The Psychological Impact of Sunk Costs

I thought you deserve an update on my NBA play-in game ticket debacle. After literally everything working against me, I had two tickets to last night’s 8-seed play-in game (which cost a total of $550)…..and nobody to go with me. As the week played out, I continually debated what to do about the situation.

So here’s where I was a few days ago. Due to the trainwreck that is the Minnesota Timberwolves organization, ticket prices plummeted for an event they should have increased for. That will happen when one of your best players punches another player, and a different player punches a wall and breaks his hand. As a result, I had two tickets worth a total of $250….down $300 from when I originally purchased them. Whenever I discussed this situation with people, their collective reaction was something along the lines of “Obviously you have to go, otherwise you lost $300.”

This is a very typical way of looking at the situation, but not the right way. This is where the idea of sunk costs comes into play. There’s no way around it, I already spent $550 on these tickets. There’s no undoing that or wishing it away. That’s referred to as a sunk cost….the price that has already been paid for something. What I originally paid for the tickets is absolutely irrelevant to the decision in front of me. It happened and the money is already gone from my bank account.

I had two primary choices in front of me. I could sell the tickets for $250, or I could keep the tickets, add $50 of fuel costs to the equation, and road trip to the game. Put in those terms, going to the game would cost me $300 and not going to the game would give me $300. This decision has to be made without regard for the original $550 of sunk costs. Do I want to stay home and have $300 or pay $300 to go to the game? It’s a much different decision when we look at it that way.

Let’s be honest, it’s hard to think this way. The moment I decide to sell these tickets, I solidify the financial and emotional loss of my mistake. However, what if I didn’t want to go to the game now? Stubbornly thinking with my pride would have cost me $300 for an experience I didn’t want. This is the same psychological warfare that causes us to stay in toxic relationships, hold onto bad financial investments, and stay in crappy jobs. We’ve put so much into them (time, money, energy, love, etc.) and we don’t want to realize the loss. However, we need to disregard the sunk costs. Instead, we need to ask ourselves what the cost/upside is from today. If we’re in a terrible relationship, for example, we can choose to either a) leave and move on to a better life (recognizing the past 6 weeks, 6 months, or 6 years may have been garbage), or b) linger in misery, hoping to rectify a bad situation and justify the misery experienced the past 6 weeks, 6 months, or 6 years. The sunk costs often mess with us, resulting in us inadvertently causing further harm/pain. I know I’ve fallen for that trap before!

So what did I do about the tickets? After much consideration, I decided $300 is still a worthwhile price to pay for a memorable experience and to check off a bucket list item. My buddy TJ even came with me! It was fun gifting him a ticket and sharing that experience together. Considering we didn’t get home until the middle of the night, additional thoughts/reflections on the experience will have to wait for another day. Have a great Saturday!

You Just Never Know

Just a handful of years ago, I was at a high school girls' basketball game cheering on some of my youth group kids. They were playing against one of their biggest rivals, which is always a fun game to watch. It was one of those years where their rival had a really solid team, led by a uniquely talented player. I remember watching that game and thinking, “I bet she’ll have some success at the next level.” My suspicions were right, but I was also so wrong. Not only would she “have some success.”, but she would go on to become the best women’s basketball player in the world. Caitlin Clark, man! Dare I say she’s literally transforming the game? It’s absolutely unbelievable. I never thought I’d see the day when I’d put a women’s basketball game on my calendar and DVR so I wouldn’t miss it…..and for it to be my most hated team, nonetheless. It’s like a Yankee fan getting excited to cheer on the Red Sox. It just doesn’t happen. But here we are! You just never know.

