Knowing When to Walk Away

As you probably know, I love Mondays. Mondays are my favorite day of the week. I’m coming off a fun weekend where I played with the kids, probably watched some sports, stayed up too late, and made some fun memories. And my reward? I get to wake up at the start of a new week, with endless possibilities in front of me, knowing I have five days to do good work and make a difference in this world. Sincerely, Monday mornings are the best!

Last night, I was chatting with Sarah on the couch. We talked about summer plans, current events, and happenings at church and work. As that conversation came to an end, I asked her for a blog idea for today’s post. She referred to my love of Mondays, then said I should do a post about “knowing when to walk away” when it comes to work. I asked her to elaborate, so she listed off a few thoughts:

• Being present with family

• Setting healthy boundaries with work hours

• Taking time to enjoy relaxing things

• Not bringing work home

Can we just pretend Sarah was referring to people in general and not specifically to me? Yeah, I didn’t think so. She’s right. She knows she’s right and I know she’s right. I struggle with this a lot. In my prior career, I brought home a lot of stress and carried it with me. In my current career, I carry with me an ever-present desire to do more good work. I absolutely love what I do……and sometimes, without proper boundaries, that can be a problem.

Sometimes I get this right, but often I don’t. I never realized there was a shadow side to loving your work. It shouldn’t be something to be scared of, though. Rather, it’s something to harness, be aware of, and approach with intentionality. We aren’t magically going to get it 100% right, but we can get 1% better each day. Day by day, situation by situation.

Sarah likely wouldn’t have suggested this topic if she thought I was doing a wonderful job, so I still have my work cut out for me. On the bright side, I’d rather have this problem than carry stress, dread, and misery with me every day. What say you?

Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too

A few days ago, I met a woman in Thailand who is familiar with our podcast. It was shocking that she knows who we are - especially on the other side of the world - but her kind words were uplifting and encouraging. One of the things she said struck me. She loves how we continually talk about and teach the importance of being financially responsible……while also living with meaning and enjoyment.

She went on to share how this mindset makes all the difference. It’s easy to put our mathematical hat on and make the ”best financial decision.” Doing so takes no effort and no thoughtfulness. We simply do the math and make whatever decision results in us having the most money. Unfortunately, when we let math guide all of our decisions, we turn into fun-hating robots. We hoard our resources, say “no” to anything fun, and constantly wonder when enough is enough (spoiler: it will never be). Conversely, living financially responsible AND with meaning allows us to disconnect ourselves from constantly making mathematical decisions.

Yes, let’s save, give, invest, and practice frugality in the various areas of life. These are inherently good things and our life will most certainly be better for having done them. However, let’s also take that trip, buy that thing, make that memory, eat that meal, and go to that event. These things add so much richness to our life. It’s about balance and intentionality. When we get it right, we truly can have our cake……and eat it, too.

Work From Rest, Not Work For Rest

I have an amazing assistant named Paige. To be more precise, she’s my future former assistant. She’s leaving our company to pursue a bigger passion, and she will be dearly missed. I couldn’t be more excited for her and I try to be her biggest encourager every step of the way. But, man, I’m going to miss her.

A while back as we were wrapping up a team meeting on a Friday afternoon, she added a closing statement. “Remember to work from rest, not work for rest.” I thought a lot about this idea after our conversation. I think it’s a beautiful way to put work and life in perspective.

For many, work is a necessary evil. We grind it out all week, counting down the days and hours until the weekend arrives. Once there, we need that rest to heal from the brutal week we’ve just experienced…..before begrudgingly heading into the following week which may be just as brutal. I’ve been there! Sometimes the anticipation of the approaching weekend was the only thing getting me through the slog of my work responsibilities. I think most people can relate to this. This is what it means to work for rest.

The alternative, as Paige puts it, is working from rest. Rest isn’t an escape from our work, it’s a preparation to eagerly jump back into the work. This is a sweet spot to be. We enjoy our work all week, look forward to resting on the weekend, then get excited to do it again the following week. If it sounds counter-cultural, it’s because it is. Not many people live this existence, though we each have the ability to access it in our own lives.

This weekend we have a handful of family events planned. It will be fun and it will be restful. Then, I’ll be excited and ready to do the good work in store for me the following week. Working from rest, not working for rest.

Parenting: Failing Forward

Have you ever been in a situation where you flat-out knew you were underqualified? Where you were in way over your head, and your only goal is to get through it without melting down? Where you were painfully self-aware of your shortcomings but perhaps those around you weren’t, so in addition to surviving, you also hoped nobody would find out how just how big of a fraud you really are? I hope I’m not the only one.

No, I wasn’t joking!

I’ve felt like that as a parent. No, I’m not talking about a specific situation that stands out in my mind. I honestly mean the entire last 3 years of my life. Becoming a parent is easily one of the most humbling things you’ll ever go through. I know there are a lot of parenting “experts” out there. We all know some. You know, the ones who have been parents for two days and somehow already have more parenting knowledge in their little toe than their own parents ever had (ironic considering their parents presumably raised at least one child from birth to adulthood).

Let’s set those “experts” aside for now – perhaps for further discussion in the future – and focus on the rest of us that perhaps don’t have everything figured out. Shortly after becoming a parent for the first time, I started to tell people this whole parenting this is WAY cooler than I had ever imagined and WAY harder than I had ever imagined. My twin boys are approaching three-years-old and that proclamation holds just as much truth today – perhaps more – than when it first came out of my mouth. This parenting stuff is hard! Or as my wife puts it, “we have the world’s most demanding bosses.” Every day is a new test in patience, leadership, and grace. For example, what is the best course of action when one kid decides to finger paint the living room walls with the other kid’s feces? No leadership book is going to give you a catchy, Instagrammable quote that explains how best to tackle this situation known as poopgate. Rather, each and every situation is a new test and a new way to be humbled.

Any parent that tells you they have it all figured out is either a) drastically overconfident, b) a mythical superhero, or c) a liar. I used to navigate life with the illusion that I will get this parenting thing figured out and all will be set right in the world. All you experienced parents out there know just how naive that notion was.

So this is my way of saying I have no idea what I’m doing…..and chances are, neither do you or your parents. All we can do is do our best. Sometimes that will be good enough, but sometimes it won’t. When it’s not, we need to own it. We need to admit our shortcomings and try to do better next time. If you’re reading this and still live under your parents’ roof, here is my request for you: give them some grace, too. They need it, and they deserve it. We may have grown up viewing our parents as superheroes, but they are really just failing their way forward like the rest of us. They just happen to have some authority in your life. But here’s the other thing: nobody on this planet loves you as much as your parents do. When they make a decision that upsets you, know they are simply doing what they genuinely believe is best for you. It may be, or it may not be, but know their decision is coming from a place of love.

“If you’re reading this and still live under your parents’ roof, here is my request for you: give them some grace, too. They need it, and they deserve it. ”

I know I’m going to make some good decisions and bad decisions as a parent. My goal is to make as many good decisions and as few bad decisions as possible. My deepest desire is for my kids to look back and know that every decision was made out of love. They may not see it in the moment, but I hope that becomes clear one day. After all, my job is not to raise good kids. My job is to raise strong, faithful adults who will change the world in their own unique way. I’m underqualified for the job, but I’m going to give it my all!