"Daddy is Helping People"
I didn't become a parent until I was 35 years old. One of the benefits of not becoming a parent until later in life is it allowed me to watch everyone around me parent. As I watched, I noticed one trend that disturbed me. Kids would freak out when their parents went to work. To an extent, I understood this. Kids want to be with their parents.....period. However, I noticed something else. Whenever the topic came up, it was communicated in some variation of the following: "I have to go to work."
Two things stand out about this phrase. First, "have to" designates it's not a choice. The parent must do it, even if they don't want to. Work = bad. Second, the word "work" doesn't have much context. Small children may not fully understand this word, and later it will be merely understood by the child as a "job," or something you do for money.
I decided to change the narrative when I became a father. From the time Finn and Pax were babies, we never used the phrase "go to work." Instead, it was always "go help people." When the kids eventually began to verbally converse, Sarah didn't say, "Daddy has to go work." It was, "Daddy is helping people." It may sound like I'm splitting hairs, but the difference is staggering.....especially for kids.
My kids don't always like when I leave to "go help people," but they understand it at a deeper level. They know I do it because a) I want to help people, b) helping people is a good thing, and c) helping people results in money that we can use to pay the bills, give, and do fun things. Work = good.
It all came full circle yesterday. The Northern Vessel farmer's market crew was down a man, so TJ asked if I'd be willing to be the third man (who makes sure the ice, cups, lids, and all other supplies are constantly stocked so the other two can serve people with hospitality and efficiency). I told him I would, but I needed to have the kids with me since Sarah was traveling. What an excellent opportunity to put the kids to the test! I was a bit nervous going in, but they absolutely blew me away! They worked hard, stayed focused, accomplished the mission, and had fun doing it. They worked their little butts off.....and it was a lot! At some point in the morning, Finn looked over to me and said, "Daddy, I love helping people. I'm having so much fun. I wish we could do it longer."
So many good things have come out of this mission to redefine "work" with our kids:
A desire to serve people
An appreciation and respect for the importance of work
A desire to take on challenging work
The enjoyment of work
It was a wonderful day, and I’m so glad I was able to experience that with them.