Controlling What We Can Control

The world is a mess right now. War, political infighting, ongoing cultural battles, a faltering economy, and inflation……just to name a few components of said mess. It’s easy to feel like crap about it. We turn on the TV, only to feel angry, defeated, and helpless. When this happens, we often turn our attention to all the things we have no control over.

I talk to people every day who feel victimized and defeated by all that’s going on around us. They carry with them a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I don’t fully blame them if I’m being honest. I can feel like that at times, too. However, we have to separate how we feel about it from what we do about it.

The way I see it, we have two choices to make. The first option is to raise the white flag and admit defeat.

• “I’ll never be able to get out of this debt”

• “I’ll be stuck in this job forever”

• “It’s impossible to make ends meet”

• “I’ll never be on the same page with my spouse”

• “Our government is making it impossible for me to get ahead”

• “Why bother trying when our country is imploding anyway?”

• “There’s no point in saving if I could be dead tomorrow”

These are all comments I hear on the regular. Each of them allows us to justify to ourselves to simply not try. After all, it’s not our fault…..so it’s not our responsibility to fix it.

Then, there’s the second choice we can make. We can let go of everything we can’t control, and lock into the things we can control. Getting control of the money I DO have. Paying off a little bit of debt this money…..then a little bit next month. Going to work and giving it everything I have each day. Grabbing a second (or third) income if I’m trying to close the income gap. Spending intentional time with my spouse to create unity and a shared vision. Choosing to make a positive impact on the people around me.

I’ll close with bad news and good news. Bad news: there are very few things in life we have much control over. Good news: we can spend the vast majority of our time, if we choose, on those few things. Every moment we spend worrying about what we don’t control is one less moment we have to spend on things we do control.

I hear ya on how bad things feel right now. It often feels like an unmitigated disaster. But today I’m choosing to let go of all the noise around me and simply focus on what I can control.

One of Those Days

Yesterday was one of those days. You know what I’m talking about. Anything that could go wrong, did go wrong. I didn’t accomplish one single thing I set out to do. Meetings ran long, traffic delayed me every step of the way, two of my clients are dealing with sudden and profound financial emergencies, I let someone down, a few unexpected tasks drained hours of my time, and to top it off, I stopped by the office late in the day to discover water damage from the prior night’s storm. Wow!

I love my life, but some days are just flat-out brutal. It’s enough to make me want to give up at times. I won’t, of course, but the thought does cross my mind from time to time. Perhaps you had one of those days recently. Maybe today is one of them! You aren’t alone. For better or worse, there are countless others also having utterly terrible days. I’m going to handle today like I always try to handle the day after a disaster:

1. Remind myself today is a new day, a fresh start. It doesn’t have to be like yesterday.

2. Turn off my phone to eliminate all distractions…..I need solid focus more than ever right now.

3. Get a quick win on an easy task to create some momentum.

4. Pursue one of my most important tasks to move the needle on progress.

5. Apologize to anyone I might have let down yesterday. This one is critical for me.

6. Find at least one hour to do something with nothing at stake. Watch a ridiculous YouTube video, read an article about the NBA, or maybe listen to a podcast about some random topic I know nothing about.

7. Reflect back on the prior day and identify blessings in disguise. There’s a silver lining in even the worst disaster.

8. Get some quality time with my kids to reset perspectives and priorities.

Is this what I always do? No. Sometimes I just writhe around in a blanket of self-pity with an overwhelming feeling of defeatedness. Is defeatedness even a word? Grammarly is telling me no, but I’m going to go with it. I don’t always rally well, but if someone asked me to help them get through their situation, this is the advice I’d give them. Maybe I should take my own medicine…..