Yet Another New Season

In just a few hours, my boys will begin first grade. With it will come a plethora of varying emotions. On the one hand, I'll be proud of them and who they are becoming. On the other hand, I'll mourn the fact they are growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday, they were learning to walk and talk. Today, they read everything they see and constantly add random numbers. It seems like just yesterday, they decided it would be fun to fingerpaint with their poop. Today, they strategically drop farts on me and each other. Ok, some things never change!

For as much as I want time to slow down, I'm trying to enjoy it for what it is: a series of really cool seasons. If I look at life as one linear story, I feel lost in it. However, if I view it as a number of seasons, it changes the dynamic for me. If our midwestern winters stayed in perpetuity, it would drive me mad. But the fact it's merely a season makes it something I celebrate and, dare I say, embrace it.

Life is much the same way. When we can view it in terms of seasons, we can celebrate and embrace each moment more intentionally. Though our summer was extraordinarily busy, I strongly feel like we embraced the season. Lots of memories, tons of adventures, and plenty of bonding. That's the thing about time. We're never going to slow it down, so we ought to savor it the best we can. I used to foolishly think I could bend time if I was intentional enough, but alas, I was wrong. Instead, I'll concede time will always go too fast, but we'll embrace every moment as it comes. I don't always get it right, but perhaps I can get a little better each time I try.

So today, I celebrate and mourn.....but mostly celebrate. I'll always cherish the seasons we've had in the past, but it's time to embrace the one upon us.

Removing the Option

I'm a broken record on this topic, but credit cards aren't our friend. Every time the words "it's a tool," "just need to be responsible," or "we pay it off every month" are uttered, I know how the story will eventually end. Family, after family, after family, after family is literally being destroyed by these things, and it's getting hard to stomach. Credit cards work really, really well...... until the moment they become our worst nightmare.

Every time I say such slanderous words, I get mocked and ridiculed. To some extent, I get it. My sentiment flies in the face of society, and I look like a complete weirdo. But if you could see the things I see, have the conversations I have, and provide the shoulder to cry on that I provide, I think you'd have a much different perspective.

There's one sentiment that I share over and over again with families. If you allow credit cards to be an option, you WILL use the option. It's the path of least resistance.....until it becomes THE resistance. It's the remedy that immediately solves your problems.....or so it seems. It's the action that takes your stress level from a 90 to a 10.....for a while. Credit cards are a great band-aid, but a lousy tourniquet.

If I could make one general recommendation to every single person who reads this article, it would be to remove credit cards from your life. Perhaps you're the exception who can use them well.....but probably not. That's the problem with exceptions; everyone thinks they are the exception. That's what happens with so many of the people in my life. They believe they are being wise, strategic, and resourceful. Then, it catches up to them. Not immediately. It may take 2 years, or 5 years, or 10 years, or even 20 years. But when it does, watch out! It's a curse I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

If credit cards are an option, we WILL use the option. For that very important reason, I couldn't recommend more that we remove the option altogether. I removed the option from my life more than 10 years ago. Had I not, I most assuredly would have used the option at some point. Life is messy, life is hard, and life is unpredictable. But if the option isn't on the table, we must find other, much better options.

Avoid Life-Altering Mistakes

In my ten years as a youth group leader, there's one piece of advice I levied on my young friends more than any other. Well, maybe the third most: 1) Love God, 2) Love others, and 3) Don't make life-altering mistakes.

The reality is we will all make mistakes.....lots of them! If I think hard enough, I can think of a dozen I've made in just the last few days. All mistakes have consequences, but not all consequences are created equal. There are mistakes, and there are life-altering mistakes. It's imperative we know the difference.

I forgot to prepare the coffee pot before going to bed the other night. Consequence: I had a slightly grumpy wife the following morning. There was a consequence, but not a significant consequence. I once forgot my wedding anniversary. To clarify, I knew my anniversary was coming up, and I even bought Sarah a gift, but on the actual day, I forgot it was our anniversary. Again, consequences.....but not significant. If I were to cheat on my wife, that would also be a mistake. However, that mistake would have much more dire consequences. A life-altering mistake with possible life-altering consequences. Not all mistakes are created equal, but sometimes we humans do a poor job of doing these types of mental calculations.

Whether we're a teenager or a full-fledged adult, we need to understand the difference.....whether it's life, work, relationships, or even money. No matter what we're doing, the goal shouldn't be to stop making mistakes. Mistakes go hand-in-hand with progress. We can't move forward in life without making mistakes. The goal should be to avoid life-altering mistakes. It's easier said than done, but it gets a whole lot more manageable when we're intentionally trying to achieve this goal.

In the hundreds of families I've spent time with talking about work and money, a common thread amongst most of them is that a few life-altering mistakes have taken the wind out of their sails. These mistakes didn't feel like mistakes at the time, but that's how the worst mistakes often develop. The decisions seem innocent and, sure, there's probably some risk, but what are the chances that will happen?!?! If there's one thing certain about humans, it's that we underestimate the probability of the downside occurring and equally underestimate the severity of said downside if it actually does happen.

I wish I could give you some concrete advice on how to do this better. Truth is, it's hard. But I'll give it a shot:

1. Before making a decision, sincerely ask yourself what the true downside could be.

2. Once you know the downside, be honest with yourself about how possible it actually is.

3. Understand the consequence in your specific life if the downside happens. Will it bruise you, scratch you, cut you, gash you, or amputate you?

