alongside far too many people who had recently experienced this moment. Almost without fail, I hear the same thing from them. “I wish I would have known this is what it would end up being. If I had, I would have made some different decisions.” Ouch.

Parents, skin in the game is good. No, it’s awesome! Congrats to you for wanting that for your children. My appeal to you is to not use student loan debt as that skin.

* Please pass this along to any parents who need this encouragement today. We can shift the futures of the next generation, one family at a time!