What is Family?

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of speaking at The Gathering, a church located in Hawaiian Gardens, CA (southern edge of LA County). Having that opportunity meant the world to me, as that church means the world to me. It was a surreal feeling to fly halfway across the country to speak to an audience that feels like family. It’s a foreign place to me (#midwesternkid), yet it feels like home. Before and after both services, I caught up with old friends and made some new friends. Lots of hugs, life updates, and stories about past shenanigans. I was also blessed by having my friends Chi-Chung and Roberta come listen to me speak (plus a wonderful lunch at the park afterward).

Days like yesterday really make me pause and ask the question, “What is family?” Sure, the easiest answer revolves around blood. That’s our natural go-to when thinking about family. However, it’s interesting to think about how I don’t share blood with a single person in the photo above (nor with any of my Hawaiian Garden family). We adopted our two amazing sons, Chi-Chung and I have served together in Southeast Asia for the last seven years, and I’ve spent many weeks with my friends in Hawaiian Gardens while leading high school mission trips. Yet, all of these people are family to me.

So I’ll ask again, “What is family?” To be honest, I don’t know the answer……but I know it when I see it. Family is family, well, because it is family. There’s a richness in these relationships that cannot be adequately explained in writing. I see my Hawaiian Garden friends once per year, and I probably see Chi-Chung about the same (usually in some faraway land). But when I do, it’s like we just saw each other yesterday. That’s family. Life is messy, filled with twists, turns, pain, and turmoil. But there are people around us who share in the burden so we don’t have to do it alone (and vice versa). That’s family. In a world that’s quick to criticize, question, and discourage, there are people in our life who will support, love, and encourage. That’s family.

I still don’t know the definition of family, but I know it when I see it. Yesterday was truly one of the best days of my year. Every single interaction I had meant something to me. It was one of those “pinch me” days, where I couldn’t believe this is my life. Or, maybe more precisely, I couldn’t believe who I get to call family.

Never stop building family and never stop pouring into those relationships. Those relationships provide a richness not attainable with money or status. A richness that makes life worth living.

Some Seeds Are Hard to Water

When it comes to work, ministry, and life, I often think about the idea of planting seeds. Whatever we’re doing, we have the opportunity, responsibility, and possibility to make an impact in someone’s life. This concept is the basis of my friend Gary Hoag’s book, The Sower. I highly recommend this one, by the way! When we water seeds, we never know how they will turn out. Some will sprout, while others won’t. Some will grow small, and some will grow big. But either way, they don’t sprout right when you water them…..it takes time. All we can do is diligently water, pray, water some more, and wait.

Some seeds are easy and fun to water. For me, that’s my youth group kids, clients, family, podcast listeners, readers, and speaking audiences. Watering those seeds is truly one of the greatest privileges of my life and there are very few things I’d rather do. Like all seeds, I never know which seeds will sprout, or when, but I love the process.

Some seeds, however, are hard to water. Yesterday, I found myself engaged in a brutal online conversation with a stranger. By “conversation”, I mean I got publicly eviscerated by someone and I tried to treat them with love. Yet, as I did, they continued to eviscerate me. I shared some of this conversation with my Facebook friends, partly as a way to set an example for handling our online presence with civility and dignity, and partly to hold myself accountable for handling my online presence with civility and dignity. After sharing this, I was flooded with thoughts and feedback from friends. I want to share a portion of one with you. This is from my friend, Laura H., and it moved me deeply.

“Years ago, when I was still in active addiction, I was like this person. I was so miserable with my life and was living in the victim mentality; basically feeling as if the "happy" and "got it all together" people of the world were mocking me with their encouraging posts or lessons on how to be better. In my mind I was a lost cause and "you people" needed to see that. The reason I tell you this is that, even though my comments spewed hate and insults, I was still watching. I read/listened to that person's stuff for a reason. A seed was planted and how that person responded to me decided if that seed would be watered and grow. I know that sounds like putting a big responsibility on someone, but in all actuality, it's the same responsibility that God puts on them to be disciples and share His Word and His Love. Getting back a response that validated my feelings always gave me a twinge of hope in the midst of my darkness. And I wouldn't comment anything else, but I would watch them. And I'd see them continue to be that genuine person to everyone else they interacted with. That also watered that seed. We never know what someone is dealing with and a compassionate response, even when you're angry or hurt, can make more of an impact than you even know. In all seriousness, it could save someone's life; that small twinge of hope is so powerful.”

Thank you so much, Laura! I’m grateful for your wisdom and your friendship. I needed to hear this, and many others do, too. Some seeds are hard to water….but it’s worth it.