40 is the New 0, Revisited

What’s up, fam!?  It’s been a hot minute since publishing a blog post, if 9 months can be considered a hot minute.  As always, life throws unexpected curveballs.  One such curveball was the release of our podcast, Meaning Over Money.  Just like that, we’re more than 40 episodes in.  

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A while back, I published a piece titled “40 is the New 0”, which was a reflection on my friend Dan turning 40.  Since that time, I met a similar fate by hitting the big four-oh.  I’m typically not fazed by birthdays, and they usually seem inconsequential to me (16, 18, and 21 not withstanding).  This one got me, though.  Much to my despair (then eventually delight), my wife threw me a surprise 40th birthday party in July.  Lots of my favorite people were there, and we had a blast.  A few minutes in, there was this moment when I walked into my friend’s garage and saw a big banner reading “Happy 40th Travis.”  Honestly, this was the moment it hit me…..“oh crap, I’m 40!”  It was a surreal moment, and one that hit me harder than I would have ever anticipated.  Fortunately for me, I recovered quickly and have acclimated to my new next-decade status.

As I reflect on that day, I can’t help but think about the blog post I wrote about my friend Dan turning 40.  When I see the number, it feels old.  However, I then take a step back and realize I’m just getting started.  Looking through the lens of my working adult life, I’m 17 years in, with hopefully another 50 good working years left in me.  In other words, I’m only about 25% done with my career.  25%!!  Using a basketball analogy, the first quarter just ended and I’m preparing for the second quarter to begin.  In my basketball career, it always seemed to take me a bit to get into the flow of the game.  I was always a starter, so I usually played the first 6-7 minutes.  Sadly, I rarely shined during this stint.  Coach would take me out towards the end of the first quarter where I’d get a breather and hop back into the game a few minutes into the second quarter.  That second quarter stint is where I would shine.  I don’t know why, exactly.  Maybe I had worked out my nervous energy, or had adapted to what the defenders were throwing at me, or just finally worked my way into the rhythm of the game.  But for whatever reason, my best production was always after the first quarter.

So here I am in life, coming out of the huddle between the first and second quarter.  That first quarter felt pretty good.  I spent 15 years in commercial real estate, investing on behalf of clients all over the world.  I found my faith, and developed ways to use my unique gifts to serve the Kingdom.  I’ve been married for 11 years, most of them good (full transparency: those early years sucked!).  I’ve been a high school youth group leader for the last 8 years…..talk about a humbling experience!  I’ve been on boards for many non-profits.  I’ve spent the past five years parenting my two little boys, Finn and Pax (again, humbling!).  And lastly, I’ve spent the past two years building my company.  What started with a desire to walk alongside families one-on-one has expanded into speaking, writing, a video course, YouTube, and now podcasting.  It’s been a wild ride.  Just like my basketball days, this first quarter felt bumpy as I was trying to get acclimated to the game.  I had nervous energy, I was trying to adapt to what life was throwing at me, and was trying to work myself into the rhythm of the game.  

So here I am, starting the second quarter of my career.  Just like basketball, I believe this is where I will start to shine!  How does 40-year-old me compare to that energetic, wide-eyed 23-year-old kid who graduated college and thought he was going to take over the world?  

• Today’s me has far more self-awareness than that young guy ever did.  In fact, I don’t think that young guy knew who he was at all. 

• Today’s me has far more skills than that young guy.  That’s what happens after nearly two decades of repetition, hundreds of books, endless podcasts, dozens of conferences, and other types of training. Looking back, I’m not sure what skills that young guy even had.

• Today’s me has far more experience than that young guy.  Skills are important, but pale in comparison to experience.  The only thing that can give us experience is, well, experience.  Failing over and over and over.  Encountering new situations, new problems, new opportunities, new challenges, new battles, new fears, and new (you fill in the blank).  Experience changes us, and that young guy had none.

