Cutting What Doesn't Add Value

In last night’s workshop in Los Angeles, one of the topics I discussed was the idea of leaning into OUR values when making financial decisions. So often, we absorb the culture’s values and do things (i.e. spend) in accordance with what everyone else is doing. For every dollar we spend on something we don’t care about, it’s one less dollar we have to spend on something we do. One of the questions I asked is this, “What do you spend money on that DOESN’T add value to your life?” A handful of people publicly answered, but one, in particular, caught my attention. A woman jumped in and said, “Netflix.”

I think this is the perfect example of how values are personal and unique. For this woman, a $15 monthly subscription to a massive streaming service doesn’t add much value for the $15 price tag. For me, on the other hand, I think it may be one of the best cost vs. value propositions in the entire world. But that’s where this money stuff gets personal. She probably needs to cut this expense from her budget, whereas I need to make sure it remains a priority. But there’s a high likelihood that there’s something in her life that adds a ton of value that would be absolutely ridiculous for me to spend money on. She has her things and I have mine. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

This idea is a big driver of whether we have a healthy relationship with money or not. If we’re being healthy, our spending aligns with our values. When our spending doesn’t align, we often create an unhealthy relationship with money. We’re not always going to get it right (like that one time I spent a ton of money for sweet rims on my Acura Integra), but we can continue to get better each day. When we do, life will be richer, we’ll be more content, and we’ll feel far less guilt in our spending.

What is Family?

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of speaking at The Gathering, a church located in Hawaiian Gardens, CA (southern edge of LA County). Having that opportunity meant the world to me, as that church means the world to me. It was a surreal feeling to fly halfway across the country to speak to an audience that feels like family. It’s a foreign place to me (#midwesternkid), yet it feels like home. Before and after both services, I caught up with old friends and made some new friends. Lots of hugs, life updates, and stories about past shenanigans. I was also blessed by having my friends Chi-Chung and Roberta come listen to me speak (plus a wonderful lunch at the park afterward).

Days like yesterday really make me pause and ask the question, “What is family?” Sure, the easiest answer revolves around blood. That’s our natural go-to when thinking about family. However, it’s interesting to think about how I don’t share blood with a single person in the photo above (nor with any of my Hawaiian Garden family). We adopted our two amazing sons, Chi-Chung and I have served together in Southeast Asia for the last seven years, and I’ve spent many weeks with my friends in Hawaiian Gardens while leading high school mission trips. Yet, all of these people are family to me.

So I’ll ask again, “What is family?” To be honest, I don’t know the answer……but I know it when I see it. Family is family, well, because it is family. There’s a richness in these relationships that cannot be adequately explained in writing. I see my Hawaiian Garden friends once per year, and I probably see Chi-Chung about the same (usually in some faraway land). But when I do, it’s like we just saw each other yesterday. That’s family. Life is messy, filled with twists, turns, pain, and turmoil. But there are people around us who share in the burden so we don’t have to do it alone (and vice versa). That’s family. In a world that’s quick to criticize, question, and discourage, there are people in our life who will support, love, and encourage. That’s family.

I still don’t know the definition of family, but I know it when I see it. Yesterday was truly one of the best days of my year. Every single interaction I had meant something to me. It was one of those “pinch me” days, where I couldn’t believe this is my life. Or, maybe more precisely, I couldn’t believe who I get to call family.

Never stop building family and never stop pouring into those relationships. Those relationships provide a richness not attainable with money or status. A richness that makes life worth living.