Life is funny like that. So many things in our journey can feel like that. Maybe not to the Caitlin Clark level, but to some degree of special. In the rare moments when I stop to think about all we’ve been through and all that’s happened, I have to shake my head in disbelief. Never in a million years did I even dream about some of these things. Last night was one of those nights. Our coffee company, Northern Vessel, just partnered with the Iowa Cubs (AAA affiliate of the Chicago Cubs) to become the official coffee of the team and stadium. They even asked our founder, TJ, to throw out the first pitch at the season opener. It was a surreal experience to enjoy the game with the Northern Vessel crew while sipping on a Northern Vessel coffee. If you would have asked me even one year ago, I never would have imagined any of this being part of my life. You just never know.

I think there’s a common thread between Caitlin Clark, Northern Vessel, my journey, and your journey. We just have to keep moving forward. In the midst of it, it never feels sexy, or glamorous, or even worth it. We just put one foot in front of the other, do the right things for the right reasons, doing the hard work. Maybe it clicks, and maybe it doesn’t. Many things don’t click…..but some do. But we’ll never know until we do the work. This is what I love about stories like Caitlin Clark’s. You just never know.

Defining the Win

Later today, I’ll be coaching Finn and Pax’s 6-year-old basketball team. At this age, it’s a mess! Some can dribble, most can get the kid-sized ball up to the lowered hoop, and the defenders look lost. Even at this age, some of the kids obsess about the score. During last week’s game, I honestly don’t even know what the score was. I’m not sure it was even being kept. To me, that was completely irrelevant.

This brings to mind a crucial question I ask my clients early in the coaching journey. “What is a win?” It sounds like a dumb question, but the definition of a win can be dramatically different from person to person. In the case of my young basketball team, wins are defined as a) having fun, b) learning some basic fundamental skills, c) creating a culture of teamwork, and d) showing good sportsmanship. If these four things are accomplished, we’ve won. Keeping score and collecting wins shall come later when they get a bit older, but today we need to focus on these other wins.

Last week, I was sitting down with a new-ish client. They’ve amassed several million dollars of wealth over the past decade, and the conversation quickly went to how they could accelerate the process to garner a few million more. The elephant in the room, however, was a lot of discontentment with their careers and overall burdensome lifestyle. In the middle of this conversation, I asked again, “What do you REALLY want? What’s the real win?”

This unearthed an entirely new conversation that, instead of focusing on wealth and more, focused on being more present with their family, having the freedom to pursue more meaningful work, and waking up every day without a feeling of dread. It’s a chicken-and-egg scenario for many people. A commonly-held belief is that we need more money to create the life we want. Ironically, it’s often this pursuit of more money that creates the life we don’t want. Instead of running the race to financially create the life we think we want, we could simply take a different path and actually live the life we want….today. It’s not always that simple, but more times than not it is. Money doesn’t create meaning. Meaning creates meaning.

I guess I should answer my own question, “what is a win?” Here’s how I would answer it:

• I’m fully present for my family.

• I wake up every day knowing I’m about to do the work I’m called to do.

• I make enough money, this month, to earn the right to serve those who I wish to serve, again next month.

What’s your definition of a win?

"Throwing Away" a Career

Sometimes people tell me one of the reasons they don’t want to follow their dream is because they don’t want to “throw away” the career they’ve spent so much time and so much energy building. There is a mentality that this singular, specific job is what matters. It’s not, and as long as we think it is, we miss the bigger picture. What matters is the experience, the skills, the relationships, and the growing you’ve achieved during your time at the job. Nobody can take away any of those things from you. They can take away your desk, and your computer, and your telephone, and your paycheck, but they cannot take away the growth you’ve experienced during your tenure.

People also seem to have the mindset their old career was a total waste of time if their new career sends them in a different direction. Even if your dream is a total one-eighty from your prior career, you wouldn’t be where you’re at had you not attained that priceless experience, those valuable skills, those meaningful relationships, and all that growth. Take me, for example. I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. Early last year, at 37-years-old, I was sitting on a plane with my wife lamenting the fact I hadn’t written in nearly two decades. Her response: “well, then write.” Wow, that was obvious…..and blunt. My response was something along the lines of “well I’m probably going to be terrible since I haven’t written in so long…..blah, blah, blah.” So I spent the next few hours writing. What’s odd about that experience is the words flew out of my brain and onto the screen with very little effort. It felt really good! I was dumbfounded. How could I not write for nearly 20 years and then have it feel so natural?