4. Don't rush your decision. A rushed decision is a regretful decision.

5. The moment you know you've made a mistake, acknowledge that you made a mistake and immediately shift gears.

6. Meaning over money....always meaning over money

Happy decision-making, all!

They Come in Threes, Right?

You know the saying, “Bad things come in threes”, right? I always roll my eyes at this saying, as I’m not a superstitious person. Well, I’m no longer laughing. In the 36 hours leading up to our family trip, we got struck by the trifecta of terrible. First, a tree fell on our house. Then, we randomly had water in our basement, on either side of an interior wall. Just hours after that, the pipes under the kitchen sink burst as Sarah was doing dishes. I was already stressed as I was trying to finish my talks ahead of this hybrid work trip / family vacation, so needless to say the stress level in our house increased dramatically. .

It may have been a bit poetic to get hit by the hat trick of crappy considering I met with three separate families earlier in the week who have been navigating their share of heavy life. All three of these families have their own unique junk that continues to pile up (theirs didn’t stop at three). Though it feels like they are losing, I reminded them how well they are doing considering the circumstances.

There’s one question that tends to change the perspective of the conversation. “How would this have played out in the past?” The answer is usually a combination of fighting, drained savings, credit card debt, an abandonment of priorities, a feeling of hopelessness, and a bit more fighting. These types of situations can be utterly destructive to a couple’s relationship and finances.

In each of these recent cases, however, the consequence was a little stress and a slowdown of financial progress. Night and day difference! What’s the secret sauce? Intentionality, ongoing budgeting, a healthy emergency fund, living with margin, planned savings for foreseeable needs/issues, and a shared vision. It doesn’t make these types of situations fun to deal with, but at least they will live to fight another day…..and not lose their dreams along the way.

So despite each of these families losing ground on their progress, I congratulate each one for amazing work. Even if it feels lousy, these are amazing wins worth celebrating! Winning is fun, but sometimes the win is not losing. It enables us to get back on the horse and keep fighting the good fight. Find those little wins and celebrate the heck out of them. They may not be the wins you’re looking for, but they may be the wins you need.

Don't Gut the Good Stuff

Let me lay out a scenario. You go into the month with a solid financial plan. You’ve prioritized your needs, wants, giving, and saving. The plan is set and you’re feeling really good about it. Then, just like that, life hits. Maybe it’s a medical situation. Maybe your income is a little lower than you thought. Maybe the car needs some unexpected work. But in any case, something happens. How do you correct it?

Most people in our culture don’t, unfortunately. Instead, they whip out the credit card, quickly “fix” the problem by dropping the new expenses on the card, then move on with life. Fortunately, most of my clients don’t own credit cards and would not take this route. But the problem still needs to be fixed. What do you do to fix it?

Many times, our gut reaction is to simply rip away some of the money allocated to the fun categories. Personal spending, dining out, entertainment, and travel are likely candidates. It’s easy to steal money from these categories. After all, you don’t “need” it. There are a few problems with this approach:

1) Life happens……then life happens again….then it will probably happen again. It’s something this month, but it may be something else next month. If our gut reaction is to constantly steal from the good categories, these categories will be perpetually abused when life inevitably happens.

2) Wants are important. I’m not going to say our wants are more important than some of the other categories, but I will say they are just as important. We need some fun things in our financial plan. They add richness and act as a release valve. When we constantly cut them from our budget, the tension builds and a future blow-up starts to build.

3) When we simply give up fun things to make the numbers work, we train ourselves to handle all unforeseen situations in this manner instead of preventing them from happening in the future. It becomes a coping mechanism and we’ll perpetually suffer because of it.

Yes, we need to be responsible and address issues as they come up. No, we don’t always need to gut our fun categories in order to make it happen. Give yourself permission to have fun, even when life happens. Strike that……especially when life happens.

It's a Tell

Today is my first day back at work in 11 days. I really enjoyed our trip to SE Asia and the Middle East, but I couldn’t be more excited to get back to work. For me, this strong feeling of excitement is just normal…..I always feel it. But at the same time, I recognize this is an abnormal feeling for most. Statistics show that 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job. With this information in tow, vacations act as an escape from the realities of life. We travel, in part, so we can leave. We get to step away from our responsibilities, work, boss, coworkers, deadlines, and routine. For a short period of time, we get to rewrite our journey. There’s only one problem: the trip will eventually end and we must return home to our life.

There comes a moment on our vacation when we realize it’s coming to an and we start thinking about everything on our plate when we go back home. For many, this often comes on the second-to-last day of a trip. You know the moment! How we feel in this moment is a tell, as I like to say. For some, it provides a feeling of dread. We’re disgusted by the mere idea of going back and doing the things we know we have to do. For others, it feels like a weight added to our shoulders. For countless people, there’s a feeling of numbness, a deadened feeling after so many years of frustration and disappointment. Then for a small group, there’s an overwhelming feeling of excitement. There’s pent-up energy, new ideas, and a sense of possibility of what could come in the days/weeks ahead.

I, and many others, live in the last camp. As I sit here with a fresh work week in front of me, I can’t help but smile about all the potential just waiting to be seized. The trip was amazing, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but I’m ready and excited to get back to work. That’s a tell. It’s a clear sign I’m exactly where I need to be. I haven’t always had this feeling, but I do today. One of my missions is to always be living a life I’m excited to return to after an amazing vacation. That’s the tell.

What does your tell say about you and the life you’ve created for yourself? Whatever the answer is, I have good news. You’re just a few decisions away, good or bad, from significantly altering how you feel about this question. Have an awesome week!