The Painful (Yet Beautiful) Cost of Parenting

Today is a big day! Not only is it one of the biggest college football games of our season (Iowa at Iowa State), but it’s Northern Vessel’s official launch party for our new canned cold brew partnership with We Will Collective (Iowa State’s NIL collective). We’ll be setting up a tent alongside We Will, where our entire Northern Vessel team will be there to celebrate the launch, eat good food, and have a fun time together. Many friends, former Iowa State athletes, and other big names will also be stopping by the tailgate to say hello and grab some cold brew (35,000 cans fresh off the line!). Word on the street is President Trump and several other 2024 presidential candidates will also be floating around the premises.

It will be an absolutely fantastic event…..and I’ll miss most of it. Bummed doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling right now. This is the type of thing we’ve envisioned since relaunching Northern Vessel in November 2022. This is the next step of TJ’s dream, and being able to support him is one of the greatest privileges of my life. Yet, I’m going to miss the majority of it.

Why? Finn and Pax have a parks and recreation soccer game this morning. They really want to play, and just as important, they want their dad there to cheer them on. I remember back when I dreamed of one day becoming a father. I made a promise to myself that I would make every one of my kids’ games, concerts, or other events if I had the power to do so. I also think back to my own childhood and remember fondly that my parents rarely missed a game. They didn’t have to be there, but they somehow sacrificed to always be present. If my memory serves me correctly, my mom only missed two basketball games in my entire 5th-12th career (in one, I scored 47 points, and in the other, I was carted out of the gym on a stretcher with temporary paralysis). I always loved having my parents there and want my kids to have the same thing (not the life-flash-before-their-eyes injury part, though…..that’s a story for a different day).

Can we parents all agree that this isn’t easy? In the chaos of life, it’s hard enough to keep my head on straight with the everyday things in my life…..never mind all the extracurricular activities. And the crazy part is, we’re not even into the thick of it yet. We have a few first graders just now getting into sports and other activities.

I’m very torn today. I’m mourning the loss of missing this important event. However, the decision was pretty simple. Many years ago, I made that commitment to myself to be present when I eventually became a father. This is where we find out if I was just talking the talk, or if I’ll walk the walk.

Oh yeah, Go Cyclones!

Value and Context, Context and Value

I'm particularly fond of one specific budgeting app. Well, let me clarify. They have two versions: one free and one paid. I'm fond of the paid version and severely dislike the free version. The paid version costs $80/year.

Whenever I meet with a new client interested in using an app or software for their budgeting, I highly recommend the paid version. Considering they are already paying me to coach them, the last thing they want to do is spend another $80/year on an app. I totally get it! However, I always add, "it will be the best $80 you ever spend."

It's not that I'm trying to get my client to spend money. Rather, I know how much value there is for their $80 investment. Going the premium version route will easily save them 18 hours per year (1.5 hours per month). More importantly, however, going the free route will likely end up with them giving up and quitting......which is a far worse outcome.

This brings me to the idea of value. If this $80 investment will save 18 hours per year, that works out to $4.44/hour. Is your time worth less than $5/hour? I didn't think so! Further, if this $80 investment could possibly be the make or break between you thriving financially and quitting in disgust, is it worth the investment? Ab-so-freaking-lutely! Put that way, it truly may be the best $80 you ever spend.

Whenever we spend money, we shouldn't ask ourselves if we can afford it. We shouldn't ask ourselves if the price is low or high. We shouldn't ask ourselves if it's a need or a want. Those are fine questions to ask. The primary question we need to ask ourselves is how much value we are getting for the cost. If we're getting more value than the cost, it's probably worth the investment. If we're getting less value, probably not.

But value is in the eyes of the beholder. We all perceive value differently, and value can also be contextual. Here's an example. You walk into a convenience store and see an array of bottled water products on the shelf. Some cost $.99, but another costs $5. The perceived value of that $5 water probably doesn't feel so great.

Later that day, you're watching your favorite baseball team at the ballpark. The sun is shining, it's 90 degrees out, and you're parched. That same $5 bottle of water suddenly becomes the best $5 you'll spend all day. The value changes when the context changes.

Back to the budgeting example. If someone is casually interested in budgeting but isn't really committed to making changes in their life, that $80 investment is like throwing money in the trash. On the other hand, if they are focused, determined, and ready to kick butt, that $80 investment may be the gateway to life change.

Context matters. Seek value.