Then it hit me! Everything I was telling myself was a lie. I write all day, every day. E-mail after e-mail after e-mail. Report after report after report. It may not be creative writing, but it’s writing nonetheless. Fast forward to when I decided to “start writing.” I opened a blank Word document and it was as if the floodgates had opened. I didn’t think I had it in me to just sit down and write, but all of this experience and acquired skill came flowing out. As I venture into this season of life, I love those little moments where I realize how something I’ve been doing for 10, 15, or 20 years will become immediately relevant to my current journey, but in a new way.

When I think about this topic, so many people come to mind. However, none more so than my friend Anna DeHamer (formerly Prins). Anna was a basketball player who was tremendously gifted in both height (6’7”) and talent. She was the 2009 Colorado Gatorade Player of the Year, was named All-American honorable mention both her junior and senior year, amassed a 106-4 high school record, and won three consecutive state titles (**season-ending injury mid-freshman year prevented the possibility of an even more absurd fourth title). She went on to play Division I basketball at Iowa State University, where she became one of the biggest rivals of Brittney Griner (women’s basketball legend!). Anna went to the NCAA Tournament four times, making it as far as the Sweet 16. As her collegiate career came to an end, she was blessed further by being selected as the 23rd overall pick in the WNBA draft.

I don’t say all this to brag about Anna. In fact, she’ll probably cringe when she reads this (she’s overly humble like that!). I tell all this to you because of what comes next. Anna walked away from basketball. Here’s a woman who spent her entire life building a basketball career. All the accolades, all the fans, all the achievements……..to eventually get drafted into the most prestigious league in the world…….and she walked away. I didn’t know Anna personally during this season of her life, but I suspect the world looked at her as if she was crazy. Basketball had blessed Anna for more than a decade, and there was more possible blessing to come, but she had a new dream. She wanted to get married, settle down, and become a teacher. And that’s exactly what she did. She “threw away” her basketball career, left the limelight and the identity the world put on her due to her basketball prowess, and she set out to pursue a new dream.

Anna got married to her now-husband Ryan and found a job as a third-grade teacher. She took all her life experience from sports, and education, and life, and channeled it into the lives of malleable young people who wanted and needed a role model. She taught them, she encouraged them, and she helped make them better people. She was living out her new dream, and life was good. Several years into her teaching career, she started to feel a nudge for something different, and a new dream started to take form.

In another decision that’s considered counter-cultural in our world, Anna “threw away” her teaching job to start her own company where she offers professional basketball training (www.hammerbasketball.com). Today, Anna trains young basketball players to elevate their game and their character to a higher level. Pretty different than teaching third grade, but the skills she gained from her teaching career have directly impacted her new career. Teaching kids, encouraging them, helping them be better people. Totally different……but not. Some might look at her journey and say she “wasted” all that time teaching if this basketball training is ultimately where she’s supposed to be. Conversely, I would propose she’d never be where she is today without first teaching third grade. Those experiences shaped her in very profound ways, ultimately making her a better basketball trainer. That’s what’s fun about work that matters. It’s not linear, it’s not clear, and it’s not obvious. But when we look back, it all makes perfect sense. Basketball prodigy, turned third-grade teacher, turned professional basketball trainer for young people. Nobody could have seen that coming, but hindsight truly is 20/20. Anna is exactly where she needs to be, and it wouldn’t surprise me if someday she “threw away” something else in the pursuit for her highest and best purpose. I’m proud of my friend Anna, and her journey is an inspiration to me each and every day.

“That’s what’s fun about work that matters. It’s not linear, it’s not clear, and it’s not obvious. But when we look back, it all makes perfect sense.”