Retiring Your Kids?!?!?!

I’ve seen this topic pop up from time to time in the past, but it seems to be gaining steam these days. Perhaps it’s a natural byproduct of more and more people understanding the power of compound interest. Mix that with people’s desire to hoard and the common belief that money=happiness, and it’s a perfect recipe for “winning.”Here’s the idea. If you, as a parent, invest $x today (or $y per month) when your child is a baby, you’ll effectively be able to “retire” them. In other words, if you build up enough investments early enough, there will be a huge sum of money in there by the time your kids reach their 40s, 50s, or 60s…..so they will be able to retire without having to put in any of the actual work themselves.

The math is true. You can absolutely do this. It’s quite possible if you really want to do this. I can even teach you how if you care to know the math. My question is this: Why would you want to ruin your children? Part of being an adult is having to figure it out. Do good work, be productive, serve others, be disciplined with our giving/saving/giving, invest consistently and patiently, and live a meaningful life. When we attempt to retire our kids through investing, it’s like asking our kids if they want to put a puzzle together, but you already put 90% of the pieces together for them. The point wasn’t to complete the puzzle, but rather the process of putting it together. That’s where the meaning lies.

I’ve seen so many people get absolutely ruined by having tons of money dropped on them early in life (or knowing early in life it will be dropped on them in due time). Some of it was planned, some was accidental, and some was situational. But in most cases, regardless of the reason, the meaning, motivation, and purpose can easily be zapped from their lives. Yes, they have wealth…..and wealth can buy a lot of things. But at what cost? I’ve seen the cost and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. I thought the previous sentence might be an exaggeration, so I considered changing it. But after further contemplation, I’m not sure it is. When we completely remove the need to be productive, especially at an early age, it does a number on us mentally, emotionally, and psychologically.

Don’t ever forget the importance of the journey. It’s far more valuable and rewarding than the destination.

Coming Full Circle in Omaha

I had an awesome time speaking at the Omaha YP Summit, the country’s largest young professionals conference. Nearly 1,600 people gathered from Omaha (and beyond) to connect, grow, learn, and have fun. I felt really good about my talk and was tremendously encouraged by the feedback.

The day opened with a talk by Ben Nemtin. Ben is widely considered one of the best public speakers in the world. I’ve been familiar with Ben since way back in the early days of my career, and some of you may as well. Ben and his buddies became a news sensation when they set off across America in an RV, checking items off their bucket list. Their agreement with each other was every time they crossed something off, they needed to help a stranger cross something off their list. Needless to say, this became a huge story. They went on to have their own show on MTV called The Buried Life.

I was young in my career when all this was happening. The next part is where I feel a bit sheepish. I have vivid memories of looking down on them, thinking what they were doing was silly. In my head was some version of, “grow up, get a job, and make some money.” After all, that’s what culture says to do……and that’s exactly what I was doing.

Fast forward nearly 20 years, and I’m sitting just off stage, watching Ben share his story with this huge audience. I absolutely loved Ben’s talk. He was funny, moving, and inspirational. Here’s the full-circle moment. The guy who looked down on Ben all those years ago (me!) was the same guy who was about to deliver a somewhat parallel talk in just a few hours. My talk had so many overlaps that I weaved pieces of Ben’s story into it. I was even able to work in a ridiculously stupid joke about me speaking after Ben. “I’m not sure in what world Taylor Swift would open for a high school garage band, but here we are.” That one got some good laughs, but they may have been pity laughs. Nevertheless, I loved being able to expand on some of Ben’s ideas in my talk.

As I reflect on the full-circle moment, I can’t help but think how badly I missed the mark earlier in my career. Ben knew something I didn’t. I’m not wishing away my prior career or saying having a normal job/career is bad. Far from it. I’m referring to the attitude I had toward the mere idea of living for meaning. That regret I feel is the exact reason I want to share this Meaning Over Money message with the world. I want people to hear a different perspective, know it’s an option, and decide for themselves. Wherever you are on your journey, it’s never too early or too late to pursue the meaning.

**Speaking of bucket lists, I’m just going to name one of mine. I deeply desire to become a world-class professional speaker. I’m certainly not there, but I’m better than I used to be. With more than 100 attempts under my belt, I’d certainly hope so! Today was a big step for me. I’ve never felt more prepared or more comfortable on a stage. I went to bed last night satisfied, grateful, and content. Thanks, Omaha, for a great day!

The Why Behind the Why Behind the Why

When I’m having a conversation with people, especially in a coaching setting, I repeatedly ask the question, “why?” I sound like my 6-year-olds, I know. I find that when “why?” is asked, we continually get closer to the truth.

I was recently meeting with a client who expressed an interest in buying a new house. They already live in a very nice house, in a very nice part of town, in a very solid school district. This intrigued me, so I started the process of unearthing the truth:

“Why?”…..”We need something bigger to comfortably fit our family.” They already have a 4-bedroom house and they are pregnant with their second child. I knew we weren’t deep enough yet.

“Why?”…..”We also want to be in a safer neighborhood.” They already live in a notoriously safe neighborhood in a notoriously safe town. We still weren’t there.

“Why?”…..”We’ll enjoy living in the new house more than our current house.” Ok, now we’re getting somewhere. We still needed to go deeper.

“Why?” This is the part where I was expecting them to go down the material side of things. After all, that pool and theater room were indeed pretty sweet!!! “Because we earned it.” Oh, now we’re cooking!

With the fourth “why?”, we finally broke through and the truth was approaching. After a few minutes, it was revealed that the husband’s father had always equated one’s success with their house. People who had bigger, nicer houses were obviously more successful. Therefore, buying a better house would be an external symbol of how successful they had become. That was their real “why.”

My role here wasn’t to criticize their prospective decision to buy this house, but rather for them to understand their true motives and be honest about it…..then make the best decision for their family. This was a profound discussion for them and provided an opportunity for self-reflection and introspection.

They eventually decided to purchase a different house, but armed with new insights about why they were really doing it, they ended up purchasing a different house. I think they won. We always win when we understand the why behind the why behind the why.