Curse of Comparison: Doha Airport Edition

We just spent a 3-hour layover in the Doha airport. As an aside, the Doha airport is a sight to behold. Take the best airport in America, then make it 18x better, and you have the Doha airport. It’s nice in almost every way. It’s clean, it’s pretty, it’s full of amenities, and the service is fantastic. The multiple bathroom attendants in every bathroom show more hospitality and service than some nicer restaurants I frequent. I always love spending time there. But it also has another quirk. It’s jam-packed with high-end retail. Think of it as walking down Rodeo Drive, but in an airport in the Middle East. They have Maseratis and McLarens in the duty-free shop, for crying out loud!

But this post is about something specific I witnessed. There was a lot of this happening, but I’m talking about one particular man. Like us, he was killing a few hours between flights. He was in one of the watch stores, just browsing. A certain watch caught his eye. In his defense, it was a pretty sweet watch. In a snap decision, he decided to buy it……for $20,000!!!! That’s right. A man just burning time between flights was window shopping, and impulsively bought a $20,000 watch, just because. 

These are the moments when comparison hits hard. Sarah and I’s cars don’t even combine for $20,000 of value. And this man just drops $20,000 on a whim? In those moments, it’s really easy to play the jealousy card. It’s easy to immediately feel negative about our own life. It’s easy to wish we could have a different existence. This is where I come back to meaning over money. I don’t know anything about this man. He may be the happiest guy on the planet…..or the most miserable. His life might be full of broken relationships, loneliness, and emptiness. I don’t wish that upon him, but I simply don’t know.

Here’s what I do know. I know I love my life. Even though I can’t impulsively buy a $20,000 watch, I know I wake up every day excited to serve those who I wish to serve. I have a wonderful family that I can financially take care of. I’m blessed in so many ways. I could choose to compare, but instead I’m choosing to not. I need to focus on what I do have, not what I don’t. 

We don’t need to be in a high-end watch store to feel this tension. At some level, we feel it every day. In those moments, big or small, we get to make our choice. Choose carefully.

The Fear of the Unknown

I recently had an initial coaching session with a new client. They were excited to get started, but honestly more scared than anything. This is fairly typical and I expect that going in. I used to be surprised by this, especially from families who are obviously (to me) doing well. Here’s what I’ve learned, though. Most people don’t truly know how well they are doing (or not doing). All they know is their situation, and have little else to compare it to. They may feel like a mess behind the walls of their own home, and all they see from everyone else is the tidy curated exterior. This breeds a quiet feeling of failure.

So when we sit around a table and begin to look at their finances head-on, there’s a fear. It’s not a fear of the known, but rather a fear of the unknown. This may be the first time in a while (if ever) they’ve looked this closely at their finances. The fear of the unknown is almost always worse than reality.

One of my favorite parts of these meetings is when the couple shifts from a posture of anxiety and fear to cautious confidence mixed with building optimism. They go from the fear of the unknown to an understanding of reality…..and oftentimes a reality that far exceeds what they thought was possible.

This fear of the unknown is the same reason people don’t go to the doctor, don’t open their mail, don’t apply for that job, and don’t step on the scale. It’s that dang unknown. Just like all these other areas, when we step through our fear of the unknown in our finances, we’re often surprised that our reality is much better than what we’ve been fearing. And once we have awareness, that’s when the real work (and progress) begins.

The Curse of Comparison

When I was growing up, the only Christmas I experienced was my own. I knew what it looked like in my home, and my friends theirs. Technology changed the game with the invention of social media. Maybe some of you are in the same camp, but I spent some time scrolling through Facebook and Instagram yesterday. Christmas post after Christmas post. And maybe some of you can also relate to having a multitude of feelings when seeing other people’s Christmas celebrations. Feelings such as:

• “They look happier than us”

• “They have more presents than us”

• Their house is a lot nicer than ours”

• “They have way better food than we’re having”

• “Their trip looks way more fun than being in this frigid weather”

If you had any thoughts such as these, you’re not alone. I’m guessing many of us did. After all, it’s human nature. It’s the curse of comparison, and social media amplifies it unlike anything we’ve ever dealt with before. There are a few major problems with comparison:

1) We only compare ourselves to people who have more or better than we have. We rarely stop to compare ourselves to those who are less fortunate than us……which by the way is the vast majority of the world.

2) There’s always someone with more than us to compare ourselves to. Even Jeff Bezos, the 5th richest person in the world, could compare himself to Elon Musk (2nd richest person in the world) and jealously wish he had that additional $50 billion. No matter how well we have it, we’ll find someone to compare ourselves to. Whether it’s family, a job, a house, status, cars, or presents under the tree, we’ll definitely find someone to unfairly compare ourselves to.

3) Comparison robs us of appreciating what we do have. I have so much in life, but after spending 10 minutes on Facebook this afternoon, I felt like a nothing. It can be demoralizing at times, so it’s important to always take time to reflect on and be grateful for what we do have.

4) Social media is people’s highlight reel. It portrays them at their absolute best, the way they want to be seen, in a moment of time. We don’t know what’s happening in the other 99.9% of their lives. Sadly, many are hurting just like you and me. So when we see their social media post, don’t extrapolate them to believe their lives are perfect and pristine. I promise you they aren’t.

No matter what your Christmas looked like, I hope it was your version of amazing filled with special moments, time with loved ones, and memories that will last a lifetime. Merry Christmas!

If Only We Were Rich

Do you ever look around and notice people in your life who are rich? Man, if only we were rich like them! The things we could buy….the things we could do. Life would be so much better if we were rich. It must be nice to be rich like them…..

…..but then I take a step back and remember two things:

1) Having a $40,000/year income puts us in the top 1% income earners in the world.

2) Having just $5,000 to our name puts us in the top half of the richest people in the world.

Wait, we are rich! We’re just so busy comparing ourselves to even richer people that we’ve lost perspective along the way. Comparison can rot us from the inside-out. Let’s be grateful for what we have, not jealous of what we don’t have.

This post was written for me. Travis, remember this.