• Today’s me has far more relationships than that young guy.  That’ll happen when you work alongside others, play alongside others, travel alongside others, serve alongside others, mentor others, and be mentored by others.  Quality relationships are a foundation for a fulfilling life.  I’m not sure how many that young guy had, but wow, today’s me is beyond blessed with relationships that make life worth living.  

• Today’s me has far more resources than that young guy.  This one is probably obvious.  Coming out of college, I had three things to my name:   1) a few thousand dollars, 2) a car I couldn’t afford, and 3) a mountain of debt.  In other words, not only did he have no resources, he actually had negative resources.  Today’s me is blessed with lots of resources thanks to making some very counter-cultural financial decisions in my late 20s after experiencing the profound pain caused by the Great Financial Crisis.  

• Today’s me has far more influence than that young guy.  Frankly, I’m not sure that young guy had any influence.  He couldn’t influence his way out of a wet paper sack.  Today’s me is just in a different place.  Influence seems to be woven into all the areas of life, from my coaching, to speaking, to social media, to the various forms of content we produce, to the many organizations who reach out for advice, to the boards I have the privilege of serving, and to the countless young people I have the honor of mentoring.  

With all that being said, I can’t pass up on this opportunity to criticize, ridicule, and call out the FIRE Movement (never let a good opportunity go to waste!).  If I were to follow all these FIRE pharisees, I would be at the point in life where I’m trying to finish out my selfish pursuit to hoard enough money to wind down this stupid working stuff.  Lean FIRE, Fat FIRE, Barista FIRE…..or whatever other dumb hoarding statuses we should be achieving.  Pack it in and go ride off into the sunset, where I would coast out the remaining years of my life by milking off the assets I’ve been selfishly hoarding all these years.  To me, this sounds like one of the most pathetic and selfish lives we can live.  

What’s the alternative, you ask?  The alternative is to embrace this opportunity.  To realize today’s you probably has more self-awareness, more skills, more experience, more relationships, more resources, and more influence than you’ve ever had before.  And time!  So much time.  Most of us today will likely live into our 90s, meaning the majority of people reading this still have many decades left.  You have two choices on what to do with it.  One path would be to continue to race towards the retirement finish line, where you can live a selfish life of leisure, enjoying the fruits of your hoarding labor.  The other path is to embrace the opportunities and challenges ahead, knowing the impact you’ve made in the prior season of life will pale in comparison to what’s coming.  Each and every one of us has the power to change this world.  But that power comes with a choice:  use it confidently and boldly, or sheepishly and selfishly walk away. 

““Each and every one of us has the power to change this world. But that power comes with a choice: use it confidently and boldly, or sheepishly and selfishly walk away.””

Sadly, most people will choose to walk away.  After all, the idea of living a life of leisure while coasting through as much of life as we can sounds awfully appealing.  Travel, golf, beaches, and all the other stereotypically better-than-work activities.  There are days where that even sounds appealing to me.  But then I remember something.  True fulfillment, true joy, and true happiness aren’t products of leisure.  They are products of meaning, which can only come from creating impact on others and pursuing meaningful work.  

Rest is great!  Sitting on the beach?  Love it!  Taking time off to relax with friends and family?  So good!  Traveling to fun places?  Not much better than that!  But we weren’t meant to make these things the center of life.  We were meant to do good work……and find ways to incorporate these rejuvenating endeavors into our life.  

