"Daddy, When Does the New Month Start?"
I was expecting a lot of feedback after yesterday’s post, and I was not disappointed. Some people had some questions. Some people shared their own experiences and how it’s negatively impacted them for literally decades. Some people had mixed feelings about my advice. Some people, who use money as a weapon with their kids, defended using money as a weapon with their kids. Lastly, some people interpreted the post as me advocating that we as parents not talk to our kids about money. This is where today’s post comes in.
I absolutely think we should talk to our kids about money. Yesterday’s post was about not using money as a weapon to make kids feel guilty. What does it look like to talk to our kids about money in a healthy way? First, it needs to be contextual to their age. When my kids were 3-4, we simply talked about what money is and what it’s for. At five, we practiced what it looks like to separate our money into buckets for spending and giving. Then, we’d literally hop in the car to a) stop at church so the kids can give, then b) stop at Target so the kids could buy a toy. Pretty simple stuff. To be honest, we don’t talk about money a lot in our house. I bring it up once in a while when there’s a relevant way to tie it into the conversation/activity. The conversations usually revolve around generosity, fun experiences we can do together, things we’re saving for, and the status of our budget. We always talk about ideas, not numbers……they are 6, after all. I sometimes wonder if these conversations have any impact on them. But once in a while, they say some very insightful things. For example, here’s a recent conversation I had out of the blue with one of our 6-year-olds:
Finn: “Daddy, when does the new month start?”
Me: “In a few days, bud. Why do you ask?”
Finn: “Can we put some money in the budget to go to the new Mario movie?”
Me: “Of course! There’s definitely money in there for that.”
Finn: “Enough for popcorn, too?”
Me: “Yeah man, we’ll get popcorn, too!”
They know we have a plan. They know there’s money specifically set aside for certain categories. They know money can be used for many different things….including generosity and fun experiences. They know it’s finite. They also know we respect and follow the budget. There have been plenty of times when we’ve said “no” because there wasn’t any money left for that category this month. It doesn’t mean we’re poor or don’t love them. Rather, we’re modeling what it looks like to be disciplined and God-honoring with our finances. So when the topic of money comes up in our house, it’s never about there “not being enough”, but rather creating priorities and sticking to a plan. If done well, this will prevent kids from developing a scarcity mindset, or on the other hand, becoming entitled and spoiled. Kids absorb this like a sponge…..both the good and the bad.
We all carry financial baggage with us from our childhoods. It’s too late for all of us adults…..we can’t go back and undo it. But we have a chance to give our kids better. One conversation, one example, one action at a time.