Who Are You Going to Offend?

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, the 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays of the year. There are so many things to love about it. However, there's one fringe benefit of the holiday that I look forward to each year. The social media outrage that bubbles up in the days leading up to it, ranting and raving about people setting off their personal fireworks. This sort of outrage has existed in various forms over the years, but it now prominently lives in community Facebook groups. This year's outrage did not disappoint. Multiple times each day, someone took to Facebook to air their grievances. Their justification for their outrage ranged from practical, to questionable, to outlandish. It was nothing short of spectacular!

Reading these threads reminds me of a piece of advice I received many years ago: "You will always offend someone, so you might as well live your values and offend the right people." This advice felt applicable 20 years ago, but it's more relevant today than ever. Unfortunately, everything we do, even when well-intentioned, will offend someone. Whenever I receive online hate - which happens far more than I'd like to stomach - I ask myself if I'm offending the right people. It's so easy for us, in an effort to people please, to offend those we are most trying to serve. When I can objectively look at the criticism and know it's coming from the right people for the right reasons, it somewhat eases the discomfort.

We often hold ourselves back from doing what we know we need to do, in part, because we don't want to offend anyone. I've watched many people around me fall into this trap, and I'm ashamed to admit I have, too. I broke free from this fear a few years ago, but I still find myself holding back on certain topics/ideas out of fear of the backlash. Every time I get over myself and go for it, I inevitably offend someone.....but it's usually the right someone.

When I think about this idea of offending people, I always try to remember there is never ill intent. My objective isn't to offend someone. In fact, I'd love to find a way to do my work without offending people. Unfortunately, that's just not a feasible expectation. There's always someone who will be offended by me....and by you.

The sooner we realize we're always going to offend someone, the sooner we can move past it and make the impact we know we're called to make. So today I ask you, who are you going to offend?

5 Simple Steps to Avoid Criticism

After seeing the most recent of a long string of public criticisms of me and my work, a friend reached out and asked why I would continue to do things that result in criticism. After all, being ridiculed, demeaned, and ripped apart is never an enjoyable experience. I’ve thought a lot about this, and have come up with a simple 5-step plan to avoid criticism:

1. Always go along with the crowd. Be mindful of what most people are doing, and just endeavor to blend. That’s the first and best step to avoiding criticism. Never mind if what they are doing is the right thing. That doesn’t matter if you want to avoid criticism. When the cultural winds shift, eagerly and swiftly shift with them. Lock in and fit in.

2. Keep your mouth shut and your hands idle. It’s hard for people to criticize you if you don’t say (or do) anything to merit criticizing. This step is simple but powerful. You can’t screw up or ruffle feathers if you’re quietly sitting on your hands. Do nothing, say nothing, be happy.

3. Stop thinking of others. If you just live for yourself and act in your own self-interest, you’ll naturally avoid a lot of the risks associated with trying to help others. People won’t question your motives or your means, and you’ll have a much more peaceful day-to-day life. This is the easiest tip to follow.

4. Don’t bring new ideas to the table. Things have always been done a certain way, so that’s definitely how they should be done. Do not question, do not challenge, and do not seek a better way. The status quo is A-Okay.

5. Don’t tap into your unique gifts. Sure, you probably possess a unique set of skills and gifts. Things that seem easy to you, much to the bewilderment of many around you. Skills that help you thrive in various areas of life, while other people struggle with them. These are awesome and powerful things, but just push them down. You don’t want to look like you’re showing out or showing off, so keep it to yourself. People can’t ridicule what they don’t know exists.

There you have it, folks. 5 simple steps to avoid criticism. If you follow this helpful advice, you will probably avoid 90% of all criticism in life. Or……….you can go make an impact. The criticism you’ll surely receive isn’t fun, but it’s the entry price to doing something that matters.