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I can already see the hate mail coming, and I know what 80% of them will say:

“You need to enjoy life, Travis!” – Yeah, life is awesome!  Doing meaningful work makes life better…..much better!  In fact, I would argue the juxtaposition of hard work and rest creates a beautiful illustration of what it looks like to live a life of meaning.  Work without rest will result in fatigue, burnout, and eventually failure.  That doesn’t mean work is bad!  Alternatively, rest without work will result in loss of meaning, erosion of creativity, and a drain in our spirit.  Once in a while, my wife and I will go out for an amazing meal.  We spend weeks looking forward to it, anticipating what the experience will be like, and finally savoring the moment together. Part of what makes it special is it’s not an everyday occurrence.  If we had that meal every day, eventually it would taste like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Rest is much the same.  When we work hard and pour ourselves into creating impact on others, that rest feels so much sweeter.  If that rest becomes life itself, it loses its sweetness.  It would become the lifestyle equivalent of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  

“Travis, the goal isn’t to stop working…..it’s to do work I enjoy” – Awesome!  I love that, but why does that require you to grind for years (or decades) at a job you hate, selfishly hoarding money along the way?  Why don’t you pursue that meaningful work tomorrow?  Or better yet, today!?!?  Behavioral scientists have proven over and over money doesn’t cause happiness once our basic needs are met.  If that’s true, why are we diving head-first down the path of hoarding?  If we’re faced with a decision between meaning and money, we should ALWAYS choose meaning.  Instead, most of us pursue money, falsely believing meaning is on the other side of the money.  Believe me, I’ve tried!  I’ve been to the other side of the mountain, and I’ve returned to tell you there’s no meaning over there.  In fact, it can be a sad and desolate place.  I need to be real, though.  It can be a sad and desolate place filled with big houses, fancy cars, high-tech gadgets, and extravagant travel, but a sad and desolate place nonetheless.  This sounds like an impossible contradiction, but some of you know exactly what I’m talking about.  You’ve been to the other side of that mountain as well.  Welcome back!

“!#&# you, Travis!!!” – Noted.

“It’s possible to have both meaning and money.” – Yes, you’re correct.  But here’s a secret.  You can’t have both by pursuing money.  When you pursue money, you may actually win and end up with money….but there will be a gaping hole in your heart where the meaning should live.  However, you can have both if you pursue meaning.  Often, when we pursue meaning, the money will follow.  Why?  Because when we pour our heart, our soul, our energy, and our time into something we deeply care about, it’s much more likely we will succeed.  I call it doing the right thing for the right reasons.  Just pursue the meaning and let God sort it out.  When we do that, so much richness can be experienced in life.  I can take or leave the riches, but the richness is what I crave.  

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One last thought for my Christian friends.  There’s no scenario where true Christianity and FIRE can coincide.  By definition, FIRE is seizing control of your life (and finances), become independent, and requires you to selfishly hoard (i.e. not be generous) in order to get there.  By definition, Christianity is relinquishing control of your life (and finances), remain dependent upon Him, and requires you to generously pour yourself into the world every step of the way.  If we are giving joyfully and sacrificially, there’s no way for us to ever reach FIRE.  

As I wrap up my reflection on turning 40, I hope I’ve either inspired, empowered, encouraged, offended, or infuriated you.  I’m ok with any of these outcomes, but I hope it moved you, nonetheless.  More than anything, I pray you find your meaning, and use however many years God blesses you with to pursue meaning work and create impact on others.  

40 is the New 0

A few weeks ago, one of my close friends turned 40. I’m not one to buy guy friends birthday cards, but c’mon it’s 40!! So I bought him a card and started writing. I’m totally paraphrasing here…..mostly because I can’t remember the exact words I wrote. I had bad news and good news for him. The bad news: he’s old. I have the creative freedom to tell him things like that since I’m quickly running up on that milestone as well. He’s nearing half a century old. He’s been living his adult life longer than he lived his pre-adult life. But here’s the good news: he will soon be wrapping up the 40 least impactful years of his life. Yes, you read that correctly. Those were the 40 least impactful years he’ll ever have. During those 40 years, he had a cool childhood, crushed the high school sports game, went on to play collegiate athletics, got married, found a career, had kids, found a better career, raised kids, all the while growing in his faith and his relationships. But yet those were the 40 least impactful years of his life.