1% Better

My friend TJ, founder and CEO of Northern Vessel Coffee Company, continually talks about the idea of getting a little bit better all the time. Or as he refers to it, “1% better every day.” When we hear this phrase, it sounds like a nice gentle upwards slope. 1% isn’t a lot, after all. All we need to do is get just a little bit better today, then just a bit better tomorrow.

Along those lines, my buddy, Louie, recently invited me into a Facebook group with one very simple mission. Everyone in the group will do one pushup on the first of January. Then two on the second. Then three on the third……and we will repeat for all 365 days of 2023. Sounds simple. In fact, my three pushups yesterday were a breeze! Also, can I note it was a 50% increase from the day prior? I’m crushing it! Ask me again how I’m feeling on day 45…..

We’re going to get a little bit better each day, one pushup at a time. It seems quite simple…..until I realize that means by NYE 2023 I’ll have done nearly 67,000 pushups on the year. Yikes! Little improvements, huge results. To be honest, I’ve never been overly dedicated to physical fitness. I always find stumbling blocks, excuses, and other reasons to push pause (i.e. quit). This will be the test of a lifetime for me.

Handing our finances is much the same way. If we get just a little bit better at budgeting, or generosity, or leaning into our values, or investing, or improving our career skills, or a number of other things, the upside is staggering. Not all at once, not instantly, and not even tomorrow, but slowly over a time.

You deserve better……yes, 1% better.

Done is Better Than Perfect

Per our normal rhythm, I record Meaning Over Money podcast episodes by myself, then let Cole know the episode is ready for his editing magic. We also tend to be 2-3 weeks ahead of schedule, with 4-6 episodes in the can at any given time. That changed recently during the holiday season. Between our crazy schedules, travel, and celebrations, we simply took our eye off the ball. It all culminated on New Year’s weekend when I let Cole know Monday’s episode was ready for him to edit. He quickly informed me he would be completely tied up all weekend and wouldn’t be in a position to produce it in time for Monday’s launch.

In that moment, we could have easily decided not to release an episode on Monday. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world. After all, we’ve released two episodes per week, on our scheduled release day, for 93 consecutive weeks. So one missed day wouldn’t have damaged us. But we have a motto: “done is better than perfect.” Actually, this is Cole’s motto. I’m a recovering perfectionist and Cole has beaten his mantra into me over the years. In fact, if it were up to me, we’d still be thinking about someday starting a podcast. That’s how much of a perfectionist I was

Our solution? I recorded a totally raw, totally unedited episode about this very idea, then hit publish. The episode wasn’t perfect…..but it was done. And frankly, I felt really good about it. I would have loved this episode to have proper editing, intros and outros, and all the other bells and whistles we expect from ourselves. But done is better than perfect.

Here’s what I’ve learned over time. Something done can impact people. It might not be perfect (err, it will NEVER be perfect), but done is always better than perfect. Done = impact. Something released into the world - with all its imperfections and flaws - can add value to someone’s journey. Conversely, perfection = potential. When we hold onto something and wait until it’s perfect, it can’t impact anyone. Nobody benefits from unreleased work while the creator pursues perfection. And the problem with perfection is it will never come. There’s always something to improve, to change, to enhance.

So what about you? Are you holding onto something in pursuit of perfection? Send it, launch it, publish it, share it……do whatever you need to do. Done is better than perfect!

You can listen to this podcast episode on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

What's Most Important?

Wow! I blinked and a year went by. 2022 was filled with so much beauty, struggle, uncertainty, wonder, and pain. Though many things didn’t go as I would have hoped, it was a wonderful year and I genuinely believe I served my purpose. It would be easy for me to dwell on my failures, but today I’m going to celebrate the wins. There’s much to be thankful for.

As we dive head-first into the new year, here’s my question: what’s most important to you? Many people will clearly know their answer…..then spend the next 365 days making decisions that are incongruent with it. This is my challenge to you today. Really think about what’s most important to you for 2023, then align your decisions with that answer. It’s a scary journey when we do that. To aggressively pursue our greatest calling despite cultural norms, financial pressures, and personal desires is a daunting task. But it’s a task worth pursuing.

To be honest, I’m scared of what it means in my life. I know what my answer is. I know what decisions I need to make to align with my answer. It’s going to be hard. Strike that. It will likely be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever endeavored. I’m ready (I think), and I hope you are, too.

Cheers to the crazy year we’re saying goodbye to, and the unlimited possibilities of the year upon us. Happy New Year, Everyone! The best is yet to come.