UnGuilty Pleasures

I have a confession to make. I despise the term “guilty pleasure.” I know it’s a ubiquitous phrase in our culture, but do you ever stop to think about what it really means? At its core, calling something a guilty pleasure insinuates that you shouldn’t be doing it. It’s something you enjoy, but know it’s wrong (or wrong-ish). If anything, we should call adultery and stealing guilty pleasures.

I’m reminded of my hatred of this phrase because a client recently referred to getting her nails done as a guilty pleasure. Another client referred to golfing as a guilty pleasure. And a third person recently said her morning coffee at a local coffee shop is a guilty pleasure. None of these things are inherently bad. In fact, they may be quite good. The question isn’t about right and wrong, but rather right for YOU and wrong for YOU. For many of my friends, spending money on golf is the absolute best use of their personal spending money. For me, it would be counter-productive. Why would I want to blow my money on something that will just upset me and make me want to break something (which will cost me more money)? That doesn’t sound like a good value.

Instead, perhaps we can rebrand guilty pleasure into “unguilty pleasure.” These are purely wants, but add value to our lives. By definition, then, they are important. Yes, wants can be important. One of mine is a monthly massage. About two years ago, after spending years believing massages are something I could neither afford nor justify, I signed up for a membership at a local massage studio. Each month, I pay a fee and get a massage. In hindsight, it’s one of the best expenditures I’ve made in years. I always look forward to my appointment, and it adds value to my life. I don’t feel guilty about this. It’s not for everyone, but it is absolutely for me.

Today, I have two homework assignments for you. First, please remove the phrase “guilty pleasure” from your vocabulary. You deserve better than to do something you feel guilty about or perceive it as a bad decision. Second, lean hard into the following question: “What’s one want in my life that would make my life better?” Don’t filter your answer through the lens of needs and wants. It’s a want....you don’t need it. Let’s make that clear. It’s purely a want. Filter it through the lens of whether it adds value to your life. If it does, go for it! No guilt, no second-guessing, and no regret.

Enjoy those unguilty pleasures!

"Travis, I Think I Messed Up."

I come to you today with a heartbreaking story. A man recently reached out to me after discovering some of our content. He said he was embarrassed to share it, but thought "maybe good can come from it." While the story is heartbreaking (my words, not his), it's all too common in our culture. "Travis, I think I messed up." That's how his message started.

In short, here's the situation. This man is approaching 50 years old, lives in the suburbs of a major US city, has two teenage kids, and has a lucrative career. His approach to work and money was simple. Make as much money as quickly as possible, so he can spend more time with his family and provide them with the life they "deserve."

Year after year, decade after decade, that's exactly what he did. He worked hard, provided financially, and raced toward this perceived finish line where he'll be able to spend more time with his family and give them the riches they deserve. One problem. In just two short years, he'll be an empty-nester.

As he so clearly and painfully puts it, "I missed it. I missed being a dad." While he was busy providing materialistic goodies for his family and endeavoring to create future freedom to spend more time with them, he simply wasn't present. He literally missed their childhoods. Today, instead of priceless memories, he has deep regret.

He now sees the irony of his approach. In his effort to get more time with his family, he was absent. He thought more money was the needed ingredient to create time with his family. Now he realizes more time was the secret to more time. It was right there in front of him, and he missed it.

Now, he has a lot of resources. He'll be able to retire in a few years and do whatever he wants. That sounds great....the American dream! Except what he wants more than anything is to spend time with his kids. Unfortunately, they are heading to college soon, creating their own lives, starting their own careers, and building their own families.

Money isn't the answer. Money can't create meaning. Money can't provide us with something that fills us up and delivers deep fulfillment. The sad truth is that money is often the thing that pulls us away from the meaning. It robs us of what we're genuinely looking for.

He wanted me to share this story with you today, hoping that even one person heeds his example. If so, it won't be for nothing. I feel for this man, and I feel for so many others who fall into this trap. Don't fall for it. You deserve better than this. Please don't let this man's story be for nothing. I know I won't.

Wiping the Slate Clean

Has this ever happened to you? Life gets intense. Maybe it’s sickness, relational turmoil, job stress, or just being too busy. In the midst of life hitting so hard, you lose sight of your finances. You forget to do a few things, fail to track your spending, or perhaps don’t have a budget to begin with. Money is the last thing on your mind and it is what it is. Can you relate?

Most people can, at some point or another. When we hit a season like this, there’s a common sequence of events that can happen. You look at your situation and think, a) I don’t even want to know how much I messed up, b) that’s a lot of tracking to go back and recreate, and c) the hole feels too deep to dig out of. When we have one or more of these thoughts, it leads us to simply do nothing. Out of sight, out of mind. We choose to ignore it, which propels us to ignore it some more, which makes us want to permanently ignore it. Some would call that quitting….and you wouldn’t be alone.

I occasionally have clients who experience some version of this. It’s usually accompanied by a lot of guilt, stress, and frustration. My response is quite simple: “The past is the past. There’s no need to dwell on it. Let’s just wipe the slate clean and get a fresh start next month.” On one hand, this seems like an irresponsible decision. After all, knowing what happened is important…..it provides learning and accountability. True, very true. However, if the idea of hashing through the past creates paralysis, it does zero good. At some point, we need to focus our eyes on the present and the future. It’s amazing to see the faces of people when I ask them to simply move forward and leave the past alone. There’s a freedom in that decision that allows them to embrace what’s right in front of them. It can quickly turn into a springboard to regain momentum and progress.

That’s the thing with money. Money is NEVER about money. It’s always about something bigger. Life can be heavy, hectic, and busy. In the midst of it, you messed up. So what?!? You aren’t perfect and were never supposed to be. Please give yourself grace today…..you deserve it!