As I think about his journey and his life, I can’t help but think about my own. After all, I too am nearing the big four-oh mark. And as I sit here in my late 30s - not “old” like him - I can’t help but think about how amazing the future looks. In a lot of ways, everything we’ve been through is just a training for everything we’re yet to do. All the experiences, all the learning, all the successes, all the failures. Each one building on top of the last. Day by day, block by block. The time goes by so fast! I don’t know about him, but I feel like I was playing high school basketball just last month. I feel like I was moving into that college dorm room just last week. And I feel like I was starting my first adult job just yesterday. It just goes by so dang fast.

So here he is, beginning his 40th year. Today, he has more relationships, more experience, more knowledge, more resources, more wisdom, more confidence, and more purpose than at any point in his life. His starting spot for the next 40 years will be better than any other time in the history of his life. That’s a perspective we don’t often talk about. We live in a culture that says we should be racing to the finish line known as retirement. We should run as fast as we can. Do whatever we need to do to accelerate the process and fall over that finish line so we can start to live the life we want. In fact, there’s an entire movement bubbling up in our culture around this concept. It’s called FIRE, which stands for “Financial Independence Retire Early.” On the surface, what they advocate for is really good: financial independence. Making good financial decisions, getting out of debt, and living with margin so our finances aren’t a burden in our day-to-day life. But the problem is it gets twisted around and taken to another level by glorifying retirement…..and even worse, the-earlier-the-better. I spend a lot of time in the personal finance social media world……and see a lot of this content. I cringe often, as I know so many people are going to be so disappointed when they hoard, hoard, and hoard, only to realize one day no amount of money or “independence” will truly make them happy. There’s something so important missing from the equation: meaning. Just last week, I stumbled upon a young lady’s social media account where she talked about scheduling a retirement date in her calendar 8 years from now……she’s 29 today. Her singular focus is to save (er, hoard) as much money as possible for that next 8 years and hang up the briefcase at the old age of 37. Don't worry, though, she said she still wants to maintain some hobbies to keep her occupied once she retires. Even sadder, there were dozens of people dropping comments to applaud her, encourage her, and celebrate her goal. She obviously gets to do what she wants, and I certainly don’t have the relational equity in her life to try to directly influence her. My prayer for her is that she finds something that inspires her, angers her, and fuels her towards a deeper meaning and a mission worth pursuing. If not, we will all suffer, as we won’t get to experience all the amazing influence and impact she could have had on this world. It will be stolen from us, and from her, and repackaged as an idealized life of leisure. And our culture will rejoice.

We often hear stories about the old man who worked his whole life, only to die 8 months after he retired. We look at that story and we use it to perpetuate this notion that “we need to hurry up and retire so we can enjoy life, or else we miss our chance.” But what if we have it backwards? What if this man’s passing wasn’t a terribly-timed coincidence, but rather the consequence of losing meaning? After all, these stories aren’t rare…..they repeat over, and over, and over. Someday, I believe some really smart scientists are going to prove my notion correct, and it’s going to shake our understanding of our retirement culture to the core. After all, this is America….and we’re all trying to achieve the American dream: grind away at a career we can tolerate, procure a bunch of nice stuff, retire as soon as possible, and live a life of leisure with whatever time we have remaining.

As for my “old” 40-year-old friend, he’s just getting started. The game is just beginning. Never before has he had more more relationships, more experience, more knowledge, more resources, more wisdom, more confidence, and more purpose than he has today. The last 40 years are going to be a joke compared to what’s in store for him and the impact he’ll surely make on this world. I look forward to writing the follow-up piece to this when he turns 80, where we can assess whether I was right or wrong. I’ll still be the young guy in my late 70s, mind you! Until that day comes, I’m going to keep doing what he’s doing. I’m going to wake up every day, full of purpose and meaning, excited to do what I’m about to do today, and do it every day until I physically or mentally can’t do it anymore. It won’t be perfect, and there’s going to be pain, and I’m most certainly going to fail, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. The next 40 years are going to be awesome! After all, 40 is the new 0, as they say.